Why do we potty train late?

[HappyHippo3]

I’d like to start this thread by saying I am in no way judging, I am genuinely just curious. I am FTM with no experience potty training, though I have been considering starting my 20 month old.

From my experience, there seems to be a big divide between the younger and older generations on the appropriate age to potty train. My friends think 20 months is too young, and I should wait until she is 2/3 and ‘ready’. My DGM says it was the norm to start babies on the potty at 6 months and they were dry by the time they were 1 year old. There was also an article recently that said around a of quarter children go to primary school un-potty trained.

My question is, what is the reason for this change over generations? What are the benefits of waiting until they are 2/3?

Any friends I know who tried to train before 2 took months to have them reliably dry. I waited til about 28 months, and she was dry after the first day. I know every child is different, and maybe I'm quite lazy, but I don't see the point in cleaning up accidents for weeks or months...my mother was a bit critical about waiting so long, but she was a sahm, it was presumably easier to make the time, we had to wait for a long weekend that worked!

That's a very good point. Nappies needed to be washed and the disposable ones aren't like they are now

It is possible if you work fulltime. I had no choice in the 70s, I used terry squares and napisan in a bucket. I washed them every day, no washing machine. I had to work and disposable nappies in the 70s were pretty useless and I couldn't afford them anyway.

It is also fewer nappies in huge mountains of waste that will probably outlive the child. I must google how long it takes for a disposable nappy to decompose.

Oh God I wish I hadn't looked. It says 500 years. Our descendants are going to be buried in used disposable nappies.

As with everything, there's a balance. If you save 100 nappies but have to replace your carpet, that's not really a win!

But I'd go for 'as soon as practical', whatever that means for your child. One of mine was nearer 3 than 1, so I know it depends.

Same here but early 80s.

Also children had a far more "at home" (or in childcare) existence. There may have been one or 2 toddler groups per week but not all these other activities and not affordable for many.

Hence it was easier to do stay at home for a few weeks and crack it.

Indeed. Of course, babies and children aren’t the only ones. Sanitary towels. Incontinence pads used by the elderly. Do you ‘oh god’ at those?

You don’t give a shit about the environment. You want to judge but to do so in a way that’s acceptable and the environment is a good one.

How was that managed by nursery?

Thinking about it I wonder if all the accidents were easier to clean up back when most people didn't have carpets.

There are a whole range of reasons including but not limited to….

Child led parenting - the old he’ll do it when he’s ready. I didn’t let a 2 year old decide when she being trained I’m afraid. We encourage our little kids to feed themselves, walk etc but there seems a reluctance to encourage them to use a potty or the toilet seat.

Everyone on here saying ‘it’s normal’ for a 3.5 year old to still be in nappies - rubbish, it’s not. SN aside, it should be ‘normal’ for the vast majority to be trained before 3. They mostly all were ‘back in the day’, what has changed in 40 years?

What has changed is, both parents working full time, more young children in a nursery setting etc. Parents juggling their annual leave to save on costs in the summer, this is all adds up to a lack of time, willingness and inclination which is understandable.

Pull ups. It’s all be said before, the longer they wear these, the longer they are literally being trained to wet and soil themselves. They are also relatively cheap.

Some parents are lazy but are far in the minority when it comes to potty training.

This!

I have Russian friends who also tell the norm is very young in that culture. So I don't buy the wait until they are ready story. Children rise to expectations.

I already posted that my dc were all under 3, mostly 2 to 2.5, but I forgot to say that they were trained over the course of a day or two, and completely reliable within a week. I often read that if you train them early they are not reliable or can regress, that just wasn't the case for us. Perhaps I was just blessed with dc with great bladders.

Toilet training has generally got older. I see a lot of 3.5 year olds still in nappies (without SN). Some of it is parents saying they're waiting for a 'window' when they have more time (summer holidays etc). I also think that as more dc are at private nurseries it's much more accepted there for staff to still change nappies. SN aside, in school based/ community nurseries dc are expected to be toilet trained before they start (around 3rd birthday). I've heard some parents say they're keeping at private nursery because their dc isn't toilet trained.
My dc was ready just after 2nd birthday when they said 'I want to wear pants). That was it and she was dry within a week.

From some posts there is a tone of late toilet training equates to lazy parenting.

Of my 5 children the earliest to train was my youngest who was somewhere between 2 and 2 1/2, the others were around 3. I can't remember exact ages, I know it was before starting nursery but other than that haven't a clue. Being night dry came a bit later too. We tried with the potty with my eldest but quickly switched to a toilet training seat and stool, that worked a treat, used the same set up for each child.

Toilet training was not hard work, it wasn't a planned coordinated affair, no blocks of time off or messy floors. Just bought some fun print pants and made the switch. In parenting you pick your battles and this was not an area I felt the need to focus on. I didn't think it was worth the hassle of training earlier but if other parents choose a different approach, so be it. I'm sure there are other aspects I've stressed over that others would do different and have found a breeze.

My eldest is 18 and I can safely say, as did a PP, that no one cares when she was toilet trained. It has had no bearing on her life since. My experience of toilet training the older 3, realising that in the big scheme of things that the starting age didn't matter, influenced my training of the younger 2.

In previous years disposables were an emerging, expensive option and cloth nappies brought along extra laundry, there was plenty of incentive to get out of nappies as soon as possible. But the training of babies does not meet my definition of toilet trained, I class toilet trained as toileting relatively independently (with parent on hand to help with clothes, wiping, wash hands). If that baby wasn't placed over a potty they wouldn't be holding anything in until a toilet opportunity presented itself, they would use their nappy.

I would probably be much more proactive about it now-but entirely for environmental reasons. I had a mantra I got from a parenting book back in the day- "This baby grows up automatically" -and I still hold to that.

i really think it depends on the child my girls were trained by 2.5 but my boy is nearly that old now and no where near ready he has no clue.

Our parents certainly had carpets, but maybe there was something to be said for the 1970s brown and orange patterns.

On reflection, I think I wish I hadn't thought of that.

People rnt willing to stay in and it’s easier for them to keep their kids in nappies, they rely on pull ups instead of straight into knickers and pants.
Both mine were dry night and day by 18 months.

The difference is disposable nappies and automatic washing machines. My mum washed nappies in a twin tub, no tumble dryer - it's hard work, makes you want to train earlier basically. Plus she was a sahm as most were then.

My dc were 4 and 2 at potty training, elder is autistic with continence issues.

My ED started to hide and poo In her nappy around 18 months so definitely aware

YD started to copy ED and used a potty at around 18 months

DS trained at 2. It's just what you did in the 90s. Why keep forking out for nappies, the youngest 2 weren't great at night but that's what Huggies pull ups were for

Yes, I think this is a big part of it.

My child's nursery started the process.

Because parents don’t want to cause harm and fear and toileting issues. Children need to be able to communicate and have control of their bladder/bowels. These days we are much more focussed on kids’ mental health and being ready instead of forcing something that isn’t actually that important. Yes a lot of kids were potty trained very early and then bed wet for years. I guess I don’t see the point.