Why do we potty train late?

[HappyHippo3]

I’d like to start this thread by saying I am in no way judging, I am genuinely just curious. I am FTM with no experience potty training, though I have been considering starting my 20 month old.

From my experience, there seems to be a big divide between the younger and older generations on the appropriate age to potty train. My friends think 20 months is too young, and I should wait until she is 2/3 and ‘ready’. My DGM says it was the norm to start babies on the potty at 6 months and they were dry by the time they were 1 year old. There was also an article recently that said around a of quarter children go to primary school un-potty trained.

My question is, what is the reason for this change over generations? What are the benefits of waiting until they are 2/3?

Do people even use trainer pants anymore ? my son used to have so much fun peeing in them and making splashing puddles in the kitchen .Or does eveyrone use them nappy pants ?

I only use nappy pants for bed time and real pants during the day. My friend uses nappy pants at all times which I think has been unhelpful as her little one is too comfortable weeing in it like a regular nappy so many more accidents.

The saying about kettles comes to mind

my mother went on and on at me saying all her children were dry and clean by 18 months and through the night by 2. I worked part time and she didn’t but I felt pressured to try, my 18 month son just couldn’t I got stressed my child minder was helpful but adamant he was to young. I took a fortnight of work for his second birthday and we cracked it, I did tge same fir my next 2 children, by 2 all 2 were clean and dry, night time took a little longer but by 2.5 all three were there

my grandchildren seem to be averaging about 2/3 so far

I trained my DD at 20 months and my DS at 22, cloth nappies and I was mainly at home. It was pretty easy and had the bonus of saving on washing nappies. My DS wasn't dry at night till he was nearly 8, so wore a disposable pull up, my dd was dry at night from the time she trained in the day. I only trained them at a relatively early age as they showed signs of being ready ( as observed by my mum, ). I would have put them back in nappies if they had had lots of accidents.

2 is not early, 4 (unless SEN) is late. Anything in between is normal, earlier than 2 is unusual.

When I potty trained my now 20 year old, I put pants on under his nappy so he would feel wet and learn to notice when he needed to pee, to avoid getting wet.
It's a combo of having the language to say "potty" or "wee wee / poo poo" and training the muscles.

I Personally think 1.5 onwards is a great time to start. First one started just over 13 months for number "2" and never looked back, wee took a while, but was dry by 2.8 years.
Youngest one started before 2, but still no success with numbers 2 sadly. Just won't let it go unless it's a nappy :(
Totally support earlier than later !

As someone who works in a school so does this generation of parents!

Disposable nappies..... Before they existed, parents had Terry nappies, which needed soaking, washing and drying. This was a real pain, so parents used to potty train their children as early as possible.
I used to sit mine on the potty, wearing nappies, from about 3 or 4 months. It got them used to the potty, when the could sit unaided, I used to sit them on it in the morning and before their bath.
They were both dry at around 2.

We tried at 2.5 and she just got upset and cried and refused to go anywhere near the potty so we left it. She's just turned 3 and she suddenly decided she was ready and potty trained herself in a week, wees and poos. The difference in that six months between when we wanted to and she wanted to seems vast.

As someone who probably can be classed as older there was definitely something to be said for old fashioned trainer pants . They discovered they could pee everywhere right down to water wheels and dog bowls and basically it gets bloody annoying when your whole day is taken up by having to get changed every time you wet yourself . I did use nappy pants at night but thankfully only for a short time at night .
Mine were lifted at night before we went to bed to use the potty and one of them did have ASD .

Fashions change 3.5 was the average a few years back. That’s now relatively old

I understand why waiting until they are ready works when we are talking about a 2 year old toddler kicking up a fuss vs a 2.8 year old who happily wants to potty train, my question was more why are we completely skipping over the previously popular method of starting from infant?

From the replies, I guess the main explanation is parents having less time at home. Even if we potty trained on maternity leave ready for them to go into nursery when parents return to work, a 1 year old wouldn’t have the vocabulary to communicate with their teacher that they needed the toilet.

I was sure that potty training at around 21/2 to 3 was the best method even though it was pretty hard work and took a while to be able to able to confidently say my children were potty trained with very few accidents.

Then my sister, who had married an American guy and moved out there, had her two boys and they were not potty trained until much older, around 4 years old, and golly, it was so much easier! Her children were old enough to communicate their needs and moved out of nappies ( diapers) within days.

But her children did not start school until they were six so there was no pressure to get them out of nappies early, my sister was very fortunate not to need to return to work until her children were older due to her husbands well paid job - not the situation for many mums in the US.

Children do not have the muscle control required for toilet training before 18 months at the very earliest.
My three were all out of nappies by 16 months, day and night. They could easily verbalise when they needed the loo by that stage. Even my own DM was impressed by their dry nights.
I was a sahp though, so was able to spend time waiting for the penny to drop (no pun intended) and they were all very late walkers, so maybe had more spare brain power for potty training. Certain friends told me I would damage their development by toilet training this early, but they are young adults now with seemingly no issues.

Had three kids trained at 2 yrs, 2.4-3 years and 17 months. 17 months a breeze, the latest one a nightmare and 2 yr old somewhere in between

17 months so easy certainly had the muscle control and communication was fine!

Both mine were very late - my eldest was 3.5yo. Looking back, she was definitely ready much, much earlier than that but I was struggling with juggling working nightshifts & looking after her & younger DS & nappies were convenient. It took us 3 days to crack it when we eventually decided to go for it, so I don't really regret waiting so long.
DS was almost 4yo before he fully cracked it! I don't think I could have done it without the help of his wonderful preschool teachers though - they were a fantastic support & we got there in under 2 weeks!

OMG I am 11 years older and I never used a twin tub!

My three were all nightmares to toilet train! The elder two were dry at night before they were dry in daytime. #3 was in nighttime pants until 9/10 though tbf I was in no hurry to deal with soaked sheets with 3 kids, their activities, and a FT job.

They are all perfectly civilised in their toilet habits now they are in their 20s!

I find that really hard to believe, from my experience and that of my family and friends, sorry!

It’s not really being potty trained in my eyes if you can’t take yourself to the toilet. Which most 1 year olds can’t can they. So it’s a load of bollocks. My DC2 is about to turn 6 months, can’t sit up, struggling with teething and reflux. We’re all exhausted. Potty training couldn’t be further from my priorities with her.

My DS is 3 and struggling with poos. Will do wees at nursery, refuses to most of the time at home. He has hypermobility so didn’t even walk until 2. I would be bloody mortified if he still was in nappies by the time he goes to school though.

Agreed. I also read that to be a braggy crock of shit.

Disposable diapers, and daycare.

Also just to say that just because kids may have been ‘trained’ earlier, doesn’t mean it worked or was right all the time.

One of my youngest memories is being at nursery and weeing myself and being upset because I wasn’t confident yet and just wanted the nursery worker to come with me to the toilet, but she refused.

I reckon childcare is a big part of the puzzle.

My DD was toilet trained at 2 years 2 months and dry overnight at 2 years 9 months. However we didn’t use formal childcare until after she toilet trained and before that she was looked after by MIL who was also on board with toilet training.

We removed the nappies and she was reliably trained within a week. I mean no nappies in the car, outings etc.

my trio walked early talked early and toilet trained before two.

1. cloth diapers labor intensive (cool though i was a bit of a hippy) and once purchased cheaper then disposable
2. shared laundry facility, we lived in an apartment complex
3. work, i was mostly a sahm during the early years due to lack of child care

my daughter's two children; her daughter went into the bathroom and pee'd on the potty on her own at the age of 16 months. success was on and off for a few months but certainly reliable before her second birthday. grandson watched his sister and began potty training earlier than his sister.

they simply had one of those bojrn baby floor potties next to the toilet and each time mom or anyone used the bathroom they joined in with a book or two.

i presume some of this is genetic as they were early walkers and talkers.