I believe my baby is going to die.

[Vix190]

I have a fear that my baby is going to die. It's a fear that is going round and round in my head and that I can't get rid of it. I sit and stare at him and all I can do is cry because I'm so scared. I didn't think I'd make it to term with him and now he's here I think of all the things that could take his life - RSV, neonatal herpes, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I'm terrified and all I want is for a doctor to check him over daily. Ive contacted my local medical centre for help (for me) but I have to wait 5 days. I'm so scared I sometimes can't breathe.

I cried for a day when it dawned on me that my baby was going to die some day. During pregnancy I laid awake at night crying that I might sexually abuse him. The mind is an odd beast and the state of it during and after pregnancy is absolutely wild. Reach out for help for sure, there’s loads out there and you’re certainly not alone in the slightest.

Are these new thoughts OP? Or have you always been anxious about health?

It's really important to understand the state of your mental health prior to giving birth.

I hope you can find peace and a calmer state of mind.

Hormones post birth can send you to silly places. Know that you are both going to be OK and these thoughts are very likely overwhelming anxiety sending you into a spin.

Looking after a baby and going home alone is very hard too, suddenly it's just all on you.

Do you have anyone with you?

So sorry, how awful for you to be experiencing this appalling fear. Your midwife or GP would be the best starting place, as others have said.

You know you need support with your anxiety and it sounds very bad, please get an appointment with your GP...
In the meantime, you could text the mental health service SHOUT on 85258, to get through this crisis
Best of luck xx

I'm so sorry you feel like this - I felt the same after having my eldest.
You can go to a&e or call 111 if your gp surgery isn't being helpful. Prioritise this as mental health can spiral quickly. Tell you partner/ best friend/ parents.
There should be Perinatal mental health support available for up to a year after birth (this is the case in my borough) and you can be referred to this by GP, Midwife or Health Visitor (although I told all three i was really struggling and didn't get referred so if it doesn't happen push for it even if it feels hard to).
Like others have said, meds really help. I took citalopram and very quickly noticed a difference.
One thing that helped my anxiety around SIDS was a Snuza HeroMD breathing monitor (approved by the lullaby trust)
Xx

You can ring 111 and select the mental health option, they will discuss with you and decide if you need help urgently. It does sound like you do.

These are intrusive thoughts and because you are feeling unwell you’re are listening to them. They are not reality. Keep telling yourself that everything will be okay.

You need urgent help OP. Have you got someone you can tell in real life? Then THEY can make sure you get some urgent help today and you haven't got the stress of that. Even just show them this post. It's so hard OP and mental health can get scarily bad. There is support out there xxxx

I knew a work colleague who had extremely bad anxiety post natal. She had medication and counselling for it.

The nanit monitor tracks baby’s breathing and helped me so much with anxiety. Heard owlet is good too!

I felt similar to this before and after my little one was born. I took zero bump pics because I was convinced I'd lose the baby and have to delete them. I bought nothing at all till I was over 30 weeks. If anyone said anything like "when the baby is here" I'd respond "IF the baby is here".
After he was born I'd imagine him dying and cry for hours, i would check he was breathing constantly, I was a mess.
I was diagnosed with PND/PNA at his 8 week check and started on sertraline and referred myself for counselling. They fast track you if you've had a baby in the last year. It got better. I'm more relaxed now than I thought possible, I still worry about things but not in the all consuming way I did. You're doing the right thing seeking help, it will get better ❤️

Having a baby is terrifying , suddenly you have this impossibly tiny person, their entire life and wellbeing in your hands. I spent hours going over all the ways I might accidentally kill my baby, falling down the stairs, walking out into the road with the buggy in front and not seeing a car, etc etc. I think it is mainly biology, suddenly you are hyper alert with a tiny baby to protect, and partly worry, trying to make sure I was careful. The second baby is less frightening because by then you have trusted yourself and learned how to care for a tiny person.
However, if it is taking away all enjoyment of your baby, which in your case it sounds as though it is, then please talk to your Health visitor or GP, as you probably need a bit of help and support.

I felt like this. I developed postnatal anxiety and insomnia because I couldn't switch off to go to sleep in case DS stopped breathing.

A few things helped:

In the very short term, a supportive DH who took on most of the night shifts whilst I knocked myself out with Zopiclone (from the GP) so I could get some sleep.

In the longer term, Sertraline for me and an Owlet monitor for DS. The monitor gave me the reassurance I needed to switch off and fall asleep at night; I know some people don't like them but it was revelatory for me.

Please get some help. It isn't normal to feel like you are, but it can get better!

I had this when my son was born, I had to stop taking him out cos when we were walking down the street I could see was people coming at me that I was convinced were going to throw acid in his pram, constant panic attacks and it was terrifying, I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and took Citalopram for a year or two

Have you got a close mummy friend you can talk to. Post partum is a fraught time, anything can manifest in your thoughts. Sometimes ' Time' to rest and recouperate is all you need . And eating lots of highly nourishing food.

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this and that you have to wait 5 days for help. Do you have a partner or family you can talk to? Don’t be afraid to be honest about your feelings.

i had similar, I spent my whole 3rd trimester convinced I would never meet my baby and convinced she would die as a newborn. I couldn’t face admitting these feelings to anyone until she was 18 months old and my anxiety was making me seriously ill. So you’ve already done the strongest thing you can by seeking help now.

Don’t be afraid to be honest about what’s going on, rely on those around you, and don’t ignore your own needs. Your baby needs their mum to be happy and healthy. I hope that you get suitable help in a few days and things get easier. Sending huge hugs

Have you been watching tiktok or FB reels? I remember being sucked into watching video after video of babies being unwell and dieing etc. I had to block and mute channels and start searching happy stuff so my algorithms changed.

You are going everything right.
You have reached out for help.

Could you ring 111 and talk to then if your appointment is a few days ahead.

My friend felt like you when she had her first child and I stayed with her for a while. Can you call a friend or family member to come round?

My friend's baby is 7 now and everything is good.

You will be OK too. You just need some support at the moment.

If posting here, help your anxiety, please continue to do it, there are lots of us here who will continue to chat.

You poor thing, this is anxiety and I had it too, in another form. I was sure he would be taken from me because he didn't have hand knitted clothes like somebody loved him. I got some wool and needles and knitted awful lumpy sock things and sure enough, it worked and has these last 30 years.
It's a horrible fear that feels so real at the time, but it will get better.💐

OP I'm a GP. I realise that we're all really busy but I don't actually think it's acceptable that you've been made to wait 5 days. Post partum mental health IMO is something that just shouldn't be turned away. Postpartum psychosis can develop rapidly and can be incredibly dangerous for you and baby. I would contact your GP and stress how urgent you feel this is. Failing that does your area offer direct referral to the perinatal mental health team? Or call 111 or your health visitor urgently. Is there anyone else around that can keep you safe? If there is I think you need to let them know how much you're struggling.

Hi OP. I was very similar with my second and I was diagnosed with post natal depression and anxiety. I got counselling very quickly through my GP and started sertraline and felt better after a couple of weeks. Speak to your GP. I hope you feel better soon

Perhaps this isn’t too helpful! If the mum has smoked, and is unable to breastfeed (I couldn’t) you will have made her worry about that too!

Postnatal hormones are a rollercoaster, OP.

Please call your HV, midwife, or GP, or NHS.

They will be used to dealing with postpartum anxiety and depression, it's not uncommon.

Sending you all my best.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-natal-depression/symptoms/

Hi, what you've written sounds the same as me when I had severe postnatal anxiety. (Not the theme, but the intense recurring thoughts.) I called 111 and they sent me an emergency same-day prescription for sertraline which saved my life. They also offered a mother-and-baby inpatient unit but I couldn't go because I had other children, but that's an option too. I would really suggest you call and see what they can do <3

@Vix190 you’ve asked for support. That’s a fantastic first step. The best you could have done.

Now its 5 days away. I imagine that your DP will around this weekend. Is he supportive?
What about the following couple of days? Do you family around that could help you too until you see a doctor? Anything that could take your mind off the worry, even if for a short time.
Youll get through the next few days. And as others have pointed out, PND is highly treatable.
Hand out with us if that helps!