Things l wish l could put as my facebook status!

[Dummyhunter]

Ok - so there are things l will put and things l wont put on facebook, but l just wondered if there was anyone else out there who would really like to put on a completely honest status and feel better for it.

Here goes - l will go first

If my husband tries to touch my mega sore boobs once more just because 'they look amazing' l will wake him every hour that l am awake during the night throwing up to ask him how amazing they look then!

AlpinePony knows they'll be close in age and it'll be "hard work" (rolls eyes) but it was p.l.a.n.n.e.d. and if I could I'd have been pregnant 6 weeks after the first. Thanks for your concern.

Mine would be 'the next time you laugh when I say I'm feeling sick I will push you under an oncoming bus you thoughtless bitch!!!'
Or
'yes I can dye my hair, have 1 coffee from costa, follow weightwatchers & do whatever else I want because it is my body & my baby & you who smoke & drink throughout your pregnancies need to mind your own bloody business'
Both directed at the same very annoying & opinionated person!!!

"my 18 month old DD has just handed me what I thought was a cereal bar... turns out it's a turd"... I so wanted to post this recently, but wasn't sure my 'non mum' friends would really be on board with it

Peter is wondering when she signed up to do abso-bloody-lutely everything and not just what I want, whenever the hell I want. How unfair.

Moaning alert: I am half dead, v pregnant, working full-time with a "spirited" 18month old to look after, a delightful case of hand, foot and mouth disease and an inconsiderate bastard husband who actually just woke me up to tell me he was off training and I needed to get up and bath ds before bed.

Bearing in mind I have been horribly ill all day, picked ds up after work, played with him, made dinner for us all, cleaned up after it and sorted the odd housework odds and ends out before dragging myself upstairs and collapsing. He has been busy showering and um, watching t.v. for two hours before heading off to rugby for the evening and couldn't possibly have bathed ds himself to help out. Silent scream.

Feel better for the rant. Thanks, guys!

I vomited olives and they tasted the same in both directions.

Mine would read "mrsmichic is disturbed that her DS saw her nipples in the bath tonight and quite confidently called them toes. I know pregnancy makes them larger but f*ing hell DS, toes?!"

MrsMichic - brilliant! I can't stop laughing!!

Seriously. F*ck off with asking me if I've had the baby yet. I will let you all know when it's here. And yes I have blocked my fb wall from posts to stop all these inane questions, so don't email and/or text me with them instead. It's bad enough being extremely overdue without you reminding me.

Some of these statuses have given me a good laugh.

Yes, I do look big. Yes, it really isn't due until October. No, its definitely not twins, I have had two scans. Actually it is a perfectly average sized baby according to the last scan, not some sort of monster. My bump just happens to be large at the moment! Its quite common with second babies you know - lots of growth early on and then not too much later.

Grrrrr!

'eviepoo feels like baby dragon is trying to get out today - no not by the usual route - but through the flesh just above my naval'

Almost shit myself in morrisons today! How glamorous is pregnancy hey?!?
Tempted to put it just to get s response from certain fb friends, lol x

'I just itched an itch under my boobies. Heck, the sweat coming off me, enough to fill a shot glass..it doesn't smell though, I checked'.

apricottears I have one of those friends, but rather than silence, DOES respond with "I don't want to talk about it on facebook"... then why the feck did you write anything on your status you knobber!?!

Anyway... mine today would be... "Strawberrysmum is so hungry she'd eat her fecking cat right now if she thought it was legal!"

Today's would be aimed at my MiL who, despite the fact that we didn't really need to know, decided to tell us about a family member of hers whose baby died in the womb and has had to be induced to deliver it. Just what we wanted to hear on the day we announced our pregnancy. Am more than a little upset - why can't that woman ever just keep things to herself?

Today mine would be... "think I wet myself today. Oh. My. God."

Not having a good day today :(

Status 1
Its a feckin KITKAT not a hand granade! and yes l will get fatter l'm only 14 weeks pregnant (theres a shocker!) but soon as its the first chocolate lve had in 3 weeks up yours.

or
Status 2
The hormones have arrived and DH can do no right and no l'm not friggin sorry even though l know l'm in the wrong!

How many mini twisters in one day would be considered too many? 4? or could I get away with just 1 more?