Hurrah for outraged tube commuter

[Cyclebump]

I travel an hour and a half each way to work and am now 22 weeks pg with DC1. Am starting to get very painful ligament stretching and have prior hip issues that mean it's getting hard to stand for long periods.

Bump is big and highly visible.

Last night on the tube, I stood from Victoria to Ealing Common. I just don't have the balls to ask for a seat but several people saw my bump and took seats anyway, I was even pushed out of the way by one.

Suddenly, man who was also standing got flustered. 'That seat should be yours! Does this sing mean nothing?' he shouted (pointing to the priority seat sign) 'What are you people? Blind?! It's disgusting!'

I gratefully took the seat that was duly offered even though I was only one stop from home.

[CJ2010]

Call in sick, stuff work!

[emmie31]

I think I'm quite lucky where I live as most people ( not everybody of course) are still quite thoughtful, but on a weekend break in London I must admit I had a huge culture shock, I was 7 months pregnant and travelling on the tube was an awful experience, My husband did ask someone if they minded me sitting down but they didn't even look up. The tube is a very strange place. I remember a friend of mine moved to London (since moved home) and she said that she travelled the train and tube every morning to work, saw the same person every day and not once did they look up. In our bumpkin town they'd have been chatting away after a few hours..

[JintyMcGinty]

I am 32 weeks, very obviously pregnant and have an hour commute on train and Tube. Generally, I find Tube passengers politer and more willing to jump up than the suits from Surrey who hide behind their Daily Telegraphs in the morning.

To add to the stories for peole who say "Just ask for a seat" - I do. I have no problem asking politely for a seat and have done so and people are generally very kind, but on the way home two nights ago on a packed train out of Waterloo, I asked a smartly dressed man who was sitting in a priority seat if I could sit down. He looked up from his paper, pointed to the notice, sneered, and said "You're not disabled, just pregnant and not a special case". The sign said "Please give up this seat for a disabled person". I was absolutely mortified (over emotional pregnant woman = me) and I could feel tears welling up so I walked away and stood holding the pole. A woman who happened to be sitting next to him - also in a priority seat - just turned her iPod up and stared at the floor.

[Schroedinger]

Jinty this is truly awful! I passed out on the platform at Waterloo East last winter when pregnant with my second. I was only 8 weeks pg but had really bad MS. Ever since I have asked for a seat and usually people would give up theirs. I just viewed it as something I was doing for the baby rather than myself which made it easier. Also think it has become worse since I had DC1 5 years ago.

[Mytholmroyd]

We got on a very crowded tube with our children this summer and had to stand at the end. DS who is four had his arms tightly clasped around DH leg to hold on but after a couple of stops started to fall asleep from the warmth and motion. Try as he might to stay awake he couldnt and he then, interspersed with several jerks awake, slowly slid down DH leg into a heap on the floor.

At this point several people in the carriage started laughing (not in a nasty way - it was very funny) and offered DH a seat. Just needs the ice breaking sometimes - having travelled on the tube years ago when I worked in London it was odd going back with young children who dont know the "rules" about not looking people in the eye etc!

[makeminemango]

You do have to ask. I am australian and had no reservations about asking for a seat during my two pregnancies. Though on the tube I got told 'no' on two different occasions. I was shocked- once it was by a woman sitting in the priority- but noone exactly jumped up to rectify the situation. The tube is nasty, it brings out the worst in people, and scary when you are pregnant and being pushed by a crowd of people who cant see your bump. In the end, i started taking the thames clipper service on the river. When I later appeared with my new baby, people came up to see after seeing my pregnant for months

[fabfashionista]

Didn't gurgle.com do a campaign about this? I've seen a couple of people on the tubes wearing their baby on board badges. I've often wondered if they work though....

[lucielooo]

Well I don't ask for a seat because I personally don't feel like I have a right to it because I am pregnant. In my case, if the train is too full to get a seat I could wait for the next one so I'm first on and able to sit down. BUT I would still really like it if someone would offer me one when I'm standing and think it's a rude that they don't. I don't see any contradiction in that :)

[sh77]

Nobody is saying that pregnant women have a right. But, I bet most pregnant women are tired and achey and don't fancy battling for space on a packed tube or train.

[Cyclebump]

I don't mind standing if I feel well enough and don't see it as a right. Am definitely going to be brave and ask politely next time I need to sit though. My sister pointe out it would be very rude to pass out or throw up on someone and if I feel like I'm going to it's far more polite to just ask for a seat.

[KittyFoyle]

I have been offered a seat 3 times in total on the tube druing 3 pregnancies. Too proud to ask. Besides, once I'd sat down I was too bloody fat to get up again.

[KittyFoyle]

Although my tubby friend who has never had children was asked if she'd like to sit down twice last week. She was very pissed off.

[lovemysleep]

I had a similar experience when I was heavily pregnant, and this was on the Park and Ride in Worcester, so hardly the madness that can be the tube.
I had to stand, whilst lots of very able and healthy looking, respectable people sat down.....I deliberately rubbed my bump, and looked at people, but still, incredibly, no-one offered me a seat. They looked like the kind of age-group that would whinge about the lack of manners these days, but still none of them could bear to give up their seat. If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again, and am in the same situation, I'd like to think that I would politely ask someone to give up their seat, because no-one would ever have the balls to decline!!!

[MumNWLondon]

sorry you just have to ask, i found it easier not to ask anyone in particular, just say loudly - i'm x months pregnant and i'm finding it hard to stand, who will give me their seat?

also make sure you have a baby on board badge.

[PGWomble]

fabfashionista I have found that the Baby on Board badge works without fail when I get on the train in Balham of a morning, but I always have to ask when I transfer to the Central line and often have to ask on my Northern line return journey...

[kingfix]

where do your wear your BoB badges? I think people don't notice them on your lapel but I haven't got the face to stick it on my bump at sitting down tube commuter's eye level.

[Cyclebump]

I was wondering about badge position. I'm tempted by putting it on the bump (eye level with my target audience) but it's worked a few times high up on my lapel area. I wear it on my jumper. If I feel energetic and fine I keep it hidden, If I feel weird I unzip my coat to reveal both bump and badge.

[FrameyMcFrame]

What are these baby on board badges, is there a link?
I think I may have felt a little sill wearing one, though I do think they're a good idea.

[Cyclebump]

This is an old BBC story on the badges here.

TfL give them out at tube stations if you ask.

[lucielooo]

SH77/Cyclebump.. sorry that didn't come out right! I meant that in relation to the people that are saying you don't have a right just because you're pregnant (as in, I know, that's why I don't ask) Confused?! Think I've confused myself!

Anyway was just speaking to my pregnant work friend about this.. she's 28 weeks and had to stand for 4 hours getting home in the bad weather yesterday and even when her nose starting bleeding no-one offered her a seat. She's very obviously pregnant as well :(

Also, I've been offered seats when not pregnant and don't find it offensive I've just sort of smiled and said no I'm ok thanks so the person offering doesn't know if I'm stoical and pregnant or a bit fat and then hopefully they're not embarrassed! I still think it's nice, even though obviously I'd rather I didn't look like I was carrying a baby when it's just cake!

[Walters83]

Once while I was on a packed tube I offered up my seat to a women who looked pregnant and she turned to me and said "Just because I'm a women doesn't mean I have to sit down" I was so embarrassed that since this I'm to scared to offer my seat. Unless someone with an obvious disability gets on, and even then I just stand up and move instead of talking.

I think those badges are a great idea, but I think people should also just ask, there may be a few people like me who are don't want to offend anyone.

[kenobi]

Cyclebump Just wanted to say that being shy about asking for a seat is like pushing a door with rusty hinges. It's hard the first couple of times, then it loosens up.

If you start now, by the end of your pregnancy you'll be bouncing up to knife-carrying gang members on the tube and brightly asking for a seat.

And you'll get it too.

People are rarely malicious, they're just in their own world.

[Cyclebump]

Sorry lucieloo, mine came out wrong too! Was agreeing with you!

Have just noticed that the BBC story says that 76% of pregnant women wouldn't ask for a seat. How shy are we as a nation of askers?!

[lucielooo]

To add to this lameness on the infrequent occasions I've had to stand, there has been a seat but it's been a middle seat with two big people on either side so no way that I would fit in the middle! (really no way, not just a bit squashed.. it's a bit of a squash with 3 normal people!) This makes it even more awkward as I can't ask for a seat because there is one but I am just too big to fit in it! I think we should all be able to start maternity leave on getting your BFP and be done with it :)

[Lucy88]

Is this just a 'Tube' thing or a southern thing. I live up North and when I was pregnant and had to use a bus or a train in the rush hour, I never had to ask for a seat. People would not hesitate to offer me a seat. I would more often than not very politely refuse, as I was pregnat and not ill and was more than capable of standing. I was very lucky to have a very trouble free pregnancy. Even stood for 90 minutes to watch a football match 2 days before my due date.