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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

SOooooooooo nervous, please cross your fingers for me at 11.30

391 replies

PeckaRolloverAgain · 20/12/2006 10:38

Im having a scan to see if we can see a heartbeat or if there has been no growth

I have about a 50/50 chance I SO hope that its good news.

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popsycal · 30/12/2006 19:50

imo you are not making a bigger fuss than necessary

cyrilsquirrel · 30/12/2006 19:54

until they can tell you 100% that what they removed was the embryo then I would continue you to 'make a fuss' (you are not imo)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/12/2006 20:49

Oh pecka I'm so sorry

I think that sometimes, medical professionals forget that, to a woman/couple, a pregnancy is not an illness - no matter what the complications. They should treat the woman/couple as such - ALWAYS. Anything less is unprofessional, to say the least.

If you think it may help you, do take the time to write and complain when you feel up to it.

I wish you a speedy recovery.

popsycal · 30/12/2006 20:58

pecka
please dont hesitate to ring nhsdirect, the hospital or even 99 if the pain worsens
pease let me know how you are gettig on
get some rest xxx

Debbsyandson · 30/12/2006 21:08

Pecka so sorry to hear of your loss take care of yourself greave, heal and be kind to you.I know what you mean about the nhs i made an official complaint about the treatment of my mum not similar circumstances to you.But i spoke to PALS (patient and liason service) they will be situated at the hospital they were very helpful to me,i ended up getting a meeting with mums consultant (who i made the complaint against) and a hospital directorate.Ended with an official enquiry that lead to a formal apology.
Good luck and look after yourself xx

mummytosteven · 30/12/2006 21:23

sorry to hear you have found your care so lacking pecka, on top of all this you are going through. best wishes.

Original poster
PeckaRolloverAgain · 30/12/2006 21:39

popsy, thanks so much for your continued support

I have just written my experience down on the ectopic trust website board, hopefully someone will give me some feedback

OP posts:
SHHHHsantahasbeen · 30/12/2006 21:41

pecka thats exactly how I felt...Noone offered me counselling initially iir BUT on the 2nd one it was mentioned in passing that there was a mw counsellor who was available for me. After umming and ahhing I finally took the plunge. She was seen at the local hospital and although is no longer a mw she is aware of current procedures and works closley with the mw's.

She was brill and when I saw her at the hospital although it was at the antenetal clinic (not the ideal of locations after a mc) it was on a afternoon when for some reason nothing took place..no scans or appointments etc.

In fact I still see her when I attend the hospital. When dd was born I took her to be introduced so she could have a positive outcome for women who are in a situation I was....now with ds2b I took dd along to the antenatal clinc and again showed dd, just to update her iykwim. Its nice to know she still remembers me and dd and dh.

You can also see a counceller through your gp although there may be a wait.... OR (due to pnd and being pregnant so unable to have ad's) I had to see a councellor again..I contacted her via my HV who gave me her details. She was 30 quid for an hour and after 4 sessions I felt stronger iykwim.

I defo recommend it as sadly things like this have a habit of biting you on the bum when you least expect them to . Although dh was and still is amazing with the loss and pnd sometimes it was nice to discuss things with someone who wasn't involved.

Let us know what you think and how you get on. xx

ps If you want I am more than willing to discuss further if you want to discuss here or CAT me. xx

Original poster
PeckaRolloverAgain · 30/12/2006 22:42

Can anyone advise me about when I should be thinking about returnign to work?

Im a childminding and actually due to work on wednesday looking after a 1, 2, 3 and 7 yr old.

I just cant face it for a while but not sure how long is reasonable to take off.

OP posts:
SHHHHitsthe2007countdown · 30/12/2006 23:38

with the 1st I was off for around 12 weeks. I bled for quite (quite self conscious of this fact) a while and emotionally I wasn't stable...

The 2nd I was off for around 6-8 weeks. Not as bad emotionally or physically and tbh I felt obliged to go back..I was being discussed iykwim.

You do what you feel is best. You have had a lot happen to you physically and mentally over the last few weeks and esp working with children, you need to ensure your head is clear.

popsycal · 31/12/2006 08:44

you are NOT working on wednesday
ring them now
i can come over and help with your kids
will have mine too but four hands are better than two

hope you got some rest - although i know you were really unsettled last night
i want you to promise to ring your gp
if you cant get an appt on tuesday then ask to leave a message for your gp to call you back

glad you wrte your experience down on the ectopic website
xxxx

Rosylily · 31/12/2006 08:54

I've noticed that often people who are great on the medical front do lack people skills. Someone understanding should have been on hand for you, though no matter what help you got it was never going to be a pleasant experience for you.
Its just a shitty time for you but don't feel bad about demanding as much support as possible for a bit.
When things go right in the future now it will be doubly sweet for you.

popsycal · 31/12/2006 09:46

xxx

lulumama · 31/12/2006 09:47

don;t know if it works the same when you are self employed, but can you get signed off at all?

merrylissiemas · 31/12/2006 12:59

pecka im so so sorry. dont feel that you are making a fuss. you deserve some answers

popsycal · 31/12/2006 13:09

am sure pecka won't mind me updating

got a text from her around 10:45 and she had just got up and was feeling a little bit brighter

am sure she will be on later

Original poster
PeckaRolloverAgain · 31/12/2006 15:46

is it normal to feel so dizzy and light headed?

OP posts:
louii · 31/12/2006 15:58

Hi Pecka, are you experiencing quite a lot of blood loss, this could be a reason for the dizziness.

I am really sorry to hear all you have been through.

Lou
xx

popsycal · 31/12/2006 16:41

pecka
hope you are ringing the hospital
xx

gardeninggirl · 31/12/2006 16:41

Pecka so sorry to hear about your awful experience hon.

When is your follow up appointment with the hospital?
I would write down all your concerns and all your questions so you don't forget to raise anything you need to.
Please make sure they know how their treatment of you was shabby and showed disregard for your recovery after the operation and your emotional welfare - ensure you discuss it with the consultant.

It is normal to feel a bit 'off' after an operation for a few days, but if you keep feeling dizzy and lightheaded the commonest cause is anaemia - did they check blood tests (called an FBC or full blood count) after your operation?

If I were you I would book an appointment over the next few days to check you over and if necessary check you are not anaemic. Discuss with them how you are feeling - they may have counselling services at the surgery you could access. Also ask if they can sign you off work for a couple of weeks.

Hope things start to turn around for you in 2007 love.
GG

feedmenow · 31/12/2006 17:56

Dear Pecka, I just wanted to let you know that I have been following your sad, sad story but have not posted cos I have no experience of what you are going through, and because everyone else seemed to be offering such wonderful advice.
However, I can't believe you are still suffering with this at the hands of the "professionals" and wanted to let you know that there is loads of hugs and support being sent you way.
I hope the physical side is sorted out once and for all as soon as poss, so that you get a chance to deal with the emotional side of things, and that you are strong and well soon. xxx

Original poster
PeckaRolloverAgain · 31/12/2006 18:02

thankyou everyone - im so pathetically grateful for this thread

its like a rollercoaster

just had huge row with dh which culminated in me throwing a whole marks and spencers cumberland pie at him that hit my newly decorated living room wall (waste of food too) he just doesnt seem to see how much he has let me down thru all of this.

He is now pandering now offering to run baths, make cups of tea etc FFS does he not get it?

he had a friend round all last night and has been at the gym and out for a pub lunch today. yes, in his eyes he has left me to recover but all on my own is what i have been for the last 3 weeks and NOT what I need - i need to talk, have my feelings validated etc not just sit with it all spinning in my head

Anyway, i have had a bath and feel a bit better have my fuck them all attitude back on and goign to dry and straighten my hair

i hate not being strong

OP posts:
lulumama · 31/12/2006 18:10

pecka...

why not write him a letter, when you are calmer, saying how you feel, that you are upset by his apparent lack of support and care...and TELL him how you need him to help you

he might think that keeping out of the way is a big help..whereas you might want him there..

give it to him when he has time to sit and read it carefully...

that might be better than ending up arguing and hurling food across the room.

part of being strong, is knowing when you are in need of help and support..nothing pathetic about it...

princessJINGLEmelS · 31/12/2006 18:18

Pecka, I just wanted to add a (probably useless) message of support for you. This is such a sad thread and I have really been thinking about you during all this even though I've not posted before.

I hope you can try and talk things through with your dh and get the support you really need.

I had a early scan to check for a heart beat and had to have blood taken to see if the hormones were going up( they didn't as much as they should) when I was preg with dd so I have a very small insight into how stressfull all that is.

Tace care xxxx

MKG · 31/12/2006 18:41

PeckaRolloverAgain,

I've been watching this thread and hoping the best for you.

If your dh is anything like mine you need to look him in the eye and tell him exactly how you feel and exactly what you want from him. I thought my dh was smart enough to understand how I was feeling, without me saying much. Turns out he's not that smart.

You just need to tell him that if he thinks he's been helping he hasn't, and give him explicit instructions on everything you need.

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