you WHAT?! stupid/thoughtless comments

[StickThemWithThePointyEnd]

People really don't know when to stop talking when faced with a heavily pregnant woman..
I have severe SPD, making me pretty much immobile. DH went out for a runabout at the park with some mates today and came back saying "today I am aching more than you could possibly be hurting.."

Random woman I know: "I take it you haven't had the baby yet, then?" (I'm 39+3 and visibly pregnant)

MIL, on the phone: "I thought you were calling me to tell me that the baby has started" (only a couple of hours after I told her that we were going to keep things quiet and low key)

"any signs yet?/still preggers?/bump still here?/have you had the baby yet?" from about a million people every day, even after I reassured everyone repeatedly that I promise to let them know when I have given birth. When I I say that, I get "but you might be too busy to let me know". yes, then I would be too busy to reply to your constant stream of texts, too.

"are you sure you're due already, you're tiny!" after 3 months of "oh god, you're huge!"

and of course all the horror stories about labour and birth and having babies... no wonder I'm constantly pissed off and willing to kill someone at the moment...

/rant

I get annoyed at the "oh but I want to know what your having so I can buy thngs" comment. I dont want to buy things, why do you want to!

and the classic "what, you are sick every day?! is it not going to wear off soon?" I have had hyperemesis, being sick once a day is fucking amazing, not bad! glad its worn off from 8+ times a day!

Secretary at work 'Oh my - are they twins?'
Me - yes
Her - 'my daughter was a twin, the second one died'
Me - shock and horror
Same secretary 3 weeks later - 'I know who ate all easter turkeys. Twin right? my daughter was a twin, the second one died'

Why does she keep telling me this?

Colleague at work - when is your husband having a snip?
Freezer delivery guy - looks at me, shakes his head and says 'I just feel sorry for you'. I was so surprised, I had to laugh.

So on the whole during the day I get the circle of 'you are huge', 'any day now', 'something bad happened to someone I know having twins', pity, 'anything happen yet' and occasionally awe. I'm trying my best to laugh it off but there are days when I just want to go 'grrrr'.

Kew08 - oh man, that sounds awful! People love telling you horror stories.

I haven't had it too bad (am almost 29 weeks) but have had a couple of people saying I look 'fit to drop', which I find puzzling - I'm not that big at all and wonder if they've actually seen someone who is 40 weeks' pregnant.

Have also had comments from DP's side - there is only one other baby in the family and everyone dotes on it, which is fair enough but they are all openly wondering if my baby will be as 'cute' and 'good' and 'easy' as this amazing creature. Feel sorry for my poor unborn baby, if it knew what was good for it it would never come out!

I am in a wheelchair with SPD. A retired midwife, mother of a friend of mine, announced that people didn't get SPD in the 1960s as they wore miniskirtrs so kept their knees together What a loss to the medical profession she is!

narcolepsy I agree!

kew that's horrible. maybe she really isn't over losing her other twin yet and thinks you'll understand or something, but it's still a little inappropriate to keep repeating it at this point.

spatch that's what I keep wondering.. I mean, I was told about 7 weeks ago by one of the shop owners in our village that she feels sorry for me because I'm still pregnant and must be extremely uncomfortable being so big. I haven't seen her since, but I wonder what she would say now, if she saw me trying to move without crying, and only a couple of days away from 40 weeks.

Kew I'd simply start telling people to fuck off. Seriously. Or go in to hibernation .

theonly same aunt that made comments about my arse also gave me a stern talking to about not finding out sex. She was genuinely pissed off with me because it has disrupted her knitting plans. She didn't want to just knit things in white. I simply said not to bother if it was all going to be too much for her...FFS.

Ivy - her daughter's an adult now and apparently it happened quite early on but I just don't understand the need to share the horror stories with me. It's scary enough. Fortunately I have the option to work from home. The last time I was in the office the gawping and the quips just went on ALL day.
LittleMilla - I should tell them to f off. Like the woman who walked past me today and 'Woohoo that's a belly!'. Or the woman on the bus who said 'twins?' and then shook her head with pity.
thanks for letting me vent ladies.

I'm only 14 weeks & DH & I just told our families on the w/e, nobody else yet. This thread makes me think this is def the way forward!!

I am part laughing part horrified at this thread :) I mean, seriously how stupid can some people be??????

I am only 14 weeks, hardly have a bump (well a bit of extra bloat ) and already a few people are rubbing my belly and telling me "oh! watch out - all these crisps are not good you know!" I have a packet of salt and vinegar crisps sometimes because it's the only thing I can stomach on some days - F***g assholes!!!!!! And just to mention that I am still about 4 dress sizes slimmer than all the commentators! I am a UK10 and actually quite fit! Thanks for calling me fat :(

OH and my favourite - after I officially announced my pregnancy a few people said "I knew it, I could tell by your face! (yeah right) you look so miserable/pale/tired...thanks :(

Oh I am so going to slap someone any day now :)

I was accused of lying when a 'friend' asked me if i had stopped smoking since i found out i was pregnant. Seriously not happy As was not addicted and had the odd cigarette and could go months without. Ffs cant drink coffee let alone even pick up a ciggie!

Beesok - just smile and say, "Well, we can't all keep our girlish figures forever the way you did." Works!

Hahaha thanks DrSeuss I am actually quite assertive and just sort of "being nice" for the time being but will surely turn into one pregnant b by the end of it ;)

I was 16 weeks, just starting to tell people and we had met up with family friends, I was saying with a beam that FIL is going to be a Grandad, response from DH of couple:
"What, again?"
We'd had 6 MC (which they knew about) and only foolishly announced it last time as we were 10 weeks and Consultant said it's all good.

Pretty - thats

Just remembered a comment I get often.
Them : When is the baby due?
Me : Beginning of October
Them : ooooh the summer is going to be soooo hard for you! (I live in France)

With one bloke adding "this is why my mum had me in December" (WTF? does he think you just order a baby for the exact moment you want???!!!)

oh PV families can be so insensitive.

Fluffy DC1 was born in august, and that's all I heard "ohh you must be so umcomfortable being hot". Why does being pregnant make me any more uncomfortable in the heat? as a matter of fact, it didn't - more skin, more space for the cold to creep in. I spent most of the summer wrapped up pretty well. also, october is a good time :)

when I was about 20 weeks pregnant colleague's dad came to see her at work, and I opened the door for him. I had met him twice before. He looks at me, puts both his hands on my belly (get off!) and says "you need to stop eating so much!" I had just started recovering from Salmonella, which, incidentally, I contracted literally just after my morning sickness wore off, so I hadn't eaten very much in the past 4 months..

Pretty, that is just a horrible thing to say to anyone! Especially if you know they have a history of MC or even if they already have 2 dozen kids! I hope you pointed out that he was not going to be a grandad "again" but hopefully for the first time. Arseholes!

Best wishes for your future children who I am sure will be here soon.

These comments have cheered me up so much!!

I'm 15+5 and not really showing yet - but if I hear one more person tell me that they didn't show until they were at least 5 months then I'm going to punch them!!

People have very selective memories IMO!!

Aah, so glad to know I'm not alone. Feeling not my best and fed up of wearing the same leggings and tops day in day out, I decided to treat myself to a nice summer maternity dress to fit my sizable 30 week bump. YES, I looked big from the side, but I felt vaguely attractive for once. That was until a colleague at work came up to my desk and said, "I have to say, you do look MASSIVE today!". Why thanks!! What are you supposed to say to that??? Having ranted to my husband about it when I got home (who thought I was slightly overreacting), we took a stroll to the pub. We bumped in to guy we know whose opening words were "blimey, you're big now aren't you - is it any day now?". Errr, no, June actually. "Early June then I hope?". Err, nope, end of June. "Blimey, is it twins??". FFS!!! What can't some people just keep their mouths shut! All this from a bloke with a bigger beer gut than my pregnant belly! GRRRR!!

BIL said today "it would be stupid if you had a boy. you need to have a girl, so you can have one of each".
Why?
"dunno. just would be."

On hearing my news of being 5 weeks pregnant, my sister who I thought I could turn to if something did go wrong said, oh you shouldn?t be happy, you don't know what could go wrong - thanks!

On hearing my news of being 5 weeks pregnant, my MIL who DH thought he could turn to if something did go wrong said, oh well ???. ? sorry to disappoint you!

My sister raided my wardrobe for all my nice clothes, while I was pregnant. When I said I wanted them back in about 12 months, she said why? You?re never going to be a size 8 again?? ? ha! Well I was! and bless her, she did apologise

My sister telling me that when I was in labour, she and her BF of a few months, would come to the hospital with their laptops and work while waiting, ummmmm did I ask you to be there?!?! Promptly told her she wouldn?t even know about it til I had given birth! - and I stuck with it!

After having a EMCS, 5 days later being in a loose nightie at home and my FIL saying to me, don't you think you should get dressed now?!?! ? WTF! It?s my house!?

At the same time, 4 in laws descending on us for 2 whole days, and not seeing any irony in saying at 5pm (after having been there all day and lifting a finger!), we are going back to the hotel for a nap, we?ll be back for dinner at 7! - i.e. we are going to have a rest, you just had a EMCS, but get on with it and make our dinner

My sister seeing nothing wrong with constantly attributing my DD?s characteristics to what my sister does too - No thanks to her parentage then!

My sisters new MIL attributing my DD?s characteitics with what her son does ? ummmm, they don't even share the same genetics!

My mum?s aunt saying to me 3 weeks after the c-section, so I see your going to stay a fatty like your mum ? stupid cow!

An NCT mum, who didn?t know me pre-1st pregnancy saying after I?d shed the baby weight, oooh you?re a lot skiiner now than before! - So what? You thought I was a bleached whale naturally??

FIL telling me my BF baby was greedy as was having a feed every 2 hours ? and sleeping through the night!

FIL telling my DD that she was noisy and needed to be quiet ? she was 6 months old and gurgling!

My mum telling me about 3 months ago, I don't actually like your DD?s name ? she is nearly 3!

the majority of people not comprehending why we would possibly choose to not find out the sex of the baby, but why??? - Because we didn?t want to!

Hahaha! I love my sister really! Not so keen on the in laws  ???

The first WTF comment I got was virtually straight away - I rang my GP to inform them I'd got a BFP. I was put through to a new GP and could hear him tapping away at the keyboard to access my details. When I told him, he said 'Oooh, so the IVF worked then, did it?'. When I pointed out that I hadn't had IVF, he said 'But you're 37!!!' (I'm 38 now) in complete shock, as though I'd just said I was 53. I actually had to convince him I'd conceived naturally! Changed GP shortly after.

I've had a severe headache or migraine every day since week 12. Everyone asks me if I've tried taking some paracetamol or having a nice lie-down (HA!) or say things like 'it can't be every day'. Even my MW has asked me if I'm sure I'm still having them, as she's never known anyone have pg headaches past 24 wks. I'm 36 wks tomorrow but yes, it's very easy to mistake constant agony in your head for lack of pain. FFS!

I also have bad SPD. I've lost track of all the helpful suggestions that it would clear itself up if I did lots of exercise. A male 'friend' helpfully told me that the SPD would go and I wouldn't be so 'fat' if I was a lot more active. As for the people who try to hurry me, saying things like 'I'm sure you can walk faster than that if you try'.... AAARGH!

Oh, and since finding out we're having a boy, I've been amazed at how many people have said to us 'that's a shame - you two would be much better parents of a girl' (It's because DP is very shy and unmacho, we think). Even if that was true (bollocks), how on EARTH is it a polite, helpful or positive thing to say?!

LOL at Scorpette when I was first pg with DC1 at 37 I went to see my GP who basically just refered me to mw. He asked if I had any Qs and I said I was a bit concerned about my age. HE turned to his monitor and said "But you're only....erm...37!!! You're 37!!! Blimey, you'll look a lot more haggered with a toddler in tow."

When I was pregnant with DS3 I had some woman have a go at me in the supermarket, in front of my other kids about how irresponsible I was.

Yesterday my father told me how sorry he felt for DH having to work and then do most of the housework (because I have SPD and cannot bend over or even use the hoover etc etc). Er yes, how about you spare a thought for the person in pain every day and night for weeks eh? You know, your daughter.

And the 'are you sure it's only one hehehehe?' jokes.

I have been very lucky with my SPD in that family, kids and DH have all been very understanding, not so much aquaintances though!

I have been accused of skiving, making it up, exaggerating, etc etc which I used to take offence at and now I just totally ignore. DH earned his biggest stash of brownie points ever though when someone said something to him, while I was there and having a particularly bad day. It was a friends 50th party and the person concerned thought he was being hilarious when he said infornt of a whole crowd of people "Listen mate, she might be pg and got this pain thing but make sure your fucking dinners on the table! I didnt let my wife get away with being a lazy cow!" "Lazy cow" said with a pointed look at me. DH said that if that was the case then he wasnt at all surprised that his wife had left him and that he (DH) took pride in looking after his wife and family when they need him. We fall out and he can be an arse at times, but its things like that that make me love him!

As this is number 6 I have had all the usual "havent you got a telly" comments, to which I have taken to asking why people think its so outrageous to have a big family which usually makes them stop and think! I get alot of backtracking "Oh I wasnt saying you shouldnt have lots of kids, I think its lovely ....."

I was asked if we were "happy" to be pregnant (like if I wasnt I would tell anyone!) and I nicked a line from a female comedian I heard years ago.

"Me and my boyfriend are absolutely thrilled that we are having a baby......my husband's fucking FURIOUS!" :o:o

I know I'm probably unreasonable, but two things have annoyed me at work:

1. women whose children are in their twenties telling me "ooh, I loved being pregnant. It really suited me." I'm nearly at the end of the first trimester, feeling nauseous all day, dizzy, breathless, worn out- I was seriously ill before I conceived, which they know. Makes me want to go back to the 80s, catch them looking and feeling like shit and say "isn't this fun? Ooh, pregnancy really suits you."
2. same ones saying "you think you feel bad now? No offence, crackpot, but you have NO idea what tiredness is." Really? I did my training year on 2hrs sleep a night. A year. I've lots of experience of crying/vomiting/feeling v nearly suicidal with fatigue. But I'm so glad you know better. People told me that my first year qualified would be so much worse than the training, that was bollocks. At least when I've got a new baby I won't have to be in work, vomiting and performing again. I don't think it will be easy, but my logic's sound. And even if I'm wrong, it's really not helpful to say that now when I'm wondering how to survive from day to day.