Hurrah for outraged tube commuter

[Cyclebump]

I travel an hour and a half each way to work and am now 22 weeks pg with DC1. Am starting to get very painful ligament stretching and have prior hip issues that mean it's getting hard to stand for long periods.

Bump is big and highly visible.

Last night on the tube, I stood from Victoria to Ealing Common. I just don't have the balls to ask for a seat but several people saw my bump and took seats anyway, I was even pushed out of the way by one.

Suddenly, man who was also standing got flustered. 'That seat should be yours! Does this sing mean nothing?' he shouted (pointing to the priority seat sign) 'What are you people? Blind?! It's disgusting!'

I gratefully took the seat that was duly offered even though I was only one stop from home.

I was just saying on the "manners thread" before. I have taught my ds (14 profoundly deaf aspergers) that he ALWAYS gives up his seat on the tube. People comment on what good manners he has and that they wished more people of his age had his manners!!

Do people stand and fume? If that's how I came across in my post, then I phrased it badly because that's not my style.

I just stand and keep an eye out for anyone who looks like they'll be getting off soon though I try to be discreet about it. If the line I'm on has those things you can lean on, I'll do that.

I think it is, unfortunately, more a case of many of us thinking "Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was nice?"

I commuted until I was 32 weeks pregnant with twins and asked for a seat every time. By asking straight away I avoided the whole thing of gettng annoyed with people not noticing / pretending not to see. I was pretty shameless about it and found that most people were ok with the odd exception (a young woman springs to mind). I found teenage / young men especially polite - honestly behind the hoodies most are real gents much more than your suited city types! I didn't once come across anyone disabled and am sure they would say if the case arose.

Lovely story Meowy! Really made me smile.

Oh ffs.

OP, you are pregnant.

You are not mute.

Ask for the damn seat, or stop complaining.

I went into London when over 8 months pregnant and didn't get a seat. Friend reckoned it was because 'I didn't look pregnant' i.e. I looked fat.

A month later, same journey with baby in sling and still no seat. Would have asked this time but so shocked.

Roll forward a few years, got on tube with 2 year old asleap in arms and 4 year old. Ended up trying to hang on to rail, holding sleeping child and supporting 4 year old. Would have asked but people pushed me into a corner by the door and I couldn't physically get to someone to ask! Believe me I was more than capable of getting someone to stand if I could have got past the idiots blocking me in to do it (all of whom had developed a severe case of deafness).

I don't fume either, but I think some people do.

Aaaargh, was revelling in creating a 'discussion of the day' and have just noticed a spelling error in my OP. Is 'sign' not 'sing'!!!!!

The deep and unending shame.

Meant to say, first time round when pregnant it was just idle interest, didn't need a seat and would have asked if I did. It was just that I was well over 8 months, obviously pregnant and just surprised by the lack of manners.

My mum had a man who used her bump to rest his briefcase. One time she felt faint she asked for a seat and the man completely ignored her. A woman further along offered her hers.

And then there was the time a woman leant over from the escalator going in the other direction and punched her!

Oh, and this was in the mid 60s!

Oh and LoudRowdyDuck, my OP wasn't complaining, I was just touched by the man's concern and thought it was quite funny.

Pregnant woman who won't/don't ask for a seat should not expect to be offered one. It works both ways. And as has been said on her multiple times, most people are not rude, they are either genuinely oblivious and do not look up, or they do look up and likely can't decide if a woman is pregnant or carrying a little extra weight, then prefer to err on the side of caution and not offer so as not to offend. Of course, there are rude people, in all walks of life, but that doesn't mean you can't ask. Pregnancy does not cause muteness.

Also, can't remember who said it, but why is a pregnant woman more worthy of a seat than a blind person? Can't believe that poster came on here and berated the other traveller and her friend for that. Shocking.

And OP, I'm sorry, you should've just asked for the seat. If you choose not to do so, you have no grounds for complaint.

Your OP was quite hostile towards the other travellers, Cycle, easy to see why LRD thought you were outright complaining.

Oh, and I'm quite pregnant myself as well, btw, and regularly do the commute, so I do know where I'm coming from on this.

Oh, didn't mean it to sound hostile. Oops.

taintedsnow, I'm interested to know - do you think that all disabled / pregnant / blind people should have to ask for a seat in order to get one? i.e. should the default position be that if you have a seat you don't offer it until you're asked?

Sorry cycle, I took it you were the 'outraged' commuter but I realized now you may mean the other man? Nevertheless - you do sound a bit entitled. If you need a seat, or think you have a good claim to one, ask. If not, don't. It's pretty simple.

I am young and able bodied and quite happy to stand, but my regular trip takes 3-4 hours on the train, so I do not manage to offer my seat to every single elderly/pregnant/disabled person who walks past - usually because I am working and not checking out whoever gets on. So I do find it annoying when people expect to get a seat without taking the trouble to ask for it, especially when so many people would happily have given up their seats (as you know, because it happened in your case).

tainted, I misread the OP, I'm sorry.

tallulah - yes, I do think people should ask for a seat. Is it hard? What is the problem?

Twas indeed the man who shouted who was outraged.

I was annoyed people pushed me out of the way to get to the seat I was going for but, as I acknowledge, I have no balls when it comes to asking, so just stand and read my paper while attempting to force the 'please could I have your seat out of my mouth'.

You're right though, I must grow some bollocks and just ask. Am a total wimp about it. Is weird as I am bolshy cow over many other things...

I don't think it's that black and white Tallulah. I think people should offer if it's obvious someone else in more in need, and I do this myself often, but the notion that a pregnant woman is simply incapable of asking for a seat is bloody ridiculous. If you need one that badly and you haven't been offered one, for whatever reason, you should just ask.

It's a two way street really, the onus should not always be on the able-bodied/not-pregnant commuter to offer.

As I said, there is rudeness everywhere, and some people will not give up their seat even when asked, but I simply do not believe that the majority of commuters are horrible, just that there should be some give and take on both sides IYSWIM.

HTH.

LRD, no need to apologise, I got the same impression as you did. :)

I'm sorry I read it wrongly.

I would certainly be very happy to give up my seat, I just hate the number of people I offend when I offer them a seat - I've never had anyone say yes to the offer of a seat, but several have asked and got the seat straightaway.

I just couldn't bring myself to stay seated if for instance, someone on crutches got onto my carriage but didn't ask for a seat. I'd have thought it would be second nature to most people to get up, but I'm learning that we all have different expectations. Perhaps the reason why women don't speak up is just fear / shyness, which they should probably try to get over - you're right.

And I've heard stories of people, when asked, saying 'so what, you chose to get pregnant, didn't you?' It's just a way of conducting yourself that I'm not used to.

To clarify - I absolutely don't think I'm any more entitled to a seat than anyone else, but it would just be a nice gesture. (And if my bump does get in other people's way, I don't expect to be hit / manhandled in return - I'm continually shocked by just how angry commuting can make even the nicest people ).

Tallulah, I think the common ground is that if you see someone get on who needs a seat, you offer straight away. The confusion comes when the person possibly in need of a seat has been on board a couple of minutes. By that point, if they need a seat and haven't been offered one, they really should ask. It is very disheartening to think that disabled/pregnant/elderly commuters will think the worst of all the others, and assume it's rudeness and selfishness that is preventing them from sitting down. As I said, sometimes people just don't see others get on so do not know that there is someone in need, or they do not want to offend a woman who may not actually be pregnant.