Hurrah for outraged tube commuter

[Cyclebump]

I travel an hour and a half each way to work and am now 22 weeks pg with DC1. Am starting to get very painful ligament stretching and have prior hip issues that mean it's getting hard to stand for long periods.

Bump is big and highly visible.

Last night on the tube, I stood from Victoria to Ealing Common. I just don't have the balls to ask for a seat but several people saw my bump and took seats anyway, I was even pushed out of the way by one.

Suddenly, man who was also standing got flustered. 'That seat should be yours! Does this sing mean nothing?' he shouted (pointing to the priority seat sign) 'What are you people? Blind?! It's disgusting!'

I gratefully took the seat that was duly offered even though I was only one stop from home.

[BigHairyGruffalo]

Just a word of warning to people who seem to be gearing themselves up for the aggressive strategy... A friend of mine was on a train last week; there were quite a few elderly people on this train but she is very ill and somebody offered her a seat. She is in her early twenties, attractive, fairly presentable, and although she look very pale at the moment, it would not be easy to guess that she is suffering from an illness which leaves her unable to walk more than 100 metres. She was on her way to an appointment to see if she will be put on the waiting list for a lung transplant. At one stop, a pregnant woman got on the train, looked around and marched up to my friend (who was sitting in a priority seat) and demanded, not asked, to sit down.

My friend tried to explain that she was not well, but the woman ranted at her loudly in front of the whole carriage about how an able bodied person should give up their seat automatically to somebody who is pregnant and that my friend?s behaviour was shameful. My friend (who was by then being given dagger looks by other passengers) gave up her seat and sat on the floor as she really can?t stand for long period of time. The stress was not good for her and she started coughing up large quantities of blood. The pregnant woman just moaned loudly that my friend could infect and damage her unborn baby and when she went to use the toilet, she stepped over my friend and kicked her in the face without a word of apology.
Of course you should ask for a seat if you need one, but if somebody has not offered their priority seat, it could be for a good reason.

[maxybrown]

nah not being rude at all, you sounded het up to me that was all! But pregnancy does make you see things differently

I think, looking back that actually I didn't give two hoots about standing up, it was more the fact I was very tired, very very emotional and hated my job, so commuting for that long just made it all worse - of course no one on the train/bus knew how long I had been travelling or that I hated my job. At the time I think had I asked anyone for a seat I would have burst into tears.

Now however I ma back to my normal self, saying what i mean and think Just like I don't think I deserve priority with a pushchair

[kingfix]

I think a general request to the whole carriage is nicer than a targeted one, as as many of you have said, who knows who is ill, etc.

And in praise of unknown men who stand up for pregnant ladies, can I shout out for the man at Tottenham Hale on the day of total tube failure who ushered me to the front of the enormous taxi queue and managed to make the rest of the queue laugh about it rather than mutiny. My Dh will buy you a beer in gratitude!

[maxybrown]

yikes gruffalo! Bloody awful - there is always that isn't there? And things like arthritis etc sometimes can be unseen.

[BigHairyGruffalo]

Sorry, I didn?t realise that would be so long!
I also had a friend travelling by bus from the hospital after miscarrying her baby at 24 weeks, in huge amounts of physical and emotional pain, being told (not asked) by a pregnant woman that she should move. She said she was crying and that the pregnant woman could probably see that, and picked on her rather than the young men on the bus because she looked like ?an easy target?. :-(

On a more constructive note, someone I travel regularly with always gets offered a seat. Young, not disabled, doesn?t look pregnant. Everyone always offers her a seat, the young/the old/male/female, she usually declines but is offered without fail. I asked her why she thinks this happens, and she says it is because she looks so happy and smiley all the time (she really does, and it is infectious!). This got me thinking, are you more likely to be offered a seat if you approach people in a friendly way than if you step on to the train/tube/bus with a face like thunder and spoiling for a fight?

[cupcakebakerer]

I am 20 weeks and I get so annoyed at people not offering me a seat. But then I get really annoyed at myself for feeling annoyed as I have had a really easy pregnancy and to be honest don't really need the seat - it's more the principal I'm getting myself worked up about. Also as I'm quite tall and slim in my winter coat you probably can't tell I'm preggers...

[ThisIsYourSong]

I was hardly ever offered a seat during my pregnancy, apart from the last week of work - when I was 30 weeks pregnant with twins. Once though, I asked a young attractive woman in a short skirt if I could have the priority seat and she stood up for me, only for two men to offer to give up their seats for her .

[fruitstick]

I waa on the tube today and a woman got on with a very unhappy toddler. I was sitting next to the priority seat but the man in it, and the woman opposite, showed little signs of moving, despite watching her struggle.

So I offered the lady and little girl my seat and stood up.

I did feel that I had the last laugh however as the man then had to sit next to the (very loud) squawking toddler for the rest of the journey

[fruitstick]

Also, when I was pregnant I would often ask people for seats very loudly.

It does work

[kingfix]

I think the priority seats might not be such a good idea as they can lead to people in the other seats thinking 'buggered if I give up my seat when the people in the priority seats don't.'

[kingfix]

not you fruitstick though, obviously!

[oxeye]

What's interesting is that quite a few of us have had help with other people speaking up on our behalf.

Can I just add my thanks to the gaggle of people who offered me a seat, water, a mars bar and help getting home one very hot day in 2006 when I was pregnant on the tube- I obviously looked overwrought - I was just tired but very grateful! Thank you nice people of the District Line!

[bigkidsmademe]

I wonder if different lines have different types of people? More stressed or something? The Northern liners have been lovely. I've been offered a mars bar too! And a seat every day. I never ever get different lines though, so can't compare...

[Miffster]

I used to be embarrassed to ask but now I open my coat, so bump is visible as I get on train, go up to the priority seat, smile politely and say to the person sat in it, 'excuse me, do you need the disabled and pregnant seat, or can I have it'? This gives them the option of saying 'yes, I have sciatica' or whatever, or 'no, you have it'.

[ThisIsYourSong]

Noooooo, keep the priority seats! They don't have them on the train (at least for pregnant women) and then NO-ONE gives up their seat, as they feel they don't have to as they haven't been 'told' to. And people feel like they can't ask anyone (well I didn't) as there are no priority seats for pregnant women!

[cupcakebakerer]

At what point in pregnancy is it acceptable to ask without feeling like an idiot?

[DilysPrice]

It's definitely more difficult in the winter. There's a particular stance I used to use which would always get me a seat when I wanted one - it just radiated GIVE ME A SEAT BECAUSE I'M HEAVILY PREGNANT to the relevant parties. But I had summer babies, and even my Passive Aggressive Body Language Of Doom would have struggled against five layers of insulation.

[kingfix]

and don't forget the magic of eye contact! When I've been offered a seat (nearly every tube journey: take a bow Victoria line southbound passengers!) they've rarely spoken, just made eye contact and looked enquiringly. That way if I was only fat (I'm both) I could ignore, but as I'm also pg I can smile gratefully and graciously and sink into the seat.

I have seen people eyeing my bump anxiously, obviously trying to decide whether I am or not and I boldly smile at them and they usually stand up.

[Changebagsandgladrags]

I used to just get on and ask straight away. None of this hanging around waiting to be offered. I have even tapped people on the shoulder if they have headphones on/are trying to ignore me.

One time while preggo I got a seat and then another preggo woman got on. She gave me evils the whole journey. I wanted to say "look woman, if you want a seat, just ask"

If you ask, what's the worst that can happen? Someone could say no (although never happened to me). The worst things that happened to me were that people were a bit embarrassed at being asked rather than having offered.

[witches]

OMG Hairy Gruffalo I am totally gobsmacked by ur story shocking - agree lots of hidden disabilities / issues easy to assume they don't need it. This is your song that made me chuckle although just shows u people do notice but choose whether to do anything!

[bickie]

Just get on and say to someone straight away 'Excuse me. I am pregnant. Do you mind if I sit down.' I did it for all of my pregnancies and never stood on a tube. Not embarrassing at all. Just a quick way to get a seat.

[SparkleSoiree]

People know what is right and wrong. Anybody that does not offer their seat to a pregnant lady/disabled person/somebody that clearly needs it is selfish.

[Pacita]

I am 32 weeks and bloody huge. My bump is round, high, and sits on top of spindly legs, so it is very obvious it's a baby bump. I commute into London by train and on the victoria line, and very rarely get offered a seat.

I actually have no problem asking if I really need to sit down, but on the few occasions I have done (to people sitting on priority seats, mostly), I have had to put up with some really dirty looks. I really don't get it. And what I found most frustrating is the fact that it tends to be young women and besuited men who tend to be least sympathetic, with young men being the most. I find it quite baffling.

[rockinhippy]

I used to commute, niavely even past my due date & rarely did I ever get offered a seat & the only time it ever happened wre generally older Gentlemen I was visibly pregnant, as in I was stick thin with a 9 month bump on show & STILL no offers

I was exhausted & got so fed up, I once even stood in the middle of the isle one time & announced loudly, "which of you kind people sitting in the priority seats is going to give a pregnant lady a seat ---lots of embarrassed shuffling & looking at feet, but NO-ONE got up or offered

so glad I don't live there anymore

[SparkleSoiree]

Older Gentlemen rockinhippy come from a different generation..maybe that has something to do with it?