Hurrah for outraged tube commuter

[Cyclebump]

I travel an hour and a half each way to work and am now 22 weeks pg with DC1. Am starting to get very painful ligament stretching and have prior hip issues that mean it's getting hard to stand for long periods.

Bump is big and highly visible.

Last night on the tube, I stood from Victoria to Ealing Common. I just don't have the balls to ask for a seat but several people saw my bump and took seats anyway, I was even pushed out of the way by one.

Suddenly, man who was also standing got flustered. 'That seat should be yours! Does this sing mean nothing?' he shouted (pointing to the priority seat sign) 'What are you people? Blind?! It's disgusting!'

I gratefully took the seat that was duly offered even though I was only one stop from home.

i remember when i was pg and no one on the bus would let me have their seat and i was huge! i was also suffering spd , i said to my dh very loudly i think this baby could come any minute and a man practically jumped off his seat i think he thought i was going to give birth on his shoes or something

On Monday, my large obvious bump and I were on the tube when a young girl shouted at me that I was standing too close to her new trainers (innit) and that she had as much right as me to space on the train. I hadn't asked for a seat or particularly gotten in her way that I knew of and everyone was rather packed in. I wanted to respond as I would normally do, but just couldn't. I seem to be very adverse to confrontation since getting pregnant. I've in the past stood up to people causing me or others grief on transport and not thought twice about it. I wonder if all these hormones and protective thoughts about my baby make me less confrontational maybe?

My commute is in 2 parts - train and tube - and if all is going well, each part should take no longer than 15 minutes. I don't mind standing for that long. Unfortunately, there are days when delays just go on and on and now that it's winter, the carraiges tend to have windows closed and quickly become airless, stuffy and nauseating.

I think as I get bigger and more tired, I'll be okay asking for a seat at the start of a journey, but it's definitely harder when you've been stood there a while.

My husband won't sit on a train or tube if there is anyone else without a seat! He's my hero and I wish there were more out there like him!

Please please please ask for a seat when you get on

I am a commuter who has also been pg, but unfortunately most mornings when I get a seat I close my eyes, so I (and other like me) may not see you...but I'd be the first to leap up!

As an additional point, even if I did have my eyes open and studying people getting on who may need a seat...I wouldn't think someone like my DP would need a seat, even though he definately does. He has Rheumatoid Arthritis in his spine, and is in severe chronic pain. You'd never know it to look at him. He;d never ask for a seat but he does need one.

So please, just ask...there's lots of us who know why someone would ask for a seat, even if it isn't physically obvious

To all those who say "just ask for a seat" let me share my commute this morning with you.

Got on the tube, it was busy, so I stood in the carriage. After a few stops, a seat then became available directly behind me, so I moved to sit down, but was pushed out of the way beaten to it by a girl in her early twenties. I said to her, very politely, sorry, I am pregnant, do you mind if I take that seat? She looked at me, then sat down anyway.

There then followed a tumbleweed moment where all the other people standing stared at me, and all those with seats studiously ignored me. No one offered me a seat (although bizarrely the desperate-for-a-seat girl then stood up again a few stops away from town)

(I am in early pregnancy BTW, so no bump, but feeling rather sick and faint at the mo)

Please do ask for a seat! I used to be so shy of asking for a seat until one evening the tube came to an abrupt stop and I was sent flying. I was so shaken up about landing on my bump (& mortified at landing on 3 people's laps!) that I ALWAYS ask for a seat now. I've only had one stroppy mare that grumbled, everyone else has generally jumped up with no hesitation.

Also, if you are getting the train, check to see if your operator offers First Class upgrades. I commute in from Chelmsford on National Express East Anglia and they offer First Class upgrades for the last 8 weeks of your maternity leave. It really does make a difference, particularly in the mornings when it's a shove-a-thon to get on the train. They don't advertise the upgrades, so you'll have to search on the websites or ask at your station

Like many I was shy of asking for a seat when I was pg - (and was v.grateful for the first class upgrade) and had huge amount of admiration for the woman I once encountered who got on the train and immediately and clearly announced to the whole carriage "Excuse me, I am pregnant and would be grateful if someone could give me a seat" She was nearly knocked down in the rush

Always ask for a seat if there are none available. I have never had a problem asking for one.

It drives me crazy when people don't give up seats for pregnant women. I have told them to myself sometimes as I know how it feels to be very pregnant and travelling.

I was in tears last week as I had to stand (am now 26 weeks), I am usually really strong and able to stand up for myself, but since getting pregnant I feel very overly emotional! I think I would probably burst into tears if I asked someone if I could sit down. I'm also regularly pushed out of the way when going for the door of the train. I have a very prominent front bump.

BUT there is hope!! I have been informed by a previously pregnant colleague, that if you get your MATB1 and carry it with you (or a copy) then you are entitled to sit in First Class for no extra charge - IF there are no other second class seats available. I've checked the South Eastern Trains Website and if you search then it's there. Also whoever the Train Network is that comes in from Essex they also do the upgrade.

Sorry - my first post and have just seen frothycappuccino's post above....

Oooooooh, good to know about the MATB1 form!

Was all ready to be brave and ask for a seat last night and then so many commuters had stayed home because of the snow that I got a seat immediately. Sigh.

Ok - did a little experiment this morning on the tube (Northern Line). I got up the nerve to ask the young man in front of me:

Me: (Very polite, with a smile)'Excuse me, do you need the priority seat?'
Him: (Looks me up and down and sneers) 'Err... do you need the priority seat?
Me: Well I'm 8 months pregnant and struggling to stand a bit, so...
Him: (Tuts. Takes a very long time getting up) 'Well I didn't know it was a priority seat anyway, for f**k's sake'.

So overall an unnecessarily long and embarrassing conversation while everyone on the carriage stared. But I got a seat and am feeling much better at work (normally already in spd hell by this time in the morning). I still think it would be nice if people would offer, but then again if I was having a super-easy pregnancy, I wouldn't mind standing anyway. Oh well!

I never had to use the tube when I was pregnant but I used to stand at the front of the bus and ask for a seat loudly if it was busy. I wasn't rude just loud and I always got one. You wouldn't let someone with a broken ankle stand up.

I am 36 weeks and usually offered a seat. But, if I weren't, and I was struggling, then I would ask politely for one. There is nothing wrong with asking. If some has a strop about having to get up then it is he/she who is an arse -- not you. Don't be embarrassed. Being heavily pregnant and standing for long perioods is not fun.

There is nothing unusual about my pregnancy (no spd, generally healthy and fit, etc.), but even I feel like I might pass out if I stand still for long periods.

Men are dumb. That's why they don't notice. You have pity them and help them to see the light, even if it means saying "get up, dickhead" (okay, don't really say that... out loud.)

some people are just so rude and dont care,me and my sil and 4 children were going for a long weekend to the caravan.we had pre booked seats as sil has a bad spine and is on crutchhes,so cant stand long.

By the time we got on the 2nd train,dragged cases and children,we were glad to be able to sit down,only to find the train was packed and our seats taken,even though the reserved tickets were still in place with our name on.

A snotty woman wouldnt move,saying well were do i go there are no seats,we explained why we had prebooked and she still didnt care at all.

by now sil was getting upset,i had had enough so me and sil squashed next to her,and to top it all,becase i was so pissed off,i got my 2 children to get on our knees,and made sure she was squashed right into the window..

mean i know but she had such a bad attitude she deserved it,and we made it hard and slow to move when she needed to get off...

Some people are really rube but fortunately they're in the minority. Most commuters are in their own world so probably don't notice you and don't realise you need a seat so please ask. On the occassions when I've asked other people to give up their seats for someone who needs it they've always done it without any complaint. I do find that asking politely helps.

To add to NatChrisBump's post, last time I was pg had to commute for my last trimester an hour or so out of London to a station served by two diff train companies. Both of them let you do the 1st class upgrade but only if you sent a copy of your MATB1 to them first, then they send you an authorising letter. Anyone who commutes on National Rail rather than the tube (including the lines running into London) should check if their train co. does this, it's a total lifesaver.

Nowadays I just have to struggle on the tube and at 17 weeks am not quite at the stage when need a seat yet - but last time I did always ask, politely (most of the time!), either the person in the priority seat if they didn't look like they needed it, or to a fit and able looking young(ish) man. Usually it was women who gave up their seats unsolicited though.

I'm also not beyond quietly tapping people's shoulders when they haven't seen the heavily pg woman standing near their seat (this is when I'm standing myself, obv), that has a v high success rate too.

FWIW, since my last pg my DH has stopped taking seats on the tube altogether (unless there are loads free) for fear of not noticing someone who needs it, or of offering it to a non-pg lady by mistake.

I have started asking for a seat - and it's never the young fit people who give it to me - usually people who already look exhausted (I ask the whole carriage rather than an individual in case I accidentally choose someone who needs a seat also but for another non visible reason).

I always drove to work when I was pregnant but this must be awful to have to stand for so long on a crowded train or tube.

For those who have told their tales of rudeness, e.g. Tallulah, pinky, Mogwai etc, all I can say is what a load of twunts! It also reminds me why I moved away from London. I live in Devon now and as soon as they see the bump people go out of their way to be as helpful as they can. There is something about London commutes that turns what I assume are ordinarily decent people into complete wankers! Must be something to do with crowd psychology or something...

Well done tallulah!

I am almost 25 weeks but have a tiny bump - could be mistaken for bloat by the untrained eye and so I am nervous asking for a seat.

What reaction do you get to the baby on board badges?

I first got one of the Baby on Board badges at about 25 weeks, when the spd first kicked in. It was universally ignored! In fact, I found that people were more likely to NOT offer me a seat when I was wearing it - uncanny.

I did get some pitying looks from other people who were also standing, but people who were sitting down were no more likely to acknowledge the badge than they were to see the bump. So I stopped wearing it.

But that does suggest that people don't stay seated because they're worried that I might just have a fat belly. There must be a psychological reason for this "bump blindness syndrome"! Anyone?

I'm hugely grateful to loads of commuters on packed Southeastern trains yesterday afternoon in the snow chaos, who not only made sure I got a seat, they also made sure I got on to the hugely overcrowded trains in the first place and made space so I wasn't squashed en route to seats I was given. A few even offered me food and drink! (it was a very long journey home...). I am 8 months and looking pretty obvious, but even so, I was really touched by how helpful everyone was.

That said, on the tube it still takes a polite request to get a seat most days. Nerve wracking at first, but I usually find once people notice you and you make it clear you're pregnant and very grateful for their kindness, they're happy to let you sit down.

I used to take the tube for around a 30min journey when I was pg and would wait for a seat to become available (also being one of those too embarrassed to ask).

I was often amazed at how many people would race me for a seat once it was vacated and were quite clearly deliberately not noticing me. You can tell when someone really hasn't noticed and when they're avoiding 'noticing you'
Fortunately, although I was huge - I kept getting asked if I was having twins -, I was mostly okay to stand but the rudeness never failed to astound me.

I kept thinking that my mother would be furious if she saw me doing that to a pg woman and wondering what all their mothers would say!

I always find a vague request to the whole carriage "please, would someone mind giving me a seat" will get several people springing to their feet although have had one incident of a total f*wit saying

"it's your choice to get pregnant, why should you expect special treatment"

I think that sort of aggression is very difficult to deal with when you're emotional so I do quite understand women not wanting to constantly ask for a seat - it does get a little wearing having to do it twice a day every day.

In my last pregnancy I was heaving myself down the length of a train looking for a seat (usually to be found in the last carriage) when I was aware of a man shouting after me. He'd seen me go past and followed me down the train to lead me back to his seat saying "Stop, you shouldn't be standing!". Of course I burst into tears at his kindness and can feel a few tears starting when I think of it now