Do you have to have a new baby in your bedroom at the beginning?

[JoEW]

Maybe this is a really stupid question, but is it necessary to have your baby in with you in the early days or can they sleep in another room? As you can probably tell, this is my first. Our bedroom is really small and I was thinking it would be easier to go straight to having the cot in the spare room. Is it just a matter of it being easier to have your baby near when it's really tiny or shouldn't you leave them alone at night at first?

Also, we have a very large dappy dog who currently has is bed in our room and I was thinking it might be easier to just give the baby their own room straight away rather than having to train the dog not to come into our bedroom.

I hope this doesn't sound like I am putting the dog before our baby, not the case at all!

Any advice welcome.

I don't think it sounds like you're putting the dog first you just sound like a soon to be first time mum who just doesn't know which bits of their life is going to change and how...I feel exactly the same.

All the books give different advice and it's impossible to know how you will feel and how you should do things when at the moment all you can see is the impending really scary birth. In my head mumsnet is the right place to ask questions of all the lovely mums who have the experience and hope that people will give you advice without too many people making you feel awful about not knowing in the first place.

I think I'm going to have the baby in the room with me when she arrives just because it's quicker to get to her when she cries. The dog will also be staying in the room (other side of the bed) but the cat has not been coming upstairs since i got to 12 weeks to make sure she doesn't look for a sneaky warm spot in the night and find the baby to use as a hot water bottle.

We have 10 weeks left to go and when the crib (next week) arrives we will start training the dog to stay a good distance from it.

Good luck deciding what to do x

I'm a bit envious of all you people who are soon to meet your delicious snuggly babies.

I think the ''sighs'' are because this has been done many times here on MN...
People always say 'my DC was fine sleeping in their own room from 5 hours old etc.

I just don't understand why anyone would want to put a tiny baby on their own to sleep.

:(

because baby has its own room,cot,audio-visual monitor a few feet away and is safe and secure.not abandoned to prairie dogs and wild winds.asleep a few feet away

The thing for me was not having to get very far out of bed to feed DS1 - it does sound a bit like laziness when a room next door isn't exactly miles away but when they are feeding every couple of hours, even just a few seconds less time taken to get up in the middle of the night is definitely worth it. Never underestimate how shitty sleep deprivation can be.

scottishmummy, most people who put their babies in its own room from the word go will be fine, statistically, there is only a teeny chance that a baby will die from SIDS.

2 months ago, friends of mine lost their 4 month old little boy to SIDS. He was in his own room. I'm not saying that caused it at all, but my friend says she will never forgive herself for not following the guidelines and keeping her son in her room.
No-one can say what caused it, and no-one will ever know if having him in their room would have made a difference, but for my friend, it is a tragedy she will always feel partly to blame for.

Stories of "my baby slept on his own and was fine" don't help, they are anecdotal, not research, just as the story above is anecdotal (although his death will be taken into account for ongoing research).

OP - there is research out there, many have posted links. Please read them and make your own mind up. This is a very emotive subject, and you're unlikely to get a calm measured response (least of all from me - sorry!)

I'm always a bit of all these people who have enough space in their room for a cot. I have a small space around the bed (where the moses basket was wedged) and thats it. Even then the door hits the bed when it's opened.

The dc's were in the nursery by 8 weeks old as they were bumping about in their moses basket. But it was still only a few feet away, I reckon some people have bigger bedrooms than the upstairs of my house.

yes redwelly anecdotally we can all swop stories.i am not claiming to have definitive or empirical proof of anything.nor am i recommending my choice.all parents need to make own mind up. but for me all my dc slept in cots in own room from birth

meglet, when we had dd1 and 2, we lived in a mobile home, and the rooms were tiny, but we managed to squeeze a crib next to the bed, which they slept in until they were 6 months old.

Ds is in a cot next to our bed atm and I have to climb over the bed to get in, because there isn't enough room to get round!

I don't really like the idea of dcs sleeping in a different room, but I used to have to put dd1 in a different room for naps as otherwise she wouldn't sleep. Ds was born with breathing problems and is the noisiest sleeper I have ever heard, but if I couldn;t hear him grunting and whooping next to me I would panic.

I read up on all the co-sleeping stuff and decided not for me.

Then had baby. I too had periods of hallucinating through lack of sleep. And I dropped the baby through lack of sleep.

We now co-sleep. As someone has already said, and this may sound patronising, but you have no idea how tired you will be for the first few weeks, the hallucinating thing is not an exaggeration is does happen. IMO to be safe you need to get as much sleep as possible - I don't think the (non-sids) risks to your baby through you doing something stupid to baby when in a such a tired state get factored in...

Just a quick one, is my DD ok in a basket right next to me? Or is that too far away? (Serious question, not a piss take.) She's 8 wks.

That's what's recommended :) You will both be fine

I must say that having the baby in your room does make you more aware of them, positively. DD has not cried in the night once, as she snuffles and stirs when she wakes up and no matter how tired I've been I hear her and wake up. It's an instinct, and as I genuinely think that crying isn't good for babies I'm pleased it's worked so far!

On a personal level I know that DD does get scared when she's alone...only yesterday I put her in her bouncy chair for a doze (she gets over-stimulated easily) and sat in front of her on the couch doing some paperwork. When she dozed off I went to get a drink from the kitchn...she woke up, saw no-one there and threw her little arms up Moro style and made a funny crying, wailing alert type noise...she only calmed when I went in and grabbed her. If she responds like that in the middle of the day, with all the noises of the house round her I can't imagine how she would feel in the middle of the night when it is dark and silent. I like her to be able to hear us when she wakes up, she will generally resettle herself again if she isn't hungry.

Thanks ItsAll, I would love to co-sleep full time (we tend to for a few hours each morning) but we have a high bed and hard wooden floors...it is a king size so I'm sure there'd be space but I'm not sure how to make it safe?

Initially we took away bed frame, and just had mattress on floor. Baby slept on outside of bed, and we put a soft landing on the floor just in case (never needed to). Never had duvet up past my waist.

Now we have bed up high again, baby sleeps in middle - we are going to sort bed guards pretty soon though as she is starting to roll properly. I seem to have a sixth sense about the duvet, always moving it as soon as it gets to her chin. Am fairly relaxed though as she is a big 5 months and perfectly capable of pushing/kicking duvet away.

This is not officially how to do it safely BTW - the whole duvet thing is officially frowned upon - I recommend reading "three in the bed" by Deborah Somebody if you haven't already :)

Lots of people have mentioned making the bed safe for co-sleeping - what needs doing? Someone mentioned making sure the duvet is tucked in at the bottom of the bed so you can't pull it up too high - any other tips? And I know mothers are meant to sleep more lightly when the baby is in bed with them, but what about fathers? Bit nervous of DH rolling on (as yet unconceived!) baby.

Also, with the cots where you can drop one side down and push them right up to your bed, is there anything that stops a gap opening up and the baby falling down between the cot and the bed? Does the cot screw to the bed somehow? Am I missing something?

Thanks!