Why do we potty train late?

[HappyHippo3]

I’d like to start this thread by saying I am in no way judging, I am genuinely just curious. I am FTM with no experience potty training, though I have been considering starting my 20 month old.

From my experience, there seems to be a big divide between the younger and older generations on the appropriate age to potty train. My friends think 20 months is too young, and I should wait until she is 2/3 and ‘ready’. My DGM says it was the norm to start babies on the potty at 6 months and they were dry by the time they were 1 year old. There was also an article recently that said around a of quarter children go to primary school un-potty trained.

My question is, what is the reason for this change over generations? What are the benefits of waiting until they are 2/3?

You have to be at home and able to put your baby on a potty every hour to do what the older generation refer to. That means either being a SAHM or having a nanny willing to oblige. It’s not potty training, but potty timing. A six month old can’t take their bottoms down and take themselves the potty. Most can barely sit.

I got grief from MIL from about 18 months with DD so tried at 20 months and it was not a success. She went back to work when kids were under six months so didn’t actually potty train them. She couldn’t really tell me how it was supposedly done…

Children do not have the muscle control required for toilet training before 18 months at the very earliest. Your DGM may have put a baby on a potty regularly from 6 months and made some association between this and the baby being dry, but it wasn’t toilet training. The change may be due to better awareness of child development amongst parents. 2/3 is an absolutely normal age to do it. Not being toilet trained before starting school is a separate issue.

My first wasn't ready until he was almost 3 , we tried earlier and it just didn't work too many accidents which made him upset. He took a few weeks to be accident free

Second was around 2.5 , again we had tried earlier and it didn't work , once she was ready she more or less accident free in less than a week

They both were dry over night pretty much from the start of potty training which was surprising

I tried with my dd early on and it just made things worse. Also I had to drop her off at 7.30am and she had to go straight onto school run for the older kids so there wasn’t enough time. I was working mornings only so we had to do potty training 50% of the day in the end. She cracked it at 3.4 years and was dry at night almost straight away but she had a poo withholding issue for ages after. How can they understand at such a young age?

Oh Crap potty training says that potty training should be done between 20 months and 30 months. We potty trained at 2.4. I didn’t potty train before this point but looking back to 20 months I don’t think DC had the language skills or gross motor skills to tell us they needed the toilet or to manipulate their clothing. I don’t doubt that it’s possible that young but I wonder how much we’d have to do of monitoring the situation but maybe they learn it quickly when they are doing it every day.

I think there are a lot of reasons why it has changed over generations. More households have two parents working and you need to take a block of time off to do it, most people want to use their leave for a holiday not being stuck at home. I think some people therefore do it on maternity leave if they have subsequent children and given the cost of childcare and when funded hours kicked in, that is usually a 2-3 year age gap. The rise of disposable nappies.

I agree that children should be potty trained before starting school but don’t think 2 or 3 is too late. My DD showed interest at 2 but then regressed, tried again as soon as she turned 3 and it was pretty straightforward. I worked full time and a single parent so no way could I have been there enough to put on the potty regularly.

I do not know the answer to this but in the 90s children ready for playgroup as they trained for starting 2yr 9 months. Some times before .Getting them out of nappies is such a relief .

My first 4 dc were between 2 and 2.5 and trained easily, my youngest was almost 3 and was the most difficult by far. I used to work in an early years setting and we generally found it much easier with the younger ones, they were more biddable and seemed to have less fears and hang ups about the potty/toilet.

I potty trained my eldest just before he was 3 and it was a fucking breeze because he was ready.

He's 8 now and literally no one gives a shit when he was potty trained so I've no idea why people make such a big deal out of it.

I potty trained DS1 starting on his 2nd birthday. He was potty trained in about 2 weeks. DS2 started at about 22 months and was dry by his second birthday. I don't think I'd have been successful any younger. They've got to have an understanding of having a wee and a poo

I think it's because disposable nappies are so much easier and more comfortable that they change the cost benefit analysis (I.e. it's no longer worth it to be constantly remembering to put a child on the toilet who is too young to tell you they need to go).

Yes and then started taking them at 2.5 so real incentive

Nappies were expensive

Mine were trained at 2y3m and 2y9m. The one that trained early has accidents at nursery as he had poor language and wouldn't ask. In hindsight I'd have waited (which we did for second child). They need to be able to manage clothes and say they need a wee really.
I'm a nursery teacher and at least half aren't toilet trained. Or they are an parents put pull ups on them in case they wet. They seem to be terrified of this but we really don't mind. We prefer this that the kids who poo their nappies and don't know/communicate this to us.

We teach lots of oversees students children and they often wear nappies as parents are to busy studying and don't have the family support why might have had back home.

It's literally a night and day split of those that come in really mature and trained, ready to learn and those who aren't and are like toddlers (18m-2y developmentally) rather than 3y+

The change has been due to the change in nappies. I'm in my 40s and was brought up in traditional cloth nappies. These felt wet and I imagine were unpleasant for baby, and a faff to clean for the parent. So there was motivation on both sides to potty train early. With modern nappies they are still comfy when wet for baby, and it is easier for the parent to keep going with nappies than clearing up after accidents.

Everyone is talking like there’s a choice. I really don’t think there is!

Not only disposables versus cloth nappies.

I'm 50 - I remember doing laundry in a twin tub. You were tied to the whole thing it was labour intensive.

The modern washing machines were a game changer.

Modern cloth nappies are also a huge leap forward.

I didn't potty train either of my children. I just waiting until they did it themselves. There were hardly any accidents, I didn't have to carry a potty around and it was stress free. My DD was 2.5 and DS was 3. I've seen friends potty train their kids before they were ready and it's just a massive pain in the arse and you're forever washing clothes.

I was potty trained at around 6 months in the 60s and most of us were - a combination of mums being at home and terry nappies which needed a lot of washing and didn’t feel nice next to the skin when they were wet or soiled.

My own three were around 2.5 to 3, can’t remember exactly when as it was a long time ago. My mum was surprised we trained so late in comparison to what she and her friends did.

*waited. I can't edit on the app for some strange reason.

I think it's a mix of nappies being better and more women working. When I was a toddler in the 80s, my mum was the only mum in our social circle who worked (and so our nanny potty trained me). I worked FT from going back after mat leave so there were very few blocks of time that I could use to train DS and if he didn't get it within a day or two, we'd have to start again next time. When he was ready, he did train in 48 hours.

There is only a very, very small percentage of kids that medically can't train and that dont produce the hormone to allow training.

I do think when people say their kids are not ready, some are ready but need the time spending to be taught this skill. Other ls obviously take a little longer.

We used the book oh crap, it was brilliant and we had our DS trained at 20 months (in 5 days) and we passed it around our friends and all their kids were trained before 30 months.

Our DS was also dry of a night by 24 months, a potty was in his room and he got up to use it and went back to bed to sleep.

I would recommend the book to anyone willing/able to spend a few days at home to train.

And yes kids are being left longer now to train, some trying to enrol kids to school still in nappies, years ago they wouldn't be accepted in until potty trained

Nappies are cheap and very absorbent these days. Mine both were trained shortly after 2 but wore reusable nappies so I guess had a better idea of weeing and being wet as it takes slightly longer for the nappy to wick the wee away. I got no end of grief for potty training too soon as it was considered cruel for some strange reason. Many people said I'd have no end of problems as they would be having accidents forever nope not a issue

My DD was potty trained at 20 months - why wait if they are ready!

The older generation did a lot of stupid shit 🤷🏻‍♀️