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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

anyone else getting a hard time for not wanting to breastfeed

308 replies

kiki22 · 09/09/2011 21:54

I've been getting it from all directions for not wanting to breastfeed and am finding it very hard not to give in to the pressure, My reasons for not wanting to breastfeed are that i have back problems and will need to be on painkillers am currently only on paracetamol and in constant pain can not be in this pain with a baby and i may not always be able to do all feeds if i am in to much pain anyway, also i have a very stong bond with my niece which i believe came from being able to feed her as a baby and would not want to deprive DP of that experiance since i enjoyed it so much.

I keep being asked 'why do u not even want to try it's best for your baby' and on a few occations 'is it not worth the pain to do the best for baby' finding it very very hard not to crack under the disaproving looks has anyone else had to deal with shit over not BF??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SoupDragon · 12/09/2011 21:22

Anyone with a modicum of intelligence would know that using the term "breastfeeding nazi" is offensive.

but this is the way these threads always go.

diyvspse · 12/09/2011 21:23

Kiki, you know what's best for you and your baby. There's no point being miserable and in pain in order to BF. Formula is absolutely fine. Just don't fall into the habit of explaining your choice. You needn't feel pressured to defend your decision.

diyvspse · 12/09/2011 21:26

Soup dragon who said bf nazi?

Brewster · 12/09/2011 21:26

SoupDragon - 5 o'clock called and it wants its thread back!
Keep up!!

Moominsarescary · 12/09/2011 21:30

That's because the bf brigade always come on usually making derogatory comments and talking about how superior bf is

Even on a thread asking if ff have experienced negative comments they come on saying you can take strong pain killers and bf, look into it more, as if the op won't have allready done it and asking why do you just not want to bf

Crosshair · 12/09/2011 21:36

''That's because the bf brigade always come on usually making derogatory comments and talking about how superior bf is''

Plenty of awful anti bf comments here as well.

SeldomSeenCake · 12/09/2011 21:37

i say...your baby, your body, your choice.

i BF and it was amazing and entirely MY CHOICE. i was however, called selfish, disgusting and told i couldnt possibly sustain my newborn by BF

BF was perfect for me and my family (i couldnt be arsed making up bottles every day- readily available and at the right temp does me nicely) if you have considered your options and your choice is to FF then tell all the pushy bullies to frigg off and mind their own business.

BerryLellow · 12/09/2011 21:38

'bf brigade' 'bf nazi' etc are really offensive and sneery comments to make tbh.

I think the OP should feed how she wants to, it's no one else's business.

BUT she was the one who talked of denying her DP the chance to bond with their baby by bfing, which just isn't true.

Good luck OP, I wish you all the best, and hope the pain is under control quickly post natally.

MrUmble · 12/09/2011 21:44

This is the first thread I've seen where the bf brigade have been put in their place by the "Formula Feeding Force" ;-)

Maybe now they'll have an idea of how they make people feel when they go on and on about how superior breast feeding is, and guilt tripping those that don't.

IMO feeding a baby is a fantastic way for mums, dads, grandparents etc to bond with baby, not the only way I know, but a great way nonetheless.

Brewster · 12/09/2011 21:50

Why should the mother be the only one to shoulder the responsibility of feeding the baby?
Her body has just been ripped apart and she hasnt had any sleep for goodness knows how long yet she now has to be the only one getting up all through the night feeding the baby then getting up all the next day doing the same.

If it can be shared between family members to give every one the pleasure of giving a bottle and letting the mother regain her streangth and allowing her to have a tiny bit of freedom....then why not?

It took 2 to make the baby, hopefully the partner helped through the pregnancy so why shouldnt Daddy share all the baby duties?

My parents and hubby's parents took huge pleasure in feeding our son.

BFeeders go on and bout how bonding the whole experience is.....but then have a go at women who say they want the hubby to bond that way too.....errrrr make up your mind!!

Moominsarescary · 12/09/2011 21:54

I'm not anti bf, I bf two of my children, what I dislike is people coming on threads where someone has made the choice to ff trying to change their mind and questioning why they dont want to bf when it's not even what the thread is about

I also get annoyed with comments on other threads making derogatory remarks about ff for example " you should get a free packet of fags with every tin of formula to help you cope with not bf" if anyone argues it's the " well your defensive because you feel bad about ff"

Why if people are so happy with their choice to bf can't that be good enough for them instead of them trying to convert the world to their way of thinking

Crosshair · 12/09/2011 21:54

''This is the first thread I've seen where the bf brigade have been put in their place by the "Formula Feeding Force"

Maybe now they'll have an idea of how they make people feel when they go on and on about how superior breast feeding is, and guilt tripping those that don't.''

Really?

Moominsarescary · 12/09/2011 21:57

mrumble I think your right most of the time it's derogatory comments from bf towards ff

I think the reason ff are fighting back on this thread is because it isn't supposed to be a bf v ff thread, it's just been made into one by bfeeders

BelleRomford74 · 12/09/2011 21:59

I was told by a consultant in SCBU with my 2nd daughter that formula milk is just as good as breast milk or they would not be allowed to sell it!!! I was being bullied by the nurses while my 2nd daughter was in there that I must express milk for her.... I did try for many weeks while her life hung in the balance, I tried to express at home & in the hospital with their hideous machine but just like with my 1st daughter I simply had no milk, it was pathetic would take half an hour of squeezing that bloody express machine to get even a drop!! One particular nurse reduced me to tears one day in the SCBU unit with her comments that I was'nt trying hard enough thats when the cons stepped in to say I had enough to worry about & the formula was serving my daughter just fine!! I doubt the milk situation will be any different this time as at 16 weeks pregnant my boobs again have not grown in the slightest!!...Plus actually I don't want to breast-feed!! There I said it..it is not for me & I do not feel guilty at all... it's my body & my baby!! My eldest daughter is 8 & just about the healthiest child I know...she was bottle fed & the bottles were made up 6 at a time & kept in the fridge too!!!!!!!! ;) She came to work with me from 7 weeks old in a damp sometimes dirty flower shop work room, & on top of that if she dropped her dummy on the floor & I was too busy to sterilize it then I would suck it & give it back to her!! What a terrible mother you might say....but 100% truth I can say I do not remember the last time she was poorly or had a cold probably 2 or 3 years!!!

grubbalo · 12/09/2011 21:59

MrUmble, I think one reason it seems like you've put people in their place us because actually the majority of us "bf brigade" don't disagree with the sentiment behind the OPs post. Now if this thread had gone in the feeding section, I can guarantee you really would have seen some proper nasty behaviour from both sides....!!

I still think that most people replying to the original post were not trying to ram it down the OPs throat that bf is the be all and end all, they honestly were trying to help. Ok misguided perhaps, but I didn't see people telling her the usual crap about formula being poison etc etc.

My overall advice OP is to just say you have decided to ff as it's the best thing for you and your family. No need to justify and it can often make things harder (ie I still think dads have plenty of ways to bond without doing the feeding!). I did bf as it was right for me, however I also did other things people would say are irresponsible (ie cosleep) - I found that so long as I was firm about what I was doing and didn't try to back it up or make excuses, then it soon shut people up.

And I still think its a shame anyone is resorting to insults or names as it's just not necessary - like most people who ff, most of us who bf really couldn't care less how you feed your baby! And most of us have friends who have been made to feel shit because they did choose to ff (or couldn't bf), so are well aware of how crap people can be made to feel.

TCOB · 12/09/2011 22:02

Yeah Moomin and Mrumble - go work out all that anger! Those bfeeders are just so awful aren't they!!! And every single FFer in the world is just so, like, awesome!

Fucksake. Pathetic.

MrUmble · 12/09/2011 22:08

TCOB... thanks for your valuable contribution... so good of you to sign off as "fucksake" and "pathetic".

Crosshair · 12/09/2011 22:09

Moominsarescary · 12/09/2011 22:11

I don't need to work out any anger thankyou, and having been a bfeeder myself I know that not all of them are awful

But alot of them are

grubbalo · 12/09/2011 22:16

No Moomin, a small, vocal, tiny minority are - but they're the ones that made themselves heard. Most people who bf in my experience really couldn't give a crap what anyone else does.

Moominsarescary · 12/09/2011 22:22

I've only met one person in rl who was judgy about ff, a realy good friend of mine who was not very happy when I stopped bf ds3 at 6 weeks

I do wonder if some of the people on here would dare say some of the things they say on here in rl

upahill · 12/09/2011 22:36

Where are these judgy people?

I have never met one person openly comment on anyone's choices.

I have heard people say 'Are you bf? If the answer is yes they normal say how's it going?' if the answer is 'no I'm bottle feeding' the comment is usually, How's it going?'

I've been stunned since reading posts on MN.

Like I said before not one person commented on my choice or whinced or raised an eyebrow.

sungirltan · 12/09/2011 22:40

i totally sympathise with the back pain part of the argument but the bonding thing is rubbish and i think the op is leaning on this to justify her argument.

CowboysGal · 12/09/2011 22:41

kiki22 There is a big bf drive at the minute (well for the past few years) health professionals are being sent on courses to promote and support bf. The government would like bf statistics to be higher nationwide. However, your decision in how to feed your baby remains with you and you alone. I'm sorry that you feel such pressure,it isn't fair at all. I think many pregnant women would agree that they feel a bit pressurised atm a couple of my friends certainly would agree with you. I trained as a bf support a few years ago, but I did that as I hoped to support women who wanted to bf and I often despair of the 'helpful' information we are encouraged to pass on to expectant mothers regardless of their own feeding choices. Yes bf can be amazing-if it's something you decided to do and feel comfortable with. You shouldn't have to give any reason whatsoever to not want to breastfeed.

Brewster · 12/09/2011 22:42

sungirltan - why on earth does she need to justify her arguement?
why does she need to argue anything?

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