anyone else getting a hard time for not wanting to breastfeed

[kiki22]

I've been getting it from all directions for not wanting to breastfeed and am finding it very hard not to give in to the pressure, My reasons for not wanting to breastfeed are that i have back problems and will need to be on painkillers am currently only on paracetamol and in constant pain can not be in this pain with a baby and i may not always be able to do all feeds if i am in to much pain anyway, also i have a very stong bond with my niece which i believe came from being able to feed her as a baby and would not want to deprive DP of that experiance since i enjoyed it so much.

I keep being asked 'why do u not even want to try it's best for your baby' and on a few occations 'is it not worth the pain to do the best for baby' finding it very very hard not to crack under the disaproving looks has anyone else had to deal with shit over not BF??

Totally up to you. A mum who is stressed or in pain isn't good for her baby, even if her breast milk is. A friend of mine recently gave birth and couldn't breastfeed as the baby wouldn't latch on properly. She found it so stressful (mum not baby) that she would regularly be in tears. Despite this the hospital staff were still on her case about breastfeeding being better. Good on her, she stuck to her guns and used formula, and still is doing. The baby, who was very small at birth, is thriving, and my friend and her DH are happy and relaxed.

Please make your own best choice. You know what suits you and your family best. Everyone else can fuck off.

I understand what you are saying, but if you go back to the first pages most people were saying that although they believe she should try ( don't see the problem in saying that) she shouldn't feel bad whatever her decision was.

I think the problem I'm having is that it appears to be ok to criticise a bfeeding mother but not one that uses formula.
IMO no criticism should be made to either.

I agree that everyone should do as is right for themselves and their families but there i sno way you can say that some bf mothers do not critise those who choose not to and do not go on about 'give it a go' and how good it is for the baby and harping on about bonding etc etc.

i dont care if i came across as bitter or whatever.... i am not.
i am pissed off at the propaganda and continued ramming of it all down our throats.

Everyone should just leave mothers alone to make all their own choices about feeding, sleeping , work etc etc .
This society does not leave us alone and mn is a perfect example of women who do not support other women with their choices.

I agree with you SurprisEs. The OP did come across as "I've decided I won't be able to bf because of x and y" - or at least it did to me anyway. As a result there have been some posts saying "ok, but if you wanted to you could try a and b". I agree that subsequent posts from the OP have made it clear that actually she has looked into it all and has decided she just doesn't want to - which is totally fair enough. But I think it's pretty unfair to dismiss those first few replies as being from bf nazis etc - as I said before, they may have ultimately been misguided but I haven't read one post on here saying the OP is letting anyone down etc. As soon as she clarified her position, nearly everyone has said good for you, do what you want etc.

People get waaaay too emotional about bf / ff. If this thread had been about something like "I have decided not to put my baby in cloth nappies as we haven't got a tumble drier", would people have been up in arms as soon as someone came on and said "oh well actually, that's not a reason not to do it, you could try doing this instead"? No, because nappies aren't seen as some sort of holy grail or a competition to be the "best" parents.

The only time this thread turned was once people started talking about the bf brigade, bf nazis etc which is just horrible. As has been repeatedly said, we should be supporting each other rather than being critical. Life is hard enough.

And I'd also say that yes ok for you Brewster there are no advantages to bf. That doesn't mean there aren't for other people. Same as for me, I don't see the advantages to ff - but I completely accept that for other people there are hundreds. But I'm also pretty happy that not once in this thread (or on any other bf / ff threads on mumsnet) have I felt the need to insult or criticise people who feed their children differently to me.

I still don't get this 'propaganda' cry... Oxford Dictionary defines propaganda as: "ideas or statements that may be false or exaggerated and that are used in order to gain support for a political leader, party, etc". Which cannot be said for the infor given relating to BF.

Likewise the ramming down throats, I was asked once during preg. I said I planned on trying. I was told that it normally didn't work so to make sure to take formula to hospital and to know how to use it in advance. Once DD was born I received no help either way, apart from the be told that formula fed babies sleep better. Again, complete tosh.

People who feel picked on for FF ought to take a look around, they are the majority, the norm in our society. Those BFing are the minority, despite BF being the biological norm. How many times do women get kicked out of cafes for FF, or have comments levelled at them on television about their chosen method being creepy? I have yet to see that, however I have had innumerable askance glances and open disgust at still BF my one year old.

kiki22 please do what is right for you and your baby. I couldnt breast feed my child past 8 weeks as I found out he was intolerant to lactose and in effect I was making him ill by breastfeeding him. I had to put him on soya formula but GUESS WHAT he is a very clever, funny and caring little boy and the fact that he couldnt have breast milk has made no difference whatsoever.

I am now pregnant again and would like to breastfeed but am on medication that doctors are trying to reduce and eventually stop in time for me to breast feed. However if it doesnt go to plan I WILL formula feed and I REFUSE to feel guilty about it.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do. x

NinkyNonker, the benefits of breast feeding are being massively exaggerated, hence the propaganda claims.

If you believe all that is claimed BF babies never fall ill and are super clever, and bond perfectly with their mothers. Where as FF babies are doomed.

Its all rubbish. There are SO many other factors at play, of which the contribution of BF is negligible.

Simple question.... Does not breast feeding make you a bad mum?

Simple answer: no.

Nobody here has said it does.

Where is all this propaganda about bf?
I had an invitation to go to a bf workshop and the midwives used to ask how I fed DDs. That's not really 'ramming it down my throat. If I had bought formula it would have said something about bf being better, which is jsut a fact.
I had to ask for help when I needed it, in fact it was pretty near begging. And the help I got didn't come fromt he NHS.
Nowhere have I come across anyone saying that bf children are all bright and don't get ill. Statistically they are less likely to suffer from gastroenteritis - again this is just a fact and not propaganda. It's true that not everybody understands statistics, the difference between rates across the whole population and statistical 'risk'. But that doesn't mean that the statistics are wrong.
On the other hand I have been exposed to lots of ads for infant milk and pics of babies with bottles, media images of babies being bf, and been asked not to bf in various places (admitidly that was mainly my MIL). I also live in a country where I'm in a tiny minority of women who bf to and past 6 months.

OP, to answer your question. Yes I got a hard time from some people for not breastfeeding, particularly my family back in the UK. Over here in France I was not judgeed at all.

I had many reasons, but my first reason was, like you, backache. I broke my back a couple of years ago and by the end of pregnancy was in such incredible pain.

I doubt the majority of posters here can even understand what chronic back pain is, day in , day out, for years, and they are very lucky as I wouldn't wish it on even the most judgemental of them.

I mix fed until my milk ran out, expressing was less painful and then when I was hospitalised for an unrelated reason the decision was completely taken out of my hands, which at least had the benefit of shutting the critics up.

It would be so nice to have a thread on this subject which didn't go completely off tangent.

I don't think it is right for anyone to be bullied into bf, but be bold enough to say 'I just don't want to' rather than making lame excuses not to.
DH can bond by bathing, skin to skin, playing, feeding EBM later on, reading stories .......bottle feeding isn't everything.
Your back pain can be controlled with analgesia and good positioning.
Those people who say that bf and ff are equal are ignorant .......bf babies get antibodies all the time they are being bf, which are not present in formula milk and therefore bf babies on the whole are less susceptible to infections and when they do get infections they recover more quickly.
Also wouldn't it be odd to feed a kitten goats milk when its mother was healthy and available, or a piglet cows milk.......... so why feed a human baby cows milk when human milk has exactly the right nutrition for the baby? . Yes fine if it is necessary, but should we not encourage mothers to feed babies with milk that is perfect for their needs?

The long and short of it is that no mother should be made to feel bad about making a choice, whether that be BF or FF.

There is far more pressure on mums to BF, with the likes of the NHS, NCT etc all going on and on about how fantastic it is, with posters and booklets etc, when it reality the benefits HAVER NEVER been scientifically proven beyond all doubt.

Yes there are studies suggesting its beneficial, just as there are studies suggesting that FF is as good as BF.

BF can be very difficult, and no mum should feel like they have to do it in order to bond with their little one. If you find it easy, good for you, go for it... but don't suggest that the OP should have to put up with the pain or make the sacrifice if they want the best for their little one, because thats just bull.

Mums have enough of a tough time as it is, without being made to feel inadequate by people who are BF fanatics and claim it will do all but make your kid superman.

END OF.

captaincroc how do you know her back pain can be controlled with analgesia and good positioning? Why on earth would this be a lame excuse?

Not all back pain is to do with positioning. Some of us live with back pain 24/7 and it can only be controlled by prescription pain killers (so in a lot of cases, like mine, I choose not to get addicted to painkillers so suffer even more for it).

You can't understand real back pain until you have had it. It is not a lame excuse. How dare you.

Cheria I have full understanding of back pain as I used to be a scrub nurse in orthopaedics, have worked on an orthopaedic ward undertaking spinal surgery, have had back problems myself and have a DH who has back problems, don't assume things!!!!!

Then your comment surprises me. You should know better.

Actually doing regular core muscle exercises which strengthen the back helps, tens can be useful in some patients, as can a spinal anaesthetic/ steroid injection. The best position for spines is straight and therefore lying on your back with a baby on your chest to feed/ or on your side is less likely to irritate it than sitting in an armchair. You can also feed standing up and have a hand free to do other things.
Even if oromorph is used very little will enter the breastmilk and is very short acting, oral analgesia taken regularly also works but most people choose only to take the odd dose when things become acute which is not very effective.

You are still not justifying why you say back pain is a "lame excuse". My physio didn't think so. Neither did my OB GYN.

Does any bf woman really want to spend all the feeding time lying down? I think the novelty would wear off after a while.

Some of the few times I bf I lay down and it was agony. But, of course, severe pain is a lame excuse.

I diagree that severe back pain is a lame excuse but I agree with the part of the post regarding women that simply didn't want to bf (fine by me) but tried to come up with some ridiculous excuse for it. It takes away from te struggle of women that really couldn't do it. Just as I hate when people that struggled and didn't bfeed say others only did it because it cwas easy and natural for them. A lot of women overcome their struggles, with a lot of suffering and crying in between. No they are not supermums but they should be credited for their effort and not told what they are doing is repulsive and they should hide in a toilet.

thecaptaincroc, oromorph enters breast milk and it can adversely affect babies so breastfeeding women should seek medical advice before taking it.

You suggested everything other than the OP standing on her head to BF. You should keep your opinions to yourself as the OP has already made her mind up.

diy it depends on when it is taken as oromorph has a half life maximum of 2 hours so if she took it just after feeding the chances are it would be fine and that was an example, not a given that she should use oromorph. There are lots of possible ways to overcome the problems that the op describes ......its a case of her not wanting to, but if that is the case then just say it is. The op gave lots of excuses reasons not to. If you don't want differing pov then don't ask imo.

the point is cheria that the op will always have to feed sitting if she ff, it is better for the back pain if you can alternate positions and therefore bf is better in enabling that scope.

At this point captain, if not a long time ago, people will be questioning your sanity.

People 'like you' do not aid the cause. Telling people (without pharmacological knowledge) that drug transference is 'negligible' is downright irresponsible and I hope any self-respecting lactivists would choose to distance themselves from you.

Shocking. :(

That's daft, why would she always have to feed sitting up, you can use a bottle laying down or any of the other ways people have advised bf to help with back pain