Hurrah for outraged tube commuter

[Cyclebump]

I travel an hour and a half each way to work and am now 22 weeks pg with DC1. Am starting to get very painful ligament stretching and have prior hip issues that mean it's getting hard to stand for long periods.

Bump is big and highly visible.

Last night on the tube, I stood from Victoria to Ealing Common. I just don't have the balls to ask for a seat but several people saw my bump and took seats anyway, I was even pushed out of the way by one.

Suddenly, man who was also standing got flustered. 'That seat should be yours! Does this sing mean nothing?' he shouted (pointing to the priority seat sign) 'What are you people? Blind?! It's disgusting!'

I gratefully took the seat that was duly offered even though I was only one stop from home.

my DH does this, he gets quite cross, maybe it was him, haha.

I always admire him but also, somehow, feel a bit embarrassed for the "scene" caused.

What makes people like that like that? [ shock] I find it absolutely shocking that someone could be so unapologisingly rude

Am 26 weeks gone and had this yesterday on the bus. That was after walking through snow to get to the stop. I gave dagger looks to anyone I could but to no avail. the bus was crowded and i was squashed but no one cared.

People are shitty but maybe they are thinking about what Jimmy Carr said 'I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing than a fat girl crying'

I suspected he was off his head on drugs TBH. Chandon hope that wasn't your DP then!

Just remind them that pregnant women are entitled to pee on trains, regardless. And that standing makes you more likely to pee...

Strawberrycake - I love your reaction! Well done.

I didn't travel much when pg, no need to - but when I was at Uni, I sprained my ankle very badly and had to walk with a stick for 6m while it healed (would have healed quicker if I'd broken it). People generally wouldn't give up their seat for me on the bus either - probably because they thought I was too young to need it; although I do remember one lovely elderly gent offering me his seat. I wouldn't take it though - he was in far more need of it than I was! The bus drivers were mostly very good though - if I was hobbling towards the bus stop when they arrived, they would actually wait for me - one even stopped short of the bus-stop for me.

I think Chandon was replying to the OP, dustydolphin, not you! :)

Ask!

I never found standing near priority seats and staring to be very effective. Shamefully the only people that would work on were tourists. The English commuter has a thick skin.

I was shocked to how many people would, I'm sure, feign tube coma. They'd see my bump and then pretend not to have. Then I'd say with a pitiful smile 'Excuse me but do you mind if I sit down?', or 'Sorry but I NEED to sit down' with my hand on my bump and they'd pretend to see it for the first time and jump up apologising.

If they're disabled they've done very well getting anywhere near a tube in rush hour and they'll probably be quite happy to point it out and in that case someone sitting nearby will probably get up.

If you can't do it for yourself do it for your baby if that makes it easier. He/she won't want to be elbowed or have it's mum get all stressed and tired.

Speak up and enjoy having and excuse to demand a seat. It's one of the perks of being pregnant.

Well done that man!

I wish I'd seen this thread earlier today. I took DD (4) to have her haircut and as we were early popped into Sainsburys for a couple of bits.

I am on crutches, due to severe SPD, and in a fair amount of pain. DD - bless her - picked up a basket for the shopping but once we'd picked up some chicken it was too heavy for her and kept banging into her legs and hurting (it was an old heavy wire one) so I took it off her. I also wanted to get her some new wooly tights for school but didn't know if that branch sold them so hobbled to the Customer Service desk to ask. I am very obviously pregnant btw.

I politely asked the lady at the desk if she knew if they stocked tights. She stared at me as though I'd asked for a pink fluffy dildo and said, "I don't know". I said, "Okay, thanks" (again pleasantly) and went to walk off to find someone who knew - there were plenty of staff nearby. As I moved off she suddenly said, "I'd have to look". Me - stupidly thinking this was an offer of assistance - smiled with relief and stood there like a moron whilst she stared at me. When it became obvious that she wasn't offering I asked where they might be and she directed me to the other end of the store.

So - is this appaulling service or am I being over sensitive and expecting too much from Customer Service.

In fact, I may well email Sainsburys and complain. Grr.

I found it's usually other people standing up who say "excuse me, do you need a seat?" rather than the people actually sitting down in the priority seats, which then prompts someone to begrudgingly stand up!

Given the number of stories in here which talkn about people hiding behind the Metro, I wonder whether the Metro should run a campaign explaining why pregnant women need to sit in many cases even well before bump shows. How do we start a revolution!!?

I've been pretty shameless about dressing pregnant, asking folk to move and always wear my BoB badge, and on the whole people have been nice, until last night when I took a seat and then got shorty comments from a very able young man about thinking I had 'rights' o don't have as he wanted to sit there. Er, yes I am 7 months pg, I have rights...

LilRed - that's abysmal. Email Sainsbury's and complain for sure. Although next time, find a floor staff member instead - they're supposed to take you to where the item is. Not sure if the Customer "Service" person is allowed to leave the desk unattended. They still could have called someone to help you though!

I am 29 weeks and have been having the baby on board badge issued by London Underground for the past 2 months and it works around 10% of the time. I haven't yet have the guts to ask for a seat and normally just hope someone will spot me and willingly give me their seats. It works better when the guy is with his girlfriend/wife.

It also doesn't help that now is winter and I don't look as pregnant as I do without coat.

You know, I don't understand why it was different for me, but when I was pregnant and travelling on the tube 2-3 times a week, I virtually always got offered a seat. I think I can count on the fingers of one hand the occasions when I didn't. Maybe it's cos I'm short and probably look younger than I am (not that much younger, mind - we're talking late 20s instead of mid-30s!). I don't think I behaved in any particular way, didn't even need to sigh and stroke my bump particularly. I've often wondered why I was lucky enough to get a better experience than most people seem to... Very odd.

Lilred That's terrible. Definitely complain!!

Back on the tube, has anybody seen the Nandos 'Introduce a Pregnant Lady to Nandos and she'll give YOU a seat', posters above the priority seats on some tubes? I'm not sure whether they serve as a reminder that people should give up their seats or imply that pg ladies don't really need to sit. Depends on how hormonal I'm feeling whether they annoy me or not!

To add to the stories of nice people making it easier, I got on a bus when 8 months pg, and before pulling away the bus driver looked back and saw me standing and holding a rail. So he stopped the engine, got out of his cab bit, and said "I'm not moving until one of you shows some manners for a pregnant lady". Bless him.

On the Underground I was standing one afternoon, in a half crowded carriage (not full, but no spare seats), and a young American woman got up from her seat which was half way up the carriage from where I was standing, and said loudly "Would you like my seat?", which naturally made all the British men quickly snap out of their Metro revery, and stand up to offer me theirs. I wonder if it was anything to do with the American girl being quite beautiful....!

I would never ask for a seat on the tube. Often people have hidden disabilities and some might be recovering from cancer/some other debilitating disease.

However, often I found that people just dont give a shit. On the circle line I once saw 6 ladies of around 22, nattering away about where they were going drinking that night, while I stood on my hugely puffy feet, very big at 34 weeks pregnant. They all saw me. The one in the priority seat had her laptop and briefcase out, she had no intention of moving. When I finally managed to sit down, I called them cunts and I stand by it!!!

When I was about 8mths pregnant I was once allowed into the driver's carriage at the front as the tubes were so incredibly busy no-one could even get on let alone get a seat. I was standing at the drivers end of the platform and he just signaled to me to hop in with him!

He said he was seriously breaking the rules and made me wear a day-glo yellow jacket so I looked like a member of staff!

Restored my faith in mankind for ages that did

As for giving up seats, to be honest, I don't think people are deliberately not giving them up, I think they genuinely are engrossed in their papers/iphones etc and just don't look up. And I do agree with that person who said that asking for a seat isn't great cos you don't know about hidden disabilities, or recovering from illnesses etc.

I'm so glad I'm not alone in being too frightened to ask.

PGWomble I hate that ad. Of course, I am 37 weeks pg so may not be entirely rational.

The strange thing is that, while I generally don't like things that imply that all pregnant women have the same experience, I do think that offering your seat to a pregnant or possibly pregnant woman or anyone who looks as if they might need it more than you should be standard. After all, the person to whom you offer your seat has two possible replies "Yes, thank you so much" or "No, thank you, I'm fine." Better to err on the side of politeness, I think.

As to asking which, on the face of it, seems to be the simplest solution, I think many of us have been conditioned from an early age to never ask for anything so we are not perceived as pushy or entitled. So it is far easier said than done.

The man in the OP's post sounds like a gem. DH did something similar for me the other day and it was quite a morale boost.

Sadly I think the only way is that if no one offers you a seat and you want one is to ask v politely, I hate all the passive aggressive behaviour huffing and bump rubbing, I think it's plain rude tbh, manners get you further and although there are some rude people out there blatently ignoring us when we're pregnant some people are just engrossed in paper, blackberry and not aware! Also some people may require a seat more but may not be obvious. It would actually pee me off and make me stay sitting where I am if someone started huffing and glaring at me etc!!

Interestingly the point in my pregnancy when I most needed a seat was the first 18 weeks when I had sickness and that's the time when it isn't obvious. I always get up for people who need seats but a couple of times I saw elderly or heavily pregnant women and felt awful that I was still sat down but if I had gotten up I would have passed out, I guess it's the early days the BoB badge is useful just to make people aware though I got one I couldn't bring myself to wear it!!

I didn't start showing really until I was 28-30 weeks and towards the end when I had a definite big high bump (I was all belly so no way could have been confused with fat!) I was shocked at the amount of grown men who pretended not to see and this was July/August so wasn't hidden under a coat!

Once someone up the carriage did get up for me and I was heading towards the seat and another pregnant woman leapt in it saying she was pregnant too! Fair enough she may have needed a seat but she shouldn't have nabbed mine lol! Also the whole carriage witnessed all this and no one else got up for me, I was standing all the way to London Bridge!!

I was returning to uni one day and had booked a seat for the train to London. When I eventually got on, and found my spot, the card was there in the seat, and so was a lady feeding her very young baby - no more than about 6 weeks old. There was no way I was going to ask her to move.

There were no other seats, so I took my bag, which was mainly full of clothes and so felt quite padded and sat in the end of the carriage. After about 15 minutes, the conductor came along, checking tickets, and looked as if he was about to give me a gobful about where I'd sat down. Before he could start, I showed my seat reservation on my ticket, and told him who was sat there already. He did a [cat's bum mouth icon] and stalked off. He came back a minute later, just saying "Follow me". I was only a kid really, just 18, grew up in a small town, on the 2nd or 3rd time of going to London on my own, had no clue of what he was planning.

He took me into 1st class, where I was completely alone in the carriage, and got the waiter out of the restaurant car to get me coffee and a muffin on the house.

I was happy enough to let the lady with the baby stay in my seat to start with - would have preferred a seat obviously, but we don't always get what we want, but the actual outcome was far better than I had ever expected.

But that was WAY back in 1996!!

I get offered a seat almost everytime I use the tube (admittedly not rush hour). I am not pregnant, just sort of baggy of stomach area. It's awkward.

I found that if nobody had offered me a seat within 10 seconds of getting on the tube (a quick scan of faces tended to reveal the avoidant vs. genuinely oblivious) then I would simply say to someone "excuse me, I'm pregnant, would you mind offering me your seat" (and usually by the time I'd got to "would you mind" someone would have leapt up). I targeted those people sitting in the priority seats but someone would always get up with alacrity. I did this well before I was showing too, as I tended to feel v sick and people's BO (not ideal for tube crushes) turned my stomach in the early weeks.

I think you just have to ask as a matter of course, before you've had time to get cross about it - standing and fuming just adds to the stress.

While some people really are rude and thoughtless, some are just daydreaming/immersed in their book or otherwise zoning out of the hell that is the rush hour.

Mammie you'd never ask for a seat but you call people who don't give you one cunts!! Nice one. Do you enjoy playing the matyr? Why not just ask, take a seat & relax for your journey???

You don't have to ask people in the priority seat either if you think that they may be in need - really any able bodied well person should reasonably give a seat up if asked to by an elderly/disabled/sick/injured/pregnant person or someone with a young child. They just hide in the crowd thinking someone else will stand up or be asked.