SOooooooooo nervous, please cross your fingers for me at 11.30

[PeckaRolloverAgain]

Im having a scan to see if we can see a heartbeat or if there has been no growth

I have about a 50/50 chance I SO hope that its good news.

bump
to see how the hospital appt went today

bump.....

sorry, im bad!

got my results earlier and my hcg level has started coming down

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO

this whole sorry affair is nearly over

pecka
I am both really sad yet really happy for you if that makes any sense
hoping that this is the start of the future and ou can begin now to deal with all that has happened to you

xxx

this is going to be the sticking point i think

what i am about to say probably makes absolutely no sense but i cant believe its actually really over

whilst there was a drama there was a distraction from what actually happened (the baby going)

now....its like everything has gone quiet and im left to try and pick through my thoughts

i took a pg test yesterday and it was neg, i was gutted WHY>>!!

It makes perfect sense to me.

i mean obviously im gutted, but i was suprised too

why did it come as a punch in the face im not pregnant anymore when im walking around with cuts in my stomach

horrible

i was thinking today too, and this sounds awful. if i had miscarried whilst i was aware at least i would have had some sort of closure

but i was put to sleep then just sent home to recover from the op - the pregnancy never came into it and now all of a sudden im just not pregnant anymore

pecka you need to be kind to yourself and see your gp to ask their advice xxxx

Pecka - I can't even begin to secondguess how you are feeling, but it must be a very emotional time for you. I do understand, at least I think I do anyway, when you say that all of a sudden, you are just not pregnant anymore and that this is a strange feeling. Although I'm nearly due now, I'm finding it very strange to come to terms with the fact that before long, there won't actually be a baby inside me anymore IYKWIM. I know that these are comletely different circumstances, but I'm just trying to understand how you are feeling in my own strange way.

I think you've been so brave throughout all of this - don't know if I'd have coped as well as you. Hopefully now, things will turn a corner for you and you can get on with things. XXXXXXX

How are you today?

oh pecka hun, of course youre upset. i cant begin to understand how you feel. i ve had 3mcs but at least i knew about them iykwim. please give yourself chance to grieve for your lost one before ttc again

Hi just wanted to post to let all of the people who were concerned for me how I am doing.

Feeling SO much better now, I can tell the massive diference in my mood since the hormones left my body.

Feel much more even and calm and starting to think of it that something that happenED rathering than happening to me - it has moved in to the past tense and I am looking forward.

I would like to mark my little lost baby - as everyone just gets back to life as normal I find it hard that it is just completely forgotten so might buy myself a little piece of jewellry or get a tiny tattoo just so I remember when I look at it.

Anyway, thanks again!

Rebecca
x

Glad you are feeling better Pecka. Lovely to hear. Take care.

Forgot to mention before that I keep getting pangs of anxiety feelings in my chest adn sometimes a racing heart.

Can I just put these down to reactions to what happened and no need to worry?

Its quite often triggered by thinking about/remembering/feeling sad about the pregnancy.

it does sound like a sort of panic attack, this was a significant thing to happen to you. i dont think a tattoo would be a good idea, but maybe a ring or bracelet would be lovely. thinking of you