anyone else getting a hard time for not wanting to breastfeed

[kiki22]

I've been getting it from all directions for not wanting to breastfeed and am finding it very hard not to give in to the pressure, My reasons for not wanting to breastfeed are that i have back problems and will need to be on painkillers am currently only on paracetamol and in constant pain can not be in this pain with a baby and i may not always be able to do all feeds if i am in to much pain anyway, also i have a very stong bond with my niece which i believe came from being able to feed her as a baby and would not want to deprive DP of that experiance since i enjoyed it so much.

I keep being asked 'why do u not even want to try it's best for your baby' and on a few occations 'is it not worth the pain to do the best for baby' finding it very very hard not to crack under the disaproving looks has anyone else had to deal with shit over not BF??

choceyes.. my point is that bf doesnt automatically give you a super child, and FF doesnt automatically cause your child to fall sick more often.

People who harp on about how fantastic bf is and how every mum should be doing it regardless are missing the fact that it is one factor among many that determine a childs health.

Formula feeding does not make you less of a mum, or bad in any way.

Mums should stop judging each other and start supporting each other.

well my point was in reponse to your post saying you didn't notice a difference to your LOs whatever way they were fed.
So I gave my own experience on how the BF might have made a difference to my LOs.
You gave an example of how there was no difference, and I gave an example of how there was.

Like you said, the reason my DD is getting less ill than my DS might not be because she is still BF, or it might be. Who knows.

And i agree that BF doesn't give you a super child and that FF makes your child ill more often, but STATISTICALLY, a FF child does get ill more often than a BF one. It's no use comparing individual expriences, this is data collected from many, during extensive research.

'Mums should stop judging each other and start supporting each other'

This! I agree with what other posters have said about not telling anyone your decision and doing what feels right.

Me and my brother were FF as children due to beign adopted. Neither of us were sickly children and bonded just fine with our parents. Both managed to get through school/uni/post grad with no problems so would happily FF my children. However I'm choosing to BF if possible, and have actually had the opposite experience to the OP in that I don't actually know anyone personally who has sucessfully BF their child and I feel like people are waiting for it to fail. So i've stopped talking about it with anyone other than DP and feeling much more positive now! Good luck OP.

I'm with you mrumble. it's so sad to see the way mothers treat each other.

CoffeeOne I had the same experience as you. And my SIL has a baby 2 months before me. Didn't/Couldn't bf so she was always criticising me and pushing me into formula.

Do what you think is best - that is all anyone can do.

I have a ffed son and a bf son and have to say I really wish I'd bfed both times. I have chronic pain and the oxytocin from bfing helps me cope. I am on very heavy painkillers at times and they are compatible with bfing. Yep, I get sore bfing BUT it is a handy way of calming a baby without having to walk miles with a heavy weight in your arms or traipse around the park in a storm! And I'd be holding him whether bfing or ffing, so might as well bf!

One thing I will say that is certainly not true for others, and that might annoy others, but I repeat it is only MY experience - my bond with the bfed baby was quicker and stronger. As older babies/kids, of course I feel the same, but it WAS very different.

I never made feeding choices for any of my children due to thinking one way was better or superior to another

Ds 1 was ff because I didn't want to bf, some of the reason for that could have been because I was very young and the thought of doing it around other people embarrassed me

Ds2 was bf because financial it was cheaper and I thought it would be easier with having another child, which it defenatly wasn't

Ds3 was express breast fed because he was prem and I thought it might be easier for him to digest but he had to be topped up with a prem formula as I wasn't producing as much as they wanted him to take so after 6 weeks ge was put on formula

This time I'm not sure what I'm going to do but after reading some of the bf v ff threads I feel slightly put off bf by the negative, nasty and sometimes cruel comments made towards people who ff, I know it's irrational and I can't explain why it has put me off bf but it has

Maybe it's because I don't feel strongly about either feeding choice and the only thing that realy bothers me is people trying to make others feel bad about the way they choose to feed their child

However I do think it's quite sad that some people who obviously feel strongly about bf are inadvertently putting others off it, even if it is just me

Nethunsreject - Yes! about the bonding, I felt the same. The bonding with my DD was immediate and stronger at first, I just wanted to hold her all the time and sleep next to her all night (maybe that's why BF was more successful with her). But as older babies at around 1yr ish, I'm certain that I felt the same bond with my son that I now do with my DD.

Moominsarescary how about the people that make nasty comments to bf mothers? Do they put you off FF? Because it happens too, a lot.

that's right actually. And in real life, people are much more negative towards a BF mum. "why are you still feeding", " it must be hard work", "it's time you stopped now" etc etc.
whereas if you said things like that to a FF mother, things like" why are you FF, why don't yu BF", that would be completely unacceptable.
People IRL feel its' OK to have a go to a BF mother, but the reverse is not normally true.

Apart from earlier on in this thread when someone said they dislike bf and don't even like to see others doing it I've never heard anyone slating bf

Lots of people disagreeing with what bf say but I've never heard ff telling bf they are selfish, irresponsible, think about themselves more than their babies and worse

I had to take very strong pain killers after the birth of my second child for Gall stones. I was quite surprised at what I could take. I also expressed alot when I had an acute attack of pain but tried to keep the pain killers regularly to stop the pain breaking through.

I have formula fed and breast fed so know how it feels, felt guilty for not feeding my first felt exhausted bf. In the end have worked out what suites me and my large family best. You don't have to exclusively do one thing or the other. I breastfeed through the day dh will formula feed or if I have been organised will feed baby the expressed breast milk at night to give me a rest and allow me to go to bed early. This is what I am planning for our new baby.

Please don't make your mind up one way or another now you may feel very different about this when the time comes. Also please take up any offers to go to breastfeeding clinics in hospital as it is something that is learnt and personally I needed coaching and support ( which my family and extended family didn't give) on how to position baby and my self.

It can seem very daunting taking baby home (steep learning curve) give your self time to learn what you need to ask for help. Doulas are good for postnatal support to. I had no one in my family who had breastfed ( partly down to the fact they had no suppport and had not seen any one breast feeding). Which ever way you choose like others have said you feel you have to defend your position.

Take care of yourself please don't let this be an issue this is just the first of many things you will have to decide on for your babys well being. ( just thought I would add I was fed evaporated milk, go figure that).

I was told I was spoiling my child, that it was disgusting, that I was doing it for selfish egotistic reasons, that I should lock myself in a toilet whilst doing it, I had a perv following me down the street talking about my boobs (which where not even visible), that my child would have social problems as she hadn't been fed by anyone else, that I was depriving my husband, the list goes on.

I've never had anyone in rl have a go at me about bf, I had a mw after ds3 who was slightly obsessive about trying to get me to bf rather than express and a friend who thought I should have expressed longer than the 6 weeks I did but that's all

But then the "it's time you stopped now" " why are you bf" wouldn't bother me anyway , the same as if the sane was said to me about ff

It's the implied and sometime viciously stated ff is bad parenting and my child and my parenting is better than yours that puts me off, and you don't get that from ff parents, they may argue that their choices and children are as good as yours but not that they are better

Good for you, but like me many others have had a different experience.

I am aware that there are a group of women that think because they breastfeed or breastfed they are the best mother around and the rest are selfish irresponsible beings but I wish that people were a little bit more aware of the nastiness going on towards bfeeding mothers also. As I said before, the moment you become pregnant the world assumes you are there to be perfect and criticised. It's going to happen no matter what. If you have a strict routine or a demand feed/sleep approach, if you co-sleep or put the baby in it's room from birth, if you feed organic homemade or jar food, etc etc. Bottom-line is that the choice is yours.

In response to moomin - in real life, I've never had anyone (hv/mw aside) even ask me how I'm feeding my child and yet it seems such a big deal on mn.

What is wrong with making such a sacrifice for your child? don't we all go through pain in the actual process of childbirth? Its worth the pain of backache IMO if it means the baby can be fed by the mother, rather than given formula.

My comment re nonparents on mumsnet was in response to a comment made by 'Brewster' which unfortunately (or fortunately) was deleted by mumsnet and which made a threat of physical violence towards me. I made the point thatI would hope that a person who makes such threats to anyone with a differing point of view doesn't have offspring.

There.

Threat of physical violence, whatever!

How do you know what kind of pain a person is getting from backache

While your in labour you are offered pain relief, why should you not do the same for other types of pain

Get a bit if sense and compassion

oh get over yourself Flaming.
after the comments you have made i hope you arent a mother yourself!

i am a mother and a damn good one and about to be one for a second time.

what pain relief did you ahve in your labout i wonder.

like i said before you need your head seeing to.

Flaminglip I think you need a reality check, you've been brainwashed into thinking that breastfeeding is better no matter what.

How about a little compassion for the OP or have your fanatical beliefs stripped you of that ability?

Regarding the comment about not having children, it was a callous and stupid thing to say, regardless of the provocation you claim.

See comments like that (by flippetyflap) just make people like me (i.e., moody & argumentative) take a step back and laugh "wtf"? You can't even begin to reason with that!

I'm already sacrificing everything for my son. I walk the streets naked so that he might be clothed and I have him sat upon a diamond-encrusted throne. Be thine martyrdom!

who are these people that have been brainwashed into thinking that bf is the be all and end all?
these women who take good knows what medication and carry on bf.
who knows what effects those drugs have on their newborns?
dont tell me there is loads of research into it cos no one could say for definite what effect they will have.

i took fenugrek to get my supply going and i wouldnt even give the baby the fisrt few expressed bottles after that cos i didnt want that in his system.
other women avoid coffee and other things to avid passing it their babies yet others are drugging themselves to the hilt and carrying on bf regardles....

selfish and stupid in my opinion

well said alpine.

I had to ff my son - it was for the good of humanity in the end. With my IQ and his father's athletic ability we felt it was unfair to unleash this uber child in to the general human population - it would make other families feel inferior. So we were left with only 2 options, bind his legs together or deny him breastmilk. I'm sure you'll all agree - it was only right.

brewster There is currently a woman in California who is being charged with 2nd degree murder for bf'ing her child whilst being addicted to crystal meth. Breast is best though innit.

alpine - i am utterly astounded by some of the comments and people on here.
I thought i was pretty unshockable these days but...goodness me.