I believe my baby is going to die.

[Vix190]

I have a fear that my baby is going to die. It's a fear that is going round and round in my head and that I can't get rid of it. I sit and stare at him and all I can do is cry because I'm so scared. I didn't think I'd make it to term with him and now he's here I think of all the things that could take his life - RSV, neonatal herpes, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I'm terrified and all I want is for a doctor to check him over daily. Ive contacted my local medical centre for help (for me) but I have to wait 5 days. I'm so scared I sometimes can't breathe.

You need to speak to your GP

I had the same fears and did go on anti depressants but the other thing I got which I think gave me HUGE peace of mind was a SNUZA HERO MD which clips onto the babies nappy and alarms if they stop breathing. I have bought one for loads of people as a baby present and they all said it allowed them to worry less and sleep more

It's an intense time and more women struggle than you'd think OP.

https://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/about-maternal-mental-health/support-mums-and-families/

Above has things you can do now if you need help.

I know this might not sink it right now, as you're in a panic state but 99% of the time things turn out OK.

Hugs. You will get through this I promise and then you can relax and enjoy your beautiful baby. We are here for you. Day and night.

Can someone phone the Dr or midwife again on your behalf and advocate for you a bit...5 days when you feel like that is a long time and you might get seen sooner if you or your partner can push for it.

In the meantime, try and keep at the fore front of your mind that what you are experiencing isn't uncommon but it does need to be treated and there is help available. With that help you will start to feel better than you do currently! Try and not get into a thought loop of trying to rationalise your thoughts, or mitigate the risks that you see, do what you can to distract yourself from it until you can see a doctor. Big hugs, it's horrible to feel like that.

Not to minimize what the OP is going through at all, I was really anxious with a new baby many moons ago. Its such new territory and nothing prepares you especially if you've had a tricky pregnancy.

But, I will admit I still check DS breathing at night before I go to bed and he's survived to the ripe old age of almost 15! A large strapping teenager who picks his nose and thunders down the stairs like an elephant.

Babies are often more resilient than we give them credit for (apart from rare occurences).

A few tips to try in the meantime just to calm your anxiety:

Call a friend or understanding family member.
Splash cold water on your face.
Getting out for a bit of fresh air and daylight can really help.
Can you hum a tune? This can help calm nerves, odd as it may sound.
Avoid the news, social media, etc.
Another odd one, but worth a try: ear massage, or any kind of self massage, can be calming.
Try 'Insight Timer' app for guided meditations or relaxing music. 'Headspace' and 'Calm' also have breathing exercises.
Make sure you're drinking enough water - just wee sips.
If you're finding it hard to sleep, rest also helps.

You'll be okay, you'll get through this. The hormones post birth take a while to settle down, but they do, and they will. I feel like new mothers need to be cocooned in kindness and tenderness until everything settles. Be extra gentle with yourself.

Hello my dear, thank you for getting this off your chest. Please reach out to: your GP, midwife and/ or local talking therapies team (you can self refer). It sounds like you have PP OCD. These intrusive thoughts are so common with OCD. It sound just like what I have struggled with. Sending you big hugs.

I don't find this comment helpful in the circumstances. Supposing OP is a smoker and doesn't breastfeed?, her anxiety will be magnified even more.
OP, as the overwhelming number of posters have said, it isn't unusual to have a wave of emotions and dark thoughts after having a baby. Please seek support and companionship. I am unsure if you have a partner/family/close friend who can be with you.
I had hugely irrational thoughts after my son was born and didn't seek the help I needed which I regret.
Take care OP. Reach out

How are you feeling op now?

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this too.
I was diagnosed at 4 months post partum with post natal depression and anxiety. Like you I wasn't sleeping in case he stopped breathing and utterly convinced he would die if I would accidentally hurt him.
The Heath visitor was lovely and so helpful. They usually have an emergency or a chat line too if you can't get in with your gp. The gp wasn't amazing if I'm honest but they did refer me for counselling which was great!
please know it does get better and help is really affective. Sending a hug.

Well done for reaching out for help on here.

At my NCT group they advised that the most common symptom of postnatal psychosis is that you become convinced that your baby is going to come to harm. Postnatal psychosis is very hard to see when you are going through it, but can rapidly deteriorate and become dangerous.

Please reach out urgently to your midwife, health visitor or GP and say that you need to be seen urgently to be assessed for postnatal psychosis. Please also tell those close to you that you are having these thoughts.

The first few days and weeks after you have given birth are very difficult and you really aren’t yourself. But you will start to feel normal again, and your baby will grow so quickly and become sturdier, chubbier, more alert and more smiley, and that will make any anxieties easier.

Please speak to your health visitor. It's not normal to be so anxious

Oh OP sending you support. My first 4 months of motherhood were basically consumed by this fear. I could actually see it happening, scenes playing out. The number of times I woke her up screaming “she’s cold!” I never sought help but I told my mum one day and she said she was the exact same and slept with a mirror over my cot to see my breath! She had always seemed such a relaxed mum I had no idea it was a thing.

Thankfully it eased gradually as I left the fourth trimester so for me it was most likely the hormones but I do wish I’d told a HV. My lovely midwife knew I was anxious but never the extent. Although I do still always check my kids before I go to sleep. That little baby I tortured myself worrying over is almost 7 now.

Get support, tell someone. There is so much help for you, this should be a happy time you look back on fondly. I feel kind of robbed of the start of motherhood, I spent it in such a state.

Hello OP,
I’m glad you’ve reached out here. As my name suggests, I’m a mum and a midwife and I’ve been exactly where you are. It is a very frightening place to be, but there is loads of help available. I won’t try to diagnose you over the internet but I suspect you have some form of postnatal depression, anxiety, and/or OCD. It’s really quite common and can get better. It is good to get help right away though so you can enjoy your baby and that it doesn’t get worse. Sometimes the combination of depression and hormones and new baby stress and sleeplessness can get quite severe very quickly, especially if you have any background of mental health issues like bipolar, depression, psychosis, or a schizophraenia.

You should each out to your midwives, your health visitor, or your GP so they can put supports in place for you and your baby. You can even attend A&E and ask them for help. You can also self refer through CAMHS and be prioritised because you are postnatal. You need help right now, without delay.

Also, do you have any support around? Partner, family, close friends? Let them know how you are feeling so they can help with baby and taking care of you.

please let us know how you’re getting on, I’m worried about you. I went through the same myself and it was so frightening (even though I knew so much about it from my own work!) but I received excellent care quickly on the NHS and was able to enjoy my baby and being a mum. 💐

I had similar with both my boys citalopram helped a lot ,
I was a mental health nurse at the time and I knew it wasent rational, and that I was having intrusive thoughts but it didn't help.

I read about something recently called postnatal OCD where you have horrible intrusive thoughts like this. I think in hindsight I had it when my son was born years ago. Look it up and ask for help asap. I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this it’s awful. X

Op this is really normal. I always thought about Sid's and constantly checked my baby's breathing. It's a huge shock to meet your baby and realize how your whole life would stop if anything happened to them. You do learn to live with this as they get bigger and stronger it gets better x

I had this it is awful. 😢 I changed babies nappy and he fell asleep on changing mat,. Instead of letting him sleep I picked him up because I didn't want the last nap before he dies to not be in my arms.
It's an awful feeling when you should be enjoying your baby. Look after yourself

I was like this after my premie got covid at 6 weeks and stopped breathing.
I got to a very dark place before I confided in my husband and we tried exercise and at johns wort.

It slowly improved from there.

Of course, my anxiety was somewhat founded, just in overdrive, so I wouldn't want to comment on whether the same would be your fix.

But are you exercising? Just walking is enough.
Have you tried Kalms or St John's Wort?

Please contact your health visiting team, they will be able to listen to your concerns and they can offer further support or refer to services that can, the way you are feeling is not uncommon and there are dedicated services to support new mums.

You can also self refer for talking therapies through nhs, they can offer support with anxiety. Many areas will also have specific perinatal services for new mums.
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

Thank you everyone. I have contacted my GP and hoping to get help.

Well done, OP. How are you feeling today?

What the actual...

Please delete your comment. This is not helpful. At all.

I also had terrible postpartum anxiety. I was irrationally concerned with dirt and germs and keeping myself and my baby clean. It consumed me, I spent every minute I could washing clothes and cleaning everything.

It helped me enormously to know that it was a condition related to the flood of hormones, it was sometimes overwhelming but if I sat and had a deep breath and thought about it I could focus my rational brain on acknowledging that it was something that would pass eventually.

Call your midwife today and tell them you are suffering. If they aren't sympathetic, call 111 and ask to speak to a doctor on the phone. Do explain it all honestly, they can help.

That's great @Vix190 . I hope that they're helpful, and if they're not please ask to see another GP, or talk to your health visitor - you deserve help and support 💐

@Vix190 I’m so glad to hear you’re getting help. Well done! Wishing you and your baby well xx💐