Fantastic, fabulous 40+ Mums-to-be! Part 3

[eagleray]

We've run out of space so here's a new thread so we can support each other and talk about the trials, tribulations and utter joy at being pregnant at 40+

All new members welcome

Lottie, catfod makes me have nausea pg or not !
Cycle, your DP is wonderful, cooking and buying pressies ! You are very lucky !
Scarecrow, glad to hear you will get some rests after these long hours you have put into your job
Xxxx

Gosh a lot has happened in 24 hours!

First of all, Somewhere... a date! Wow. Trailing 10 days behind you this is something of a mini shock to me too - but most of all and some (and, as the brain is nearly all there, maybe a little too). I hope I didn't offend with advice about MiL - the more you say the more I sympathise (which I did all along). Maybe now you have a date you can put down some clear boundaries about how much rest, prepping time, and quality DS/DP time you need before birth as a way of saying no to people.

Cycle, how utterly sweet of DH. A lovely kind thought. And you will want to take lots! We set up a simple Wordpress blog for DD's first year - at first it was open, then DH got nervous about strangers looking at it so we gave it a simple password (well, not simple enough for PiLs, but that's another story!) so family and close friends could pretend to look at it as and when. A surprising number did pretend to.

Sparkly, am also so sorry about your DP. I am having a repeat of my first very similar experience - not a severe, but lots of going out drinking and smoking all night with another woman, who I really think was a lad friend, but wasn't great for my bulging shape. He did well this time, but has gone into repeat panic mode, so have some gentle sense of what you are going through. I don't know what to say except that I held on to belief last time and knowledge this time, that the day the LO arrived it would be okay. Maybe when you have strength say to him that you wanted a baby with him because you love him and also he is such an amazing dad to DD, try to take on some of his practical worries about coping/money/loving another child, whatever they might be - sometimes you will have to admit you don't know either, but feel sure you will both muddle through, and you have sympathy with his worries and ask him to hang in there until the baby is born and maybe see how you both go? Sorry that is a bit of a stream of conciousness, but hope you can pick out some bits that strike a chord. I don't underestimate how hard it is and wish I had more of an 'answer': our experiences make me wonder if this is not more common than people realise. I might do some research....Whatever you do, and I don't get the impression you are thinking about it, but do not have a termination for him unless you are 100pc sure you will not resent him: I cannot imagine my marriage would survive such an experience, even if it straggled on short term. Do DM me if you ever want some support, though this thread is the best support ever. And - hope everyone agrees - fantastically unjudgemental for a group of random people...

Lottie, thanks for reassurance re BF/FF. You never struck me as a BF-Nazi Funnily I met a woman today after drop off and she had 7wk old baby - she "confessed" to having giving her a bottle last night as was having such a nightmare with sleep (this is her third too, so not a newbie!) and her daughter slept rest of night. I think she had mixed feelings (re guilt), but was very clear that it was the right thing for both of them. I think important not to over-rate the value of BF, especially if it is not right for mum and/or baby in other ways. I loved it, and was easy (I went up to a cup size that I never knew existed!), but I have friends who did all sorts and frankly there is no difference in the bonding, health or brain development of any of them.

MrsW - expressing without a baby??? I couldn't do that in a million years. I found it hard enough with one, at least to start with. So demoralising too. Would it help to look at pics of the scan, or even of other DCs (if that not too weird)? Deep respect.

Chairman, so glad you got deep-cleaners coming in. Sounds like a very practical and supportive family you have: very glad. I remember moving out of a house in a scungy bit of Plymouth when in my 20s and we deep cleaned it, "as you do", I thought. The owners, a sweet elderly couple, were literally lump in throat tearful when they came around to refund deposit, etc: we were the first people who had ever properly cleaned the house when we moved out. Years later I passed by and the front window was grey and taped up with masking tape and had a St George's flag in it instead of curtains, and I so so hoped they had sold it or (dare I say it) passed away as was such a sad sight (though very much more in keeping with the area).

Knicky and others, thanks for kind words about being signed off. I used to have a week a year when I collapsed like this, usually on holiday. I guess you can't do that with a child so bit cumulative. I now realise how many nights I have had less than 7hrs, regularly less than 6hrs sleep, with intense days re toddler, job (and recently DH freaking out). It is taking time to drive into his man-brain that I am not 'tired' in the way he gets after a night out, but am making progress by repeatedly and gently reasserting my boundaries. (Remind anyone of having a toddler ). It is helping a bit, though now somebody has told me how tired I am my body/mind have given up a bit and just want to lie, sleep and lie again. Only extreme hunger gets me out of bed. And pick up in an hour as have kept DD with the CM.

Hurrah!!! for all the Guardian readers. We love non Guardian readers too though, because we are all so flipping liberal and understanding ;) Agree with the many that the Saturday paper is totally fab - designed to be more weekendy than the daily one, which also helps.

Waves to all x

Hey scarecrow I thought my last post a bit flippant - I get feelin you are very conscientious and generous - and the story about the deep clean only underlines that. Thoroughly glad doc has taken you in hand and you will be forced to relax.

So much to say to all you others but short of time.

sparkly from what you say I feel he is going to love the lo when he/ she arrives. He seems to be having male ante natal depression. Oddly I understand cause I get it - sense of dread and joylessness. What I don't get is that he is scaring you rather than trying to understand and stand back. I'm so sorry but I do feel it will come out on. Great advice from scarecrow and lottie.

Baby slept thru after bottle? Now that's what I'm talkin about.

Anyways will reply in more depth later.

Ps AM takin mil to hairdressers - wisdom of mumsnet. Will download some lse lectures to listen to on long car journey (my eccentric treat)

Xxx

come out OK

Still here and reading all of your posts............ Ohhh I have a lot to learn! LOL!
Not commenting as it's difficult to understand so many of your shared experiences but thoroughly enjoying the commentary (and feel sad for those of you experiencing negative behaviour from family/friends and sometimes DP/DH.... hang on in their ladies, it sounds as if you are all doing a sterling job to me!

Feeling much more positive about our own situation now (positive as in 'not so guilty about trying to conceive at 41 and 53! THANKS entirely to you guys! and ignoring fly away comments that friends/colleagues say without realising that their views have any impact on me whatsoever!) lol!

at hairdresses today .... lovely young trainee asks 'do you have children' I reply the standard 'no we didn't have children' and before I can change the subject........ I am greeted with an awwww you poor thing...... followed by this little teeny boppers gr8 plan to have 2 children, live in a cottage blah blah......... so sweet and yet OUCH!!!! I think this little blonde thing with the shampoo would be shocked rigid to learn that the old girl in for a but n blow dry is ttc! lol! I did giggle to myself..............

Hope that everyone is having a Happy Wednesday :)

ps Sparkly... I will light a candle for you tonight. When your baby arrives, you may find that things are a lot different..... in the meantime, I'll have a word with by grandma in the sky.... she'll watch over you xxx

Slightly miffed today...was involved in a vintage festival here last year, with Ball on the Saturday, which had become one of DH and I's bi-annual outings (because his ex doesn't go), and found out from the organiser yesterday that The Arts Council isn't funding it. Damn. Have spent ages planning my costume, and where the hell else can I get away with being dressed as a pregnant Carmen Miranda??

ChairmanWow That's what I said, DH's ex's new partner must think she has unfinished business... I wouldn't be happy if DH spent all the time obsessing on his ex!!! Trouble is she goes anywhere we might want to go and as she is a hippo a rather large woman, she kind of dominates the place. It's a small town, and I don't drive to go any further...

YAY! For the deep clean...nice to start off with everything sparkling!

and Yay for us cliche'd leftie Guardian-reading types! Though am not a complete yogurt-knitter!

iclaudius Will eat DH soon if he doesn't hurry up with tea!

Somewhere Am just so damn hungry, but the diabetic thing makes it really hard!

OMG! Five weeks to your CS! All becoming very real! Glad to hear DP loving job!

Knicky was lovely dinner when I finally got it!

Must admit I usually read the Saturday Guardain....

LOL for the DH's phone being bagged! Lucky you weren't trying to call him in a hurry!

Cyclecamper I'd have loved 4, but didn't work out that way...

Yay for the bras...there's nothing worse than squished up bazoomas at this point in time.

Camera sounds a lovely and thoughtful gift from the DH, and something you will use so much with the LO!

Another vote for the trendy lefty mums then!

ChairmanWow will second this thread keeping me sane (ish)!

Sparkly The SIL is also the world's best teacher and mother, and apparently my teaching qualification is not as good as hers. I didn't laugh at all when her DS was flung out of school the other week....

I know it's vile now, but I am sure he will come round eventually...My ex made my last pregnancy a misery, so I know how it feels xxxx

LottieH SIL is a bit of a professional embittered divorcee..she still takes her ex to court all the time, thirteeen years after their divorce, so that might be a part of it, I guess.

Urgh to car breaking down. Just got ours through MOT (with fingers and toes crossed...) Not fun to be stuck for transport....

Breastfeeding...did it with DD and intend to do again, but just don't be too precious about it...add in FF whn you need to!

bbd Glad I don't have a cat any more for that reason!

scarecrow My DH was in shock and behaving really weirdly the first few weeks, but has calmed down now....

Glad you are finally getting a good rest, sounds like you need one xxx

somewhere Have fun at hairdressers...

Ooh, food! Back later xxxx

knicky omg that makes it so real that you are married to a cozzer! Omg that is so funny re phone you need to get him on the tannoy obviously! Calling Officer Knickyknocks your wife is in labour!

Braxtin hicks - it's coming up fast! Two weeks? We're all going like dominos - after me it's scarecrow and then poss there's a gap can't remember. Scary! Yes chairman wow it is a sort of conveyor belt in terms of the cohort I am kinda in your gang ... But not quite thankfully as have so much to sort out.

badmiss I'd be gutted too to miss the chance to dress up as a pregnant Carmen Miranda - sounds like such fun and that is scarce when one is up the duff! I hope you find another activity just as joyous.

Xxz

chummy that hairdresser sounds like an idiot - that is quite the most tactless line if conversation imaginable. Your attitude is great remember you'll be a better mum! Absolutely go for it xxx

Quick question: is it possible for LO to move too much? Am aghast that s/he moves so much and so forcibly. I'm hoping its not a sign of some problem?

Everyone v quiet today. Hope all well and bumps are behaving. Am sleeping and sleeping and sleeping ( and trying not to feel pressure to decide whether to take voluntary redundancy or not)

Night all x

Hi all....

As Chairman said ( thanks hun) it was not ectopic pregnancy...however they date me around 5 to 6 weeks and with a gestacional sac of 12mm and a yolk sac but no fetal pole. The MW said that things are not looking good. I will return next Thursday for another scan.
That was difficult for me and still is. Iam trying ( and failing) to prepare for the worst based on the chat with MW...:(. To top it all, my boobs are not sore anymore and are deflating...
It is weird reading conflicting information on dr Google! And a searched within mumsnet and some people had a positive experience

Thanks for all your posts and I apologise for not writing before...
Sorry for not namechecking

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. Scarecrow, your approach of what to say to DH is really helpful, thank you, I'll definitely try something along those lines. I'm not going to terminate - it's too late now (I think) anyway, and I don't think our marriage would survive but I would always resent it, even though that's what he wanted me to do. Somewhere, I'm sure he does have ante-natal depression, but having just done (another) search, there's seems to be very little information about it. Chummy, thank you for the candle, and blueblack for the hugs.
DH just sent me a text saying how unhappy he is. This is my fault, I didn't want to put him through this again, it was so awful before, but I really thought it'd be better this time, not even really expecting there to be "this time". I don't understand why he even agreed. I just want us both to feel better and be happy again, but I don't know what to do or how.

On the plus side, I saw the m/w yesterday, all is fine, heard the heartbeat. They're going to see me a bit more ofter because as she put it, I'm quite old.

Apologies for the me, me, me post, I'm feeling really down today, and I'm not sleeping very well because on top of everything else I have the sort of cough which is ok during the day, but is keeping me awake at night - for over a week now. People keep telling me I look tired.

I hope everyone is doing ok, and you all have a lovely relaxing weekend.

Scarecrow, I don't think lots of kicking is sign of a pb but to pt your mind at rest can you see a mw or talk to one ?
Notsoold, 5/6 weeks is early time, if you hadn't been watching, you could have not known about the pg, I had my first MC at 4 weeks,empty sac, then a MMC at 12 weeks, it went before I could have a scan and then 2 natural straight forward pg later on, at 38 and 41. Don't give up. Keep hope.
Sparkly, hope you get some rest, thinking of you, very glad the baby is doing well, take care of yourself. Come back if you need, as often as you want, with you you and you posts, we don't mind :)

Sparkly I hope things pick up for you soon. Not sleeping doesn't help you to be positive about things, does it?

BadmissM oh no! What rotters, denying you the chance to be a pregnant Carmen Miranda, it sounds such fun!

Scarecrow I've never heard of babies moving too much, but it could be worth asking your midwife?

I can't get comfortable at the moment - driving the car I have in this temp job for more than a few minutes is horribly uncomfortable. There seems to be a new place to feel painful every day. TMI alert This morning it was a shooting pain in my rectum. OW.

Sorry, I'm going to struggle to namecheck much today - no Internet til Tuesday so I'm on t'phone.

Sparkly I think you made the decision you needed to make - IMHO the right one as I can't imagine ever getting over terminating if I didn't want to. I don't want to sound judgy re your DP but his behaviour seems quite extreme given you'd been ttc. I wish I could give you some advice, but just to say I hope things work out. Virtual hugs to you.

notsoold when I was 6 weeks preg with the baby I miscarried they couldn't even see a yolk sac, so don't lose all hope. I think it's good to consider that the worst may happen, but nothing is certain. You wouldn't expect to see a heartbeat til at least 7 weeks. Fingers crossed.

Scarecrow I've got a crazy foetus in there are the moment. She goes mad sometimes and actually hurts me. My DS was the complete opposite - I'd be forever drinking ice cold water and prodding to get him to move at all. I think I prefer being hurt to worrying, although the bits where it feels like she's punching me in the fanjo aren't much fun

We're gradually settling in. It was a bit overwhelming at first. We had to buy a fix-it-up job to get to the area we wanted. We'd completely done up our last house and it were loverly so bit of a shock to the system being in a bit of a tip. Going to be a few years til we're sorted - cant afford childcare and loads of renovations all at once. But there's some stuff we can do before we have to start knocking walls through, getting a new kitchen etc. The deep clean was fab - it took 2 cleaners 7 hours, including 2 1/2 just for the disgusting kitchen.

The main thing is that DS has been a little star and just got on with things. A few new toys as a bribe have helped, plus the extra space to chase the cat round and round. V proud of my boy. Let's see how the introduction of a baby sister goes!

One more thing - with so many of us about to spawn shall we set up a Fantastic fabulous 40+ mums graduation thread so we can meet up on the other side and share horror stories our amazing births and beyond?

Happy Friday to you all.

Scarecrow I am sure all is fine - ime women go on about this from time to time and all they say is that when the baby came it was very lively! But definitely call midwife if worried. Also if it's a sudden inconsistent change ( actually quite hard to quantify ime) worth calling I guess tho it's usually the other way towards less movt that women worry about. Anyway I bet there are tonnes if threads on this if you search mumsnet.

sparkly surely the time for dp to air this was before conception? It's just too late now. Can't he see that? He can't blame you only himself. But I think others have better more nuanced advice. Don't worry about being down and me me I've been really in the doldrums at times this thread has heard it all. I think being in those early stages knowing there's so long to go is hard but it does get easier as you get close to the end.

Xxx

hi, chairwoman - there is a grads thread, all cosy and waiting for us. can't lay my hand on a link at the mo, but someone will be along presently, I'm sure to usher us in!
Still waiting here, with no indications of anything imminent. Which is perhaps as well as my bum is falling off with piles and the thought of pushing anything larger than a trump out makes me faint with horror...

Yes Chairwoman, MrsW is right : there is a grads thread ready and awaiting you and the LOs. I will send the link as soon as I can switch on my desktop, from the phone, it is just a nightmare !

Hi I'm 41 and pregnant with child number 4. Very excited as this was planned and have been trying for what seemed like ages- anyone else fed up with people asking you if it was planned because of your age? I mean how could we possibly have chosen to become pregnant at this late stage in our lives although I must say, I am already knackered and only 10 weeks!

Thanks for all reassurance ladies. Know it sounds silly, but unless get worried again will hang in there til consultant appointment - and set date for ELCS on 15th.

Paula, big, big welcome. So thrilled you are having a much wanted DC4. And yes, "the tactless things they say" is a much loved theme on this thread. With 3 DC already you become one of the Great Aunts of the thread, though I think Lottie is still Queen Bee (not everybody mixes their metaphors this badly), expecting DC5. If you scroll back to posts 413-416-ish you'll find a list of all us ladies and due dates etc.. Feel free to add or post your vital stats hen you are ready.

Chairman, you will love the grads thread snug: I think the vibe there at the moment is Morocco, and gather there is an adjacent nursery with sleep nannies on call, and lots of yummy treats...almost worth having a LO to visit

One tip I wanted to pass on: I had such itchy legs in cold weather I scratched them raw. I have been washing with aqueous cream (£2.50 large pot) an they are so dramatically better, and it is such a relief. It might be worth others trying. Aqueous cream also good for your, u-hum, personal area (or the special baby bottom as my nephews and nieces call it) as doesn't strip out all good bacteria like soap does. Excuse the tmi.

Otherwise my breakdancing octopus in wellies is still lively, DD asks most mornings if the "goo goo" has come out yet, bless. The sense of time here not as bad as fact she is planning her birthday party....for December!

Hope you are having good weekends. Sorry if I forgot any name checks on phone.

It's all been a bit quiet on here as late - how's everyone doing?
cycle I so empathise with the ache and pains in every area at the moment. I think baby's foot is niggling a nerve just under my bra line and it's causing intermittent excruciating pain. Any sort of turning over at night is also hideous. Commuting was dreadful so hugs and sympathy that you're still in the middle of doing this, and also doing such long days
sparkly I just don't know what to say about your DH. The whole situation is just dreadful, and I feel that in a way somehow you've been unfairly duped. I'm thinking of you and am hoping that he sees sense soon. In the meanwhile you're doing a fantastic job in growing a wonderful new person inside you whilst all of this awfulness is going on.
MrsW ooh piles. Haven't had them this time round but they reared their ugly head (as it were) when I was heavily pregnant with DD. I remember being in the throws of labour shouting out 'I've got piles!' several times. Seem to recall the midwife looking fairly nonchalent about it all as if that someone shouting proudly about their protruding friends was something she heard every day

scarecrow this LO is now causing me pain with every little squirm he does and it can sometimes feel rather violent. I hope you can get some reassurance soon though.

Hi to everyone else - can't namecheck as on this useless phone so it takes an age to scroll up and down. Though will say hello to our latest newcomer Paula.

38 weeks today. I've got to say that baby can't come soon enough now. I'm guessing it could be any time from now on and keeping an eye out for any remote twinges, though at the moment any twinges have been down to my trousers being on too tight....

Knicky - remember, first twinges, get yet notes, put bag in car and get yourself to John Lewis in case the urban tale about free shopping there is true!
More seriously, big sympathy with sleep. Always seems so grotesquely unfair that just when you need to stock up with sleep you find it so hard. Personally in last three weeks as baby's brain and lungs etc formed, I would sod the minuscule percentage risks and take the odd Ibruprofen if it helps. But obviously don't if you are not comfortable (so to speak) doing that. (I actually take very occasionally throughout as headaches so bad sometimes could not otherwise function.)
Take care
Waves to all

Hey knicky good luck. Wow you are so close and having has vb last time it prob will come on time! My lo is more active and painful too - wincingly scraping my cervix and (cough) rectal area. (oh yes camper you have my sympathy!) grin re hem aroids - my Protruding friends are gradually settling in again unfortunately. Glad there's at least one pregnancy 'niggle' (so-called) you are not suffering from.

I have started lactating - a tiny bit - and bang on cue comes cake craving. As I have not put on any weight for about six weeks I've allowed myself to eat an entire Victoria sponge. but this is probably not, as they say, sustainable!

Chairman wow great about deep clean. We renters our house got a cleaner in for a whole day - don't understand people who don't. My mil is selling her house and she's had pro cleaners in twice. Anyway you are very brave to take on a fixer upper and new baby at once but I sense you have the chops for it!

scarecrow the 15th! When are you seeing consultant? Think u are right to wait - my lo went quiet and I just felt sure it was turned to the back and I couldn't face more rushing-to-hosp drama. Anyways it's bouncing on my organs as we speak so that was the right decision clearly.

sparkly hope you are ok.

paula welcome please stay and chat!

Ps I have found an amazing thread led by a very funny woman about sounding off about how awful PG is. Not for everyone but I'm loving it and just wish it had been there earlier!

Xxxx

Hi Paula, welcome!

So close Knicky! Good luck

Somewhere oooh, cake. Do you want to borrow my husband? He seems to be on a mission! Today he has made brioche, banananana bread and galettes - this baby is going to have such a sweet tooth!

I'm a bit more comfortable today - the baby seems to have settled in a better position for a while. The bump has changed shape a bit and it doesn't feel so much as though the baby doesn't fit in it as it has for the last 4 days.

2 more weeks of full time work, then hopefully I can get back to 2-3 days a week!

As we are exactly half-way on this thread thought a good time for Paula and any other newcomers to repost stats list, plus easyish to find later. Have just done Pregnant Fab 40s (anybody interested, list of grads who have moved on to the grown-up thread was posted c #413-416)

PREGNANT FAB 40s
TheNoodles, 41, DC1 due 14/3
ChairmanWow, 40, DC2 (girl), due 15/3
Knickyknocks, 40, DC2 due 17/3
MrsWooster, 46, DC2 due 31/3/13 (a palindrome!) girl
Somewherebecomingrain, 40, DC2 girl due 11/4
Scarecrow22, 42, DC2 due 22/4 prob ELCS
BadBuddha 42, DC2 due 5/5
Blundermum 40, DC2 due early May?
Lotsofcheese, 40/41, DC2 (girl) due May (DS 4y)
Onemoreforgoodmeasure, 40, DC1 due 06/06
BadMissM, 45, DC2, due 22/7
Cyclecamper, 42, due July/Aug
Newchoos, 40, DC2?, due July/Aug?
ScubaSarah, nrly 40, DC1?, due July 22-Aug 1
LottieH, 44, DC5, due mid August
Remnant, 43, DC2, due Sept
BuzzBee, 40, DC2, due Sept

Feel free to copy, amend/add yourself & re-post.