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Original poster

please help. 5 wks pregnant-not planned. dp and i v v v confused...

204 replies

shatteredmumsrus · 24/10/2011 08:18

to cut a long story shoer we have 2 boys aged 7 and 11. i have PCOS and have been on microgygon since second son was born. periods have been erratic lately and i started feeling symptons like with my 1st 2 pregnancies and so did a test which confirmed my fears. went to doctor that said it happens whilst on the pill! dp says it s unplanned we dont have to go thru with it which i agree with. there are many factors that suggest it is a bad idea for us. kids are settled and have their own room. when it is born our eldest will be starting secondary school, just moved house, moneys tight etc etc. but its soooo hard. it is our baby living inside me (only just granted -i know it is very early stages)Got an apt at BPAS today to go through abortion etc. both dp and i want to make the right decision for everybody. any advice. im 33 and he is 37. this is also a factor. he said by the time our youngest is 20 we are still young enough to enjoy it and do what we want to do. He said he would not have the same energy for this one...advice please

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samwellsbutt · 14/11/2011 08:52

hey shattered just popping by to say hi, and say i'm thinking of you whatever you decided to do today. x

Diamondwhite · 14/11/2011 09:51

Hope it goes ok today. Just wanted to say it's ok to be scared. I certainly am. Ds3 starts school next year and I was really looking forward to having some time to myself. A it is I will have a tiny baby to look after. I can't imagine co ring. But I guess will as I will have to!

mapleleafmay · 14/11/2011 11:13

Hi shattered,

I hope your appointment goes okay this am. I have mine today too. I think my feelings are similar to yours, i.e. don't want to be pregnant or have another little baby at this stage but don't know if I can go through an abortion and forgive myself.
DH says it is my decision but I know his preference.

Thanks for your good wishes Jacky.
So sorry for what you have been going through simply

mumt1 · 14/11/2011 12:02

Been following your thread... I hope everything goes ok for you. And u make the best decision that's for you. Whatever u decide..be strong xx

Original poster
shatteredmumsrus · 14/11/2011 13:20

Thanku so much to all of u. I'm in the clinic waiting to go to the ward. I am not sure but I am sure that I am happy the way we are and havnt got the Room. Plus older son wil be startinmg senior school when baby is due. We r looking forward to having time togetheras a couple without the dc. This is very very hard but I feel this is the right decision. By the way app was 1040!dp has been great too which is a plus. To all of u going thru this all my love and luck xxx

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Emily25 · 14/11/2011 14:41

I think what has happend has happend for a reason, and i personally could not have an abortion except in exceptional circumstances. It sounds like you have a lovely family, and if you got pregnant on the pill, then this baby definately wants to have a chance at life.

RealityIsADistantMemory · 14/11/2011 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
shatteredmumsrus · 14/11/2011 16:36

I had an abortion. App I was only 5 wks. It was ok and I don't feel bad-just tummy ache. I fEel relieved actually. Normal again and I want to get on with my life with my 2 boys and dp. How r u maple?emily- I think ur comment was a bit thoughtless seen as I had said I was in the clinic appreciate u taking the time to comment but it hurt actually x

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Notsure102 · 14/11/2011 17:25

Look after yourself and be kind to yourself and DH xxx

Original poster
shatteredmumsrus · 15/11/2011 10:06

thankyou everyone. not feeling too bad today. actually its like a weight has been lifted. i was genuinely very upset and confused about my decision.but i think i have done the right thing-only time will tell xxx

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eminencegrise · 15/11/2011 10:18

Hope this man now takes some responsibility and gets a vasectomy before this happens again.

hawthers · 15/11/2011 12:41

poor you - hope you are feeling better about your decision. can appreciate it was so hard to make and really hope that you feel at peace with it. and bollocks to the people who make insensitive comments Grin

Original poster
shatteredmumsrus · 15/11/2011 16:36

Eminem-'this man'-why did u say that?he is my dp and I was on the pill. We haven't done anything wrong. Why do u blame dp?that's really upsetting

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PamBeesly · 15/11/2011 16:42

Hi shattered I followed your thread but didn't post, just want to say glad you did what was the best for you and your family, take care now xx

eminencegrise · 15/11/2011 17:45

I say this man because he's nothing to me. He's your partner. But if he's so adamant he doesn't want any more children then he should take control of that situation, IMO.

Original poster
shatteredmumsrus · 15/11/2011 19:52

U Said it as if he had not been responsible anyway. Like it was his fault. I was on the pill. Y would he have a vasectomy. He's only 37 xf

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Diamondwhite · 15/11/2011 20:07

Glad you are happy with decision. But I agree really need to avoid this happening again as you are clearly v fertile. Most reliable methods are vasectomy or mirena coil. I would look into these. His age is not especially relevant.

JackyJax · 15/11/2011 20:17

Hello. I recently read someone else who had a similar experience to you. She said that after termination it helped her to focus on her two other children and partner and to think how lucky am I to have this family. Another piece of advice is to keep looking forwards. At crossroads in our lives we can only make the decision that we think is right at that time. Then you need to move on.

On a personal note thank you for raising this topic. Although lots of women have abortions it is a topic that is rarely talked about. I think you were v brave to come on here and I personally found the thread helpful.

Wishing you peace and joy as you continue on.

Original poster
shatteredmumsrus · 15/11/2011 21:08

P is booked in for a consultation Tuesday re a vasectomy. As he saig he would as soon as e found out I was pg. Thx jacky I hope it has helped others xx

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aurynne · 15/11/2011 22:19

Hi shattered,

I am so happy you have finally taken a decision and you can now move on with your life. I know you are really, really sensitive now to other people's comments, as it is early days and you are very raw. But please, don't take them personally. People have very strong opinions one way or the other. You have given this matter a great deal of thought, in fact much more thought than many people who choose to have a child sometimes with no plan or discussion. This is the best option for your family, and probably for your sanity too :). Take care of yourself, you are a very strong person. Big hugs!

Xmasbaby11 · 15/11/2011 22:31

Well done for making a decision. This must have been tough for you both. Take care and all the best for future happiness with your family. x

samwellsbutt · 15/11/2011 23:37

hey shattered dp should have no prob getting a v my dp did it in about 3 months, may have mentioned that earlier (use to be spookshowangel), he was in and out in 15 mins and right as rain within two days.
can see you are feeling a bit judged or defensive towards some of the comments, thats understandable but you have done what you feel is right with you dp support so what any one else thinks or says is pretty moot.
glad you are comfortable with it all.x

SimplyTes · 16/11/2011 13:18

Hi shattered, just caught up with the last couple of day of this thread. So glad you are Ok and as you said you can now carry on with your life without this huge weight on your shoulders.

Be kind to yourself, I'm sorry you may have a down day every now and then but time does help. Be indulgent, take yourself off if you need a cry, for me it seems to help. Please ignore any judgemental comments, they have no idea what a tough descion you have made. Take care, Tes x

Original poster
shatteredmumsrus · 16/11/2011 18:03

thankyou tes, I no i will have good and bad days or even hours. Saw my friends newborn today and he looked at me as if he was thinking 'why did you do that'? stupid i no but ot upset me for a while. we will get there.my family are a great help just carrying on as normal and being there. dps been great too xxx thanks again all and be happy xxx

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Imps7 · 18/11/2011 10:31

You've made the right decision Shattered! All the very very best for you and your family.