Do you have to have a new baby in your bedroom at the beginning?

[JoEW]

Maybe this is a really stupid question, but is it necessary to have your baby in with you in the early days or can they sleep in another room? As you can probably tell, this is my first. Our bedroom is really small and I was thinking it would be easier to go straight to having the cot in the spare room. Is it just a matter of it being easier to have your baby near when it's really tiny or shouldn't you leave them alone at night at first?

Also, we have a very large dappy dog who currently has is bed in our room and I was thinking it might be easier to just give the baby their own room straight away rather than having to train the dog not to come into our bedroom.

I hope this doesn't sound like I am putting the dog before our baby, not the case at all!

Any advice welcome.

Samraves - the sids leaflet I was given said to have the baby in a cot/basket in the same room as you for the first 6 months.

Just to say JoEW I was put in a room by myself straight away and so was my dh and we were fine! Both our mothers can't believe we are planning to have the baby in our room, they say it disturbs babies' sleep, that seems to be the old fashioned way but kind of makes sense to me. My plan is to have her in my room for the first three months max.

starlight- sorry, I read your post wrong

Is anyone else highly amused by Starlight accepting an apology 10 mins before it was made?

Genius.

Yes that did make me smile

brockley My dad used to drink a can of beer at the same time as driving us home at night! And I am FINE. Ergo this must be the best way to transport children.

It's all very well talking about the tiny theoretical risk of sleeping in separate rooms but we're not talking about the risk of a small bruise or scratch. We're talking about the risk of death and that is a real, if tiny, one. Go and look at FSIDs site and go through the archives here and get the chat with the fSIDs director of research.

I think the people on this thread who tend to argue in favour of putting the baby in another room tend to be the ones who haven't had the baby yet. Because let me tell you, it's not just your decision - it's the baby's. And if they don't want to sleep in a separate room and away from their mummies (and let's face it, who would?) then they will let you know. Persistently. And at high volume.

I'm glad my English teacher isn't around to read my post.

It made sense to me!
My dad used to drive us unsecured in the boot of an estate car when he was pissed and we're all fine so I reckon you're right.

Poor OP! I dont suppose she was expecing such an emotional set of posts!

If it helps - i had my twins in a moses basket until about 6 months (by which time they/us were disturning each others sleep) so we moved them into there own room. I dont think putting a baby in a room by itsepf is wrong - nor do believe it will cause them emotional harm, or stress in the long run, trouble is once you have heard sids risk advice its impossible to ignore it (because no one wants to tempt fate).

If it helps though, I felt quite different about the dog after I had the children. It was as if my devotion to the dog transferred to the kids and the dog, I was just fond of.

mildmanneredjanitor IMO a reasonable risk to take with a newborn would be taking the baby on a bus, or walking across the road pushing the baby in a pushchair. It would be allowing my mother, who smokes, to hold her (after washing her hands and taking her coat off). It would be allowing your older child to continue to attend nursery, knowing that they will bring any number of germs home. It would be trying for a VBAC, when going straight for ELCS would minimise the risk of death to the newborn.
Many other parents consider co-sleeping to be a reasonable risk, and some consider putting the baby in its own room to be reasonable. I personally disagree - but the concept of a reasonable risk is not incoherent.

I love Starlight :o

I'm now expecting our second baby in february and it will be going into it's own room from the off. Mostly due to the cats being able to open our bedroom door.

I've invested in a good baby monitor with a movement sensor to provide extra reassurance. Our first baby (now 2) was survived just fine.

What other things are reasonable risks? Erm:
Leaving the house in the morning, crossing the road, going on the tube (oooh...what if there's a bomb??), going on an aeroplane, letting my mum and dad look after her if my husband and I want a weekend away (so she'll be parted from me for more than 24 hours), letting her go on school trips when she's older, letting her learn to drive....erm....

I was a brilliant parent before I had a baby as well.

The monitor thing really annoys me actually, because people spend hundreds on them thinking it matters.

It does not matter.

It might make you feel better about them being in their own room, but it does not reduce the risk of SIDS even a little tiny bit.

TomdelayoSchwarzfopf

JoEW - if you're going to go down the line of putting the baby in your room and keeping the dog out can I suggest that you start moving the dog out now, before the baby arrives.

That way the dog is less likely to associate being booted out the bedroom with the arrival of the baby and hopefully there won't be any jelousy issues.

I remember still being in hospital with DC1 and he coughed up a small amount of mucus - the gut wrenching panic that I felt then still haunts me and it was nothing! Nothing at all! But from the first sniffle or cough, you will not want that tiny, vulnerable little creature out of your sight.

I could never have said that before he arrived. I think it's one of those things that you just don't know how you'll feel until baby arrives. The thought of not having a small baby in with me at night is just bizarre - I wouldn't leave a baby in the living room for 12 hours in the daytime whilst I sat in the kitchen, it just doesn't make any sense.

I've heard far too many horror stories about cats suffocating babies by sitting on them for warmth to have mine anywhere near my bedroom when this baby arrives, they aren't even allowed in my older DCs room and they are 4 and 5.

The point is they are not all the same ratio of risk, but you have to make decisions that you think are right for your family, and putting your baby in a separate room is not tantamount to abusing it or leaving it to die...obviously unless you leave it to starve or something!