Today we are pregnant! Thread for those pregnant after miscarriage

[JBrd]

Come and join us for lots of support, handholding and posifrickentivity! (Not sure I spelt that right...)

[joosiewoosie]

May I join you? I confess I have not read the whole thread - 951 messages would take a while and I've and awful memory!

I'm 41, trying to conceive and successfully carry my 2nd little one. I had a mc at 12weeks in September '13, but was asked not to try again for 3 months so the consultant could keep an eye on my big fibroid - they are not sure whether it had a role in the mc last time.

Anyhow, after 4 months of trying, and using cbfm to help us time dtd this month (as my cycles are much longer than before the mc), I am pregnant. Got my BFP 2 days ago. Trying to fend off the excitement and pessimism in equal measure at the moment!
I thought, perhaps some lovelies with similar experiences might be able to help? X

[squizita]

Every time I hear a "I'm pregnant" I feel a shot of anger, not at the person but at myself for not being able to do this pregnancy thing as easily as others seem to. The parting shot of my oldest friend before having her baby of "well it's what we're made for isn't it?" summed it up for me. I feel a failure for not being able to do what is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world.

I still feel this!
And get the rage at women who confuse the over-use of medicine in pregnancy for anything involving more than a midwife and nature is too much with that 'it's natural, we've done it for 1000s of years'.

Based on my family tree, for 1000s of years there have been childless women who died mysteriously of strokes before their time... hmmm, Hughs syndrome perhaps... I'm quite grateful to be popping pills and injecting myself ta very much! One of the funniest moments was when Mr Rai had to tell me my life might be 'limited' - to 80-85! But that it was more likely I'd just have to take warfarin as I aged.

[Minibagel]

Morning ladies! I mc in april with dc2 at 8 weeks (measuring 5wk) and started trying again straight away. Got my bfp last week without having had a period in between. I tested again with clearblue digi yesterday and got 2-3 which ties in with my dates. I think Im 5+2 today. Feeling optimisitic and got a dr appointment on monday to try and get an early scan based on uncertainty over dates after mc and no period. What do you think my chances of a scan are? Worth a try, right?! Would love to see a heartbeat if we can get a scan at 6 weeks plus. Thought I would share this as a positive story after mc :)

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

squizita add the anti-vaccination brigade to that list too. There's a lot of the arguments about thousands of years without them and we survive too. They seem to have completely forgotten about small pox. Or polio, that's not that long isn't it? There are people in our grandparents generation that has suffered from that.

Welcome joosie and minibagel

[TeaRex]

Welcome and congratulations joosie and mini

Thanks everyone, really appreciate you being so nice, I know it makes no sense but I feel like I wished so hard for it to not happen like last time that I deflected the bad luck elsewhere (I understand this makes me sound like a complete loon) esp as she lost her baby before I even knew she was pregnant. I guess I just know how much she hurts right now and I wouldn't wish it in my worst enemy let alone someone I care about. I've told her I'm here for her and what's happened to me so I hope if she needs to talk she knows I really do understand.

Enough of the doom, today I am pregnant, I have family and friends that I love and love me. I'm very lucky and I've got to appreciate what I have and stop being so fricking negative

[squizita]

One yeah I work with kids who have scars on their faces or damaged lungs from TB, because of lack of access to care in their war torn homelands. I wonder how their mums felt watching them burning up or coughing blood? Maybe they could speak to the (sheltered by the rich UK and the legacy of immunisation) anti-vaccination brigade.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

It's hard to make those in the UK understand especially because of the herd effect. They are protected say from polio here by the majority that took up the newborn jabs.

[HopefulHamster]

I know what you mean Tea, but sadly for your friend it is just a shit unfair piece of life thrown her way and nothing to do with you.

When I found out my SIL was pregnant not too long after I'd had a miscarriage, I cried. And I couldn't believe she was so blase about telling people. Then she found she'd had a mmc at her 12 week scan.

I'd been upset I wasn't pregnant, but it didn't mean I wanted her to lose hers. It's a very weird feeling.

The only 'good' that came out of it was that her family had been a bit dismissive of my miscarriage, of the pain I'd been through, but once she had experienced it they were all a lot more understanding.

[bakingtins]

Welcome minibagel and joosie I think we'll let you off RTFT when it's on page 39. I expect we'll start off the next one with the stats so you get an idea where everyone is up to.

tea I'm sorry about your friend. None of us would wish it on our worst enemy. At least she will have someone IRL who understands.

[amicablemoomin]

Welcome minibagel and joosie. Hope you find it a useful place here, it has kept me sane so far!

Just spoke to the midwife at the EPU and they will do a reassurance scan for me on Tuesday. Super pleased - my symptoms (always light anyway) seem to be almost non existent today so despite the best logic am feeling building anxiety. Good to have the scan to work towards.

[CorporeSarnie]

I find the anti-vax crew terrifying tbh. And frustrating. I attended NCT classes run by a woman who took a similar attitude of non-intervention being 'best': when a presentation scan at 35ish weeks revealed that DD was breech, she proceeded to show the whole group a DVD of a woman having a breech water birth on G&A. DH hadn't been able to attend that week, so I sat there in floods while my friend held my hand, I'm still angry to this day. Anyway, without making myself cry again, I bumped into her and her independent MW friend, together they made disparaging remarks about giving babies vaccinations. I told them they were stupid and irresponsible to advocate not vaccinating children, probably not my finest hour, but she was a fucking idiot. Her judgement over my entirely knowledge-based, clinically sensible choice to have a CS was the final nail in my NCT-shaped coffin (although I am still in contact with most of the antenatal group).
Agree we're shielded from the worst of it by the general good health, herd immunity and ready access to medicine of the UK, thank heavens for the NHS...
Welcome to newbies, please try not to feel bad tea; it is really a 'there but for the grace of God' thing you're thinking, I'm sure. Thrilled for all the great scan news this week. Anyway, enough ranting, I'm starving!

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

corpore she does sound a bit loopy. I don't think it's even normal to attempt a vaginal birth with a breech baby is it? My mum had a CS for my brother because he's breeched and that's over 30 years ago!

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

Btw, I don't want to imagine what's in the video that so upsetting you. I'm an emotional wreck just watching OBEM.

[squizita]

Corpore I have NEVER had a moment of such relief (apart from a HB on a 12 weeks scan) as when I joined my NCT and the leader sent me her inspiring birth story. Baby was back-to-back so it bloody hurt, she reconsidered and had pain relief, reporting she felt a lot better for it and 'don't be a hero'.
I'm wondering whether the reasonable NCT leaders feel the need to market themselves like this because of the nutty ones??

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

That's the thing isn't it. I had a back to back and it didn't hurt that much. Only tens and birth ball throughout. But I don't get all evangelical about natural birth. (Not that it's natural because I had an episiotomy and ventouse delivery). I actually asked for gas and air but that's another story. Now I have done it once I know I can do it again. But I don't think I'm the norm and I would not used myself as an example as why everyone can go without pain relief. In fact I have a consultant meeting at my 20 week to discuss my silent labour. They said its not unheard of but it is rare.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

Oh and yes there are people who need assisted delivery even without any cascade of intervention.

By the way I'm glad I have opted to go to the hospital in the nearby trust this time. I left a message in the old hospitals birth reflections two days ago and they haven't replied yet. My new one replied the next day (but said I need to contact old hospital for my birth notes from last time). They were useless at my labour last time).

[Chattycat78]

Hello everyone,

Please can I join? I just got a bfp after IVF so it's taken some work to get here! I had a blighted ovum 8 months ago- very unpleasant, had to have the ERPC and unfortunately it's all I can think about now because I'm convinced my news is too good to be true and it will happen again. I'm dreading the 7 week scan already:( I'm also having some brown spotting which I know is common, but this us just adding to my negativity!

Can anyone snap me out of it?

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

chattycat I had a blighted ovum at 12 week last April (ie 2013). It took me this long to get another bfp and I'm now 22 weeks. Many other posters here have had mmc. There are others who have bleeding and still have good scan news. It is all doom and gloom. We all know the feeling of this isn't going to last. I felt really negative about this pregnancy until the 20 week scan in fact. It is only in the last couple of weeks I can start believing it is happening.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

I mean it's NOT all doom and gloom here!

[amicablemoomin]

sometimes we have a bit of doom but we also have fish slaps to counteract.....

[TeaRex]

Lol one you'd think it was reading some of my posts welcome chatty what lovely news! Sounds like you've been through a lot and your feelings are all normal, you're in the right place, if you're having a bad day a quick post on here and people will make you feel so much better.
bad days are natural but I'll just repeat advice I've been given on here, keep your chin up, forget the bad days if you can and try and keep yourself busy, you will be fine x

[Chattycat78]

Thanks for the welcome guys- I appreciate it! I guess I just need to take one day at a time and hope for the best. It helps to hear your positive stories though ( thanks one little). X

[fedupofrainydays]

Hi ladies and welcome chatty

So I've been to peppa pig world today and can safely say I'm far more tired than ds!! But it was fun and he loved it too. We also survived the day without any toilet accidents so I think we are getting there with this whole pants and no nappy thing! I hope so anyway.
I did go on a big slide though which was a lot bigger than I realised before going down, and made me totally lose my stomach at the top. Paranoid hurt baby so needed a few fish slaps. Felt baby move tonight so hoping worrying for nothing!

I hate the NCT people who are like that. We had this ridiculous breast feeding councillor to do the bf part of it and she wouldn't answer questions about bottles or formula or even dummies! Such a dick really as some people just physically can't bf and then end up beating themselves up abojt it cos dumb ass women like her. Our regular NCT lady was so nice and was obviously pro natural but not condemning any alternatives / knew it was right when needed. I found the pain of contractions immense but would still do it again!! Ds was back to back too. Wish I had your pain threshold one!!!!

[fedupofrainydays]

chatty I too have a blighted ovum and found out just before 12 weeks. Was horrid. Took 10 months to conceive again, but sadly mc again. But got preg after one period and here I am at 19 weeks. So got everything crossed for you and you know we are here to listen and hopefully help even if through just understanding, and maybe lob a few fish in your direction.

[LondonJen]

Hey ladies

Just catching up. Seems like a lot of you have really been through it this week, I'm so glad to hear good scan results after worries and that everyone is still hanging in there. Good ole sticky beans!

Hello to new people you have come to the right place for support and understanding.

Not much happening here, work's been really busy. I had my first anxiety dream about the baby, which was not nice, but what can you do. Am starting to get a bit nervous about 20 week scan next week but not dwelling on it too much. Baby is kicking at some point every day so I know s/he's okay to some extent!

Hope everyone has some nice plans for the sunny weekend and to those who've had a tough week I really admire your strength.