Very Scared!

[Arkkorox]

After being up half the night reading the forum ive finaly plucked up the courage to ask you guys for some advice. Bear with me its a long one but I really need to speak to people who know.

Im pregnant and going for my first scan tomorrow - at an abortion clinic. Now this was a bit of a knee jerk panic reaction however I have a feeling that Im going to be over 24 weeks. My last bleed was in april and just for 2 days but heavy. Since then ive had no more bleeding but because of being on the large side its not odd for my periods to come and go as they please. I have had absolutley no symptoms at all, no sickness, no sore boobs, nothing. Untill 2 weeks ago when I felt incredibly bloated and then wednesday when i had a leaky nipple. Took a pregnancy test on thursday and it was positive. Went to the doctors on friday and have my scan tomorrow.

Im 25, been in a relationship with my brilliant boyfriend for 5 years. But we are terrified. Currently living appart to save up for a house depoisit but I changed jobs 2 months ago and he was made redundant a month ago. Hes with his parents and im living with my nan as she sometimes needs help in the night if she falls etc.

If im correct in counting from my bleed in april that would put me at about 27 weeks.... so possibly no going back now! Which Im not entirely dissapointed about and neither is my OH, hes been lovely and less panicky than me!

My biggest issue is telling my parents. My mum is going to totaly flip and I dont want to ruin our good relationship especialy this close to christmas. Please say someone else has been in my shoes? Im so scared its going to ruin everything!!!!

[NewEraNewMindset]

The book:

[NewEraNewMindset]

Grrr

[ShowMeShowMeTheWine]

Wow, congratulations op. Don't worry about 'stuff' it can be as expensive or cheap as you want it to be. There's loads of bargains out there. Secondhand is your friend! Plus, people but you loads and you barely need anything to start with anyway.

[maccie]

Also, once everyone important has been told, there are a lot of Facebook selling pages and they are always inundated with baby items for next to nothing. Some gorgeous immaculate prams that are barely a 10th of there original price. eBay is fantastic for huge baby bundles of 0-3 month or 3-6 month stuff.

You really don't need to buy everything new. Babies really outgrow things so quickly that it is a waste to buy all new stuff. I found my immaculate cot for £5 on eBay and then got a new mattress.

Look for deals and special offers for bottles or sterilisers. Every mum I know has a sling knocking about somewhere and would happily pass on if you can't get a pram straight away.

You could also qualify for benefits if your on a low income once the baby is here so investigate these thoroughly and claim straight away as they can take a while to sort out. They nearly always backdate them so it could be a lump sum by the time they come through and that could help you purchase the bigger items down the line.

[Arkkorox]

At the moment I just feel like this is all such a huge mess :(

[NewEraNewMindset]

Ark darling can you say what region you are or your nearest city. I bet there are some MNetters near by who could help you. Please don't be scared.

[Arkkorox]

Oh god theres so much stuff to think about, pram and somewhere for baby to sleep, I love the idea of a carrier so I can do stuff two handed while babys snoozing or something but my mind is being a bit blown.

Oh and the minor fact I have NO IDEA what to do with it when it gets here.

Does it sound like im panicking yet?

[DeputyPecksBentBeak]

Oh my god, OP!

If it makes you feel any better, even people who have known from 4/5/6 weeks of pregnancy are still shitting themselves when they get to term. Especially with first babies. No one has any idea what they're doing. People who claim they do are liars shakes fist bloody liars!

Have you had the hospital appointment yet?

Could be worse, I once watched a documentary on a lady who didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth. To triplets!

[Arkkorox]

No, hospital appointment will be sometime tomorrow when they call me to arrange it.

Litteraly sitting here in tears cause its all too much to deal with. What on earth am I going to tell work when I go back after half term?! What if my oh never gets his head round it? What if I never get my head round it!

I know I dont have a choice but tbh Im not sure I can do this at the moment. I need my mum and I cant even tell her yet.

[NewEraNewMindset]

Sling is a lovely idea. I bought an Ergo which had the insert. They aren't cheap though. Facebook groups are a brilliant idea. Just put your area and 'baby nearly new' in the search bit. Then join up and put a post asking if anyone can help. It happened in my local group and lots of people had stuff they were happy to donate.

[NewEraNewMindset]

Tell your Mum. Just go and see her and sob and I am convinced she will give you the biggest biggest hug as that's what Mums are for. You didn't have a clue yourself so she can't be angry with you!!

[KentExpecting]

First of all, huge congratulations! Has anyone said that yet? Congratulations, you're going to have a lovely baby, and you're going to be a mum! It's great news!

Re: your partner, I think I'd be tempted to buy him a very large, strong drink (or bottle of...), let him have tonight to go to pieces, and tell him you need him to man up from tomorrow onwards. Panic is understandable and he's allowed a mini-meltdown, he'll just have to get done with it quickly because 35 weeks is... well... kind of close!

Re: buying stuff, get it into perspective. Make a list, then cut it in half and cut it in half again. You'll still have plenty. And I agree with all the other mumsnetters here, second hand is your best friend. You'll need very little :)

[VikingLady]

Which part of the country are you in? Maybe some people here can advise on bargains/car boots etc.

You can apply for benefits in advance then update them as soon as the baby arrives - it's less to deal with when you've got a newborn. Basically tax credits (working and child tax credits are a single application), and if you pay rent then housing/council tax benefit. If you're on a low income then income support too, via the job centre.

Do you know where your local SureStart Centres are? They may be able to help with advice, benefits and even some baby stuff. We encourage pg ladies to come to baby groups to make friends, and there may well be people wanting to pass on baby stuff cheap/free.

Good luck!

[FayeFruitLoop]

Most men just don't connect during the pregnancy but usually they come round by the first cuddle with their offspring.

My DH was crap, we wanted the baby and spent years plus fertility treatment trying... But he still shat himself when it happened right up till he held DS...

Babies throw the dynamics of every single relationship in your life... But they mostly all come round to it and figure it out

This is massive, but I promise nobody will feel in the long run that you have ruined their life or yours for that matter

[MissSusanStoHelit]

Ark, I have a few baby boys I'm happy to post to you if you need... A close baby carrier and some baby grows, mainly girly ones, if those suit! pM me and I'll post them to you! Good luck - you can do this...

[MissSusanStoHelit]

Baby boys?? I meant baby bits! Grr dyac.... Although it could be appropriate! Will you find out what you're having?

[MikeTheShite]

Ark, I also have some things you may like.
Let us know where in the country you are.
I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 23 weeks, it's been the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm a single mum at university with a two year old.
It's amazing.
You will do fantastic

[CaptainAnkles]

Tell her over the phone so you can hang up if she's horrible about it

[Nocarbs]

Wowsers op! But you can do this! Just think of all those yucky pregnancy symptoms you've not had to 'cope' with. A little person inside you, you will be amazing and honestly even some very 'planned' babies, their mums go through this doubt thing too!!

[SweepTheHalls]

Babies hardly need anything to start with. EBay is your friend, and I'm that lots of people on here have bits and bobs we can send your way. I know I have

[Arkkorox]

The hospital have left a message on my parents answerphone despite telling them to ONLY phone my mobile. Balls.

[Arkkorox]

Sorry ladies, I'm near guildford in Surrey.

[MikeTheShite]

I'm not to far away I'm in West Sussex if you need anything.
What did the message say?

[Arkkorox]

That they were calling to arrange my anti natal appointment for tomorrow.

[CaptainSinker]

So your parents know? How did they react? They will have to deal with it. You are an adult, you are about to be a Mum. So if anyone gets negative on you tell them it is happening, and you will be happy to speak when they are ready to step up and support you.

You'll be fine. Knowing early on just give you more time to panic. Everyone (I think) feels scared, overwhelmed, panicked at the thought of having a baby at times. Even once the baby comes you could feel up and down. But you'll learn, you'll grow in confidence and it will be amazing. Lovely fro your gran too!

I'm sure your partner will be fine, he is obviously just I shock and needs to get it together. 5 weeks or so is plenty time to get more cal and focused.

Some people go into labour without knowing they are pregnant. Everything you need can be bought one online shop or one visit to a big store. Less is more, you will get gifts, hand me downs etc. early on baby just needs you.

It will be amazing! Good luck.