Posifrickentivity thread: pregnant after miscarriage. TODAY WE ARE PREGNANT.

[squizita]

Continuing our journeys through pregnant after past loss.

Hand holding and support for all.

TODAY WE ARE PREGNANT.

[aMuminwaiting]

Oh I keep seeing so many of you guys saying you're 20+ weeks, feels like a lifetime away! I went into town today to get some shopping and it knocked me for six, I was so dizzy and now in bed thinking how am I going to get work done this afternoon! The midwife was supposed to come Saturday for the booking appointment and I was going to ask her to check my blood pressure but she never turned up.
The miscarriage nightmares gave way to the raunchy dreams and now they've been replaced by nightmares about my DH leaving me. I woke up in the middle of the night wanting to cry and just grabbed hold of him. I don;t know if it's that I seem to be sleeping for England or so sick that I look like something my dogs thrown up, but I feel like I'm losing a bit of the connection with him. Also, I'm always put on sex bans when pregnant so we have literally lost an intimate connection. Feeling a bit lonely, he can't understand how rough this is making me feel. And everyone keeps saying "it's a good sign you're so sick" which I know but doesn't alter the fact I've got no energy and feel really crap. Nothing seems to take the edge off. I was wandering around town heaving into a plastic bag today.

[bakingtins]

Bollocks. They have chickenpox cases at DS2's nursery and he hasn't had it yet. 7-21 day incubation period means if he catches it he will be infectious or super-spotty at the same time as baby arrives. I've had CP and shingles so hopefully will pass some immunity to baby but not what you want for your newborn. I could keep him off from now on as I am on mat leave, but he's probably already been exposed because the kids who have it now would have been most infectious before their spots came out.
WWYD?

[Minibagel]

I like that English changed her name. If I can hold onto this pregnancy I might change mine to Big Fat Bagel ??

[TeaRex]

Wow, loads of chat! :)
Hello to cake and english lovely to see you both here :)
calling and hamster hope your scans go okay, cake I've booked myself in for a private scan just past the point I lost my last baby, I have to know one way it the other and I can't stand the thought of waiting more weeks than I 'need' to. Though the £95 price tag is a bit hair raising.

baking fingers crossed you all avoid cp, I've never had it myself so am already fearful of my daughter getting it at nursery and passing onto me so I sympathise with you really hope your son doesn't get it and the new baby avoids it until at least 1+ years

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

amum take it a day at a time, and you'll be there at 20 week soon enough. It's posifrickentivity! (The truth is the time till the 12 week scan really drags. The wait between 12 and 20 week is slow too, but slightly faster. But it will pass). I admire you still having the energy to have sex. I feel so crap in my first trimester that literally, I just wake up, go to work, home and sleep. DH had to do all the house chores and dealt with DD. I just have no energy. Sex was the last thing in my mind despite it not actually banned in our household.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

On the news front, I finally got a phone call back from the birth reflections people at my old hospital. I now have a meeting with them on 30 May to go through my birth notes last time. My labour and birth was traumatic and I never summoned up enough courage to face it. Now that I've passed through the 20 week milestone, I know I needed closure.

[redandchecker]

Thank you for the new thread squiz

I've been thinking of you Klou, hugs

Hello cake and english!
amum My first trimester really dragged. I keep putting stuff in my calender and counting the weeks/days. But it is going faster now, and I'm feeling more relaxed. Can not wait to hit the 3rd trimester!

Pregnancy dreams are very very strange!! I've been told that's a normal 'side-effect' of pregnancy.

Sorry you are feeling so sick and tired, the tiredness was almost unbearable in my 1st trimester it passed after week 13 so hope it passes for you soon too.

Baking I'm really not sure what I would do, if he is off for half term I would probably just take him out now and let him have a week or 2 off if it were me. I know he may already been at risk of catching it from the children who have/had it but if he has missed it so far it will mean he won't catch it from anyone else who may be infectious now and not aware. Hope it passes your family for now!

[TeaRex]

one a friend of mine did the same thing when pregnant with her second, it really really helped her and answered a lot of questions and allowed her to let go she said. I hope you get as much out of it as her, it's a brave thing to do

[Minibagel]

I haven't heard of Birth Reflections before One Little is that a nationwide thing? Has anyone else been to discuss previous birth trauma with their hospital/ midwife?

The dr said I will probably get an early scan once I've booked in with the midwife :) so I've made my appointment for 2nd June. Seems aaaages off but on the plus side my little bean should be a decent size by then for a scan ;)

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

minibagels have you had a bad birth experience before? I was in tears when the midwife asked about my first birth and she suggested it to me. I was also put as consultant reviewed birth for the same reason (just one consultant meeting at 20 week).

It is available at both my old and new hospitals. They are in different trusts but it doesn't mean the service is available nationwide. I know how much of a postcode lottery this is. A midwife is supposed to go through my birth notes with me, in the hope that it will answer my questions of what happened. I would know if it's useful after the meeting next Friday.

[Cakebaker35]

I had a birth afterthoughts/reflections meeting after I had my dd. I was offered it as soon as I'd had her, had a particularly traumatic labour resulting in emergency section. At the time I buried my head in the sand a bit, wanted to just get on with things, but a few months after I was having flash backs and just couldn't move on. The meeting was brilliant, I cannot recommend it enough. The midwife can only go on what's in your notes, so if they weren't good at making them at the time you may not get all the answers you want but the midwife will do their best to read between the lines. And if gives you the chance to ask anything you want, even if you think it sounds silly, ask! If I hadn't had my meeting I probably would not have had the courage to get pregnant again to be honest. It isn't for everyone as there can be lots of detail (my dh for example preferred to sit it out) but for me I just needed to know what had happened, if what I felt actually matched up with what was happening and really to just understand what went on as I was so spaced out at times. Me and dd are here today thanks to the fantastic and timely intervention so although I can never look back on that day with happiness, I am grateful every day for the care I received. Not sure if it is a national service, all trusts vary, it it should be available everywhere in my view.

[Cakebaker35]

Sorry for the essay

[EnglishGirlsReturned]

Thanks for the welcome ladies.

Fedup and Hamster, I'm sure your scan will be absolutely fine. But i'm sure the worry will be with you until you have that little bubba. Stay POSIFRICKINTIVE!

Baking - I thinkn i'd be inclined to keep ds off.... Damage limitation. With a bit of luck he'll have dodged it so far.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

cakebaker that's very helpful thanks. I definitely had my head in the sand. I am hoping for exactly what you said there. To understand what happened and whether what they said matched up to what I remembered. I had a very long labour and didn't sleep from Wednesday early morning till the Friday evening when DD was born. I am sure I was sleep deprived and spaced out like you.

[fedupofrainydays]

I've had Birth Reflections service too. But a few months after birth of my son. It was really helpful to go through the notes page by page to understand what went on. I felt like I had let my son down by what happened and cried a lot after the birth. but actually turns out I didn't and the choices I and the doctors made were the right ones.

If you had a difficult birth that means you are frightened this time / need some closure then I do recommend it. I cried through it but that's what they are there for and felt a lot better for doing it.
And concept of time was so weird... What felt like 5 minutes at the time was like 3 hours and so on.

[Minibagel]

Thank you for sharing cake baker. Yes one little I still get upset when I think about my first birth. It was on paper a textbook delivery but I'm sensitive and the pain really upset me. For months after I'd get flashbacks and it took ages to say it was all worth it which is what everyone says when you try to explain how upset you are about it. Grrr. Some people interpret it as a reflection on how much you must love your baby, which is not the case. For a while I was certain that I couldnt bear the trauma of the pain again and was going to ask to be consultant led in my next pregnancy to request an elective section. I was so scared of the anticipation of going into labour and what it might be like again. I know it would have been hard to convince them on paper but I think if they spoke to me they would see it on my face. But since my mc I have changed my mind. It changed me generally. I will just ask for an early epidural and face it (hopefully) numb from the waist down :)

[fedupofrainydays]

And like cake it's made me think I can do it again. And try for a vbac over elcs. Whereas before you wouldn't catch me doing this again....

baking I would keep him off. He might have escaped it, you never know.

english thanks.

Had a really hard day, feeling emotional and tired pregnant and trying to potty train ds is not a good combo. After a great day on Friday of no accidents, today was just a disaster. Feel very down about it and tempted to go to nappies again but then think I'm just delaying this til next month and then start back at square one :(

[Cakebaker35]

Great to hear so many others found the afterthoughts / reflections services useful, I've become almost evangelical about it and would love to see this sort if service available nationwide, perhaps mnhq could take up the cause?!

I'm a long way off it and could still all go pear shaped but I still think I'd probably go for an elcs next time around. I admire anyone who chooses the vbac route.

fedup I've yet to attempt potty training but well done you, hang in there and I'm sure you're doing brilliantly even if it doesn't feel like it today. Think of the days it's gone well and how fantastic it will be not to have to buy those nappies! X

And wishing those of you with scans lots of posifrickin thoughts!

[CallingAllEngels]

baking what a pain. I bet you've been banking on some down time on ml while he's at nursery.

just back from 8w scan which went really well. Strong heartbeat and measured well for my dates so both feeling relieved.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

minibagel it sounds like it maybe worthwhile for you to have a chat with your hospital about your last birth too? You can raise it in your next midwife appointment and see if they do it in your hospital?

At the very least, they can help with your birth plans. The consultant put it in both my notes and the hospital files for me that I must be internally examined even with PROM because of silent labour. (PROM is premature rupture of membrane, ie water breaking prematurely). It did put my mind at ease that at least I have it written down, they are more likely to listen to me.

[Gwlondon]

fedupofrainydays we are potty training DS and I think it is really hard. DH thinks on days that DS has an accident he doesn't fully empty his bladder then just has more accidents. I have no idea but on our bad days it is a lot of accidents.

[fedupofrainydays]

Thanks cake and gw
It's very hard! You hear these "stories" of kids who were dry within 2 days. I wish that was us!! Bit like the elusive bfp after mc before even having one period - 'oh you are more fertile after mc'...was I heck???

It ended in disaster with ds doing a wee whilst eating his dinner. But I think he was just exhausted as he almost fell asleep cleaning his teeth in the bath and then he actually did when on my lap wrapped up in a towel! He's not done that since he was very small!! (He's 2.5 now) poor chap.

klou'how are you?

And cuppa, any more brown stuff?

I do think the first 12 weeks goes so painfully slowly. Each day feels like a life time. And I did get to the point when I would get to the end of the day and think 'phew' that's one more day down. But I thought constantly about the pregnancy and it was very hard to 'forget' not least when you have symptoms galore or if they fade then you spend your time freaking out. It does go a bit quicker in second tri as was waiting for my anomaly scan and now it's on Friday. I find it hard to see beyond the next milestone / mw appt as still find it hard to believe I could have a take home baby.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

fedup those who are dry within two days are probably girls training quite late. (I read on average girls are ready 6 months before boys). My DD was like this. She insisted she was too big for nappies for months before she clicked. And she was dry within one weekend. Went back to nursery the Monday with her pants. And even from when she wanted rid of nappies, she could hold on for ages. She only went like 4 times a day or thereabouts. The ability to hold on and not weeing frequently are good signs they are ready apparently. Now more than 6 months on, she still had an accident this morning. She was hopping to the toilet but couldn't get there in time.

Basically I think the ones you think are training really fast are training very late in terms of the child readiness for the potty. Hope what I say makes sense. (And don't beat yourself up thinking you have failed doing it right).

[fedupofrainydays]

Thanks one. My ds would probably happily stay in nappies forever if it meant he could carry on playing without having to go to the loo. You could say he's not ready but he can hold it ( did 2.5 hrs yesterday which is long for him!) and he's like this with eating - just can't be bothered with it as it takes time and playing is much more fun! So I have problems getting food in him too!! If he can't do anything quickly he gets frustrated - so shoes, clothes etc so am not surprised he's like this really. Just wish he was better at telling me he needs a wee / getting to the potty before doing another wee on our living room rug (thank god that's going in a month or so)

Feeling tired today, and getting worked up again about anomaly scan on Friday. Worrying what I could have done over last few weeks that could cause a problem. Ridiculous I know. Movements are still sporadic and sometimes I'm not sure if just wind. But some kicks I feel on the outside - surely if that was wind I wouldn't, right?

[fedupofrainydays]

Ps glad scan went well engels hope you can feel the relief for a bit, even if it's only temporary.