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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

you WHAT?! stupid/thoughtless comments

225 replies

StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 17/04/2011 22:08

People really don't know when to stop talking when faced with a heavily pregnant woman..
I have severe SPD, making me pretty much immobile. DH went out for a runabout at the park with some mates today and came back saying "today I am aching more than you could possibly be hurting.."
Biscuit

Random woman I know: "I take it you haven't had the baby yet, then?" (I'm 39+3 and visibly pregnant)

MIL, on the phone: "I thought you were calling me to tell me that the baby has started" (only a couple of hours after I told her that we were going to keep things quiet and low key)

"any signs yet?/still preggers?/bump still here?/have you had the baby yet?" from about a million people every day, even after I reassured everyone repeatedly that I promise to let them know when I have given birth. When I I say that, I get "but you might be too busy to let me know". yes, then I would be too busy to reply to your constant stream of texts, too.

"are you sure you're due already, you're tiny!" after 3 months of "oh god, you're huge!"

and of course all the horror stories about labour and birth and having babies... no wonder I'm constantly pissed off and willing to kill someone at the moment...

/rant

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Beesok · 19/04/2011 20:14

This thread just keeps on getting better!!

Keep posting ladies - it honestly makes my day :)

FortiesCromarty · 19/04/2011 20:37

"Who's the father?"

That would be my DP of 10 years Angry

Beesok · 19/04/2011 20:39

Forties you are kidding!!!!! Someone actually asked you that???? wow!

8rubberduckies · 19/04/2011 20:52

When I told my Gran I was pregnant: "Well, was it planned? If so, I hope nothing goes wrong".

When I was crying with pain last week from SPD after a full-on day looking after our toddler ds whilst my partner was at work he said "I'm really worried about your fitness levels this pregnancy and that you won't be physically ready for labour; we should really try and keep you more mobile".

When I called my Mum and told her I had gone to the day assessment unit to be monitored, as I had had reduced foetal movements, but everything was fine: "Well, girls are more likely to be stillbirths as they are weaker physiologically, so you need to keep an eye on her movements closer than with ds". I am pregnant with a girl and she is insane Hmm. This was closely followed by "I am putting my foot down this time, I insist you have an elective caesarean as soon as you are able to".

LovelyJudy · 19/04/2011 20:55

while i can see why all these are annoying and/or funny, it's bloody difficult when you are with a pregnant woman or one with a new baby to maintain a conversation without accidentally dropping a comment that is perceived as insulting.... mostly people are just trying to be friendly, aren't they?

that said, i still remember with huge irritation the GP who 11 years ago, reassured me that my son's viral rash was no danger to me. When i looked perplexed she said, well, because you're pregnant. I wasn't, and not even slightly overweight. i was bf tho... so maybe it was just the huge boobage. Grin

FortiesCromarty · 19/04/2011 21:03

The person asked my sister rather than me directly.

I wouldn't mind but I've only had 2 boyfriends, I'm not the town harlot Wink.

Beesok · 19/04/2011 21:31

hehehe Forties even if you were ;) how is that a polite/acceptable thing to ask? :))))))
Next time someone asks me a completely inappropriate "pregnancy" question I'm going to ask them how much they earn? How old are they? How much their house cost? How much they weigh? How often do they really have sex with their husband/wife or something equally inappropriate and will smile while patiently waiting for their response :)

LovelyJudy I'm sure most of these comments weren't INTENDED to be mean but some people should really bite their tongue...:) What I find irritating is that some people feel that pregnancy is a free-for-all topic and while they would not ask me intimate questions they feel that when it's related to pregnancy it's OK??!?! Esp. when it comes to people you barely know or even random strangers? :)

DrSeuss · 19/04/2011 21:47

I particularly enjoyed the questions from the cleaner at my husband's place of work about the state of my nether regions post birth! Hello, person I don't know, can we please discuss my fanjo?!
My MIL took me aside a couple of weeks after DS's birth to say that she was very worried about DH's stress levels and wanted me to discuss this with the midwife. I did so, much to the midwife's amusement! The fact that her hot and cold running hysteria was the source of most of our stress at that time was not relevant. Before DD arrives, I plan to email her the number for my midwife with instructions to ring them whenever she feels the need or just wants to amuse the medical staff!

NoWayNoHow · 19/04/2011 21:52

When 6 months pregnant taking DH to A&E:
Nurse: "Oh dear, you're not going to get stressed and go into labour are you?"
Me: "Well, I hope not, I've still got 3 months to go!"
Nurse: "Oh, wow, twins then?"
Me: "Angry NO Angry

sausagerolemodel · 19/04/2011 21:56

jeez, chill out y'all...

NoWayNoHow · 19/04/2011 22:03

Oh, also, when I announced my pregnancy (was already 15+3, 12wk scan was late) my colleague said, "Oh, that explains it, I though you were just getting fat" Shock
How hard is it just to say congratulations?

Original poster
StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 19/04/2011 22:40

just remembered, when I fell down the stairs at 32 weeks, MIL said "you really should be careful, you know. you could bring the baby on." not really, and thanks for your concern for my wellbeing!

I had a sweet one from a girl in a shop today "can I ask you something, please? does being pregnant hurt? what does it feel like?" she was about 12, and I didn't want to scare the hell out of her, so I told her that it usually doesn't hurt and that it's lovely, with the baby kicking and all that, while trying not to whince because of my SPD..

OP posts:
brightcopperkettles · 20/04/2011 04:07

I was sick every single day I was pg with DD from 5+3. Multiple times a day and looked into every remedy known to man. Now pg with DC2 and at 14 weeks following the same pattern so far.

BIL's GF also pg, with their first, and doesn't get sick with it. BIL 'helpfully' makes suggestions to me about what his GF does/eats/wears that would stop me from being sick. To the point of sending me through some breathing exercises. At first I found it patronising and irritating but now I just have to laugh.

I also had people suggest sex to me when I was heavily pg with DD to help bring on labor - most stopped though when I grumpily asked if they were volunteering for the job Grin. A little inappropriate in the workplace but it got the point across!

BikeRunSki · 20/04/2011 08:19

When my sister was about 15 weeks into her first pg she her some girls gossiping about her in the corridor at work. She works on a glossy mag in Monte Carlo, everyone is very vain. The girls were saying about how much weight DSis had put on, let her self go, you never knew with English girls etc...

Poor DSis ended up telling work she was pg by loosing her temper with these girls and bursting out "I'm not fat you ignorant cows, I'm pregnant....!"

Pussinflatboots · 20/04/2011 08:25

We had planned a big exotic holiday to somewhere like Madagascar when I got my BFP. Told mil and sil I was pregnant saying 'luckily we haven't paid for anything yet'.
SIL: not that lucky.
Yes because we'd much prefer a holiday to a baby, you loon. Couldnt even tell her to fuck off because she has ishoooos.

nomoreheels · 20/04/2011 09:47

I am starting to avoid going out to any social events because I'm irritable (33 + 5) and tired of comments & feeling left out.

The other week at a birthday drink outing, my friend asked how I was doing, I said I was very tired & felt like a beached whale & she said "oooh, I don't envy you at all!" Thanks! I was already feeling low & like I stuck out (with a bump, how could I not? :) ) - had a (very little) cry in the corner watching all my non P female friends drinking wine & getting ready to move on to a club... Made me realise that all my child free friends are probably not going to really be friends in the same way ever again!

My MIL has been a bit annoyed that I wasn't as ill as she was in her two Ps. She's absolutely lovely most of the time but I was surprised to see that side of her!

springbokdoc · 20/04/2011 10:48

My MIL reminded me on multiple occassions that her morning sickness lasted her entire pg with dh. Then after ds arrived told everyone that she hadn't said it as she didn't want to upset me Hmm

The one that really upset me was from dh just before the 20 week scan. I had just thought of it as a chance to see how big ds had got really and to 'see' him again. But dh said 'oh but it is the abnormality scan - who knows he might have three legs!' Really freaked me out.

AliGrylls · 20/04/2011 11:51

I will never forget DH telling everyone I was having a sweep including his mother who then started asking me how my spring clean was going. I felt really embarrassed - although in reflection I guess my MIL is not naturally funny and it was her attempt at making a boring situation funny.

WassaAxolotlEgg · 20/04/2011 12:17

Kew, if you're still on, I feel your pain. I have twins, and I thus have to warn you it is not going to stop. I had other women telling me tragic stories of bad things involving twin pregnancy/labour when I was in feckin' labour.

Scruffyhound · 20/04/2011 12:29

Fed up of people feeling they can say whatever they like. However after several commnets about my bump im enjoying this stage for comments.

Man that delivered asda shopping:
"Whens it due?"
"last Friday"
"oh well good luck best be off"

thats the ONLY good thing about being overdue people asking then running away becasue of course Im just going to pop the baby out there and then.

Woman from next yesterday:
"whens it due?"
"almost two weeks ago"
"your very daring coming out arnt you!"
"how many......"

I stopped her right there and said
"its just the one"

So I need to lock myself away and not go anywhere (bare in mind I have a 5yr old off school who needs entertaining) and make my self look smaller?!
My advise is when people ask just say your overdue they run off!!! Ha ha.

Not looking forward to being induced on Friday when I will be 42 weeks Sad

100years · 20/04/2011 12:38

I've had on the same day from different people
"oh you're going to be massive" and "well you can't really tell" Hmm Which to believe.

I'm getting bigger now, wonder what the "oh you're going to be massive" one will say next. The thing is I was sick up until 16 weeks, and lost 2 stone, so it's relatively small compared to how huge I could be getting.

And on the subject of losing weight "I thought you should be gaining weight when pregnant, not losing it"

And also "I hope I'm like you when I get pregnant" I think they are referring to the weight loss and how much 'better' I look now - thanks.

I think people just really don't know how to be normal around pregnant women.

scentednappyhag · 20/04/2011 12:44

My friend told me at 30 weeks that she'd dreamt that the baby and I had died during child birth and it felt 'so real'. Cheers for that...

Rev084 · 20/04/2011 12:47

This makes for depressing reading... why are people so pissing horrible to pregnant women? Its not as if you don't feel sensitive and vunerable already. Its not even just from strangers... seems as if alot of it comes from family and OH's too. I had a few annoying comments from passers-by in my first pregnancy (men), "Have you got a TV up there?", wouldn't mind but thats not even slightly amusing, and from a chugger, "You've had a big lunch haven't you?". My OH said I had "swollen bread legs", I had severe preeclampsia... leading onto my mum's comments, "is that all you got?" after struggling to express only 2oz every few hours, my baby was 6wks prem in neonatal. With this second pregnancy, I been heckled by a gang of girls in a car and people keep saying things along the line of looking ready to pop for the last 3 months (am 8 months). Or just generally saying you look tired, pale (am anaemic), stressed (so f* off then). OH tells me to put my feet up but who else will cook dinner, clean, wash up? If not for all this abuse, I'd happily have more kids but instead am thinking of sterilisation.

ipswichwitch · 20/04/2011 12:58

am only 10 wk preg (had to tell work early due to nature of job and decided to tell immediate family same time), and have already been informed by several people that i am going to become absolutely massive by time i'm due, just because i'm "that sort of person". wtf??????? how the friggin hell can you predict how bloody big i'm gonna get n exactly what size my boobs/thighs/arse are gonna be???? are you nostradamus??? and if so why cant you tell me the lottery numbers or something equally useful instead of inane predictions about my porkyness over the coming months?

jugglingjo · 20/04/2011 13:23

Beesok - My DS was born on the 17th Oct - but he was eight days late. So I was well used to people asking me whether I'd had it yet (usually on the phone!) and when was he due (last week Wink)
I was huge with DC2 when we went to Minorca in about July, slightly embarrassing to say I was due in October, but I was so proud of my babies I really didn't care that much, and what can you do ? It's not really like you've been pigging out, is it Wink Though I could quite fancy a nice Spanish pizza, paella or omelette, now I think about it!