Potty training support for a four-year-old starting school in September

[DearDog96]

Hi all,

DD is 4 and is showing no signs of being ready to train yet which is concerning me as she’s due to be starting school in September. We’ve had a few failed attempts in the past, and she just doesn’t seem to be getting the hang of knowing when she needs to go. The doctors and HV have been supportive and keep giving me all these different tactics to try but to no avail and since I’ve recently had another baby we’ve resorted back to nappies again.

Please don’t come for me, I know she’s late to be trained! Just looking for some support, tips, and to know I’m not the only one still having to change a 4 year old x

What have you tried so far?

Ah well done. Keep going it will eventually get easier and less washing and cleaning up. Honestly it can be hard at times but you need to persist she will get there. And expect setbacks, especially with a new baby. My little girl regressed for a bit when we had our second but it doesn’t mean they are not ready.

All sorts! Mainly leaving her with nothing on waist down when at home and regular reminders to use the toilet. Lots of bribery and a sticker chart with rewards as well. Have ordered a special toilet seat that’s coming in the next few days

Try putting knickers on her so she can feel the wetness. She might feel uncomfortable and it may help prompt her to use the potty.

Bravo, OP! Well done for going ahead. The laundry is a pain but will all be worth it in the end. Keep us posted - lots of people here to help

Keep going OP, you are doing great. I was ready to give up with my DC as she just wasn’t getting it, but it suddenly clicked on day 8 or 9 and that was it. Don’t give up.

a lot of people talk about ‘clicking’ or ‘cracked it’ but don’t despair if that doesn’t happen either. My experience there was no ‘click’ just a gradual decrease in the washing….

new toilet seat sounds great - as she is older and going to school in a matter of weeks she really needs to get used to the actual toilet.

Are you just reminding to use the toilet or taking her and letting her sit on it for a bit? In those early days we always have to take and sit in order for my children to understand the feeling.
Sticker charts and bribery once they actually started doing things on the toilet.
We also didn't do day and night at the same time.
Even now at nearly 2 years since starting, I have to make DD4 go to the toilet at least once a day otherwise she just wouldn't go all day. I don't expect her to get it right every time even now.

I don’t think I’d bother with a toilet seat at 4. She’s big enough to just sit on a normal toilet and will be expected to use one at school, play dates etc.

Are you getting involved in accident clean up? Putting her own wet clothes in the wash, getting new ones and dressing herself, cleaning up any puddles with kitchen roll - she should be doing it all except chemicals and washing poo, that way she’ll learn it’s way more convenient to use the loo than wet her pants. And if it hasn’t ‘clicked’ yet then you might need to take her to sit and try regularly. Reminders are pretty much useless if she hasn’t yet learned to connect the feeling with the action until she’s lost control and wet herself.

But well done for sticking with it. She will get there!

My dd is nearly 3 and has been toilet training for the last few weeks. We tried for a week in April but she just wasn't ready. It's tough going. I'm finding the good weather easier to wash all the laundry though. She has so many accidents , the only time she seems to successfully go is in fhe morning. I always remind myself that it must be hard for them when they are so used to the safety net of a nappy. But we are definitely not turning back, I'm hoping in another 2 weeks or so she'll be flying.

Thanks lovely! I’m trying so so hard to persevere but it’s not easy with all the mess! Nappies are very much seeming like a better option right now but I’m not giving in.

That’s good to know, thank you! And the toilet seat has arrived today so will let you know how it goes

How many weeks until school starts?

No, don't give in! As early as tomorrow, it may all be different 😊

I’m actually taking her and putting her in it (toilet or potty but will be just toilet from today). Sometimes she does something and sometimes she won’t and then after 10 mins will get up and have an accident shortly after.

it’s nice to hear I’m not the only one struggling though! Fingers crossed your daughter gets more reliable soon. We’re not doing night at the moment either

I’ve ordered one now so let’s see how it goes but you make a good point.

and yes I’m getting her involved, she does quite a lot unless it’s poo or we’re in a rush for whatever reason and then it’s easier for me to just do it! I’m taking her regularly though and thank you, we’ll get there!

That’s good to hear and glad I’m not the only who’s taking a bit longer with it! Wishing you and DD the most luck for the next few weeks.

Just over 4😬

Good luck op. We potty trained much earlier but had loads of accidents which felt very demoralising and I definitely remember thinking nappies were easier. She's been trained a year now though and I'm so glad we persevered as it's much better not having to deal with smelly nappies now!
Keep going, it will be worth it!

I’m sure you were advised to go straight to toilet with toilet seat if needed in your previous threads, why have you only just ordered one?

Do get a toilet seat. At school she will be using small child sized toilets. At play dates with other 4 year olds, they will most likely have seats too.

I don’t think that’s reflective of reality. At home we don’t use a toilet seat for our 4 year old and families we know don’t use them unless they have 2, maybe 3 year olds as well. The nursery toilets are smaller but when you’re out and about in cafes, restaurants, museums, public loos, cinemas etc etc, the toilets don’t have seats.

OP could carry one of those folding ones everywhere but probably best not to muck about with that for too long as she does need to get used to using various toilets wherever she goes.

Exactly, I have a 5YO (just finished reception) and we haven’t had toilet seats in about 3 years. His friends don’t have them at home either, unless for a toddler sibling, and he’s recently started unaccompanied playdates. School do have some small toilets near the nursery classrooms but they’re normally expected to use the ones that are closest e.g. the lunch hall is next to the Y2 classrooms and I doubt those loos are toddler sized. Summer camp is in a church hall with normal sized toilets. Same for Rainbows which my older DD started reception year and was a drop off. Then yes everywhere you go out of the house it’ll be a normal sized loo too. You could carry a foldable seat around with you, but in reality most people aren’t doing that beyond the age of 3 and it doesn’t help you when DC is unaccompanied at things like playdates and camps. At age 4 they really need to be using a normal loo independently. By all means use one initially at home OP if you think it will help DC sit comfortably whilst waiting for something to (hopefully!) happen but I’d be looking to transition away from it ASAP.

A new week. How's it going, OP?

thank you! It’s hard to see that when you’re cleaning up dirty knickers multiple times a day but I’ll keep persevering! She’ll be there in no time hopefully🤞🏼🤞🏼