PG after MC: Posifrickitivity thread for the batsh*t crazy

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Welcome ladies, new and old. May we all have dull and boring pregnancies. Pull up a chair, crack open a bottle of (non-alcoholic) wine and settle in for mutual handholding, fishslapping and neurosis.

Hi ladies, can I be bat shit mental with you?

After having 2 children and 6 miscarriages dh and I decided we were done. That's it no more children. Then for some crazy reason this morning I opened my bedside cabinet saw a pg test and used it I was when it came up positive almost straight away. I have no idea how far along I am, I didn't think my period was due till next Monday.

I'm trying not to read too much into it, stay level headed and not look for signs where there aren't any (like the pg test being positive straight away when usually I don't get a positive till close to 12 weeks.

I'm scared and just don't want to be all excited and pregnant, I want to cry and shout and scream and say this wasn't meant to happen again. I'm literally waiting for the cramping and bleeding to start any second. DH is swinging between being really happy, really worried and stressing about practicalities and I just want to shout at him and say 'why are you bothering, tomorrow or next week, maybe even the week after I'm going to miscarry. This baby will end up in the same place my other 6 have so whats the point'

I'm sorry I don't mean to be so down, I was just looking for some people that might understand how I'm feeling right now. I don't know how to feel. I don't want to feel anything I just want to hide away till this is all over and I can get on with my life again

I just spotted something that pink said and had too add dd2 was 10lb 9oz, delivered naturally without any years or grazes. I was also measuring small for my dates she was all in my back so size really doesnt matter.

cbeebies I totally get it, we won't even discuss it yet and if close family members bring it up we always reply "that's assuming everything's

cbeebies I totally get it, we won't even discuss it yet and if close family members bring it up we always reply "that's assuming everything's Ok" you don't want to get sucked into it all again because the fear and pain is sooo strong - I think it's a self preservation thing - my colleagues were bothered and sympathetic for about 12 seconds, which is why I won't confirm anything although I'm showing already. Gone are the days of planning, getting excited and the assumptions that all will be ok, in it's

cbeebies I totally get it, we won't even discuss it yet and if close family members bring it up we always reply "that's assuming everything's Ok" you don't want to get sucked into it all again because the fear and pain is sooo strong - I think it's a self preservation thing - my colleagues were bothered and sympathetic for about 12 seconds, which is why I won't confirm anything although I'm showing already. Gone are the days of planning, getting excited and the assumptions that all will be ok, in it's place there's fear and uncertainty

Sorry about the half posts... Stoopid phone!

Good luck today for your scan Nobodies

Pixie the gina ford thing is the only bit that has got a little out of hand on the march thread - a couple of first-time mums basically believing the Gina hype that it works for all babies, and not listening to others with more than 1 child. Think we have all done similar with first babies - had ideals that you find are unrealistic once baby arrives! Generally they are lovely and its just light-hearted baby chatter.

Got my 16 week midwife appointment today, I'm so scared in case they can't find the heartbeat

No Jmf if I n/c im always a Saggy or a Catpuss.

Oh, can't remember who asked, but I'm marking the due date of baby I lost by going out for a manicure and posh afternoon tea with my mum (husband having DS) basically to distract me from spending the day moping around. Have also seen a charm for my bracelet that I dropped hints to DH about so think he may get me that - its a charm of the nickname we had given to the bump.

Fod ill hold your hand if you hold mine! Im sure everything will be 100% fine for both of us!
Actually scrap the % I fecking hate %s.
We will both be absolutely, without doubt' fine.
Cbeebies welcome to the home of the insanely paranoid but eternally optimistic. Our mantra is "Today I am pregnant." One day at a time. You'll be surprised how quickly they pass. Chin up honey. x

Aww rock loving the charm idea.

If I was to try and blag an 8 week scan who would I go to? Direct to EPU or via midwife? Although she only works wed morning and I can't have my booking in appointment until 9 weeks as fully booked! GP lovely but having none of it!

pixie although I check into the march thread occasionally I dont feel very comfy there. Ive said it before, they're too optimistic for me by far! But I honestly dont grudge them. I really wish I was unaware of all the shit weve all gone through here. Although I do love a good debate!(bunfight)
Im much happier here with you guys.

God I have verbal diarrhoea today!
It is my original EDD tomorrow. Im taking it as a good omen.

My therapist suggests letting off a balloon or lighting a candle. She says get creative and do something that means something to you.
There's also the saying goodbye services that can be quite a good way of acknowledgeing things.
I've taken my dds out for a meal like I would if it were their birthdays. I've bought dd1 a new teddy that still sits on her bed and I bought a baby gro for the baby that both my girls wore as newborns, now it's in a memory box.
For me personally it's about spending time with my family, remembering I still have dh, I still have dd1 and I still have dd2. It doesn't take away the grief or longing or another, but it helps.
Do what feels important to you.

Thanks for listening to my crazy Ramblings last night fod. Feeling better this morning although I'm feeling so sick. The EPAU have also just phoned and booked me in for the 2nd oct. ignoring pg until then!

Thank you saggy I appreciate that... My Hands are your hands... I've had awful indegestion recently, so much so I nearly vomited last night... Very strange - hope its a good sign

I spent so long writing the last message, tere were more invetween!
Tomkat, I think it depends on area, but in this area I phoned up the EPAU directly. In my previous area I had to phone the dr who referred me and the EPAU contacted me.

Hey everyone, not been on for a while but I do read your comments every now and then. Im having my 12 weeks scan today, and even though I have had good 8 week & 10 week scans I am still very nervous! But I found this on the miscarriage association website which has made me feel a bit better and thought I would pass it on,

Research has shown that if you see a heartbeat at 6 weeks of pregnancy, the chances of the pregnancy continuing are 78%.

A heartbeat at 8 weeks increases the chance of a continuing pregnancy to 98% and at 10 weeks that goes up to 99.4%.

So I have only a 0.6% chance of something going wrong, surely I can't be that unlucky! xx

Marking my place - have skimmed the thread but am at work so have to keep hiding MN! so apologies for the quick-fire post

Quick me me me update - my Bereavement MW has booked me in for a scan tomorrow i will be 7+1. Part of me doesnt want to go through all this 'reassurance' again only to be disappointed later on... grr its shit being in our position (cbeebies as you can see i totally get you - welcome to our thread!)

Will catch up on you all tonight (if i am not asleep by 8pm again!!).

Tom if you ring the community midwives for your area (should be able to google it if not already got) then they should be able to refer you if your EPU won't accept self-referrals. Alternatively make a dr's appointment with a different dr!

great news on your scans kat and blackberry- woo hoo!

irish and donna good luck with your scans today (donna I read the exact same thing when waiting for my 12-week scan - after I had a good one at 10 weeks - and it helped me keep sane even though I was still a bit worried...of course!); and total all the best for the amnio; I'll be thinking of you! I know a few people who've had it and they all said it was fine - make sure you rest for 2-3 days afterwards. saggy when are you having yours? Is it next Thursday? I hope you're OK and the B&W films are keeping you distracted.

Liesl yay for flutters!

fod glad you're feeling better

omri please don't worry; 15 weeks is too early to feel regular movements....it's too early to feel movements at all, you're lucky!! I'm sorry it's your mmc EDD today, hope you're feeling OK! I usually have a good cry but I like cbeebies's suggestion! (welcome cbeebies and congratulations! I understand why you don't want to get excited; take one day at a time and try to keep positive!)

rock all the best for your 16-week appointment today!

martha good luck tomorrow and fod on Friday!!!

A year ago yesterday I had my ERPC and today is our 4-year wedding anniversary (needless to say we didn't celebrate last year, we were both too upset) Not sure what we'll be doing today but it'll be a happier occasion!

donna masses of good luck for today

i am literally peeing myself with excitement that kat and blackberry could have been sitting next to eachother yesterday!!

pentagon big hugs for your sad anniversary but also a and (as i cant give you bubbly ) for your wedding anniversary.

oh dear god i had 5 mins earlier and i read the March thread - WTF! i wouldnt have been able to keep my trap shut TBH, some on there were getting rather prickly and on their high horse about the 'benefits' of GF - and of course those who had already tried it were not worth listening to See i couldnt get myself onto an antenatal thread as i couldnt talk about my insecurities like i can on here, the last time i was PG i was on a thread and tried to talk about my previous MC and my founded anxieties but i was basically ignored because i wasnt toeing the positive line

fod about your boss and shit colleague!!! I like how you have a plan in place though

Oh and i had a 10lber but i didnt feel a thing - i had a EMCS!

Thinking of you today Total.
im scared too. x