At what age is pregnancy acceptable to you?

[MrsWindsor]

Hi all. I'm new to this (long time lurker).

Whether you're pregnant or have been, I'm looking for a little wisdom here:

I know there's no 'right' age to have a child and that you can never really be fully prepared for what it entails - but what would you say is a good age to consider it? Obviously everyone is different but I'm just really interested to know.

I'd love to have children of my own one day, and although I know myself well enough to know when it's right for me, a little wisdom from those already walking in those shoes would be nice :)

I had an unplanned DD at 19 and am now 26 and pg with dc2 . Although DD was unplanned I am so glad I was so young I am so much more worried about this pg than my first . I know this is going to be so unpopular and I don't mean to offend , each to their own , but for me I think 40 is too old .

I'm 28 and about to have my first. Any younger would have definitely been too young for me

Totally depends. I know people who had children at 18 and are very happy, no regrets and their children are wonderful. Personally I'm 30 and due with DC1, couldn't have done it before, I was far too shellfish plus had lots of personal MH issues that would have effected my ability to be a good mum. It totally depends on when you feel ready I reckon

I had my first at 25 and my last at 41. With hindsight I think I'd rather have waited until 30ish to have the first one from a professional POV. I don't think 41 is too late to have babies if it still happens then.

Not really sure there is a bad time to have them (as an adult). However, I think having them in your teens is most often a very bad idea as your identity ends up subsumed in your children's and you don't develop a standalone personality. I would see 21-22 as the very earliest sensible time to have them (unless of course your family has history of very early menopause for example and you have no option but to have them early). I think that having a baby at 15 is a disaster for all concerned.

This actually makes for really interesting reading!
Funny how everyones views differ so much!
To me and my DH, the ideal age for us to have DC1 would have been about 22-23, certainly wanted kids by the time we were 25. neither of us wanted to be older than 30.
That has been the plan - we are into our 3rd year of TTC (not going so well) and are now both approaching 27.
I honestly can't imagine wanting to have my first child at 35+
My DH has very young parents, which has been great, and my parents were quite old when they had me - and to be honest - it's no fun, so that's one of the reasons I wanted children at a young age!

I am 35 and currently 28 weeks pg with our first child.

I live in London and there are plenty of young mums around here. It depends on the area, maybe? NCT class is also a self-selecting group who choose to pay for and attend the classes, maybe not representative of the general population?

I feel like I lived my life in a kind of fast forward from 16-25. Did lots- partying, travelling, university, work. Got married at 24 and had first DC at 25. Was also the youngest by 5 years in my NCT group.

Currently expecting DC2, age 28. Will probably not have any more. I think it has worked quite well for us although we are still establishing our careers and are pretty skint although secure enough. I met DH when I was at uni, which I think is a big factor in me having kids young, plus I was just v broody!

I don't think any age is unacceptable though, within reason. It's all about what works for you as an individual.

I had my 1st at 27, 2nd at 29 and currently ttc no 3 so I could be 32 depending how long it takes!

When I had my 1st I was a 'young' mum for our area, most mums had 10 years on me - also a lot of our friends/siblings are only just considering marriage/kids now so we were definitely not going with the norm.

However where we live now I would be an 'older' mum if pg again, most I see are early twenties.....

I turned 26 a week after my LO was born. I'd wanted children since I was about 17, and had held off for years due to waiting for the 'right time'. Met OH aged 25, fell in love, was pregnant 2 months later!

I plan to have all my children (between 2-4!) before I turn 35. I don't want to be having children any later than that. Mostly because OH is 9 years older than me, so he doesn't want to be too old.

Had DC1 at 30, DC2 at 32, DC3 at 37. All felt 'right'

Am now 50 but still feel physically I'd be fine being pregnant and having baby, but I wouldn't as don't consider it fair on child (or DH!).

for me, I had DC1 at 24 and DC2 at 30.

I would not personally consider a pregnancy after 35 BUT I know a lot of other women do

Am 36 and I honestly don't think I could physically cope, I am certainly more tired now, but maybe that is due to having 2 children and being v busy rather than being 36 IFYSWIM

we started when i was 24 and i had ds3 when i was 29. we're 32 now and no plans for any more but who knows.

ds1 came along when i was in postgraduate education. i've been lucky enough to have a supportive dh and mil so i could continue working full time with just breaks for maternity leave. i dont think being a mum has harmed my career - in fact i think i have better organisational skills and resilience than some of my peers. It helped that DH left school at 16 and by 24 he already had a small flat for us to live in and was able to support me so financially we were ok (although no exotic holidayus or shiny cars)

many of my friends have started having children now. i think having them earlier i had less "angst" about a lot of stuff. the children generally fit around our plans but are happy and i think quite well adjusted. i had no idea what reading bands they were on and things like that. saying that my friends have nicer houses and can give their children opportunities to travel and so on i havent been able to give mine. swings and roundabouts.

so basically i think its whenever you feel you have met someone you can trust to be in for the long haul. be that at 20 or 40!

For me, I think I'd go for any time after graduating university at the youngest to 35 at the oldest.

Am 24 and would quite like to start having children at 26/27 ish or right now if it wasn't so impractical

I reckon (based on absolutely nothing, or maybe I read it somewhere??) that you're more likely to get your career back if you have kids as a recentish graduate than if you wait to 35-40.

I'm sooo glad I started this thread, it's so reassuring to hear all the different POVs and how it's worked out well for pretty much everyone. I'm thinking in the next two years, I just worry to hell and back about what will happen to my career. I don't want to be one of those women (like my mother, god bless her she's the best but she has just worked solidly at a high level since me and sibling were born - has almost killed her I think) who worries about that kind of thing, because in the the grand scheme of life, a career is wonderful and gives opportunities and money but a family is invaluable.

DS born when I was 26. Had planned on concentrating on my career for longer, but redundancy and recession meant I became disillusioned with the whole career thing (although I intend to look for work once DS is about 1). Wouldn't want the worry about fertility anyway.

Although I was younger than average, this didn't give me an easy pregnancy/birth though, so don't rely on that. Of course I don't know if it would have been harder if I waited until 30...

I think it's not getting the career back so much as delaying the start until you have kids so you're not taking maternity leave when you want to be making big jumps and are starting to get recognised after putting in 5-10 years. Plus when you are at the stage of managing and being responsible your children are that much more independent so you're not having to pick them up from nursery early because they've got their 6th consecutive cold or worry so much about disrupting routine. You've had plenty of time to sort out backups too.

Add to that the women who switch career after having children - you're sort of doing that early as a recent graduate and can really forge ahead.

I am beginning to feel that sooner rather than later is the way forward. Got a feeling that with PCOS and crappy cycles that I need to get my ass into gear!

I had DD1 when I was 27.

DD2 when I was 32.

DD3 a week before my 36th birthday.

I think pregnancy is "acceptable" when you are emotionally, financially and socially secure, whatever age that is (but I do feel sad when I see children having children, ie under 18s)

I think pregnancy is "ideal" from maybe 25-35 - generally you've done a bit of living, had a few relationships and know that this is the one that you want to settle with, are likely to be more secure in your life and emotionally content with who you are. Having a family is a massive lifechanging event and fundamentally changes a relationship so if that's not pretty solid to start with I think you're on a rocky road.

In your 20s. Plenty time to let it all happen and have as many children as you like. If you leave it until you are in your 30s, you then have to squuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeze as many in to a small space as you can before you are no longer fertile. IMO, careers can wait until you have had your children - eggs don't wait.

I had mine aged 23 and 26.

I am talking porkies! I had mine aged 24 and 27!

I always thought the ideal age range for first DC would be 25-27. I'm now almost 27 and only just getting married later this year. I don't want children before marriage, and it'll take us a few months to pay off the wedding so it looks like we won't be able to start trying until spring 2013 when I'll be approaching 28.

I personally would prefer to be relatively young as this is my own experience. My mum had me at 25 and I still enjoy fantastic relationships with my grandparents who are now in their late 70s/early 80s. I want the same for my DC - I'd love them to have 20+ years to enjoy their grandparents. If I waited until nearer 35 to have my first, then my parents would be in their 60s.

I am torn between career and family, it's frustrating that I have to choose. I work in a very masculine industry in an office where I am 1 of 4 women out of 100. Maternity benefits are the statutory minimum, so DP and I will be saving cash like crazy during ttc to fund the year off I would like to have.

Of course, things may not turn out exactly as we are hoping, but fingers crossed this time next year I'll have little bump :)

Different for everyone. If my daughter is fertile after cancer treatment, it is known she will have a shorter window in which to conceive, so being a young mother would be of great benefit to her.

Others feel differently.

expatinscotland good luck to your daughter, xx

When you are able to support a child, emotionally, physically and financially.

Personally, I would never have been able to do all three on my own, but DH and I make a pretty good team.