an open invitation for some indulgent whining about the rubbishness of pregnancy

[microferret]

Warning & disclaimer: This is a thread reserved exclusively for whingeing. I want my baby very much and am very aware that many people have difficulties with becoming pregnant, however this does not mean that I am obliged to enjoy all the shit that comes with carrying a child for 9 months. Therefore I am having a moan and inviting some like-minded individuals to join in with their tales of woe. Fellow misery-guts only, please!

I HATE BEING PREGNANT. HATE HATE HATE IT. First of all, I find the whole concept of it profoundly disturbing. I know we're supposed to relish the idea of new life in our bellies and all that guff, but I have never had new life in my belly before and it's a lot to get used to in just a few months. I find the idea of something in me, eating my food, using my blood and making me swell up like a cobra that's swallowed a balloon very upsetting. I don't find it beautiful, or moving. I don't enjoy the kicks (though I will grudgingly concede they do reassure me that all is well), I find them freaky, especially when the skin moves visibly. I hate the lack of control. I hate the weird new things that happen every day. I hate the constant worrying that something will go wrong. I hate that I have to go through all this and DH gets off scot-free. The UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL!!! I hate watching him have beer and wine whenever he bloody feels like it. I hate that he acts as though it's some massive sacrifice when he doesn't have a drink one day.

I hate the pelvic pain; I hate the odd sleeping positions I have to adopt, (which have lately been resulting in a nightly dead arm); I hate getting fat; I hate the default chirpy positivity of everyone who asks how I'm "enjoying" being up the duff and the uncomfortable look on their face when I say I'm not (actually... that's a lie. I secretly enjoy the uncomfortable look )

I am not blooming. I am not glowing. My hair does not look amazing. I have a spotty back and a new pocket of cellulite every week. I waddle like a duck. My tits already seem more pendulous and my nipples have turned into giant, raspberry-like structures that are erect at all times. I have shoved enough suppositories up my vagina for several lifetimes, yet the thrush always seems to return. My gums bleed profusely despite diligent brushing, flossing and mouthwash use. I have had recurrent UTIs and an astonishingly tenacious kidney infection.

Added to this, nearly all my friends have sailed through pregnancy, without so much as a single symptom, apart from excessive joy and wonderment at the miracle of life. The one friend who admitted to hating it said she felt like a failure, and as if she should have another baby "just to get pregnancy right this time". The pressure on women to enjoy every single aspect of motherhood is just ridiculous. I am tired of feeling guilty or inadequate for not liking being pregnant. I DON'T like it, and I don't have to like it.

And neither do you.

Come whine with me!

Oh God yes the labia ache, WTF is that all about?? I forgot to add to my earlier post the delight of pissing myself a little every time I sneeze or puke, oh the glamour. Really must try harder with the pelvic floor exercises. SQUEEEEZE.

Just came back from a scan. Everyone super happy that my baby is thriving because I am at risk of a small baby. But boy oh boy is she thriving... she's like a baby amazonian in there.

Frantically does pelvic floors and re-reads "Birth Skills" especially 'how to crown safely..."

I've got another one to add to the list.

I've started to really smell - BO sort of smell. My usual deodorant is not coping with it. This seems massively unfair, at least let sweating be a 'glow' experience rather than a stinking one.

Sick of having a horrible soggy fanjo every day. Sorry, ugh I know but there you go.
I might fly into a rage at any moment too. Just ask my 5 year old who let the sick dog out of her cage and was made to clean up her puke himself. Then made to clean up his own puke caused by cleaning up hers. Or ask my 18 month old who doesn't understand why mummy isn't a sodding trampoline.
Yes to the increased BO. Although it balances the smell of the soggy fanjo. Nice.
Evil, sleep-stealing fucking reflux.
No comfortable clothes.
Fat, chafed thighs stinging in the heat.
Next person to ask me if I am enjoying my pregnancy is going to get a punch right in the face. Or I'll sit on them. Or just cry on them.

After being reduced to tears for the second time in so many days by people commenting on how huge I am and "ooh it's going to be a big one" I can no longer be promised I will hold back the urge to tell the next one who says it to get f*cked.

I am 17 weeks pregnant, yes my uterus is growing because there is a growing baby in there. This will make me bigger (and this will happen for the next 23 weeks). Why oh why do people feel the need to comment on it daily and the fact "ooh you look pregnant today". Next fattie to say anything to me will get a serious lot of diet and exercise tips.

Insomnia. Hungry because I threw up my dinner at bedtime. Farting enough to lift the duvet. Will be fucking knackered all day.

I was promised amazing farts - NOTHING. I have nothing in the fart department. I'm gutted - boyfriend is a massive wind bag, I wanted to rival him. He's never heard me fart (I'm a burper not a farter really)... we're both a bit disappointed.

The fact that health care professionals treat you like an idiot who had nothing else going on in your life. I have a high BMI and apparently that makes me dumb as fuck.

Firstly stop referring to my 'Slightly increased BMI'. Just say because your fat!!!!! I am not and idiot, I don't look in the mirror and think that I am kate moss. I know I am fat. Don't get annoyed at me when I am not ticking your warning boxes. Yes I am fat and 8 months pregnant. I have put on 5kg, I don't have high blood pressure, I am still able to move quite happily. I am going to baby yoga and aqua natal. I am sorry I don't fit your expectations - try congratulating me rather than finding something else to ask me about in the hope that you can find a reason to tell me I am already failing at being a mum!!!

Oh and dear registrar this makes you look like a muppet detached from the outside world. 'Make sure you have plenty of complex carbs, protein and fruit &veg as baby needs these to grow. But make sure you don't over eat as at your size you shouldn't put on to much weight. And also, you should make sure you increase your activity now you are on mat leave, but make sure you rest up enough as the end of pregnancy and labour are tiring'

Urgh make a decision - do you want me running around the block and then coming back and sleeping on the sofa!!! No awareness that there may be housework to be done or in fact anything that I may actually want to do for myself before baby arrives!!!

Misty EVERYONE thinks they know what we need to eat and do though.
Mainly languish on a sofa but somehow be a perfectly exercised birth warrier at the same time. With a perfect clean house.

I find it annoys people particularly if I say my medication makes me feel strong and well and able to prepare for an active birth.... Nooo she's taking stuff from medicalised pregnancy and natural pregnancy and using them to suit her not some agenda or ideal... nooo you can't be pragmatic when you're pregnant, you're meant to ripe for indoctrination!.

Don't get me started on co-sleeping. I can't for medical reasons (condition that makes me both sleepy and likely to thrash around).
*Honestly there are some people who have advocated putting my child 'at risk' because 'most people can co-sleep safely and you might send out the wrong message.' (1) I'm not most people (2) the world isn't coming round to inspect my crib (in either sense of the word).
They also look blankly when I talk about BFing - for all their BFing is for everyone, many people deep down think it's for superior middle class NCT Starbucks co-sleeping Bugaboo women.

Another 2 delightful symptoms:

Piles. Yesterday morning what looks like a tiny bunch of purple grapes popped out of my bottom and is now making it rather painful for me to ride my bike. Yum.

Leg cramps. Woken up in the middle of the night by excruciating spasms in my right calf that didn't subside for a good minute or two and then made a reappearance first thing in the morning. What a lovely way to start the day. Apparently I can expect more of these in the coming weeks - yay!

Also normal things being put down to pregnancy:
-I fancy a BLT bagel. I like them. I always have. "Eating for two"
-A radiatior valve in my house fails and floods a room. It stinks. I clean the carpet and get the central heating serviced. "Nesting"
-Get annoyed with a racist person doing a mansplainy bollocks thing about Palestine. "Preggo range... it's because you're pregnant you're disproportionately upset about kids dying."

Normal people laugh at dying children squizita

Yup.
My bump is a gift to nobbish men and women: they can write of ANYTHING I say as pregnancy hormones.

Restless legs :( I'm so bloody sleep deprived, it's infuriating. Early this morning DH wanted a cuddle and I damn near took him out with my furious thrashing around of limbs - I CANNOT be restricted in any way right now!

Having to bite my tongue every time I make an increasingly frequent admin fuck-up, e.g. at work and not say: 'Sorry, it's the baby brain'. I think baby brain probably does exist but it's a lot more complicated than just becoming fat and stupid and so I refuse to feed into the pregnancy clichés!

I'm 27 weeks with DC2 and genuinely worried that at some stage after this one is born, I'll get broody again. I have about a dozen years of fertility left at a stretch and having another may feel really tempting at some point. BECAUSE YOU FORGET!

I do honestly think that pregnancy is a privilege and a fascinating life experience but it goes on for a baffling length of time. It should end at 5 or 6 months. But then there's the whole 'fourth trimester' thing, which was definitely true for my DD. So wtf is up with human pregnancy?!

I am a nutritional therapist and the fucking midwives see fit to advise me about what to eat. Fuck off dear, I think I know what I'm doing.

Also really agree with you Squizita about the stupid, irritating, mindless "putting-everything-down-to-being-pregnant" thing. So. Bloody. Annoying.

god yes. i'm 35+3 and this baby cannot come quick enough. things that annoy me:

• left work on tuesday with no present so feel like no one there (80 people) like me / i'm a selfish bitch to expect a present (i did though!!! haven spoken to other people about it most of them would have expected something too). oh and i had a call from them yesterday.
• OH is doing my head in. thinks he knows everything what i should / should not be doing. he defended work people for not buying me a present (me, princess? haha!) even though he has never met them. i'm moving loads of stuff from my flat into our home (400 miles away so can rent out my flat properly) and he has basically said 100 times that i've too much shit and i need to sort it all out before baby arrives because we won't want to do it when baby is here. i said, the first time, that i agreed. he doesn't have to keep telling me. i don;t do well when people tell me what to do. in fact i'm reluctant to do anything.
• i'm moving from a city and friends that i love, losing all independence and money. to a place that is lovely but i have a feeling i'm going to feel trapped and very bored.
• i've got stretch marks galore and they actually hurt/sting loads and i really hate them. can cry instantly thinking about them.
• i've got a horrid cough/cold from BIL last weekend and it is horrible. and not helping wiht my non-sleeping.
• i'm so moody.
• i've put on loads of weight (3 stone + a few lbs) which OH thinks he will get me to lose really quickly then credit himself for that.
• i'm seeing some friends for dinner tomorrow night for the last time for ages and i know that at least three of them (out of 6) will make stupid remarks about my size etc, inc one of them who has had 3 kids and stayed in her pre-preg jeans till month 8 and then was in them within a week or so.
• i've had to buy the most shittest car in the world because it was 'cheap and reliable' and we got a good deal on it from a family friend and OH thinks its funny cos he gets to keep his cool car and i get to drive round in a heap of sh*t but i know everyday i go in it i'm going to hate it.

i've got loads to do today but really cannot be arsed...

• baby wise we have not bought a thing. everything is hand me downs (except the mattress) (or my parenst have bought the pram and his have bought the listening thing and play mat) and i've no idea what we have/don;t have etc. it would just be nice if this baby had something of its own.

didn;t mean to go on... i'm just thinking today is a bad day! i might have to write a counter list of all good things...

Aaw frannie... sounds crap. I too have recently moved away from family and friends. It was a great idea (I wanted to do it), before I was pregnant.. I'd make friends easily by joining hockey clubs, going to art classes, boozing. But no, obviously I've not been able to do any of that. It's only since NCT that I've met people who are just 'my' friends - and the only thing we really have in common is bumps, which is a bit boring and not a very natural basis for friendship. Feels weird. It'll be OK, but it feels weird.

There is also concern in my house about my weight. Not from me, but from the boyfriend, who seems to think it's OK to tell me about how to not put on weight, how to exercise more etc, while sitting on his arse drinking beer in front of the telly. I've put on hardly anything, he can kiss my (not getting much bigger) arse.

Same too with 'you've got too much shit' - yes, but some of that 'shit' is the sofa you're sitting on, the washing machine you use, the bed you sleep in etc etc and so it goes on. I'm taking the moral high ground, which hopefully will REALLY come into effect after he sees me give birth.

I got an email update from a baby club telling me that at my stage in pregnancy now I should be feeling much more energetic and my nausea will have passed, my hair should be shining too!

I actually can't take my head out of the toilet for very long, have ketones, am on every medication known to man and haven't actually washed my hair for about a week. Oh well.

hahaha why didn't I discover this thread before posting my new one???
You are all soul mates, sisters in the same war...

Can I just say that I am pregnant with my second baby, after trying for over a year and a half to achieve this so part of me feels like a double faced, low life d-bag for indulging in a whinge fest over what I have been desperately trying to achieve.

But
I ABSOLUTELY DETEST BEING PREGNANT AND EVERYTHING THAT COMES WITH IT. I hated first time around and I hate it again now: massive achy boobs, huge belly, huge muffin top, huge nose/face, crappy mood, feeling like a hippo, not being able to sit comfortably in one place for longer than 2', not being able to bend to put on shoes, not being able to get up from the floor if I am sitting down playing with my 2.5 year old, not being able to eat what I want when I want because I will feel nauseous/guilty/cause it's not allowed, not being to get in any clothes unless they are stretchy or elasticated, not being able to keep my eyes open past 9pm.

UGH

Incidentally, I am only 15 weeks in and look/feel like I am at least 25.
I am dreading at how much worse it will get.....

I am only about 7 weeks, but I am being reminded already of how much I hate being pregnant. And I love that at least some people are willing to be honest about it. I used to rant the first time about "the conspiracy of silence" around how shit pregnancy was. And people just looked at me like I was crazy.

I only took a bloody pregnancy test because after weeks of a sore, upset tummy I thought, "hang on, isn't that what I felt when I was pregnant with DS?". Apparently, yes, that's exactly what I felt. Piles are back with a vengeance already and I can see huge amounts of my hard earned money going to Anusol already. I am not allowing myself to even touch a drink because I have spent the last 7 weeks happily drinking and even having the odd smoke because we've been on holiday and had friends and family visiting so I feel I need to go cold turkey for a while. I feel constantly hungover though so that just seems unfair.

And this is before the back pain and itching starts, which according to all the professionals is definitely something I can look forward to having again. Yay. I can hardly wait.

The ONLY plus side, is that this baby was conceived naturally without any fertility treatment so at least I'm not dealing with this after months of being poked, prodded and generally over analysed!

Thanks ohthegoats. whilst its not nice to know you are having a similar time it is good to know that i'm not alone!!!
i've booked in to have a reflexology session to hopefully help my incredibly swollen feet and ankles shortly so have to get sorted to go outt o that but i'd prefer to go back to bed and read/sleep!
i feel like i could write an essay on this thread today!

Just wanted to say thanks for this thread, I have been snorting in a very unladylike fashion.

I would like to whinge about the lack of fags and booze - although I needed to give up my cheeky few fags on a night out anyway I suppose. I'm having to go to the pub for an hour or so tonight and sit with my appletiser whilst OH enjoys a beer or three. Then home for a cup of decaff tea whilst my husband cracks open a bottle of wine.

I'm going out for dinner to a French bistro tomorrow night (with people who dont yet know i'm pg - i'm only 11+3) and having looked at the menu online, around 75% is off limits. The majority of the menu seems to be made up of shellfish, pate, fois gras, goats cheese, rare beef and venison, poached eggs and quails eggs, meringue, creme brulee, homemade ice cream, and sodding chocolate fondant...so all the good shit basically.

Oh, and all I keep thinking about is a big fat juicy rib eye steak the size of my head.

On a separate note, can anyone tell me if it's ok to eat cooked smoked meat and fish please? I.e. pancetta, smoked bacon, smoked haddock etc?

Emma I would eat any/all of that list! The paternalistic patronising wank that we get served up is frankly laughable.

Everyone can decide what they are comfortable eating, so you can too. Listeria is incredibly rare, and frankly I'm happy to take the chance!

Emma Where have you been getting your food advice from? The NHS say freeze raw cured meats first for hygiene, then defrost and eat eat (e.g. serranno type ham).

Smoked cooked items such as smokey bacon, friend pancetta smoked mackeral/haddock etc' are completely OK to eat, why ever would they not be?

You CAN eat cooked shellfish.

You CAN eat cooked meringue.

You can eat cooked goats cheese and soft cheese.

Creme Brulee is cooked and thus fine to eat.

You have to ask for your steak well done but can still eat it.

Many people buy 'lion mark' eggs which have been immunised against salmonella, meaning you can eat them soft.

This is the official guidance for the UK (guidance varies country to country due to food safety laws, climate etc' so use the rules for the country you are in in this case the UK). There are Q&As at the bottom too:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/foods-to-avoid-pregnant.aspx
Do not google or go by what 'seems' right. Society is full of bullshit with regards to this.

Trust me there is not much I don't know about REAL risk in pregnancy due to personal history and anxiety... no one has time for needless scare stories, I find them cruel and infuriating worrying women for no good reason. If the NHS says yes, go ahead and eat it.

PS. Also click on the food e.g. you are OK with some caffeine, if you click on it it tells you how much- don't mistake the contents page of commonly asked about foods for the list of discouraged foods! Indeed I think with 'smoked fish' you click and it says 'yes it is OK'!! :)