anyone else getting a hard time for not wanting to breastfeed

[kiki22]

I've been getting it from all directions for not wanting to breastfeed and am finding it very hard not to give in to the pressure, My reasons for not wanting to breastfeed are that i have back problems and will need to be on painkillers am currently only on paracetamol and in constant pain can not be in this pain with a baby and i may not always be able to do all feeds if i am in to much pain anyway, also i have a very stong bond with my niece which i believe came from being able to feed her as a baby and would not want to deprive DP of that experiance since i enjoyed it so much.

I keep being asked 'why do u not even want to try it's best for your baby' and on a few occations 'is it not worth the pain to do the best for baby' finding it very very hard not to crack under the disaproving looks has anyone else had to deal with shit over not BF??

Just wanted to add that yes I had some negativity about the ff.
my doula said whatever you do dont give him a bottle.
My Dr said I was weird for expressing
the healthvisitors were constantly asking me if I wanted to try the bf again...

ignore it all...if it is wokring for you - whatever you are doing - then keep going.
I have some friends who just bf and look at me funny when I say I didnt like it and had trouble....
whatever.....

If you can look at yourself in the mirror and say 'I know I did the best I could for my baby' then why worry what others think? If you're going to be uncomfortable that you didn't try to bf then you're the one who has to live with that decision - not them.

I didn't have any negative comments when ff ds1 but did have abit when ff ds3

I agree with you when you say that you wouldn't be happy taking strong pain killers whilst bf, I would be the same even if they were regarded as safe.

FFS Brewster 'To be honest even the thought of bfing - even others doing it...makes me shudder!' is a really revolting statement, if you turned it around and said 'seeing a baby being bottle fed makes me shudder' you would, quite rightly, get a serious flaming. How can anyone 'shudder' at a baby having it's lunch whatever it's being fed?

And then you wheel out the bf nazis line. Really? Nazis? People questioning a decision to FF = akin to murdering Jews? Really?

Agree with Pelvic - there is no need to justify formula feeding by slating or being vile about breastfeeding mothers. How about if I wrote on here that "just the thought of feeding my baby chemical milk makes me shudder"? QUITE RIGHTLY people would tell me where I could go coming out with statements like that. This has actually been quite a nice thread until you weighed in with comments like that.

How about we all just try to have confidence we are trying to do the right thing by our babies, and not worry about insulting people who do it a different way?

I've read all sorts of statements on here from "I hate to see baby's ff" to " I've never seen a baby enjoy a bottle"

But that's just on here not in rl

I heard the bf is weird/gross thing on friday but that was in rl.

Surely its just basic manners to keep that sort of thing including ff nastiness to yourself.

OP yes I did, even when I had to stop BFing for my and families own health and safety

My HV asked in a roundabout way how Im going to feel when DC gets colds, coughs, stomach bugs, possible asthma () because I stopped bfing. I said probably the same way my friend felt when her boy was diagnosed with asthma and has constant colds and sniffles despite being BFed - cant do right for doing wrong.

If you dont want to BF you dont have to, whatever the reason. It really is no-one elses business.

Oh please....
get a life!!

you people are CONSTANTLY harping on and on about bf and I think it is time you were all put in your place.
I am tired of people being so high and mighty on this site thinking they are such fab mothers simply cos they gave their baby a boob!!

Being a good mother is about sooo much more than that and you all need to just support other women and mothers and stop being so sanctimonious about it all.
People have said on here how bad a bottle is and how it is artificail etc etc...get over your selves.
My boy is such a strong incredibley intelligent and amazing little guy who hardly ever gets sick yet I know totally bb kids who are scrawny skinny not too bright things with asthma and ezcema and allergies etc.

Boob is not better....a happy healthy family is better!

'you people' ?

''you all need to just support other women and mothers and stop being so sanctimonious about it all.''

''To be honest even the thought of bfing - even others doing it...makes me shudder''

Pot kettle?

IMO Breastfeeding should be the mothers choice, you have to look at the bigger picture and do what's best for you and the baby.

For whatever reason some women cant or don't want to breastfeed, its no ones business but their own.

At the moment society seems to be intent on laying on a major guilt trip for women who don't breastfeed, not sure why, but its the last thing these mums need.

I wish all those suggesting the OP keep an open mind, did the same.

"Minds are like parachutes... they only function when they're open"

crosshair - I am not gonna be nice and support peole who are constantly slating other women.
I am here to protect myself and my family and those people who are generous and compassionate enough to allow others to make their own choices without judging them and making them feel bad.
Anyone who truely knows me would say I am very easy going about all this stuff....
My point was that 'you all' need to get over yourselves and stop judging and thrusting your opinions and the adjoining nonesense on other women!!

Well you made me feel bad with your ''To be honest even the thought of bfing - even others doing it...makes me shudder''. It wasnt needed to get your point across, But yeah it works both ways.

kiki22 hello - just wanted to say that you should do what feel right for you. being a mum you want to do the right thing for your family and what is right for you might not be right for others etc but it is about your family.

i had to ff my DS1 due to him spending 16 weeks in NICU and having serious liver and weight issues so needing special prescription formula. i felt like everyone would have a vocal opinion on it and was very nervous about ff in public. as it was no one gave me a hard time although a couple of people asked what i was feeding him. i explained the situation and received nothing but understanding so hopefully the same will be true for you.

so the general advice is 'breast is best' but the advice isn't 'only breast' is it? no one knows what it is like to be in your pain and you are the best placed to make the decision. perhaps a well rehearsed comment such as 'I have considered all the options and this is best for my family because.....'

hope everyone can be polite enough not to force their own opinions on someone else as perhaps they are not aware of the full facts of every situation just by looking at someone. x

I will stop offering opinions when people stop posting their questions on MN. I don't really understand your POV. It's as if you are replying to posters on some major bf/ff argument thread, which this simply hasn't been.

Sorry, that was to Brewster.

For everyone who has been made to feel bad about ff, I'm sure bfeeders can raise them a negative comment they have received in the other direction!
Why should we play this game?

TBF, the OP didn't ask for opinions on bf. She got them though. She asked how people had dealt with others questioning her decision. So a bunch of posters decided to question her decision. Doesn't strike me as a very supportive thread from some people. All dressed up very nicely but it amounted to yeah yeah yeah but why don't you try x, y and z? Which is not the question that was asked.

And the fact that you all assumed that she'd just point blank decided without actually looking into her medication etc proved that point. She had decided to ff so it was automatically assumed that she had made that decision based on no information. That's the default setting for ff on here it seems. If you ff it's because you couldn't be bothered/didn't have all the information/are a little bit stupid. You all made it a bf/ff thread, not the OP.

Brewster, I agree there are threads on mumsnet which turn into big arguments about bf / ff where there are horrible things said on both side - but I really don't think this was one of them until you spoke about bf making you shudder, and the "bf Nazi" comment. Yes people did come up with suggestions about how maybe the OP could bf if she wanted to afterall, but that was because of the original tone of the post which did kind of imply she might have thought about it under different circumstances.

You are totally right that feeding shouldn't be seen as the be all and end all, and speaking as someone who exclusively bf I don't think I did it the "best" way for everyone (although it was for me). But just as it would presumably wind you up if people started saying formula is some evil concoction, it does wind me up when you say the things you came up with. Just as I would never try to persuade someone to bf by telling them how evil formula is (rather, I'd say what it was about bf I enjoyed), perhaps you could stick with pointing out the advantages of formula without insulting those of us who feed / fed a different way.

Hi Kiki

To answer your original question, I haven't encountered any negativity about FF in RL. In fact, every mother I've spoken to has been incredibly supportive. One who is exclusively BF tells me not to beat myself up about it (due to various health issues my supply all but dried up, so despite my intention to BF I'm now FF). Another friend who was in much the same position as Brewster - latching issues, serious blood loss, low supply, all leading to major PND - also says she's not sure she'd even try to BF next time.

Personally, I'm still disappointed that BF didn't work out for me. And before I had DS, I'll admit that I was shocked to see small babies being bottlefed rather than on the boob. But mothers in general understand the problems that can be faced and I've been surprised by the support I've had from others. The person who's been most harsh on me is myself!

Gubbalo - I was harsher than maybe was necessary because I am really fed up with all the propaganda surrounding bf.
People have (typical of mn) taking the nazi comment totally wrong (should have expected it).
As people on here go on about ...the need to express their opinion and be honest...It does make me very uncomfortable to think of bfing and dont like the thought of it....I think i am well within my rights to state this on here as other people have said ff makes them uncomfy and think it is bad.

I see no reason at all why anyone should EVER have to justify to ANYONE what they are feeding their babies or why.
It is no ones business but yours and yours alone.

Women on mn are notorious for not supporting each other esp when it comes to bf v ff and I have had enough of it....

I am chuffed I have made a bit of a stir and I hope i have made people think before they go on and on about how fab bf is and the 'bad' side of ff.

Live and let live and let these women do as they see fit......

You are chuffed you have made a stir? And there's a right way to take a nazi comment is there?
Good for you, a successful day's work by the sound of it

Oh grow up iggi

Just to clear it up...

when people say nazi...bf or anyother word in there.....it does not have anything to do with jews or the holcaust or anything as awful as that but it is refering to people who are fanatical about certain issues!!

I did not coin the phrase so.....come on people.....think a bit!

As a Jewish woman who ff fed, I can honestly say I've been more hurt and offended by the comments from friends (and mn) about me being 'bad' - than my Egyptian colleague who told me that Israel (and the Jews) should be wiped from the planet.

alpine - I am sorry to hear that and i hope you took my comment as it was made and no other way at all.
People - mainly women and mainly on mn I ahve found are very critical and judgemental of other woman and how they do things and bf v ff seems to be a huge thing.

A year or so ago this thread would have had me in tears..now to be honest my husband and I have been having a giggle about it all.

I have learnt - the very very hard way that I know best for my family and the choices I have made are the best for us.
Everyone else and their opinons can ....well I shant swear but you get the picture