an open invitation for some indulgent whining about the rubbishness of pregnancy

[microferret]

Warning & disclaimer: This is a thread reserved exclusively for whingeing. I want my baby very much and am very aware that many people have difficulties with becoming pregnant, however this does not mean that I am obliged to enjoy all the shit that comes with carrying a child for 9 months. Therefore I am having a moan and inviting some like-minded individuals to join in with their tales of woe. Fellow misery-guts only, please!

I HATE BEING PREGNANT. HATE HATE HATE IT. First of all, I find the whole concept of it profoundly disturbing. I know we're supposed to relish the idea of new life in our bellies and all that guff, but I have never had new life in my belly before and it's a lot to get used to in just a few months. I find the idea of something in me, eating my food, using my blood and making me swell up like a cobra that's swallowed a balloon very upsetting. I don't find it beautiful, or moving. I don't enjoy the kicks (though I will grudgingly concede they do reassure me that all is well), I find them freaky, especially when the skin moves visibly. I hate the lack of control. I hate the weird new things that happen every day. I hate the constant worrying that something will go wrong. I hate that I have to go through all this and DH gets off scot-free. The UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL!!! I hate watching him have beer and wine whenever he bloody feels like it. I hate that he acts as though it's some massive sacrifice when he doesn't have a drink one day.

I hate the pelvic pain; I hate the odd sleeping positions I have to adopt, (which have lately been resulting in a nightly dead arm); I hate getting fat; I hate the default chirpy positivity of everyone who asks how I'm "enjoying" being up the duff and the uncomfortable look on their face when I say I'm not (actually... that's a lie. I secretly enjoy the uncomfortable look )

I am not blooming. I am not glowing. My hair does not look amazing. I have a spotty back and a new pocket of cellulite every week. I waddle like a duck. My tits already seem more pendulous and my nipples have turned into giant, raspberry-like structures that are erect at all times. I have shoved enough suppositories up my vagina for several lifetimes, yet the thrush always seems to return. My gums bleed profusely despite diligent brushing, flossing and mouthwash use. I have had recurrent UTIs and an astonishingly tenacious kidney infection.

Added to this, nearly all my friends have sailed through pregnancy, without so much as a single symptom, apart from excessive joy and wonderment at the miracle of life. The one friend who admitted to hating it said she felt like a failure, and as if she should have another baby "just to get pregnancy right this time". The pressure on women to enjoy every single aspect of motherhood is just ridiculous. I am tired of feeling guilty or inadequate for not liking being pregnant. I DON'T like it, and I don't have to like it.

And neither do you.

Come whine with me!

I hate that he acts as though it's some massive sacrifice when he doesn't have a drink one day.

I so hear you on that one. We've discussed when he'll stop drinking 3 - 4 cans of whatever every night, so that you know - he can take me to hospital sober. This hadn't even entered his head as a possible need. Also, as stated above, I hate the smell of him when he's been drinking - has this made him stop/reduce - nope. So it could be that I'm in labour, with him breathing beer fumes all over me. He'll get fucking punched if that happens. He's done months and months without drinking at all in the past, why has he chosen these few months to ramp it up to excessive levels? It's almost like he's chosen to do it to piss me off. It's probably (almost certainly) stress, and will no doubt be temporary, but you know.. I'm stressed TOOOOOOOO.... grrrr.

I'm going to have to step out of this thread, I could go on forever. I haven't even touched on constipation and poo-management.

Re the constipation - no lactulose and the occasional Andrews dose even though it says not suitable for use during pg I can't see why the hell not does not cut it whatsoever.

What would do the trick is a double espresso and a roll up!

I have to join, just haveto! Will be back later to talk, but ohthegoats you made me laugh so hard I just threw up my breakfast!

a double expresso and a roll up

I gave up smoking two years ago (next month), coffee one year ago and drinking five months ago. There is no fun left in the world

Goats 99p coated aspirin is the same clinically and tastes SO MUCH BETTER. I get it from poundland!

Can I join too!!

I'm fed up with the constant nausea and the comments from helpful people who tell me that the first trimester is the worst - erm I'm 22 weeks love!

I'm sick of people thinking they can touch my stomach - how would they feel if I just grabbed their boob??

I'm fed up of being told I'm very small only for someone else to say I'm very big.

I hate that it takes extreme gymnastics to paint my toe nails/shave my legs.

My sex drive is non existent - I'm sorry love but I'm hot, tired, bloated, feel sick and the last thing I want is a tumble under the sheets.

The thing that is pissing me off more than any of the above is the constant comments and criticisms because I still chose to ride my saint of a horse several times a week despite being 5 months pregnant. It's the one thing that makes me feel happy and normal again but people have to piss all over it with their underhand comments - f*ck off - it's nothing to do with you!!!!!

Rant over!!!!

squizita I am shaped like an egg or Mr Greedy. LOL!!!

Thank you so much for this thread - I am only 16 weeks and already hating the changes to my body. I thought I was alone in feeling like this, constantly feeling like I am about to burst into tears when anyone comments on my weight/size. I LOVE my baby, I can't wait to have it, but I HATE pregnancy so far. Tried to chat with my friend about how I was feeling last night as she has 2 kids and she basically reeled out all the cliches I hate - "enjoy it", "only time you can eat what you want", "you're only going to get bigger". Yes I f*cking know that but that doesn't mean that the way I am now isn't depressing me.

I hate not being able to do my favourite high-impact gym classes and being suggested yoga as an alternative.

I hate being knackered all the time and feeling so unattractive and unsexy that I can't bear for my amazing, gorgeous husband to see me naked.

I hate people commenting on my size "oh it's getting bigger" - of course it is you idiot, I have a baby in there. You're getting bigger too, but that's because you are a lazy, greedy cow.

"Are you finding out what you are having" being the first question anyone asks me rather than asking how I am and then looking perplexed when I say I don't want to know as the surprise of not finding out is about the only thing keeping me going.

I hate not drinking... Hate hate hate it. And then friends assuming I will be the designated driver and want to stay out late, watch them get pissed and then driving their stinking breath home in my car.

I hate the fact that on our long-awaited two-week summer holiday to Greece I will now be 22 weeks pregnant and look like a beached whale in a crappy tankini, having to sit in the shade and watch my husband drink beer.

ohthegoats Then I have to go to the hospital all the time, wasting hours and hours of my diminishing personal private time just for 10 minutes of 'everything is fine' and them telling you that likely your birth will be quite induced and horrible. Good, so I'm rattling, and now I have the fear.

And also this ^

I have a heart condition which means about 4 times the appts as everyone else, at 2 hospitals that don't communicate with each other so I have to chase both of them up and pass on info from one to the other (which stresses me out in case I get anything wrong). My cardiology dept particularly useless, don't seem to get that giving me an appt at 1pm means a whole day off by the time I have travelled there, had the obligatory 2 hour delay to clinic and then travelled home, just to be sent t the results of 2 other patients in the post. The NHS does nothing but stress me out at the moment (luckily the hospital I plan to give birth in seems a little more efficient and flexible enough to do morning appts and let me choose - what a novelty)

Ladies - you have all made my day - I thought it was just me and everyone else was handling it better but pregnancy sucks. Thank you for justifying my constant moany and whingy state....

Morning sickness is horrendous, I thought i could manage it easily as I've been on a few benders in my time...I deal with hangovers with ease but the constant nausea is debilitating (past it now thankfull!)

I absolutely HATE my DP on at least a tri-weekly basis and internally maysometimesexternallyshowit blame him for absolutely everything that's wrong.

Bloody never ending yeast ingestion that has me scratching down there like a mad woman and DP saying stupid things when I 'give' it to him

Crying - I just don't do it normally; once in 6-10 years and it better be something really good, now it's more like 3-6 days and I even cry at work over ridiculous stuff

Want to get pissed....found myself longingly looking adverts for beer and gin...I really only drink red wine so this is definitely becoming a problem!

1st baby and 32 weeks gone

Has to be worst 32 weeks of my life , sickness, moods, pubic pain, crippled back, heart burn,

Oh and to top it off woke today to see the start of stretch marks , I could greet right now :-(

OMG! Thank you for this thread! I am suffering in silence (10 + 4) after two miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy (since Dec 2012) desperate to give our DS a sibling. But my god I am fed up of being pregnant already! I worked it out, with the MC's, I've already done 28 weeks of pregnancy and all with horrendous symptoms!

The sickness (whilst comforting) is a bloody nuisance. Nausea from the moment I wake til I finally fall asleep. Boobs are bloody killing me and I am beyond exhausted. 3.5 year old doesn't understand why Mummy is so snappy, poor thing :( I don't hate being pregnant, I hate the sickness stage, which is about 20 weeks if DS is anything to go by :'(

Yessss!!! I knew you'd all be out there. Heartiest commiserations to all. Hating pregnancy is such a taboo, we're not supposed to talk about it, we're just supposed to shut up and glow - and I'm sick of it. Glad to have given you the opportunity to let off some steam - you've definitely cheered me up quite a bit in the process, so thank you for that.

A tip for anyone with MS - if you haven't already tried it, I found that 60mg of vitamin B6 per day didn't shift the spewiness completely, but it stopped my gag reflex being so damn sensitive, which meant I was able to at least brush my teeth without depositing my breakfast in the bathroom sink. At 18 weeks mine really eased off but I'm still taking 10mg of B6 a day just in case. Hope it helps and sorry to repeat tired old advice, I'm sure you all just love being told for the billionth time to "keep crackers by the bed" and "drink ginger tea" etc etc etc.

ohthegoats and TigerMum - you are probably already aware of this, but I wanted to let you are not alone in hating pregnancy despite having had difficulty conceiving - it seems to be very common, from other threads I've read. I hope you don't feel guilty about it, because you shouldn't. Hating pregnancy doesn't mean we all aren't grateful for our babies, it means we are understandably pissed off at the myriad unpleasant consequences of hosting a small human for 9 full months. Us women seem forever doomed to feel guilty all the time for everything and it's BOLLOCKS. I refuse to feel guilty for things beyond my control ever again.

Oh and Frances79 - I feel you on the holiday thing. Went away to a villa in Spain with DH's entire family for a week and it was the longest week of my life. Had to watch everybody get absolutely shitfaced almost every single night on pina coladas and cold beers and sangria and mojitos - whilst I sat virtuously sipping an alcohol-free beer or a mineral water with a fixed, waxen smile on my face. Booze is about the only thing that makes family holidays bearable and I was robbed even of that. And after several drinks people are super keen to let you know what they think of your plans for birth, parenting, where you plan to live etc. Being sat down for an earnest torrent of unsolicited advice by a very drunk person whilst you are stone-cold sober should surely be listed by the ECHR as an exquisitely awful form of torture.

Hugs/sympathy to all! And here's to having a really fucking good moan

I am glad this thread exists!

I am sick of not drinking. I am sad that I have had to take my wedding and engagement rings off because my fingers are so fat. My feet hurt EVERY DAY because they are swollen and puffy. I want to go for long runs and go horse-riding again. I want to eat rare steak and brie. I want to not be huge and fat and sweaty in bed. I want to not fart as much.

MOAN MOAN MOAN MOAN MOAN!

I want a drink.
I haven't had a proper drink for 27 weeks.
A weekly weak shandy does not count.
I daren't have a glass of wine as that would make the craving for another glass unbearable.
I cannot stand drunk people, unfortunately it seems that most people I know are drunk most of the time, or at least that's how it seems.
12 days on holiday with DP and he 'only' drank 10 days out of the 12 out of empathy for me. And I had to endure some World Cup games. I don't normally mind it if I'm happily tipsy with a group of friends in the pub watching the World Cup but it's bloody horrendous in a bar full of drunk foreign men when you're sober and being eaten alive by mossies because all the bloody insect repellent stuff in Croatia contained deadly amounts of evil DEET.
I am incredibly uncomfortable and I'm only 25 weeks, I have the most horrendous burning, aching rib/upper belly pain.
My rib pain means wearing any kind of bra is painful but I'll have even droopier boobs by the end of it.
The consultant prescribed strong painkillers but then I read about a potential link between that and ADHD (would be more challenging long term than the pain) so I'm trying not to take them. I resent their existence in my handbag, making me choose between pain relief or potential harm to my baby, which makes me feel guilty and the link isn't even proven, so it's ridiculous guilt.
I cannot sleep in the heat, I cannot get comfy on my side.
DP is next to me snoring happily away, probably with beer breath.
I have a cold and I can't breath through my nose and I can't take anything at all except smearing Vick under my nose, which looks absurd, like I have got lip gloss all around my chops.
Nothing fits me properly, under or over the bump jeans drive me crazy.
My ankles keep swelling up but in order to afford to have the baby and (keep the house) I have to work every hour god sends so I am not entirely financial dependent on DP, which terrifies me as he is crap with money.
I have a lovely tan, except for my face which has developed the 'mask of pregnancy', looks more like the mask of Zorro has slipped down my face as it's over my cheekbones.
I want a good shag, not a gentle, awkward one which I can't help thinking almost a pity shag on his behalf.
I want a fag. I don't really smoke, gave up a long time ago, but I want the option.

I forgot to mention;
The uncontrollable weeping
The melodramatic rages
The panic, anxiety and worry
The tiredness
The unsolicited advice/opinions
The comments on my size/body
The dullness of not going 'out out'
The sheer length of time it takes
I hope am sure she'll be worth every second of it.

Amazing thread... I could be here for some time:
the needing the bathroom ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
the sheer boredom of only talking about / thinking about / being spoken to about / asked about the baby
the lack of ability to do almost anything for myself. Having the boyfriend take 3 weeks to clean some walls when I could have done it in 15 minutes if I didn't have a ridiculous placenta is frustrating
not being able to eat and drink what I want. One glass of wine doesn't help me at all. It makes me want more. Now.
the number of people who comment on how big/small/round/undersized/oversized my bump is. Fuck off.
having to go to the ridiculously incompetent government hospital (not in UK) just to get my 40 days maternity leave. They told me my baby was the size of a grain of rice at 25 weeks. Really.
being grumpy about EVERYTHING
not being able to lie on my stomach or back, or in fact in any comfortable position
not being able to sit because there's a foot up my ribs

And...I'll stop there, for today...

Oh God, where to start!

The constant litany of 'Oh no, you shouldn't do that!' from all and sundry, followed by complete inaction on their part. YOURE CLEARLY NOT GOING TO DO IT, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY.

The endless cycle of days without pooing followed by a day of dihorrea that leaves me shaking like a virgin in a whorehouse and my intestines aching, only to start it all over again the next day.

Not being able to eat squishy goats cheese cold. And fuck you MIL for deliberately ordering it every time we go out anywhere.

DP moaning that I am overdoing it, then promptly sitting his ass down on the sofa and doing no housework at all other than adding to the laundry pile.

Hungover friends who expect my sympathy when they're vomming after a bender the night before. I mean... You really want to go there with me at the moment?

Oh yes! Like minded people! Second pregnancy and thank god the last!

I hate being pregnant.

DH telling me not to do too much, but leaving me to clean the whole fucking house as we do need it to be semi clean when we have visitors!

People asking me if I "should be eating that?" Yes I am having a medium rare steak, prawns, mozzarella, caffeine - fuck off the first one looks OK the second one gets the same treatment. (I don't think there is anything wrong with prawns or mozzarella but have a friend who avoided EVERYTHING in her pregnancy and she questions me)

I thought I could re-use the stretch marks I got first time round, but no all of them including the excellent two inch wide one going up my stomach from my belly button are growing.

People commenting on how I look, and don't get me started on the inane "you're getting big!" Yes there is a growing human in there we'd be worried if it got smaller.....

I want alcohol, more than one tiny glass of wine, what I hate the most though is DH then not drinking as he thinks it's helpful, it's not because I want him to drink now so every event we go too in the next 6 months after it is here he can drive and I can drink!!

I hate it. I hate carpal tunnel, I hate heartburn, I hate constipation, I hate breathlessness, I hate getting giant, I hate waddling, I hate people saying 'not long now' when I have two fucking months to go. I hate being in pain trying to pick up my toddler, I hate feeling like my bump is one giant bruise. I want to have a drink or two, not just a tiny one now and then. I want to have sex without worrying about squashing my husband. I just want the baby now.

I also hate pregnancy, I'm 15 weeks with DC2, the nausea has gone but now getting a bump. Too small for maternity clothes but too big for my normal clothes. I couldn't sleep last night because of a stupid stuffy nose and endless weird dreams. My boobs hurt and I keep getting ligament pains if I move too suddenly. I know it's only going to get worse as I go on.
I repress all this and my generally grumpy mood at work in an effort to look professional when really I feel turning up at all is an acheivement.
Give me labour and a lovely newborn any day over pregnancy. It's not true it doesn't get worse after birth, it is do much better as you are no longer pregnant

This thread has really cheered me up!
Twiglet and Vix, my DP also keeps telling me to slow down and stop doing so much but shows absolutely no signs of attempting to stand up off his lazy arse and actually DO anything to save me doing 98.75% of EVERYTHING while also working 20 hours a week more than him.

That REALLY fucks me off too.

Hooray for this thread!! Hooray for the liberation!

The pure burning acid heartburn, nothing can describe it and it's really not amusing to comment on the litres of gaviscon I'm drinking, yes it does taste like shit thanks for pointing it out

How I miss digesting my food without my internal organs being pummelled leading to the above mentioned cocking heartburn!

How the idea of my MIL ( for some unknown reason as we've always got on well) makes my rage levels rise to epic proportions! She hasn't really done anything wrong and we don't see her very often, once a month or so, but it feels like my blood is boiling every time I think about having to be around her, in my most sinister inner plotting moments I wonder if we could possibly bring this baby up with her having no contact (I realise I sound like a loon) it's so odd!

Getting the evil eye from my manager as I walk in dead on arrival time (ok sometimes a few minutes late) and all I want to do is scream at her that she should be thankful I'm even there and dressed and upright at all!!!!!

feeling a little more than useless when Husb is working his ass off to get stuff sorted at home as well as waking the dog and working full time (I appreciate I'm extremely lucky in this sense that he's a bloody god send) but the guilt is incredible!

Having to listen and pretend to give 2 shits about everyone's fucking advice!

The sweating, the crying, the pooing, the tiredness, then the not sleeping, losing my train of thought ALL the time, being needy,

Not Drinking!!!!!!!!!

Camembert- my love it's been 7 Loooonnnggggg ass months! We'll soon be reunited!!

Oh I'm feeling better already

So it's 5.14am, I've been awake for at least 2 hours... so let's add FUCKING INSOMNIA to the list. I didn't go to bed until midnight, I checked I was properly tired, and then I managed maybe 3 hours of really shit sleep, probably massively annoying the boyfriend in the process. To make me feel WORSE, I see that the woman who lives opposite, who has a 6 week old baby boy, is also awake and pacing her living room. We should get together, maybe our collective brilliant thoughts and ideas in the middle of the night would cure cancer/bring about world peace etc. FFS.

Booking in appointment yesterday. After 2 to term pregnancies and 5 miscarriages you'd think I'd be considered to know a thing or two about what to do in pregnancy. But no. I am not a thinking independent caring woman who wants the best for my baby. I am a simpleton who needs to be told that eating soft cheese will kill my baby. OH REALLY? WHERE'S THE RESEARCH AND THE META ANALYSIS TO EXPLAIN WHY PERFECTLY NORMAL FOOD THAT IS MASS PRODUCED IS DANGEROUS.

Came home and ate half a camembert.

Tanny I find it most offensive when they say things like that knowing about a history of loss. Blatantly we'll be the ones who know the insides out of risks in early pregnancy if anyone does- or are they trying to mess with our heads or victim blame?

Goats thankfully I got to sleep last night and my massive bulk bruised my massive left hip due to the weight. Ugh. If I could sleep standing up like a horse that would be super right now.