anyone else getting a hard time for not wanting to breastfeed

[kiki22]

I've been getting it from all directions for not wanting to breastfeed and am finding it very hard not to give in to the pressure, My reasons for not wanting to breastfeed are that i have back problems and will need to be on painkillers am currently only on paracetamol and in constant pain can not be in this pain with a baby and i may not always be able to do all feeds if i am in to much pain anyway, also i have a very stong bond with my niece which i believe came from being able to feed her as a baby and would not want to deprive DP of that experiance since i enjoyed it so much.

I keep being asked 'why do u not even want to try it's best for your baby' and on a few occations 'is it not worth the pain to do the best for baby' finding it very very hard not to crack under the disaproving looks has anyone else had to deal with shit over not BF??

brewster no, absolutely not offended at all! I understood your use of the word clearly.

Like you, a year ago I got upset, now I laugh or get angry on behalf of those upset. :/

Op - I spent time telling 'why' I wasn't bf. This time around I don't give a monkeys church - no explanation necessary!

Anyway Christ, you need to get them off the tit and on to the fruit shoots ASAP!

Brewster, clearly you are master of the witty retort! You pick who you are supportive of don't you, making posters who tried to genuinely help the op feel like bf nazis (and I know how you mean the term, still think it's inappropriate).
Withdrawing before I get too cross

Thank you Iggi - a master...little me!

I think those saying the op should keep an open mind etc wernt being helpful to the op and realy as she is asking the question " is anyone else getting a hard time for ff", i don't see how those that bf can comment other than to say I bf and have never given anyone a hard time, which I haven't seen alot of people write yet

I have formula fed 3dds from birth, the youngest one is now 7 months. No-one, not a health visitor, midwife etc had uttered one word to be about it after I had told them what I was doing.

I don't know if anyone has given me dirty looks and I don't really care if they had [shrugs] But honestly I told the midwife that I would be formula feeding my 3rd daughter and she replied "there are 2 ways to feed your baby and we'll do everything to support you in the one you have chosen". I was given info on how to make up bottles etc in the hospital, guidelines had changed in between dd1 and dd2 so health visitors etc made sure I knew what I was doing.

There are plenty of things more important than the big bf/ff debate. As long as you have made your decision after being fully informed and considering carefully, that is quite enough. Everyone else should damn well leave you alone.

I was not in the UK when I had my first baby and to be honest, since I've come back, have been completely shocked by how judgemental women seem to be of each other. I don't know if it it is a UK thing, or if it's universal and I was just insulated from it in my expat bubble before. Either way, it's really damaging.

I did bf by the way, and I still think your decision is yours and should not have to be justified to random other people.

kiki22,
I'm sorry that you have back problems. It can be horrendously painful.

I think you should do what is best for you and I really can't understand why people give other people such a hard time about their choices.

Personaly I did both. I breast fed and formula fed.
Result both lads are very well.

Mind you they are 15 and 11 now!!

Do you know, not one person commented on my choice at the time whether I BF or FF. (with either babies)
It's only since coming on to mn the other year that I hav seen such strong opinions.

Thank you - - these last few points have proven my point and I am with you ladies totally.....

Occasionally I come on to these threads just to remind myself who to avoid.

BunBaker ^"I'm not going to breastfeed. Not because i have a back problem, or anything else. Because I don't want to."

Not judging, honestly, but why?^

That's not judging, honestly? Sounds a leeettle judgey to me...

OP, you'll know better than to start a thread like this in the future. The evidence in favour of breastfeeding isn't the overwhelming tsunami of medical evidence that's referred to. It's just repeated again and again and again, passionately, often by people who put themselves through hell in belief of bf'ings power and cling to it. Your DC will be unaffected by whichever way you feed them.

Formula feeding is a bit like voting Tory or wearing a thong - no-one will shun you as long as you don't draw attention to the fact.

Lemon, if the word "why?" sounds judgy to you you may have issues.

And whilst the differences in outcomes for most individual bf vs ff babies in the UK probably will be minor, to say "your baby will be unaffected by whichever way you feed them" is just ridiculous, and I refuse to let it pass.

lemon agree with you totally, also my eldest 16 hasn't been affected by me choosing to ff him

It did turn into a bf v ff thread then....

''Not judging, honestly, but why?^
That's not judging, honestly? Sounds a leeettle judgey to me...''

Wanting to understand a different point of view is judging.

usualsuspect Doesn't it always

If someone says they don't want to bf that is reason enough

No one needs to be asking why

I'm always reading on here that "no" is a complete sentence

Therefore " I don't want to" should be a good enough answer

kiki22

In answer to your OP - I desperately wanted to BF, for many reasons it did not work out. I DID receive a lot of negativity from the medical profession ie MW/HV in my area will answer no questions whatsoever on FF or give any advice at all, they have one standard little leaflet they hand out which to be honest there is more info on the back of the formula tub. To the Sister at the GenPracs on giving vaccinations 9 months later who screwed up her face and said I would have managed it, if I'd had a lactation consultant. No I wouldn't have. And there was a lot more inbetween.

I had a lot of support/help/direction/instruction/1-1 care (and a bit more negative pressure) at the beginning but due to health problems with both DS and me it didn't happen.

Thank goodness I had support from my GenPrac and other mums who in no way were judgemental and in fact, when they decided to change to FF after several months/year they came to me for advice.

I've noticed my "i don't want to breastfeed because i don't want to" has been bought up a few times.

Without sounding like a snotty cow or being rude - i don't feel i need to explain why I don't want to - it is of no one else's business as to why. My answer of because i don't want to, should be enough. I am not sure why people are wanting me to explain.
If someone said "I don't want to ff" i wouldn't ask why - i would just take it as their choice.
As you were....

ANYONE ....please explain your statement that the baby will be affected by the choice of feed......

dont go sprouting all medical mumbo jumbo cos from my research from talking to friends, watching mothers and babies I see no difference in the state of health of either.
Many bf babies are ill lots of with asthma, ezcema etc and ff ones arent.
I know women who bf and stiil had breastcancer etc.
As for helping the mother loose weight....as far as i can tell and from taking to mums the weight only starts to come off after the bf has stopped.
The stress of bf and then the mother going back to work and the baby needing to go to a bottle is very vrey stressful for all concerned.....

your comments?

''dont go sprouting all medical mumbo jumbo cos from my research from talking to friends, watching mothers and babies I see no difference in the state of health of either.''

Medical research > anecdotal research

it's your decision and my advice would be to stop talking about it to people. Why mention it.

Though I think the wanting your husband to bond with the baby thing is a bit silly. My DH has bonded just fine with our son and I've been breastfeeding for almost 9 months.

if this and the pain killers are the only reason you don't want to then I would personally think again. Fair enough if you just don't want to but the reasons you have given are not insurmountable.

Well I've never known any babies that have been affected by ff so that's good enough for me, also untill they can put a group of children away somewhere taking out all the different environmental factors, feeding after weening differences and genetic factors I'm not going to worry that how I choose to feed my baby for a few months out of it's whole life might cause illness or a less intelligent child

And again if the op doesn't want to bf on strong pain killers that should be enough of a reason

She doesnt need a reason, no one does.

The big factor IME is the gastroenteritis. Having seen how ill and miserable that can make a baby (and never having seen a bf baby suffer from it) I'd go to some lengths to prevent my babies going through it.

I wouldn't go without pain relief for 6 months though, and I wouldn't do something which I was repelled by (DM had a phobia of bf which is why she didn't).

As a clinical scientist, I can tell you that statistics can hide as much as they show, and should never be taken at pure face value. Today a study will show something stops cancer, tomorrow that it causes it. All these things are subjective.

To say that Breast Feeding is better than Formula feeding is ignorant. Its all part of it larger picture.

The pro breast feeding brigade need to get off their high horse and accept that sometimes it is beneficial in terms of the big picture for a mum not to breast feed.

There are huge risks in breast feeding when its not working, eg:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7867686.stm

And further more to posters that continue to breastfeed while taking numerous anti depressants, pain killers etc, caution has to be exercised as some of these DO cross into the breast milk, so don't blindly pursue it.

Breast feeding is not right for everyone. Just accept it and stop going on about it like its the only right option. Formula feeding isnt evil, its an informed choice.