Why do we potty train late?

[HappyHippo3]

I’d like to start this thread by saying I am in no way judging, I am genuinely just curious. I am FTM with no experience potty training, though I have been considering starting my 20 month old.

From my experience, there seems to be a big divide between the younger and older generations on the appropriate age to potty train. My friends think 20 months is too young, and I should wait until she is 2/3 and ‘ready’. My DGM says it was the norm to start babies on the potty at 6 months and they were dry by the time they were 1 year old. There was also an article recently that said around a of quarter children go to primary school un-potty trained.

My question is, what is the reason for this change over generations? What are the benefits of waiting until they are 2/3?

My mother (in her 80s) says that because she had to wash nappies she was very motivated to get us potty trained at an early an age as possible as less washing in a twin tub (!) but she agrees that we were just 'timed' as she knew when we would poo so that went in the potty and it was one less dirty nappy, she also thought that as we felt the wetness we were motivated to get out of nappies sooner too - she didn't work and spent most days in when potty training - she said my brother and I were day time dry by 2 but not without supervision as in, she was constantly asking if we needed the potty whereas my 2 boys were 'ready' by 2.5 years and independently taking themselves to the potty v quickly! Your choice

Yes, they are around 4 (mostly) when their bodies should be ready to stay dry at night. I will say though my DS is not 3 yet but he is mostly dry overnight anyway (still in overnight pull up, but they are dry 90% of the time) and that's because we got him into a good routine, wee before bed and not much drinking an hour before bed. He wakes up and if his nappy is wet he wants it off immediately so I think it won't be long.

Some kids wet the bed , it has nothing to do toilet training early . Some still do .

Neither of my two could sit unaided at 6 months and couldn't walk till over a year. I wonder if a long time ago when babies were put to sleep on their tummies they gained muscle tone and mobility quicker which helped the process along? My ds was around 20 months when he showed some awareness and interest but it took a few goes to get it and he wasn't reliably dry till nearer 3. Dd was a bit quicker but it was somewhere between 2 and 3. I can't imagine why anyone would bother until they can wall and talk at least. But agree 4 and 5 is way too late and most toddlers are ready much earlier.

And some new parents seem very dismissive of older more experienced parents ,aunts, ,uncles , friends and G. parents .They have a wealth of experience and have done all this for years .But go on read a few books does not make you an expert , I never treated my parents , friends or in- laws like that , it would have been really rude and like a know it all type .

I think a lot of parents online either outright lie or have a very loose definition of potty training.To me, a child isn't potty trained until they can take themselves to the potty/toilet on their own initiative and they have maybe one or two accidents a week. Anything else is "potty trainING" and not worth bragging about.

Whereas I've been on online forums where people claim their child trained at 20 months but they were still having several accidents a day and weren't taking down their own pants/clothes. Or they claimed their kid was trained but they still needed to prompt them all the time. That's not toilet trained!

So I assume the older generation bragging about their early trained toddlers are being similarly loose with the truth.

I'd imagine the same as nurseries now if you use reusebales. Bag it up, send it home.

I don't actually really understand all the comments about children being in childcare too much now. My children's nursery was happy (perhaps even keen) to help potty train them. We didn't need more than a Friday, Saturday, Sunday at home before sending them to nursery in pants at just turned 2. I'm sure even if working full time (which many people don't) most people could manage 1 day of annual leave.

Maybe but they were headed in the right direction

My own dgd started potty training around 2 and her dm worked and she went to nursery

DD used washable nappies for her

@suburburban I don't consider putting your child into underwear while they're still having accidents several times a day or constantly needing reminding "a step in the right direction", just a pointless middle step.

Not all of them.

That's just how your children are, regardless. My son wasn't put on his stomach to sleep until 4 months old but was crawling at 5 months. He was running about by a year and has always been very physically able.

He's 2 and a half and not quite ready to toilet train yet. Almost there.

It must take some compliant children to do this. My toddler is like clockwork with toileting but will just hold it in if he sits on a potty so we're leaving it another few months to try again.

It must take some compliant children to do this. My toddler is like clockwork with toileting but will just hold it in if he sits on a potty so we're leaving it another few months to try again.

DD did that including for wees the first time we tried. She did go on the floor a few times and she got terribly distressed so no fucking point.

We tried again at around 2.7 and it went really smoothly for both of us.

I guess I could've persevered the first time , but for fucking what? Bragging rights on MN?

Yes thats what I was wondering. Couldn't have been pleasant getting handed a bag of dirty nappies at the end of the day.

Definitely a incentive to get the kids potty trained.

Do whatever works for you

It must take some compliant children to do this. My toddler is like clockwork with toileting but will just hold it in if he sits on a potty so we're leaving it another few months to try again.

She may also not remember the torture of it all as it's many years ago - my brother and I are in our 50s - maybe she started at age 2 but didn't get us reliable for months and months! who knows - but even 2.5 is quite early imho

Your DGM is somewhat misleading! One can say their baby is trained if they constantly put it on the potty and manage to catch a few wees and so on, but does the baby actively seek the toilet out when in needs to go? Unlikely.
My sisters and I were born in the early 60s and while there are photos of us running around half naked as toddlers I know we were trained at about 2, as I did with my own children (born in the early 2000s).
But I agree there seems to be a trend not to train babies until they are close to three or older, and I think it's more to with 'allowing' the child to take the lead, rather than deciding for them. And why would (some) kids want to if they can continue playing or whatever without stopping? Others are keener to be 'big boys/girls' especially if they have older siblings or playmates and may be more willing for the process.

I don't think children's physiology has changed much over the generations!! No idea when my siblings and me were toilet trained, but I'm sure it must have between 2 and 3.

All three of mine were an absolute disaster, youngest especially but in their 20s now their toilet habits are all just fine!

Well said! Experience is the best teacher.

1 day of annual leave would never in a million years have cut it with my three lol! Nursery were really supportive working with them too, but they weren't having it, oh no way!!

I remember my eldest sitting on my sofa and the wet stain just spreading across it.... her sitting on a chair in the kitchen and I thought a tap was running, but oh no, DC was pissing on the chair...

I probably hit rock bottom when DC3 shat out of their shorts on the front door mat, DC2 trod in it and carried it into my car... I still have nightmares!!!

All NT, all intelligent, two with degrees/postgrads, one half way through their degree. Just an absolute nightmare to toilet train! Was still putting youngest in nighttime pullups until the age of 9!!! I didn't have time or the energy to deal with pissed in beds with three kids and working FT, so I did what I had to do. I never thought I would emerge the other side but hey, I did in the end!

How many adults do you know that routinely shit or piss themselves? It all works out in the end!

My eldest two were reliably dry at night well before they were during the day. Youngest would have cheerfully sat in masses of piss well into primary!

I'm 61 and my mum if she was still with us would be 80. Neither of us would have considered potty training at 20 months. It's pointless, they're just not ready, and you only stress yourself and them out!

IME I have never, ever known anyone to start potty training at 6 months! That's just nuts. I think your DGM is having a little senile moment.

My nursery had a laundry and they washed reusable nappies.

If you read old childcare books it definitely was a thing in the past. Not that I'm recommending it but sitting the baby on a cold metal potty stimulated urination.

There's no need to call people senile

Depends on the child. My eldest we tried plenty of times and she got distressed with wetting. So we stopped for a couple of months. And one day said I don’t want nappies and was dry both day and night she was around 2.5. My youngest was dry during the day by the same age (if not earlier) but wasn’t dry at night till she was 4 - that took a lot longer! And we couldn’t work out why.