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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Paternity test in pregnancy

190 replies

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:07

Hi, my partner would like me to do a paternity test (baby is 100% his) but I'm happy to do it if it relaxes him.
I know they don't offer them on the NHS and from what I've researched, to have one done in pregnancy costs around £899!
Has anyone else had one done in pregnancy, if so, where did you go and what did you pay?
I'm 22 weeks with a little boy who is healthy despite a few complications with me :)

OP posts:

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Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 22:27

Look, everything carries a risk of miscarriage. I spent my past pregnancy terrified of everything and didn't leave the house for weeks. It did me no good at all.
Did you know that ultrasound scans and dopplers also carry a risk of miscarriage? I bet every one of you has had those though.

I'm already 22 weeks so this paternity test won't be done until at least 25 weeks as I need some time to make sure I go to a good doctor with good facilities. By that time, even if a problem occurs, I will go into pre term labour and although it's not ideal at all, the baby will have a decent chance of survival. This will not result in a miscarriage.

Please stop questioning my partner and our relationship, you all know very little - only what I have posted on here.

I was only looking for some answers to a couple of questions regarding where and for what price I could get the testing done.
Instead, I have had people on here calling my partner a wanker and questioning my judgment as a mother.

This is my first time using mumsnet and I won't be coming back. All I was hoping for was a little support and a bit of info

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 06/02/2016 22:29

Well, you're a fool, but whatever.

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 22:33

He's a controlling wanker, and your a fool. Even if there was zero risk of miscarriage, there is no way I would degrade myself by allowing a man to not trust me. Awful start to a life together and he will just get worse if you enable him. He needs counselling to get over his trust issues, not a Dna test!

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 22:34

25 weeks does not equal a decent chance of survival either. That's quite an offensive and blasé thing to say.

SpearmintLino · 06/02/2016 22:41

You'll find that Mumsnet are very supportive of their fellow woman, and we're outraged on your behalf, we're not against you.

CallaLilli · 06/02/2016 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FuzzyOwl · 06/02/2016 22:44

More babies won't survive than will at 25 weeks and that is before you have the concern of the vast number of lifelong health issues for some premature babies.

You said you wanted info and it would be irresponsible not to give you the full picture. If you merely wanted the test, a very quick online search gives you the information of how to go about that and your midwife will also do so.

Do be aware though that your HCP will probably ask questions about your relationship based on the fact that your partner won't be willing to be a parent without it.

Gunting · 06/02/2016 22:45

Surely no one would ever say those things about their baby being born at 25 weeks

Not sure I'm believing this

weasle · 06/02/2016 22:46

Difficult situation for you OP. No job, no money, untrusting partner and pregnant. You may not realise it but you are very vulnerable. Do you have family support financially / emotionally to fall back on?

FYI Survival at 25 weeks is not the norm, and a 'normal' child with no medical or special needs in the long term is also the minority. However it sounds as if the test has no risk, other than the financial / relationship price.
I wish you good luck with your situation and hope all goes well with your precious baby.

Cerseirys · 06/02/2016 22:48

This is my first time using mumsnet

REALLY? I couldn't tell...

NameChange30 · 06/02/2016 23:01

FYI, for a baby born at 25 weeks, the survival rate in the first year is about 74% (3 in 4). But as a PP said, v premature birth can cause long term health problems.

If the paternity test is non-invasive, fair enough, although it's still a massive waste of money and isn't going to solve your relationship problems.

If the test is invasive, it carries risks to the baby and is therefore complete madness and irresponsible.

passmethewineplease · 06/02/2016 23:01

You're being ridiculous OP. if this is even true

FuzzyOwl · 06/02/2016 23:03

Why wouldn't it be true on such a quiet Saturday night pass?

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:04

EXCUSE ME?
No job and no money? Who the hell do you think you are?
We both have full time jobs and always have done. We live comfortably and are fine for money. I just though nearly £900 was a lot to spend on this test.

At no point did I say he wasn't willing to be a parent without this test. Please don't make up lies which make my life look like something out of Jeremy Kyle. It's nasty and unnecessary.

Jesus. If you don't have anything nice or helpful to say, please get off my post.

OP posts:

CallaLilli · 06/02/2016 23:07

My comment calling OP a GF was deleted. Fair enough I guess, but may as well delete the entire thread as it's bloody insulting to women who might've struggled to get to 25 weeks in their pregnancy and are still at risk of miscarriage. If you are real OP, you need to grow up.

Theodolia · 06/02/2016 23:07

This is utter bullshit. HTH

Gunting · 06/02/2016 23:08

You just said you had to stop working... You've contradicted yourself a few times

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:08

What's a GF?

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 06/02/2016 23:08

"I've recently had to stop working (not getting paid at all) due to a dispute with my manager which I'm having to take to a tribunal."

"We both have full time jobs"

Which is true?

Look, he doesn't trust you, he thinks there's a chance he might not be the father of your child - that in itself is A MASSIVE ISSUE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, and if you won't accept that, you're in denial.

Good luck to you. You bloody well need it.

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:09

It's a public forum. You can't tell people what they can and can't post.

In a previous post you said you had been made redundant and weren't working.

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:10

Yes, my doctor has put me on light duties and work can't supply me with them. So currently I'm not working but waiting to go to tribunal as they owe me a large sum of money as legally if they can't give me light duties they have to suspend me on full pay.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:10

Ah sorry not redundant, but the not working thing still stands.

Iggi999 · 06/02/2016 23:10

It does look like something out of Jeremy Kyle though.
The comments you've received are more supportive and helpful than if we came on and gave you addresses of clinics. Something is rotten in your relationship and you may as well deal with it now.

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:11

I'm not active at work. I still have a full time (44 hour a week) contract though.

OP posts:

Theodolia · 06/02/2016 23:11

I guarantee, absolutely guarantee, that when the test proves that your partner is the father, he will find some other reason to be a shitty father.

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