Do you have to have a new baby in your bedroom at the beginning?

[JoEW]

Maybe this is a really stupid question, but is it necessary to have your baby in with you in the early days or can they sleep in another room? As you can probably tell, this is my first. Our bedroom is really small and I was thinking it would be easier to go straight to having the cot in the spare room. Is it just a matter of it being easier to have your baby near when it's really tiny or shouldn't you leave them alone at night at first?

Also, we have a very large dappy dog who currently has is bed in our room and I was thinking it might be easier to just give the baby their own room straight away rather than having to train the dog not to come into our bedroom.

I hope this doesn't sound like I am putting the dog before our baby, not the case at all!

Any advice welcome.

Can the dog not sleep in the room with the baby? What's the problem with that? My cats will still be sleeping in our bedroom when the baby arrives.

Personally I would let the baby sleep in the dogs bed, all snuggled up with the dog. As long as the baby sleeps on it's back. In fact you should train the dog to turn the baby over if he/she manages to roll over in the night.

I remember feeling like I had no clue about anything either after my dd was born. There are so many rules and guidelines and you just have no clue. I am impressed I managed to put dd's nappy on the right end! mostly

You will be up and down with the baby, it's easier to have them close to you. Tbh what we did was mainly sleep on our big comfy sofa in the living room with dd next to the sofa in her moses basket, for the first 3 months. But we have a very comfy sofa and I found it easier to sleep there than in bed!

When my ds was born I really wanted to do anything I could to get as much sleep as possible, so getting up several times a night to go to another room wasn't going to happen And in those early days feeds were taking 30-60 minutes too.

Yes, very cruel. I agree. The little creature just spent the only 9-10 months in existence in your belly and 1st day home to be cut off completely in a separate room to face the night alone is IMO not just cruel, but just plain dumb and asking for trouble. Babies are not meant to be on their own, nor are they suppose to have any type of Independence as all these books will try to tell you. They are dependent, and vulnerable. It is our job as parents to keep them safe and comfortable and we know based on facts that they are not the safest they can be in the next room or down the hallway.

actually, for reasons I am not really sure about, I was a bit weirded out about having the baby in with me for 6 months, and planned to put her straight into her own room.

She was the world's worst sleeper, and spent most of the next 6 months in the same bed with me, never mind the same room, which I would never have thought I would do. I naively had no idea pre-DC quite how long and frequent night wakings really are. The next one is due in a fortnight, and will be in with us indefinitely.

Well it might be "The safest place" but there is no way of ever knowing the ratio of risk, and in my opinion life is all about managing risk in a sensible way, bot being consumed by it. There is a world of difference between having your baby in a nearby room rather than at your side, and e.g. smoking over it, not feeding it properly, drinking too much, dangling it out of windows etc etc! All decisions have to be measured. For example, some people favour co-sleeping, others say you would crush the baby to death. Ultimately, let's assume every sane person cares about the survival of their child, and go from there!

Clearly I was an evil cruel Mother, but it was a longish time ago. I never had either kid in our room, they went in their own room from when they got out of hospital and I got up to feed them (they were ff and only fed once in the night each for a few weeks though. And DH did night duty once a week at the weekends.

As well as the SIDS risk having the baby with you means you can hear them as they start to wake up and root for food. When they're little they feed much better if they haven't got really upset and tired themselves out so you can pre-empt the squalling!

And I'd hate to not be able to check she was alright, at 3 weeks she is still so tiny.

Olivetti Tue 05-Oct-10 17:13:04

"But she will be with me 24 hours a day, just not in the same room every living minute."

• you mean she won't be with you 24 hours a day then

" But my point is, if you want the baby in your room, do so, and if you don't, don't."

• you mean make whatever decision you want despite the best advice of organisations like SIDS - ok then

Maybe you'll change your mind when you actually give birth, god knows it changes everything else about you so I'm sure your mind might change too

Keeping a baby in with you for 6 months is hardly going over the top, though, Olivetti - it's a "low-cost" risk control measure, hardly "being consumed" by risk. Especially given night feeding in those early months.

Olivetti
It's not just about risk, it's about convenience. Honestly, when your baby is born, you will get a few hours of snatched sleep here and there and you will disturb your DH's sleep far less if you're either both sleeping with the baby or you are. Babies are often confused about night and day at first and you will likely be up most of the night.

i meant to add, also i would not do this to a new puppy - we are sicial animals too and need the comfort of our mothers presence when tiny.

Bear in mind that if we sound judgy on the subject your HV might be much more so - and it's much easier to shrug us off than it is the more, errrm, forthright HV's and midwives standing there in your house.

The evidence is that it's a risk - if you don't have any other risk factors for SIDS it's a fairly low risk. But anything that means that you have to actually get up and go next door in order to do nighttime feeds is a bad thing in my book because it = less sleep for me.

'Babies have survived for many generations without being monitored 24 hours a day' WTF
Is this supposed to be a wind-up?

"managing risk in a sensible way" There is a risk of cot death, it is lessened if your baby sleeps next to you for the first six months.
What is not sensible about that? How big a risk are you willing to take?

Blimey - people are very worked up about this! This is my first baby, and I was thinking about having her in with me at the beginning in a moses basket but for convenience. I have not had a single midwife or leaflet that has told me that it reduces cot death - and I just had a list from the health visitor which she made me sign about things to do to reduce cot death and sleeping in the same room was not on the list (but having the baby in bed or on the sofa with you asleep increases the chance).

Several people who are older generation have told me that I should be thinking about getting her out of my room asap - maybe from the outset. I would prefer to have her with me, but really thought it was a matter of choice. Surely if it made such a big difference to cot death the midwifes / health visitors would have mentioned that. Even the books I have read seem to suggest that it is is preference. I think it is a sensible question really and she doesn't really deserve such a flaming...

there will be loads of stuff I don't know, and I would never willingly harm my baby, but would hope not to get such a strong reaction from asking a question!

Habbibu - no I totally agree with you, it's not going over the top at all, and we may well move the baby into our room if it doesn't work out. I'm just saying that if you plan to have it in the nursery, that's not a completely unreasonable decision either and is within reasonable risk levels, rather than, as some seem to suggest, showing you want to play with your baby in front of traffic!

StarlightMckenzie- I would recommend doing a bit more research before you say something like that, Since it is absolutely false! Research has clearly proven that it IS in fact a higher risk to separate baby and mama through the night in the early months. Co sleeping regulates breathing patterns as well as a steady heart rate and we all know that SIDS seems to all come back to a breathing issue. It seems like aside from the facts it would be common sense anyway. People want to carry on always finding ways to get their babies to not inconvenience their lives( sleeping separate, sleeping through the night, ect) when this just is simply not the case early on and must be accepted. These are techniques to ensure an infants survival and should be embraced and accepted. Not pushed aside or underestimated!

becknicco - I think that's exactly what Starlight was saying

Samraves - you haven't yet had the baby have you? You might find things are different when you actually do.

It's not necessary to have the baby in the same room initially, there's no law about it.

It is however more practical when they're tiny and want feeding frequently (especially for night feeds) and statistically a fraction safer.

However, I had a similar problem with a small room (no room for a cot or crib) and the cats being used to sleeping on the bed with us.

What I did was get a moses basket and a folding stand. Didn't take up too much floor room to fit, and could be easily moved elsewhere as necessary.

The cats, I'm afraid, got rudely turfed out and were greeted by a closed door when they came to bed. There were plenty of other cosy places for them to sleep though.

However, DD grew out of the moses basket after a couple of months. So we moved her into the spacious cot in the nursery next door, with a sensitive baby monitor.

She actually sleeps better now, I think because she has the space and because DH and I don't disturb her. She also has the benefit of a supportive sprung mattress. :)

Sam - a few words of advice. People will try and tell you to do a whole manner of things in order to get the baby to be more independent. Including controlled crying, not sharing a bed, having a routine etc. Most of it will actually make your life harder. You will be bowled over at how much you love, and want to be near your baby in all probability. Babies are not meant to be independent. They want to be held, be near you, be responded to and continually know they are loved.

Do you plan to bf? It will male your life a lot easier as you will hear rooting before the baby getting frantic