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Original poster

Hurrah for outraged tube commuter

221 replies

Cyclebump · 30/11/2010 13:49

I travel an hour and a half each way to work and am now 22 weeks pg with DC1. Am starting to get very painful ligament stretching and have prior hip issues that mean it's getting hard to stand for long periods.

Bump is big and highly visible.

Last night on the tube, I stood from Victoria to Ealing Common. I just don't have the balls to ask for a seat but several people saw my bump and took seats anyway, I was even pushed out of the way by one.

Suddenly, man who was also standing got flustered. 'That seat should be yours! Does this sing mean nothing?' he shouted (pointing to the priority seat sign) 'What are you people? Blind?! It's disgusting!'

I gratefully took the seat that was duly offered even though I was only one stop from home.

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LLKH · 30/11/2010 17:52

Cyclebump I don't think you were hostile.

I am impressed with all of you who have the courage to ask as that sort of courage was knocked on the head with me. As I was growing up, it was drummed into me that to ask, for anything ever (barring a Christmas list), was rude, pushy, aggressive, and entitled. The lesson I learned was Keep your head down, don't make a fuss, you are in the way. Obviously, this is wrong but I think it is much, much harder to ask if you have had ethis message reinforced at you over the years. Surely I'm not the only one who was taught this?

And that's why mumsnet is so nice because those of us who were taught the above can come on here and practice making a bit of a fuss with the safety of anonymity Smile. So now, maybe in my next pregnancy, I will feel a little more able to ask for a seat.

TallulahBelly14 · 30/11/2010 17:56

Agreed tainted. And supersunnyday - the difficulty with just getting up might come in when it's super crowded and someone less "deserving" nabs the seat first. At least you'd feel like you'd made the effort - it's all good karma...

thanksamillion · 30/11/2010 17:57

I totally understand those of you who don't like asking people for their seats. The way I got round it was to kind of announce to the carriage 'please can I sit down' rather than addressing it to one specific person. It always seemed to work and to be honest I generally found people helpful and happy to move. I think if you give people the opportunity to help often they'll do so willingly. Much better than feeling awful and seething!

thanksamillion · 30/11/2010 18:00

sorry just realised that sounded really smug and trite and it wasn't meant to be!

witches · 30/11/2010 18:25

i must be the pushy and rude person but as far as im concerned it's basic manners to give someone who needs it a seat. I would be asking then for their seat and then telling them that i hoped someone would treat their gran, mother, mother of their child with more respect if they said no!. Do not be ashamed! i have noticed that manners are particularly lacking on the london underground with regards to this!

maxybrown · 30/11/2010 18:46

NOthing worked for me, two buses and a train travelling for hour and half each way up t0 being 6 and a half months and no one offered their seats to me ever Hmm

maxybrown · 30/11/2010 18:46

NO sorry 7 and a half months actually!

taintedsnow · 30/11/2010 18:47

Why didn't you ask maxy?

maxybrown · 30/11/2010 18:56

I don' know to be honest - because I am not soft. I think maybe I thought they should just be bloody considerate and I shouldn't need to ask, besdes gave me something to moan about Grin no seriously, I don't know. Hormones playing with me?

Guitargirl · 30/11/2010 19:01

I never had trouble getting a seat on the tube/bus when pregnant - in fact have been offered one when not pregnant too Blush!

But when I was 8 months pregnant with DS I remember taking DD to Kew Gardens and no bugger would offer me a seat in the playarea - one man was clutching two extra seats for his wife and her Mum who were playing with the kids and wouldn't even let me have one of those! I do remember having tears in my eyes Blush Blush but I had bad SPD and was knackered after walking all through Kew.

taintedsnow · 30/11/2010 19:01

Trying to keep this lighthearted, but you should've asked. :)

I refer to my earlier posts for my opinion as to why, but the crux is really that I (as a pregnant woman myself) think that you should be willing to ask for a seat and if not, you have no real right to complain.

But oh Lordy do I understand the hormones! Grin

taintedsnow · 30/11/2010 19:02

Last post was to maxy. :)

maxybrown · 30/11/2010 19:41

fair enough! But how about a bit of half decency in the world too? And I have every right to complain as I so wish Grin besides it was over 3 years ago. But I have issues anyway with the lack of common decency - and I am not just talking about things that affect me.

Sometimes it is nice to be offered (anything) rather than asking

taintedsnow · 30/11/2010 19:52

Okay, complain away, but don't expect to be taken seriously if you haven't tried the politeness of others. Some people might not have noticed you, some people might not have wanted to take the chance that you may have been overweight and not pregnant. Don't take it personally if you are not offered. Tbh, unless someone is actually sat in a priority seat, they don't have to give up a seat to you anyway, so it's a fairly reasonable compromise to ask them IMO.

Yes, of course it's nice to be offered something without asking, but you should only really seriously complain if you ask and are unreasonably refused.

And as I said, I'm pregnant, and have been a commuter frequently, and it's lovely when I'm offered a seat, but I don't take it as a given that I'm entitled to one, and if not offered, will ask if I need it. I'm completely happy with it that way as well.

fedupwithdeployment · 30/11/2010 19:55

Perhaps TFL should run a campaign re BoB badges. If I see one, I stand up...am terrified of offending fat people (I have done it and still blush at the memory), and I am really surprised at the people who say they only have a 10% success rate.

sotough · 30/11/2010 19:56

hi, i agree with bigkids - i am always offered a seat but you have to be strategic about it!
before the train arrives i open my coat and pull it back so my bump is highly visible. as i am small elsewhere it cannot possibly be mistaken for fat, which i suppose is helpful. once on the train I move to the middle of the carriage, and just wait for someone to offer. and they always do!
if you stand by the doors people may not really be able to see you.
i've only once had to ask, and never on the tube - it was on the bus, when I was with my 3 year old+his pushchair. I settled him down in one of the priority seats by the pushchair area, and there was a young bloke listening to his ipod lounging on the seat beside my DS. I was sure he'd get up immediately, seeing a mum with pushchair and small child, never mind a heavily pregnant one (i'm 34 weeks) but he didn't move, so i opened my coat nice and wide, gave him a hard look, and pointed at my tummy, whereupon he moved instantly.

witches · 30/11/2010 19:59

have to agree with maxy and if i have a boy he will be taught basic decency and that includes offering up a seat IMO u should not need to ask totally agree its a decency and manners issue! Moan away Wink

maxybrown · 30/11/2010 20:00

Jesus love get off yer soap box! I am completely relaxed about it, I just added my experience - like I said it was over 3 years ago, will never be doing it again, and wasn't being shitty about ay of it. Fare thee well, jesus Hmm

I never seriosuly complained either, I offered my experience, that was all

maxybrown · 30/11/2010 20:02

That wasn't to you witches btw!

taintedsnow · 30/11/2010 20:02

Excuse me?! Please don't call me 'love' or tell me to get off my soap box. Hmm

I gave you an opinion, there's no need to be rude.

LoudRowdyDuck · 30/11/2010 20:04

I think that's not trite at all thanks.

I was on a train yesterday where they'd replaced a much bigger train with a smaller one, so they'd lost all the reserved seats. As a solution, they set the electronic messages above seats to say that reservation holders had priority to any seat, and they explained at every stop that this was the case. It seemed to work really well - at each stop two or three people would call out that they had reserved seats and those of us who hadn't would get up and let them sit down.

But it would be nice if they'd play a similar 'remember to get up for those who need priority seats' messages on tubes/ trains, wouldn't it?

waterplate · 30/11/2010 20:05

I am a teacher and have twice had pupils congratulate me loudly and in front of the whole class "Ooh you're having a baby". These were both last year....on neither occasion was I pregnant!!!

So I can imagine people may be afraid of making a mistake, but then again there are some bumps that just couldn't be anything else!!!

I'm a citizenship teacher so I'm going to tell all my pupils that one of their duties as a member of the community is to give up their seats to pregnant ladies (and anyone else who needs it, of course, but especially pregnant ladies) on the bus! Worth a try... :)

SoLongAsItsHealthy · 30/11/2010 20:08

Lots of people on public transport have reason to want and need to sit down. I've never been sure why carring a baby as opposed to say varicose veins deserves special consideration.

It's lovely to be offered a seat. It's unusual, even in pregnancy, to be unable to stand for your journey.

Does having a baby bump automatically mean you can no longer stand up? I was perfectly happy to stand on the tube when I was pregnant. It was great to sit down, of course, but I didn't really need to.

maxybrown · 30/11/2010 20:11

ha ha ha. Oh dear...........not being rude at all, see all these hormones flying around eh?

where I come form people use the word love a lot, make of it what you will

taintedsnow · 30/11/2010 20:14

Ah okay, sounded rude to me, but regional differences I guess....

Still, for future reference, "get off yer soap box" is rude....

Not hormones at all, just don't like being patronised is all.

But tis done now, so all good.