At what age is pregnancy acceptable to you?

[MrsWindsor]

Hi all. I'm new to this (long time lurker).

Whether you're pregnant or have been, I'm looking for a little wisdom here:

I know there's no 'right' age to have a child and that you can never really be fully prepared for what it entails - but what would you say is a good age to consider it? Obviously everyone is different but I'm just really interested to know.

I'd love to have children of my own one day, and although I know myself well enough to know when it's right for me, a little wisdom from those already walking in those shoes would be nice :)

For me early 30s - 40 is ideal.

I was not ready in my 20s.

Had DD1 at 32, DD2 at 34.

Now 36 weeks with DC3 at 36.

Might be finished, might not, but 40 is my cut off. If I hit 40 before I'm pregnant again, that will be me done.

I was 19 when I had my DD, I wouldn't recommend it tbh, but I wouldnt change the way my life panned out for the world.

I think mid 20's is a good time (DC's 2,3 and soon to be 4 all arrived/will arrive between the ages of 23 and 27).

I'm going to do all the things I should have done in my late teens/early 20's when I'm in my 40's

MrsWindsor- yes, I suppose I had much more energy. I also think I parented in an instinctive way, didn't pay much attention to the right and wrong way of doing things (although both DCs ended up raised in much the same way, now I think about it, BF, co-sleeping etc etc). And finally, my life was much more interesting then- I worked as a model in NY, had lots of friends, so DS went everywhere with me, on the shoots, to castings, lunches etc etc. Now I'm SAHM and it's all about the park, the supermarket, the park, the supermarket...well, just boring, really, and therefore more tiring iyswim.

I think it's nice to (hopefully) have a decade or so of relative youth after your DC leave home and not go straight into retirement age. But obv. it's different for everyone else.

I think, generally, graduates tend to be later to having children because the drink/drugs studying gets in the way in your early 20s, then you're busy making a life/career for yourself in your chosen field, so maybe finding love &/or childbearing are not the priority. Although, for some, fate/life does rather decide for you...

I married my partner of 8yrs at 29, and happened to be a week or so pregnant then, giving birth at age 30. In some ways, it was DH pushing for a baby - I might have put it off a little longer for one career reason or another, but I'm glad it happened then & my DD is wonderful. I'm now pg with #2 and will be 33 when due. I think it worked out really well for us & glad that on both occassions we didn't have to 'try' much to concieve. I suppose that, if it had taken longer, I might have regretted waiting & equally, there was always that concern at the back of mind, so I wouldn't have put it off forever.

But to agree with another poster, horses for courses. Most of my peers & certainly colleagues were late 20s, early 30s before having dc#1 whilst my Dsis had her first at 16. Some of my other friends/acquaintances made me feel a bit past it when I wasn't married or pg before 29!! I recently found out that the average age of first time mums in 2010 was 27.8. I guess that means most people are in the 25-35 bracket, with a few at the more extremes of the age ranges.

I'm definitely feel that 'one' should start trying as soon as you feel ready. It will happen at the right time.

There is no acceptable age, everyone is different. For me before 30 would have been too young as I wanted to travel and wasn't ready to be tied down. 40 plus is too old for me because I need to get my career back on track and don't want to be financially responsible for children in my 60s. I can see the pros and cons of both early and late motherhood.

I messed around with travelling and studying and didn't feel settled for years. I was 37 when DS was born. Then I realised I didn't want teenagers in my sixties, and DD was born 3 weeks before I was 41. That was 7 months ago and DH and I really do not want any more.

Sorry, I can see that my experience wouldn't necessary be applicable to others, as it was a change in my life (from interesting to boring ) that made such a difference...BUT I do remember going on 10 castings a day, carrying DS's buggy up and down stairs in NYC subway and not being out of breath and still being up for going out for dinner in the evening.

With DD I'm exhausted at the end of the day

I'm 35 and am preg with No 1. Met DH at 19 and have been married 10 years. We've had our own home, good jobs etc since then too. We just didn't want children before now (and probably would have put it off a bit longer if we hadn't started to worry about fertility). We've had a brilliant time in our 20's and early 30's, established great careers, traveled etc and we wouldn't have traded those years for the world.

Re university fees etc, the hard work we've put into our careers means that we're pretty financially stable so we've no financial worries. We've also kept pretty fit and healthy. I feel as good as I did in my 20's and I've had no problems with pregnancy so far (no MS, no tiredness, still going to the gym etc). However, my Gran had several children in her 40's so we were fairly relaxed about managing to get me up the duff, and it turns out we were right as I got pregnant straightaway. Happy ending for us, but different strokes for different folks I guess.

My DP wanted to have children (not just 1!!) by the time he was 30. We met aged 23 and 24 so it was a long way off at the time! Ds was born when I was 26 and dc2 is due in October (when I will be 28,DP 29) Emotionally, I think we were/are ready at that time although we were renting and not married so next tasks were to buy a house (achieved last year!) and we're getting married next month.

Ideally, all the "prep" work would have been done first but we had a stable home to raise a child, good jobs and the rest has followed naturally...

Our friends are waiting a few more years before even trying/thinking about it, which is fine for them too. I guess they're doing things the "right" way round. I'll just be smug when ours are old enough to bring us a brew in bed and they're wading through nappies

I think age will vary greatly as so much depends on how settled you are, what finances are like, etc.

I wanted to be (ideally) married and in our own home with a reasonable income coming in before I started a family.

As for the upper age - I'm not sure. I think once you get to menopausal age (unless an early onset) then definitely no. But before that - again it depends on many factors. I am 39y and I haven't ruled it out yet. But then I have been TTC for 8 years, so maybe that is why it feels fine.

The responses to this are amazing and really interesting. Thank you!!

I was 24 with DS, it just sort of happened... Not a disaster - married, DH has a good j

I was 24 with DS, it just sort of happened... Not a disaster - married, DH has a good job, I was about to start one. But being a military wife suckered my career anyway so I had to make alternative plans and why not include DC while young in that. Now if I get a job, great. If I don't I can spend time with DS and maybe have another one or two (should I ever ovulate again ) before 30.

Physically I seem to have come through in better shape than older mothers I know.

So mid-twenties to mid-thirties as long as you've finished at least the first round of studying and your relationship is stable.

I had DS at 25 and currently 27 and pregnant with DD.

We got married at 24 by which time I was already a practising barrister. DH rather less financially stable but thank god he has me huh! Saying that as soon as he is financially stable (there is some hope of that!) I will be giving it all up in a flash to be a SAHM

Anyway, yes 25 may seem young to some people but for me it was fine. Hope to squeeze a third into my 20s or latest by 32.

i had my children at 19 and 22. based on my own experience alone i would say that waiting to have them at a slightly older (30's?) age would probably have been better for me. my reasons probably are affected by the fact i am parenting alone and i find that quite lonely and restrictive. however, i still felt restricted when i was in a relationship in that i was 21/22 and all my friends were out having the great sort of time 22 year olds should be having at university (or not) whilst i was at home having to get the children to bed and negotiate about who deserved a night out more (me or him).

i dont regret my children, they are the light of my life but i do regret that i had them before i had fully grown myself and found out who i was.

IAmBooybilee A friend of mine who had a baby at 20 (whilst still studying, good god) said exactly the same thing. I like the honesty of it.

I had my first baby 2 1/2 weeks ago, a few weeks after I turned 34. I've never been the maternal type and, in all honesty, I became pregnant because my mother wouldn't stop harping on about wanting grandchildren but I wish I'd had her years ago - she's wonderful - and I want at least four two more. Which means I may have left it a little too late to have as many children as I'd really like.

I had DS at 30. I always knew I only wanted one so had a little more leeway than people who want more.
No way could I have coped any earlier, and 30 is a nice round number.

I am 36 and DD1 is due in 7 weeks. Most of my school and university friends have also left having children relatively late. We all have good careers and are in well established relationships but there is a bit but ..... I also know of a significant number of my friends who have had issues conceiving, myself included. I cannot say that that all of these cases are the consequence of age although certain many I have spoken to it has been raised as a significant factor.
I think this will influence how I speak to DD about these matters when she is older - not in a pressured way, but certainly I'm not going to exert the career pressure my mum put on me when I was younger that made me have to pluck up the courage to 'admit' I wanted a baby.

I am 33 and about the have my first. I live in London. I am the youngest at my NCT class, and whenever I go up to the hospital for a scan I feel like one of the younger ones there too..and this makes me wonder why I didn't wait. It's a bit of a shame that I feel like i'm too young, when at 33 you'd think I was on the old side to have first one. Any other Londoners got an opinion on this?

I was 27 when I had DS. I live in London and was definitely much younger than other mums - 5 years younger than the next youngest in NCT group and 11 years younger than the oldest.

I was married, had a house and career which was going well but wasn't really what i wanted to be doing. Being broke Motherhood has allowed me the opportunity and given me the kick up the bum to change my career and because I am younger I think that's easier.

It didn't bother me but one acquaintance did tell me no one should have a baby before they were 30 but she was a thoughtless twat

I do hope that by the time I'm 50 I'll have a great career, good disposable income and the dc will be independent so dh and I can live a wild, hedonistic life. Well, a girl can dream...

Really it doesn't matter. You play the hand you're dealt as best you can. There are positives and negatives in all scenarios but how you react to them makes the difference.

But I always end up feeling that things have turned out for the best even if getting there felt pretty horrid at the time.

I had my children young (19 with my first, 26 with my youngest). I did this purposely as I have uterus cancer in my family and have known women who have lost their fertility in their 20s and early 30s because of it (though thankfully that happens less these days) and other health problems. I was very aware that I wasn't likely to have the time most people talk about. Also, having them young lowers the risk of having it at all as well as made sure I got the chance to do it in the worse case scenario of hysterectomy in my mid-twenties as a family member of mine went through.

I am 41 and expecting DC1 just before I turn 42. My Dh and I have only been married for 2 years, he is 39. Both of us come from old familes, both our parents are in their 70's.

it's working well for us, we went to Mongolia on our honeymoon, and we've both traveled the world on our own and together. I think I will be more tired and exhausted than if I'd had kids in my 20;s but I also think I'll be more patient and less resentful than I would have been too. I work with a lot of younger mothers, and also with kids being raised by grandparents, and young people have the stamina, but older folks have the wisdom not to need to run after the kids that much!

But I do not look forward to having a whippersnapper mooching around the house when I'm pushing 60!

I had DC1 when I was 24, and am now pregnant with DC2 and am 26 years old. (fingers crossed anyway, it's still v early days!). However, DH and I got married when I was 19 and he was 26, by the time we had DC1 we'd been married over 5 years, both had good jobs and mortgage etc. Basically I was in the situation at 24 that most of my friends haven't been in until they're at least 30. I also have a lot of problems with my back and pelvis, which are getting progressively worse, so was advised by doctors to have children earlier rather than later.

I was by far the youngest at my NCT classes at 24 though, the next youngest was 30 and most were 34-37!