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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

what's the stupidest preggo related thing anyone has ever said to you?

210 replies

ithoughtofitfirst · 06/04/2014 21:01

When i was pregnant with ds about 3 years ago my brother's boyfriend asked me 'is it true that the cord can get wrapped around the neck and strangle the baby?'

I nearly threw up at the thought of it.

I haven't seen a 'tactless shit people come out with' thread in a while.

Please share!!

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MarthasHarbour · 07/04/2014 15:07

nora a simple 'how are you' is enough if you even want to acknowledge the pregnancy. TBH most of us (certainly in the 3rd trimester) are grateful for another topic of conversation. I am getting soooo fed up of the school run and having the same questions every day. I know some pregnant ladies only want to talk about the pregnancy but trust me we are not all like that please-talk to me about lipstick or the latest gossip or something! Grin

slithy i feel the same, i can see people shifting in their seats when i mention DS2 who was stillborn. Someone recently congratulated me on my second pregnancy - i said 'actually its my fourth' with a confident smile (just because it is - and i have had to go through pregnancy four times - its a matter of fact!) she looked so uncomfortable... Sad

PotteringAlong · 07/04/2014 15:16

My husband's grandmother had a stillbirth in the 1950's. When faced with anything about pregnancy (including when she asks you something) she will always respond with "well, they could still die yet".

A possibility, but it's still not the positive thoughts I'm aiming for!

Cluelessat30 · 07/04/2014 15:19

I walked past a pub where a guy was outside smoking. He looked at my bump and leered "ooh I know what you've been up to!". Plank. I wish I could go back in time and pour his own drink over him.

DownstairsMixUp · 07/04/2014 15:20

With my first telling the ex mill (note ex) Oh don't get your hopes up, 1 in 4 end in miscarriage at this stage. Hmm

Currently pregnant with ds2 have had so many negative comments mainly things like "oh that's such a shame! would you not have liked a girl etc?" so insensitive! No actually I am just happy i have a healthy child, I got pregnant as I wanted to bring a person in the world, not a gender. Hmm

Doctorbrownbear · 07/04/2014 15:25

I got asked if I was expecting again by a checkout lady at asda, after she had cooed over my week old baby and asked how old she was. I seriously nearly cried and was so embarrassed that I could only manage to mutter 'no'. At least she had the decency to be obviously embarrassed too!

SlimJiminy · 07/04/2014 15:30

I was Shock when I found out how many times a friend of mine from work was asked "was it planned then?" by our colleagues. Can't believe people think it's ok to ask that!

AlpacaYourThings · 07/04/2014 15:35

'so you're here for the abortion then?' - 'Erm no, I found out yest that the baby had died and I'm here to have it taken out' - 'well, same thing'.

Angry Angry Angry

That is unbelievable, what a shitty thing to say.

tashalou · 07/04/2014 15:54

i had a eptopic a few years ago and someone turned round to me and said "oh i think a miscarriage is worst" i had to explain that i had lost my baby and a tube! some people are so tactless!

theDudesmummy · 07/04/2014 15:55

On the topic of insensitive comments after mc, I had, from the nurse who was with me after an ultrasound confirming the baby had died at 12 weeks: "Oh well never mind, you are young, you can try again". I was 45 and on my third mc.

Sad to hear all the insensitive comments people have endured.

theDudesmummy · 07/04/2014 15:56

PS did go on to have the Dude after that!

learnasyougo · 07/04/2014 15:59

I told my mum I was expecting dc2 when I was 13w along (having had a low risk result at the 12w scan).

Her words: well don't get your hopes up. You could still lose it, you know.

She had 3 mc herself back in the 70s so i can understand. but she was in her first trimester each time (no later than 9w).

interestingly she is annoyed at the Ruth miscarriage in The Archer's storyline. She thinks Ruth is making too much of a big deal of it. It's just a part of life etc etc get over it. and why should she (DM) feel guilty for not getting upset at her own mc.

She also told me pnd was just a big indulgence. I was pg with dc1 then. told me all I needed to know about emotional support available to me if I were to develop it.

my father's reaction to my pg was the equally negative: oh. Well you won't be able to go off travelling anymore now. (We had just done a big round the world trip as a last pre-kids adventure. A once in a lifetime type journey as it is! )

my boss asked me whether it was planned.

tashalou · 07/04/2014 16:18

i also had to pull up a doctor recently as i work in a&e and had a lady who was having a MC and bleeding heavily and the dr walked in and hadnt read the patients notes or got a handover from us nurses first so bulged into the cubicle saying "congratulations" at the top of her voice whilst the patient and partner were in tears... i was digusted

squizita · 07/04/2014 16:33

Tash I have had some shockers from (mainly young male) docs in a&e with my losses including one explaining patronisingly what periods were (I was pregnant and had already had a scan- being a woman of 30+, funnily enough I also knew what periods are like!!) and another misdiagnosing an ectopic "90% certain" to which the main gynie shouted at him as there was no sign of one, plus the classic "this line (pee test) is pale... I need to speak to someone I don't know what this means" (wow. The cashier in boots knows how to use one of those).

squizita · 07/04/2014 16:40

Also: as some people miss, if you have recurrent miscarriage or stillbirth you are allowed to react EXACTLY as you feel fit be that years of tears or not very emotional.

I find being told to cover up my losses (and this has been said) in case I upset some lucky/foolish girl paying for her bugaboo at 6 weeks incredibly offensive. Not saying I go round reminding people... But if asked I will never lie.
The taboo over miscarriage is nothing but a lie: pretending it isn't common just makes the loneliness and pain for the 15-20% who have it worse.

NoraBarlow · 07/04/2014 16:49

Since joining Mumsnet I go into panic mode when someone I don't know very well announces they're pregnant, there's so much potential for causing offence.
Colleague came in to work last week, took her coat off and announced "I'm pregnant". A bit more info would have helped. "Congratulations" seemed inappropriate as she had a glum expression on her face, asking if she was pleased is a mumsnet no no…. I was saved by someone coming in and asking me if I'd heard the good news Smile.

TheBuggerlugs · 07/04/2014 16:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

moobaloo · 07/04/2014 16:53

I had "was it planned" from nearly everyone. No it wasn't actually but what is it to you?

More upsetting was "wow! Well you'll have to buy a house now! You can't go on living where you are! Why not? There are some available you know!"

It wasn't availability that was stopping us, it was £, and if she'd used her brains she would have worked that out. Where we live is unconventional but warm, safe and has a spare room, plus we need to be here for work and being self employed (dp) and on minimum wage(myself) sure, we can just go buy a house! It's that easy!

Really upset me actually. Nowhere near as bad as the insensitive mc comments but made me feel like I was failing as a parent already and I was only 15 weeks pg

Also "are you getting married then?" I don't believe marriage and babies go hand in hand actually, mind your own effing business.

"Oh that's brilliant! The last baby in our family was stillborn last month" erm. Ok. Mil.

beccajoh · 07/04/2014 16:58

When I was pregnant first time I had crippling SPD and went to the GP at 29 weeks to ask to be signed off work sick as I could hardly get out of bed let alone get to work. Stupid (man) GP refused saying I would become obese if I stopped working. I was a normal weight pre-pregnancy and put on 20lbs the whole 41 weeks so would had to go some at the cake to become obese in three short months. Stupid man.

BerryBerryXmas · 07/04/2014 16:59

Boss: Well done Berry, here's a really good mark for your annual review. Obviously you probably won't score as well next year because you will have been on mat leave for some of the time Angry
He might as well have added: Mind you don't bop your head on the glass ceiling on your way out!

Frizzbonce · 07/04/2014 17:08

Alpaca Sad

I am so sorry. And horrified that somebody could be so grotesquely insensitive to you. Big warm hugs and love to you. Thanks

ToriaPumpkin · 07/04/2014 17:49

A checkout operator in my local Tesco has decided we're friends. She's nice enough but I can't say I even know her name and I'm usually dragging my two year old round with me so while I've been polite and chatty with her we haven't discussed much in any depth.

Upon noticing I was obviously pregnant: Oh, I sold you the test, you promised you'd come back and tell me the result! (I bought the test in asda so it's unlikely)

How long have you got to go? (10 weeks) No, are you sure? (Fairly sure yes)

What is it you're having again? (Apparently "A baby, hopefully" wasn't the answer she was looking for)

To be fair, the last one bugs me whoever asks. By all means ask if we know what we're having, but asking as if I've A, automatically found out and B, told you before is irritating.

My absolute favourite though was in the first trimester of my first pregnancy. I had absolutely no MS and a colleague told me that was a bad sign before going on to list all the people she knew who had suffered losses when they hadn't had MS and healthy pregnancies when they had.

AlpacaYourThings · 07/04/2014 17:54

Thanks Frizzbonce

marshmallowpies · 07/04/2014 18:22

I have a real winner of a comment here...a colleague of DH's has several children, and had already described his wife giving birth to DH in quite graphic detail.

I met him for the first time when I was about 6 months pregnant, and after chatting about this & that we got on to the topic of birth. Again he quickly got into quite graphic details and said 'of course you never know what might happen, some women still die giving birth'.

I was particularly Angry at that comment as it was MY WEDDING DAY!

DH has never failed to bring this up with his friend again on a regular basis when they are both drunk 'oh yeah and you told my wife she might die in childbirth on her wedding day...' and the poor guy cringes....

squizita · 07/04/2014 18:23

A super one was a friend (and mum) who told me my make up wearing days would soon be behind me and id never go out again.

Of course, she always looks immaculate and her DH does night care once a month so she can have a night out.

I'm only Hmm because she said it... Perhaps she thinks I'm circling the drain looks wise anyway haha!

Misscocopops · 07/04/2014 18:37

The new guy who joined my team at work asked me if I was still with the father!!! This was after the usual was it planned!