At what age is pregnancy acceptable to you?

[MrsWindsor]

Hi all. I'm new to this (long time lurker).

Whether you're pregnant or have been, I'm looking for a little wisdom here:

I know there's no 'right' age to have a child and that you can never really be fully prepared for what it entails - but what would you say is a good age to consider it? Obviously everyone is different but I'm just really interested to know.

I'd love to have children of my own one day, and although I know myself well enough to know when it's right for me, a little wisdom from those already walking in those shoes would be nice :)

Im in London. Had first when I was 39 and 2nd when I was 42. It felt like the average age in that area.

I chose later motherhood. DH nagged me for years but I wasnt ready to settle down when i was younger. We did all the travelling, partying, working abroad, spontaneous stuff while we were in our 20s/30s.

I felt ready at 37 and it took a while to conceive but on the plus side we have stable careers, income and home so feel happy to settle down now and have family time.

When they are teenagers we will be in our 50s but even if we were in our 40s we will be old to them anyway!

I would say the ideal time is when you are ready, but if you leave it until over 35 be aware that fertility does decline as the years pass.

My worst nightmare would be having them later in life. I want to be out enjoying my life in my 40s and 50s, going on luxury cruises, relaxing holidays etc. They can get on with it with their own families in their 20s whilst I'm living it up. :)

Had mine at 18. It wasnt planned but i cant wait to see her growing up and being an active grandmother if she has children. I am glad i had my child young but is it weird for me not to want it for my daughter.

I had my first at 23, graduate, married, own house, decent secure job etc and my second at 25. Very glad I wasn't too much older for the usual reasons but it was very hard to say goodbye to my relatively carefree existence (nights out, holidays, after work socials etc) at such a young age. My pregnancy was unplanned though so my answer might not count.

I hope both my sons wait until they are 30+. Awful thing to say but if I had a daughter I wouldn't advise her doing that. So many of my friends have had problems conceiving and it's been heartbreaking.

I am with you springsister. I started trying when I was 36 and (after a couple of miscarriages - not age related, condition-related) am 33 weeks pregnant with my first. It feels quite normal to me, having a baby at this age in London, and I think I have only become aware that some people think this is older since being on mumsnet!

Obviously I am aware of the fact that there have been studies showing that over 35 things can get harder, but most people in my social circle have taken this as a sign to start trying at 34/35 and not leave it too far after this. I only have one good friend who has struggled and she started a lot younger. But she lives out of London and her friends had children earlier too.

For me personally I am glad I had a lot of baby-free time to travel, build a career, get on the property ladder etc etc but am sure it works just as well for some people to do that after they have had children and they might have a lot more freedom to do these things later on.

As for health and fitness, well apart from the fact I have had three pregnancies in a row and been on some very strong medication, just before the pregnancies I was in the fittest shape of my life and I intend to try to go back to that afterwards. I know what to eat, I know how to exercise...all I need is to be able to find the time to do it with the baby.

Dd1 at 27, dd2 - had just had 29th birthday. Happy with having them young - love fact that when I am 40 I can crack on with my career etc with far less childcare worries than some of my friends who had first at 36 plus.

The main downside of having them in 20s for me is that there is almost too much time when it is very possible to have another one, so there is lots of discussion and back and forth about it all. Whereas those who started later and squeeze two in before they are 40 have that decision almost made for them iyswim. For me this was the tricky part - even though my dh was happy with 2 I have often felt like I am young enough to have more so am almost wasting my fertility!!! I have just turned 35 and now feel quite sad that i am at my personal cut off point! Silly I know....

"a little wisdom from those already walking in those shoes would be nice"

DC1 was not an easy baby. I often wondered why anyone had more than one child. So glas I didn't do it on my own.

Tamara whatsherface had a baby very young, didn't she? But then she could afford maternity nurses / nannies.

My 3 DC are with Granny right now. Having support in place for yourself is very important IMO.

Very well put lovechoc I completely agree

I'm 25 and pregnant with DC1 and I think it's the ideal age for me. I have lived a little, had loads of nice holidays, I'm in a stable relationship and still young enough to have lots of energy.

Any earlier and I don't think I would have been mature enough, plus I have really enjoyed DP and I having lots of time together as a couple before babies. By the time DC1 arrives we will have been together nearly 10 years.

Because of the length of time we have been together I could never have waited until I was 30. I have been broody for years now and wouldn't have been able to hold out.

I understand a lot of other people don't meet the right person until much older or want a career first so I don't judge older mums. I'm doing what's right for me and they do what's right for them.

I had my first at 34 and that was perfect for me. I have done the stuff I wanted, work travel parties etc and am happy to focus on my children without resenting it and wishing I was elsewhere, I am fit and energetic so don't think me being any younger would have gained anything - I am more patient now than I was in my 20's too.

I really don't think it has anything to do with age. I'm 23 and am pg with dc3. I have been with dh for 10 years and married 5. We got married before having children and own our own home outright. We are very settled and have been for years. Our ages have absolutely nothing to do with it. It's emotional maturity and stability that count in my book. And I don't even mean you must be settled in a relationship or married etc just be settled in yourself and ready. Realistically I was ready for a family before we had one but waited until we were married because that was our choice. I personally think that once a person is old enough to leave home, get married, etc etc then providing they are ready and able to have children then that is fine. My mother would disagree :o not that I give two shits what she thinks

Totally depends on the individuals involved. I've just had my first at 36. Started trying at 34, had one mc, then fell with DD 7 months afterwards. Might have been nice to start a little earlier but my first marriage in my 20s was very unhappy and it took me time to walk away from that, heal and start anew with DH who is the most fab dad that could ever be. For me, a happy marriage was the most important to have in place, much more so than finances. I'm in better health, mentally and physically than I was in my 20s. Yes, its a bit exhausting having a high need infant but she is a delight and at 12 weeks much improved from the colicky bundle of distress she was not that long ago. I may even have another if nature is kind...plan is to be a bit cautious until she is a year old and then see what happens. But if she's my only I'll still feel happy and blessed.

You could spend your whole life waiting for the time/money to be right... by which time you might find you have trouble conceiving. So it's worth bearing in mind that by leaving it to your late 30s/early 40s you could well be spending thousands (in the tens of) to have your children. I feel blessed that, despite having a blocked tube, we eventually had a spontaneous conception, shortly after a second failed IVF cycle. Am 42, 38+5 and looking forward to birth of DC1. Desperately hoping it won't be an only child.

I think I needed 2 lives, really.

Because having my three at 34, 37 and 40 was the earliest I could have imagined having children, but at the same time I'd have loved to have them ten years earlier.

I remember being 29 and having less interest in babies than the average teenage boy would have had. None whatsoever. The whole motherhood thing was not even on my radar.

I don't think there is ever a perfect/right time.

I got pg when I was 23. Had a degree, a mundane low level office job, my own house and a new boyfriend. So wasn't on a great career ladder and very early days in the relationship.

DD is 11 now, me and the boyfriend have our 10 year wedding anniversary tomorrow.

Meant to say I'm now 35 and am happy that I'm still young(ish) as dd is becoming more independent, etc. I'm looking at retraining for a new career (again, as I retrained when dd was a toddler but fed up now).

I had DD1 at 23 (Honeymoon baby so not planned!), DD2 at 26 and am pg now (early) with DC3 at 31.

We were lucky that at 23 we were married, had two professional salaries (just qualified) and owned our own home. However as we were so young, to maintain and advance our lifestyle I remained at work part-time which has been trying at times as not run of the mill 9-5 career. Where I live women tend to start to have their babies aged 35 - 45. As they are that bit older, with a bigger chunk of their mortgages etc paid, I find many of them have the option to become SAHM with DC1 where really this is only a choice that I have with DC3 (without having to give up new cars/ foreign holidays/ weekends away etc). That's the only benefit I can see to being older - increased financial security. The benefits of being younger however, I dropped the baby weight immediately, conceived immedediately, a lot less uptight over pg / upbringing, loads of energy, being the yummy mummy at the school gates (hehe!) the list goes on...

As someone else said your career can wait (and doesn't always have to) but your eggs can't! Goodluck with whatever choice you make!

It's just a fact that you get pregnant much easier (as a general rule) when you are younger, you have your optimum fitness/health, and the likelihood is you are going to spend a substantial amount of your time being a grandparent in your 40s/50s/60s (if your own offspring decide to have theirs). You wouldn't get that same amount of time with your grandchildren if you are in your 60s/70s (and your health is more likely to fail you - heart disease, diabetes, etc).

I tend to look at the bigger picture, not just my own offspring. It made sense to have them the quicker the better and everything else can be put on hold (in my case, that was my career). I hear my own mother complaining that she's in her 60s now and she wishes she'd been a 'granny' younger (she got her first grandchild at 57). You can't win!

I did realise early on though that you cannot have it all. Something has to give. I was at the bottom of the career ladder so I had nothing to lose (and was in no hurry to rush up that ladder). I can see how people who strive in their careers must humph about when is the right time though. That must be a difficult decision to make.

I have days even at 29 when it's a hard slog with two small DC (5 and 2yo), so I wonder how on earth others 10 years older than me cope, especially through the teenage years.

Between 16 and 45!

I fell pg with DS when I was 16, and I'm expecting my second at 23. I have to admit my body coped a lot better at 16, and 23 really isn't old to be pg. My midwife admitted to me that the teen mums tend to find childbirth easier too. Couldn't imagine being physically able to manage at 40 (pregnancy that is, not motherhood). My back hurts.....

The important thing is not age. It's "can I raise a human being with the resources (emotionally, financially etc) I have right now".

Not quite the same as questioning if you can afford it though. I don't think anyone can sensibly afford to have children, you just manage!

For us having them when I was 26 and 28 has been perfect. I was young relative to my peer group but now mine are adults I am so grateful that I am still relatively young. The grandparents have been very involved because they were fit and able when the children needed hands on interaction. And now that the grandparents need care themselves we are free to give it to them.

Children are obviously a huge financial drain (happy though you are to pay) so you need to be old enough to have some financial stability when you start but equally the thought of paying for their tertiary education when you would really prefer to retire seems daunting.

I had dd at 19 and am now pg with dc2 at 22. It has worked well for us - I've never felt any less able to parent well because of my age or any sense of regret over the way things have happened. But I'm not sure that its for everyone, its such a personal thing. Some people are ready at 20 some at 30 some at 40 and so I really don't think there is any "best time" to have a baby.

The biggest problem I've encountered is the stereotyping of young parents, that knocked my confidence far more than anything else, I really feel that attitudes towards age and parenting need to become less judgmental. It should depend on the person and their circumstances not a number.

Ultimately - we're married, stable and whilst we don't have stacks of cash we're not worrying about every bill, have some in savings for an emergency and can afford some luxuries. Thats what's most important.

hi im 26 and pregnant with my first. always wanted them fairly young, mid twenties and i def want to have had all my babies by 32. but i guess u never know!!

Not now . Remembers to write note to change progesterone patch part of HRT tonight

I was 26, 29, 38 when dcs were born. I think it is important to have a life prior to settling down and having dcs. But I would not agree that you should wait until you have a good career, prospects, great income so that you can both provide. Under those circumstances we wouldn't have had any dcs. They can cost as much or as little as you want. I do not subscribe to the idea of expecting the state to provide everything if both parents can't be bothered to work though.