Very Scared!

[Arkkorox]

After being up half the night reading the forum ive finaly plucked up the courage to ask you guys for some advice. Bear with me its a long one but I really need to speak to people who know.

Im pregnant and going for my first scan tomorrow - at an abortion clinic. Now this was a bit of a knee jerk panic reaction however I have a feeling that Im going to be over 24 weeks. My last bleed was in april and just for 2 days but heavy. Since then ive had no more bleeding but because of being on the large side its not odd for my periods to come and go as they please. I have had absolutley no symptoms at all, no sickness, no sore boobs, nothing. Untill 2 weeks ago when I felt incredibly bloated and then wednesday when i had a leaky nipple. Took a pregnancy test on thursday and it was positive. Went to the doctors on friday and have my scan tomorrow.

Im 25, been in a relationship with my brilliant boyfriend for 5 years. But we are terrified. Currently living appart to save up for a house depoisit but I changed jobs 2 months ago and he was made redundant a month ago. Hes with his parents and im living with my nan as she sometimes needs help in the night if she falls etc.

If im correct in counting from my bleed in april that would put me at about 27 weeks.... so possibly no going back now! Which Im not entirely dissapointed about and neither is my OH, hes been lovely and less panicky than me!

My biggest issue is telling my parents. My mum is going to totaly flip and I dont want to ruin our good relationship especialy this close to christmas. Please say someone else has been in my shoes? Im so scared its going to ruin everything!!!!

[OhMjh]

No real words of advice other than I've been in the 'how the hell do I tell my mum?' Situation. I told her one morning, from the top of the stairs when she was on her way out. For about 4 weeks she 'grieved', kept speaking about abortion like it was the option I would be taking and didn't speak to me properly bar commenting on what a mess I was in. Although hurt, I was firm with her and made my decision clear to her - although I am her baby, this was mine and my partners decision to make and while she was allowed to have an opinion, in no way was she honing to sway mine.

I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and she is so excited about being a grandma! From the moment I showed her my 12 week scan, something clicked into place and her and I are actually closer than we've ever been. She may surprise you, you never know..but if she doesn't, do what is right for YOU.

[Arkkorox]

OhMjh - that's good to hear. I'm hoping my mum will be the same. It's just all a bit much at the moment!

[ladyflower23]

Perhaps best to avoid seeing her until you and your partner have sorted out clearly in your own minds what you are going to do and your plan of action so you can answer any questions she comes up with confidently and firmly. Let us know how it goes at the scan today!

[KentExpecting]

Good luck for your scan!

[Nocarbs]

Thinking of you OP. Good luck with your scan today. X

[MikeTheShite]

Good luck today

[Christelle2207]

Best wishes OP. Sounds like you can make it work with your dp. You both need to decide what you want to do, your mum's (potential) reaction should not cloud your judgement! BTW my mum flipped when I told her I was PG with dc2, but fast forward a few weeks and she's excited now.

[FayeFruitLoop]

Good luck for the scan. I think you have decided what you will do. It sounds like you would both regret an abortion far more than standing up to your mum. It's your life, she will have to realise that

[cheesecakemom]

I feel very bad for you. I hope your mother doesn't make you feel bad. You are 25 and in a loving long term relationship! You are actually a grown woman - it would be different if you were a teenager without a job etc.

Hope it goes well and hope she is supportive. Like others said, don't give her the option to make you feel bad / guilty. You sound like you will be a great mum, congrats on your pregnancy!

[Arkkorox]

Erm.....

Probably only one word for this situation and it's not fiddlesticks.

The woman that scanned me at the clinic thinks I'm 35 weeks gone.

I have one freaked out boyfriend and one freaked out me. Got a doctors app in an hour so I can get a proper scan done at the hospital.

Bugger. I cannot get my head around this.

[FayeFruitLoop]

You are SO lucky tho you will realise it not till much later on.
I spent 40 long weeks being terrified - you've got 7 left max

Enjoy it... Get shopping! Facebook groups are great for good stuff costing far less and people often donate in this type of situation.

Also, even if your mum does go nuts... Just a few weeks and a grandchild will melt her heart right out of it I expect.

Congratulations!!!

How exciting!

[MummyCoolski]

Wow! What a surprise! Good luck. You'll be fine. By Christmas you'll be able to win your Mum over with an actual baby! :-)

[whatadrain]

Wow - 35 weeks! Well, the only thing I can say is congratulations. Yes it's scary, but your mum will just have to get over it now! She will come around eventually and you and DP will get over the shock. I would start shopping!

[maccie]

Deep breaths ark

It will be okay. This doesn't actually change anything for you. Your plan still works. Stay with your grandmother. Take your maternity leave and then return to work.

Maybe once you have calmed down after your appointments today, you and your partner could speak to your grandma and check that she is okay with your staying there. Then once your plan is in place your merely informing your mum of the situation not looking for solutions or help from her.

You could maybe call your dad to warn him that you and your partner are coming round to visit and that you have some news that your mum might not take too well so could he make sure that they are both there. He will probably guess and then he can help you manage your mums reaction.

I also second the pp in that you present this as a done deal to your mum. We have some surprising but happy news and show her your scan picture. We hope you can be happy for us.

Babies honestly don't need too much stuff. Somewhere to sleep. Something to wear. Something to eat. And YOU.

You can do this.

[NewEraNewMindset]

OMG!!! I'm so excited for you and yet I know your terrified so im giving you a HUGE hug too. Generally scans are pretty accurate when it comes to dating.

You are going to have a baby!!!! Squeal

[DressingGownFrown]

Oh wow!!!!
Congratulations!
At least you've had, I'm assuming(?!) as easy pregnancy to 'not notice it'
Plus you won't get bored and desperate waiting for your baby to arrive
PLUS as much as she might not 'approve' there's not all that much your mum can say or do now
Silver linings and all that

[Arkkorox]

Thanks ladies.

I've got a panicking boyfriend who thinks this is the end of the world. Not particularly helpful at this moment in time. He will not believe me that it will be fine.

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Oh wow what a shock!

I'm in my 30s and pregnant and still scared of what my mum and dad will think! Fwiw my dad in particular reacted terribly to my first pregnancy but he's adores ds now.

You'll be absolutely fine, although you'll need to get shopping. You don't need to spend loads just the essentials. And you can buy second hand if you're short of cash.

[BuckskinnedAstronaut]

Wow!

I'm going to say Congratulations because reading all your posts on this thread at once it seems pretty clear that you do want this baby, just are scared by the practicalities and by your mother's reaction.

All the practicalities are manageable, honestly. You don't need as much "stuff" as you might think, and people will help out. Talk to the people who will be pleased first to get some positivity.

[NewEraNewMindset]

Totally understandable re. boyfriend. It's an awful lot to take in! He will come round, I promise.

[Arkkorox]

NewEraNewMindset I so hope youre right cause right now I feel like ive ruined his life. He doesnt cope with stress well at the best of times. Im hoping a scan and seeing/hearing baby will help perhaps? or freak him out even more. Argh. He was so sure in himself that I was under 12 weeks last night he even bet me a tenner. So this has been a massive slap in the face for him I think.

[maccie]

Maybe hold off sharing with your mum for a few days then so that your partner can come to terms with this. It would be far better to be facing this together as a united front.

It is a shock but it's happened now and there is no getting away from the fact that he will be a father in a few so he will just have to get his head around it. He hasn't got time to be all woe is me. He needs to accept this and help you plan for it.

[maccie]

• in a few weeks

[NewEraNewMindset]

When I found out I was pregnant, and granted I was only 5 weeks, my partner was really shocked and not actually that happy. He is now the most doting Father that ever was, adores our son to the moon and back and wishes every month we could have another (unfortunately I have infertility now due to age).

So give him some space. Let him freak out and then when he has come to terms with it you can start planning the future.

Assuming the scan is correct you are considered term at 37 weeks. So potentially you could be holding your baby in two weeks time, although hopefully you will go full term to 40 weeks as this will give you more time!

Don't worry about getting brand new stuff. They rattle through things so quickly when they are tiny and they honestly don't need that much. I got an excellent book, I shally take a photo of it for you. It lists all the things you need and I found it useful.

If you can find an NCT sale that would be good. Otherwise car boot sales are excellent. Also I'm not sure if you have hear of Freecycle but if you join your local one and put a post up giving your special circumstances I'm sure you will be inundated with offers of goods for free.