an open invitation for some indulgent whining about the rubbishness of pregnancy

[microferret]

Warning & disclaimer: This is a thread reserved exclusively for whingeing. I want my baby very much and am very aware that many people have difficulties with becoming pregnant, however this does not mean that I am obliged to enjoy all the shit that comes with carrying a child for 9 months. Therefore I am having a moan and inviting some like-minded individuals to join in with their tales of woe. Fellow misery-guts only, please!

I HATE BEING PREGNANT. HATE HATE HATE IT. First of all, I find the whole concept of it profoundly disturbing. I know we're supposed to relish the idea of new life in our bellies and all that guff, but I have never had new life in my belly before and it's a lot to get used to in just a few months. I find the idea of something in me, eating my food, using my blood and making me swell up like a cobra that's swallowed a balloon very upsetting. I don't find it beautiful, or moving. I don't enjoy the kicks (though I will grudgingly concede they do reassure me that all is well), I find them freaky, especially when the skin moves visibly. I hate the lack of control. I hate the weird new things that happen every day. I hate the constant worrying that something will go wrong. I hate that I have to go through all this and DH gets off scot-free. The UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL!!! I hate watching him have beer and wine whenever he bloody feels like it. I hate that he acts as though it's some massive sacrifice when he doesn't have a drink one day.

I hate the pelvic pain; I hate the odd sleeping positions I have to adopt, (which have lately been resulting in a nightly dead arm); I hate getting fat; I hate the default chirpy positivity of everyone who asks how I'm "enjoying" being up the duff and the uncomfortable look on their face when I say I'm not (actually... that's a lie. I secretly enjoy the uncomfortable look )

I am not blooming. I am not glowing. My hair does not look amazing. I have a spotty back and a new pocket of cellulite every week. I waddle like a duck. My tits already seem more pendulous and my nipples have turned into giant, raspberry-like structures that are erect at all times. I have shoved enough suppositories up my vagina for several lifetimes, yet the thrush always seems to return. My gums bleed profusely despite diligent brushing, flossing and mouthwash use. I have had recurrent UTIs and an astonishingly tenacious kidney infection.

Added to this, nearly all my friends have sailed through pregnancy, without so much as a single symptom, apart from excessive joy and wonderment at the miracle of life. The one friend who admitted to hating it said she felt like a failure, and as if she should have another baby "just to get pregnancy right this time". The pressure on women to enjoy every single aspect of motherhood is just ridiculous. I am tired of feeling guilty or inadequate for not liking being pregnant. I DON'T like it, and I don't have to like it.

And neither do you.

Come whine with me!

I am just checking into this thread, even though it is over 11 years since I last gave birth, to say I still look back with loathing at every minute of both my pregnancies. Good luck, you lot.

I am pretty sure that ALL eggs in this country, by law, have to be lion stamped so I figure they're all fine. I'd be more nervous in Europe. Similarly, most listeria cases are from LETTUCE. Avoid dodgy buffets or old sandwiches and you'll probably be fine. I haven't had food poisoning since I was 10 so I assume most things are pretty much safe, with caution.

Thanks all!

That's good news then. I have definitely been getting my 'advice' from all sorts of random internet sites, I have probably been over cautious to be honest. Even though during the first 4 weeks of pg (before I found out) I went on hol and ate loads of oysters, sushi, rare meat etc, drank prosecco by the bucketfull and merrily smoked my way through a few packets of marlboro lights

Don't anyone tell me that the cat litter thing is bullshit though please, that is one perk i'm not giving up!

Squizita - did you ever used to post on the BBC food board a few years ago? Sort of recognise your name and though it was from there.

Defend your pregnant right to not change cat litter! It's the most dangerous thing ever!

Sad, isn't it? That's a perk...

The ever present excess saliva. Waking up with drool trickling down my cheek is a new and not welcome experience. Thinking the worst of the sickness was over but then being hit again with it all day long. Having no appetite but if I don't eat, I throw up leaving me definitely not wanting to eat anything. Plus sides are a wonderful DH and boss who are very understanding. Looking forward to the baby but I detest being pregnant (second baby with 14 year gap).

Buggerlugs - I think you can still really, really want your child and still find the physical effects of pregnancy and the sleep deprivation of the newborn stage difficult! They bloody are!

I am finding everyone at work asking about the baby annoying at the moment. Just be normal with me and ask me about the normal WORK things not my body and personal life.

I can't bend down much now and dd2 (2.5) is much quicker than me. I need this baby out now!

Bugs yeah moan away.

I'm afraid I once had to explain to a friend giving me evils for rubbing my bump (a gesture much hated when you can't have one) that I was doing it because if I can't feel movement I get so scared. I never thought bump rubbing could be a negative thing.

You know I moaned about the injections?
Well now I'm off em I'm still moaning. Consultants all agree I'm no longer at any risk of early miscarriage due to mild APS (at 35 weeks duh) and as I've never had a thrombosis or stroke it's safer from a birth perspective to come off. People with my diagnosis have 'entirely normal' late pregnancies compared with the general populace (i.e. pre-eclampsia etc' might happen but no more commonly).
But I'm psychologically addicted! The jab is like my "it's OK" crutch, even though I know by now I don't have anything it's actually helping with.

BLOODY STUPID PREGNANCY WORRY.

Going back to work after summer holidays : 'oooh how's the baby? She's getting big.' Fuck off.

'Helpful' comments from people. Especially when people are FIL, who to my knowledge has never had a human foot pushing on his bladder from the inside. This was a real conversation opener with him yesterday: 'you really should breastfeed. It's much better for the baby'. Oh, really? I've never heard THAT pearl before. Because I thought the best way would be one in which I didn't want to slice my own nipples off and never feed my child again.

As squizita said, everything being blamed on pregnancy. Eating, in general 'eating for two, ho ho ho.' No, nobheads, I'm eating normally, I'm just a greedy bitch.

The blocked nose. I want to stop sounding like Chucky from the Rugrats. I want to sleep without waking up gasping for breath like some kind of oversized fish.

I love this thread, I've needed to read this for so long!

Sick of being sick.
Fed up of people asking me for an update and feeling bad when I have to say I'm STILL sick.
Sick of going to bed at 7pm.
I miss liking food.
I miss all the pleasures in life, eating, drinking, going out without a care in the world.
I have no idea whats going off in my body anymore and I don't like it.
I hate that my doctor made me feel like I was a failure when I asked for anti-sickness pills.
I have no control over my emotions anymore...
RARGHGHGHGHG

squizita - are you sure? I have aps and do 2 x fragmin daily and get induced at 38 weeks because actually the risk of a clot can increase towards the end im told. This is pg number 3 and they have all been like this. I counted 49 left this am!!

Am beyond pissed off here and just feel the need to write it down even though is fairly pointless.

I am hypermobile and every joint is agony. I can't feel my right arm properly and keep getting the most terrible cramp and have pulled all the back of my legs.

Having to take painkillers and steroids and iron and now I'm having to take laxatives to counteract it all.

I am doing four peoples work and yet I'm still being criticised although people keep saying how I need to take it easy.

What has topped it off for me today is how rude people are - I have been laughed at twice today and asked if 'I'm sure there's only one in there?' Also have been told I'm massive. I'm so upset. I have real body image issues and now I don't feel like leaving the house again as I do t want people looking at me or commenting on me. I also suffer from anxiety and I'm just sitting in my flat crying as I'm on my own.

Tempted to go to drs and ask them to sign me off work for a bit.

Pomme Yes I am sure. :) In the nicest possible way, did you MEAN to trigger horrific anxiety in a complete stranger?

I'm not on clexane to ward off blood clots in me. I'm on clexane and aspirin not fragmin and it was purely to help with the build up/establishment of the placenta: I'm a week 5-14 miscarriage risk, due to early placental failure to develop. I'm under the care of St Mary's who pretty much deal with sticky blood 24/7, they're the biggest centre in the country: if they screwed it up people would notice.

I am particularly sure because a couple of weeks ago some hysterical/aggressive "you idiot your baby's gonna diieee" hysteria on another MN board sent me in a panic to the lead consultant at my hospital. Who happens to be the lead consultant in the country if not the world.
In addition I contacted the Hughes Society and the Miscarriage Association helplines who both said my course of treatment was basically standard and 'the usual' - people who go on longer are more severe or have different forms.

It is ONLY on MN that I've had this constant 'are you sure' - not on Miscarriage Association boards or Hughes Society.

My level of raised antibodies carries no risk to me of blood clots. It's classic 'first 14 weeks miscarriage' APS. Cut and dried classic case.
I demanded to see the reasoning and hence have read up on the clinical trials (including one trialling until full term, one stopping at 34 weeks, 1 stopping at 16 weeks). For my form of the condition, it is standard to come off at the end of 34 weeks. There can be growth issues if you come off 14-16 weeks, but no increased risk to the baby or mother for coming off at 34. 100% of the women in all trials, coming off at 34, with my bloods results, got healthy babies at the end.

Pomme also sounds like you have a different type- I only ever did 1 clexane but had a higher aspirin dose. But I know a lot of people who do 2 and they are higher risk after 14 weeks than me.
I asked for more drugs early on they said 2 injections would make my blood TOO thin!

I am loving this thread!! For so long I've wanted a good old moan about pregnancy and my bf keeps saying that this is what we wanted (we were trying for a while and this is our second) but it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm 33 weeks and STILL HAVE MORNING SICKNESS. But it's not just morning is it? Its all the bloody time!

The 'wow you look hot' I get from people at work. yes I'm a hot sweaty mess but please don't draw everyone's attention to it! and its always on the days when I feel like I look half decent...

nothing fits the way I want it to. I was a size 8 pre-pregnancy but now a size 12 maternity is too tight! How swollen am I?! I did have a breakdown in mothercare...

acid reflux is a pain in the bum, as is the constant tiredness and peeling!

Oh and where is that glow I was promised?!

Oh my yes. I hated pregnancy. Why should we feel obliged to like it? It took a miscarriage and two years to eventually produce beautiful DD who is now snoozing next to me. But at no point did I enjoy pregnancy and I have read some twaddle on these boards about how we should feel grateful and it made me so mad. Trying to be put on a guilt trip did not improve feeling miserable because of hg, swelling up like a bloated whale, putting on 35 bloody kilos and because of stupid food aversions pretty much living off McDonald's for 9 months which also cost an arm and a leg. And the crippling anxiety. And the preggo rage. And the fact I couldn't cuddle my dh for 99% of the pregnancy. And the lack of sleep. Being lectured to about breast feeding when I knew I couldn't.

The worst thing for me though? That it carried on for weeks after I gave birth as well! And it's still going albeit much eased. I still can't get up without hobbling around. And I can't deflate because my food is still odd and I can't exercise without pain. I still have problems with food. And my hormones are still funny. Up to nine months I was told by my consultant. Nine months! What they don't tell you about pregnancy!

Sickness. Heartburn. And I'm only 8 weeks. I am sure I didn't have it this bad so early on last time. I'm fully expecting dire SPD too, in time. And DS was born two months early so it is quite likely I will have a whole 2 months extra of pregnancy to look forward to this time. YAY.
DH asks me how I am when he comes home. My answer is almost always sick. And I hate the taste of gaviscon, but needs must. It is making me so .
Oh and we haven't really told anyone yet so I have to keep my misery and moaning to myself. Except now I've found an outlet, haven't I?!

Im with you OP on the whole concept of pregnancy being disturbing! If it wasn't for the fact it's 'natural' and the way things are, it would be like a scene out of an alien/horror film.
-a human being growing inside another human being
-taking all of the 'good stuff' from the 'host' e.g. vitamins and minerals from food
-seeing the bump move with all the kicking and maybe making out a hand or a foot
-all of the other side effects from it (see the 117 messages above lol!)
-at the end of 9 months(!) the mini human being either breaking out of a place that is really too small for it or having to be cut out

I said this to DH one day and he just looked at me

This is why I think I can't bond with my babies while they are inside - I can't compute that it is a baby in there. Although when DS1 was born, the second I saw him I fell in love.

Oh and I hated being pregnant the first time (mainly due to tiredness and itchiness down below) that I said never again, DS would be an only child. The minute he was born I knew I couldn't go through that just the once. I'm quite looking forward to that feeling again in 10 weeks! (Although DH may have something to say if I suggest we try for DC3 within a few minutes of DS2 being born!)

Oooh good threat.

Grunting as I bed over. Feeling sick as I try put on shoes. Suddenly realising how overgrown my bikini line was. So many comments of 'oh you must be so tired and it's so hard travelling to work in this heat and working long hours' but then 'oh can you just travel this extra hour on the bakerloo line ebery day and work in an office with no air com and stay til 8 to schmooze when you can't even have a drink"

Tiredness. So tired. And fat, I used to have thin legs now I'm mrs thunder thighs.
Stressing over what I ate in case I get listeria.
Miss wine. In a big way.
Miss sex as too scared to have it.
Miss normal me - paranoid wreck this pregnancy (after mcs)
Cramp. Ugh.
Back ache. Ugh.
Etc etc...
Feels quite good having a whinge!!

Main niggle today:

A group of mums from DS class at school bumped into me in town, as with shocked looks on their faces said "so MrsG, your still pregnant?! We thought you must have had it by now" and of course I was polite and said "no I've 4 weeks left" and "laughed" when they said how huge I am, when all I really wanted to do was say something to the effect of "fuck off" then slap them, especially when they ask if I'm enjoying the summer and the sunshine. No I'm bloody not!

End of!

I puked in my knickers tonight.

it must be an all time low.

Oops sorry squizita. Of course I've heard of st Mary's.

I won't hide a bit of jealousy, less injections, no faffing over medication during labour and restrictions on epidurals/spinals and no constant mention of stillbirth!

I take 2 injections and 75mg of aspirin a day. A minor cut on my toe the other week was an utter blood bath. Fragmin and clexane are essentially the same thing though I think - I used clexane for dd1. I take warfarin when not pg. I used to hate it. After pg I am at peace with it as at least it's in pill form!

wingcommandergallic - you win the gross prize!

wingcommander, I salute you!!!

Thanks ladies.

not sure its a prize I'll be telling people about!