Things l wish l could put as my facebook status!

[Dummyhunter]

Ok - so there are things l will put and things l wont put on facebook, but l just wondered if there was anyone else out there who would really like to put on a completely honest status and feel better for it.

Here goes - l will go first

If my husband tries to touch my mega sore boobs once more just because 'they look amazing' l will wake him every hour that l am awake during the night throwing up to ask him how amazing they look then!

I would like to write on the wall of one friend;'You're 26, unemployed, living at home, your parents are paying for your stupidly overpriced wedding next year ffs stop complaining that your dad won't buy you a new Land Rover you spolit twunt'.

Hey I deserve that new Land Rover!

Of course you do, make sure it has blacked out windows to hide your face .

The word is "SOMETHING" not "SAINK"

Your kids would probably also appreciate it if you didn't refer to them as "the little shits" too.

I've been refraining about posting about the scary amount of farting I've been doing since getting pregnant. I have woken myself up they are that loud.

Wasn't like this with the DDs!

"Im tired/I Don't feel very well" in hourly updates.

Finally someone with the same problem as me msbuggywinkle! I'm never normally do that but at the min I wake me and my DP up! I'm totally mortified every time I do it. Sometimes so embarrassed I don't move and pretend to still be asleep.

By the way this would NEVER be a status update. Just had to reply to the last comment!

ha ha - this is great

my next post would have been about wind - it has been really embarassing or my hormones poor DH (but if he touches my boobs again he will die!) l hate to think what l would like to write if someone cuts me up in the car again! Would probably go a bit like this

Have just been taken away by the police for forcefeeding some nutter his xxxx after he cut me up in the car

OMG have just realise how violent pregnancy has made me

BM78 is convinced it's not twins - I've had 4 scans, another next week. It is not original or funny to ask if I'm sure and will not be well received. And I've only put on 24lbs so it's not that either. And yes, I do know when my EDD is and yes, it is right. And yes, it was planned, yes I will have my work cut out with 4. And no, I'm not bothered whether it's a boy or girl. And no, I'm not looking so hot today. I was up most of the night puking after catching dd1's stomach bug and wetting myself at the same time. Thank you for your interest. Good night.

Good job it's not twitter eh?

Buttonmoon - apart from the fact this is no3 rather than no4, I could write exactly what you have written. I am being driven mad by the lovely "wow you're massive!" comments and "I can't wait to see what you look like in 12 weeks" and "this one's got to be over 10lb"... "bet you're dying for it to be a girl" etc etc....

after lunch with a friend, he changed his status "at lunch with a hot chick, who is talking about her piles.....ouch"

god love him!

about a year ago I starting deleting people with annoying status updates or used text talk......200 people later and I felt much calmer.

So glad I'm not alone Renaissance!

still tired, am always tired at the moment and yes I know I will get even more tired as I get bigger and then even more with a baby - thanks as I would never have thought about it. (pregnancy making me snappy!)

Yes I am completely sure I am pregnant, I am just naturally thinner than you are. I would particularly appreciate it if you could all stop asking me if I'm sure, because after the last 3 ended in miscarriage I am more than paranoid enough about this one developing correctly. And just because I didn't tell you until I was 19 weeks does not mean I didn't notice, or it was an accident, simply that it was NONE OF YOUR F*KING BUSINESS. Now kindly F*K OFF before I remind you again that you should not be proud of having a bigger belly than me at this stage of my pregnancy.

Thats better

Yes I am in early SLOW labour. No it is not exciting and no just because we are now related does not mean I want to keep me company! I'm sat on a ball attached to a breast pump do F off!

Also: Do not interfere when I'm trying to get your grandson to bed or come in for a chat. It's bloody bedtime and I've had no dinner and I want to crack on trying to get this labour going so just leave!

Sorry one more because I'm grumpy:
PWB: is sick of RLT and bouncing on a ball and stimulating her nipples with a pump. I want consistent contractions damn it!

Esmeweatherwax is 9 weeks pregnant and has hyperemesis of the Arse.

Am I hoping for Pink or Blue this time? Really? Im not carrying a fricken Smurf its a baby!!

I'm pregnant!

If my husband wakes me up tonight breathing in my ear he's going to find himself sleeping in the garage! It's bad enough trying to sleep with PGP without the teeth grinding, snoring, sleep talking, sleep walking, grunting, wheezing and refusal to acknowledge he does any of these things!

Toria that would be mine too.

Last night DP kept lying on his back snoring, and he kept leaning his leg on my PGP hips - I told him sweetly to roll over on his side about 6 f*ing times and spent some of the resulting awake time contemplating sleeping separately for the rest of pg.

I can't be mean to him about it though as we're moving and he's having to do 90% of it as well as put up with my hormonal craziness and whinging.

The never ending attention seeker shits me to tears... You know the one.

'_ has had enough, I can't do this anymore.'

Everyone responds with caring and concerned comments such as 'What's wrong?' 'Are you okay?' etc etc... To be met with un-ending silence.

How about you don't air your dirty laundry on facebook and don't mention anything about your shitty situation, if you're not prepared to tell people what's going on!

Sorry about the rant, but this is perhaps the biggest of one of my PET PEEVES!

apricottears, yep! that really gets me too, bunch of drama queens!

As a hyperemesis sufferer I've often wanted to put:

'no your feeling a little bit sick during your first pregnancy is NOT the same'

'would like to go one day without being advised to try *ucking ginger!'