Very Scared!

[Arkkorox]

After being up half the night reading the forum ive finaly plucked up the courage to ask you guys for some advice. Bear with me its a long one but I really need to speak to people who know.

Im pregnant and going for my first scan tomorrow - at an abortion clinic. Now this was a bit of a knee jerk panic reaction however I have a feeling that Im going to be over 24 weeks. My last bleed was in april and just for 2 days but heavy. Since then ive had no more bleeding but because of being on the large side its not odd for my periods to come and go as they please. I have had absolutley no symptoms at all, no sickness, no sore boobs, nothing. Untill 2 weeks ago when I felt incredibly bloated and then wednesday when i had a leaky nipple. Took a pregnancy test on thursday and it was positive. Went to the doctors on friday and have my scan tomorrow.

Im 25, been in a relationship with my brilliant boyfriend for 5 years. But we are terrified. Currently living appart to save up for a house depoisit but I changed jobs 2 months ago and he was made redundant a month ago. Hes with his parents and im living with my nan as she sometimes needs help in the night if she falls etc.

If im correct in counting from my bleed in april that would put me at about 27 weeks.... so possibly no going back now! Which Im not entirely dissapointed about and neither is my OH, hes been lovely and less panicky than me!

My biggest issue is telling my parents. My mum is going to totaly flip and I dont want to ruin our good relationship especialy this close to christmas. Please say someone else has been in my shoes? Im so scared its going to ruin everything!!!!

[Arkkorox]

I dont even know if he would go to something like that without me to be honest! I will have a chat with him today and see what he says I think

[ELA88]

Hi ark! Didn't want to read and run! Congratulations :-) I'm only 19 weeks and I'm stressing already, god knows what I'm going to be like for the next 20+ weeks! This is my first and everything baby is so mind boggling, I have never felt so clueless in my life! DH is still coming to terms with it all too I think, some days he's really excited but others he's having a breakdown as I think he's now got no choice but to grow up! (He is 30 at Xmas so not exactly a child! But mentally probably about 11!) I'm sure once your partner sees the scan and everything is definitely real for him then he'll begin to cope better. I know that change probably isn't the easiest thing for him to deal with, and this is a whopper! Good luck for your scan today! Will be waiting eagerly to see how you get on xxx

[NewEraNewMindset]

I found that kiddicare had a good review section to help me decide. I think with prams and car seats go got a mid priced option. Things like accessories go as cheap as poss/free where you can.

You obviously want nappies and I went through nipple pads like crazy when I started breast feeding. Also a breast feeding bra or two. Once you give birth you can get yourself measured properly once you milk is in but you can get cheap breast feeding bras on eBay.

[Arkkorox]

Yeah as far as big changes go this is probably the ultimate. I want him to start getting excited about being a dad but i think that may take a bit of time to happen.

I think a second hand pram is the way to go? I need to try some first before I go for one though cause im 6ft tall! Would a moses basket be okay untill I can get a cot?

Oh god ive not even thought about hospital bag etc! Infact im not sure the whole 'babys got to come out somewhere sometime' thing has sunk in at all. Argh!

[NewEraNewMindset]

Have you got any shops nearby with a large pram selection? Second half prams are absolutely fine, lots of people just change their mind and sell them on with pretty much no wear. A travel system might suit you at first with a carrycot and car seat option as well as pram. Some people don't like travel systems though and prefer to buy things separately. The baby will want to lie flat initially hence the carry cot. But I didn't really use the pram that often so we got away with getting a Graco that was £100 and was basically car seat and pram/buggy. Was very cheap and cheerful but did the job.

I wonder whether once your Mum and Dad know they might want to buy you a new pram? It does seem to be the done thing in many instances although mine certainly didn't lol!!

[Arkkorox]

I like the idea of a travel system. I highly doubt my parents will get us anything so im not holding my breath. Ill just be happy if they dont stop talking to me! We have quite a big mothercare in town so my plan is to go and have a look round on saturday and see what I like. Im not sure my partner is quite up for baby shopping yet although I would like him to choose the going home outfit.

I was thinking for a pram I will need something that copes ok off road so I can walk the dog/ walk out with my mum when she takes our horse out but to be honest I think id prefer baby to be in a sling/carrier to start with.

[Arkkorox]

I may have timed this right for getting baby stuff for christmas if it turns out I am due before ;) haha

[CaptainSinker]

Moses basket will be fine. It was months before we even built the. cot.

I am tall too and got the Stokke Xplory because it is Norwegian, so built for taller people and height adjustable. It is one of the more expensive ones, but you might get a good second hand deal. Family bought it for us, that seems quite traditional so hold off and see what your-your partners family suggest (if anything). You might be surprised by how quickly they co e round when they realise this is happening. For any new stuff shop around if you have time. I found a lot of places that would price match with a further discount. Saved several hundred pounds on the pram and seat that way.

I found maxicosi cabriofix a good seat. You can sometimes get deals on old patterns.

[roofio87]

congrats!! I'm sure you will be fine. I had 9 months to prepare and was still totally overwhelmed when baby arrived, but you just instinctively know how to look after them. and they are going to love you and your partner!! Once they are here everything else will seem less important! I hope it goes well telling your parents.
We have the mothercare xpedior travel system. was the cheapest we found at £250 and I love it and still use it now with my 1 year old!

[OhMjh]

See, just look at all the support you have here!

My OH and I are doing thing baby on a budget - he's postponed his masters and taken on working in a rehab centre who are paying for his training instead, and I had to give up work at 27 weeks because of how much pain I was in ( very physical job, awful management etc) so money has been extremely tight for us but it is a complete myth that babies cost the earth! Gumtree and EBay will be your best friends for baby clothes bundles, and a lot of people sell entire immaculate travel systems for next to nothing on them ( check out your local Facebook selling sites too). If you WANT a brand new one, you can do what we did and get an ex display model for a fraction of the cost from large stores and baby events. Supermarket own brand nappies and wipes are just as good as branded, Aldis won multiple awards for theirs and I can't fault them.

As for your OH, going to classes really helped my OH get his head around the whole baby thing. As many have said, it's difficult for a lot of men to engage in the pregnancy as it's not THEM the physical and emotional shift is happening too. We went to a series of NCT classes and just meeting other men in the same situation helped him massively ( although I'm sure the free cake helped too..). Also, take a look at BBC3's 'Don't Drop The Baby' - it's a new series on dads and babies and birth which we watched together as a couple which again, helped him by showing that other men are crapping themselves too; it should be on I player :)

[NewEraNewMindset]

I have the Stokke Xplory too but if I'm honest it isn't the best pram for us. I think it's quite an urban 'yummy mummy' pram, has a bag but if you want to shove stuff underneath or dangle shopping bags from the handle bars, it offers no ability to really do that.

I see a lot of those off road type buggies and they look fab. I know bugger all about them though so I am no good to you lol.

Sling groups are common place on Facebook. So if you google your area and sling groups I bet you will find a local one who have regular meet ups and you can try all different brands out.

[Arkkorox]

I really do have to say a massive thank you to all of you cause im so greatful for all the support and advice. Ive watched dont drop the baby and its great! My partner did watch OBEM with me once and was cooing over the babies so I know its in him somewhere!

[CaptainSinker]

New Era is right about the stokke bag, it is quite impractical. So if you think you would want to do more than a smallish shop when out and about that is worth thinking about. But very hard to find another pram for very tall Mums (and dads) without the baby being at knee height!

There is a section on the site for pram reviews, which might be useful. But don't stress about it. This excessive choice in prams is a new thing and all our Mums managed!

[CaptainSinker]

You are going to be a great mum. And I have the feeling your partner is going to be a great Dad as well.

[Arkkorox]

Thank you, I think he will too. He dotes on our dog and he was fab with my year old god daughter when we visited in the summer. Its just the 'holy crap its actually mine' bit we need to get over!

[CaptainSinker]

I have a 3 year old and sometimes I still feel in shock that I am a parent, and apparent grown up!

[WheresTheHoneyMummy]

I'm not far from Guildford either. Have you joined all the local selling groups on fb? My local ones seem to have lots of baby bargains on them. Also Woking Toys r Us has quite a good Babies r us section, might be useful for having a look and giving you an idea of what you like.
Guessing your local hospital is the Royal Surrey? I had all 4 of mine there and the midwives etc were fab.

[polkadotdelight]

Congratulations! Don't worry about your mum, you are an adult in a commited relationship so it's your business and yours only.

We looked at travel systems in Mothercare and Mamas & Papas. We decided on what we wanted and then found one second hand on Gumtree. DH is 6'2" and we have the Mamas & Papas Zoom which we bought in immaculate condition for 100. We didn't want to use a second hand car seat so bought a maxi cosi cabriolet car seat new which is compatible with our travel system. DS refuses to sleep in the moses basket and our cot is in bits under our bed. He is 4 weeks old and currently sleeps in the Zoom carry cot (I did buy a new mattress when I realised this was all he would sleep in). We have just ordered a Close Caboo carrier but when your baby arrives you can try some out at a local sling library. I don't have a posh changing bag as we find a rucksack works well for us and we use Aldi nappies. I not suggesting you choose the same items as us but I thought you might find it helpful.

Good luck.for today!

[Arkkorox]

Thank you, Have held off on joing fb groups as I have my mum on my facebook and I dont want her finding out that way! But after shes told I will be joining and keeping an eye out for stuff. Royal surrey is where im having my scan today and I assume thats where ill be having baby too. I get the feeling im going to come out feeling a bit overwhelmed today. Got a midwife appointment at my doctors next week then my gp wants to see me in 2 weeks time just to keep an eye on me.

[Arkkorox]

Just spoken to the midwife, shes not got any appointments for 3 weeks but has managed to fit me in on monday luckily. Shes not happy with how ive been treated by the first gp visit or the hospital calling my home phone and wants me to complain.

[MissSusanStoHelit]

Ark - I'm about 25 mins from Guildford and I had my DD at Royal Surrey!! So please PM me if you have any questions - I found them to be brilliant, and I'm sure they'll take good care of you... Wishing you all the bets for your scan today!

[Arkkorox]

Thank you, good to know people have had good experiences at the royal surrey! So far my experience with doctors and scans has not been good so im hoping today goes okay!

[confusedandemployed]

Good luck today Ark. I hope you have a lovely experience.

[mssleepyhead]

Wow, what a story Ark! I hope you and your partner are doing ok. I have a two month old and thought I'd share ideas on what you really need:

1. A pushchair - I know a lot of people manage with slings only but you don't know what kind of birth you'll have and how you'll be feeling afterwards and I think a pushchair is really useful at first. (I had an EMCS and couldn't use the sling for a while). It's also useful for getting baby to go to sleep on a walk, say, then giving you free time when you get home and he stays asleep.
   
2. Somewhere to put baby down - a bouncer chair/playmat. Buys you essential shower/toilet time.
   
3. Somewhere for him to sleep at night - a Moses basket, for example, or we love the bednest. I'd also get a couple of blankets and a 2.5 tog sleeping bag for when baby's big enough.
   
4. Clothes - in the early days: 10 x vests and 10 x sleep suits. A cardigan for going out. You really don't need more than this. Supermarkets sell them cheaply.
   
5. Nappies etc - a changing mat, some nappies and some sudocrem does it for us.
   
6. A car seat - go somewhere like mothercare; they have great advisers to help you get the right one.
   

You don't need...

1. Lots of clothes.
   
2. A cot. Yet.
   
3. A fancy changing bag (we use a rucksack with a toiletry bag inside)
   

If you can, spend the next few weeks resting as much as possible and batch cooking. Having good food in the freezer is so helpful when you have a new baby.

And finally don't worry about your boobs! Mine didn't grow at all when I was pregnant. I was a 32B. Measured 2 weeks into my pregnancy and I was a 32D. I've been happily feeding my baby for 2 month : )

Very best of luck.