I believe my baby is going to die.

[Vix190]

I have a fear that my baby is going to die. It's a fear that is going round and round in my head and that I can't get rid of it. I sit and stare at him and all I can do is cry because I'm so scared. I didn't think I'd make it to term with him and now he's here I think of all the things that could take his life - RSV, neonatal herpes, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I'm terrified and all I want is for a doctor to check him over daily. Ive contacted my local medical centre for help (for me) but I have to wait 5 days. I'm so scared I sometimes can't breathe.

It will be ok. The baby is fine. You've put the wheels in process of acknowledging you need help which is great and there's no shame, unfortunately it happens 🥲

I'd chase up the appointment and ask if you can be fast tracked as you are struggling.

Also, keep coming back and reading the posts on here, let them reassure you that this is common and things will be ok.

I had this too, it was awful. Like a severe OCD, I was convinced we’d get intruders or that I’d fall down the stairs with her in my arms, that my baby would die in the night, so I stayed awake as much as I could, and I felt she was really unfortunate to have me as her mother etc. Reading this, I wish I had got help!

Please ring your midwife and tell her what you’ve told us, you definitely need medication to get you through this. I remember pacing the floor waiting for my health visitor to come I was so anxious I couldn’t breathe properly, food tasted like cardboard so I hardly ate….. I had post natal depression and literally being put on medication saved my life. It’s the worst I’ve ever felt, and you WILL get better though it doesn’t feel like it now. In the last couple of years I’ve heard of post natal trauma and definitely feel that’s what I had as my baby was very sick and there was just a catalogue of complaints of things gone wrong. Get help it’s out there available x hugs for you

Did anyone ever worry about under or overreacting with their baby? I don't feel like I know my baby and the health care providers tell me to trust my instincts but I don't believe my instincts are working right now.

I've been the same since my first was born

It's been a long 19 years and I don't think the fear will ever leave me.

Did you manage to get to see anyone OP? How are you feeling today?

It's the weirdest time, honestly, you're not on your own and there are people out there who can help you, you just need to wave your arm and let them know you need help.

Oh gosh yes, OP. Anxiety means you'll worry about everything and anything.

It's important to know that this is the anxiety. It's not reflective of anything. I find the phrase 'brainfarts' quite useful sometimes.😁

I hope you've managed to get some support from the HV or GP? You do deserve help with all this.

Yeah I spoke to my HV and a GP who has referred me to a mental health nurse. I just feel very scared all the time and I am on high alert which is exhausting. I just worry about him all the time sometimes to the point where I feel sick.

I really appreciate all the responses though. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

You are absolutely not alone, honestly, you're not. You're just surrounded with images of smiling mums and perfect babies on advertising and in films and TV and then when you find yourself not feeling like that you can feel very isolated. That's not how it is for a lot of people, how you're feeling is actually quite common but it's just hidden and can be a shock as you're not expecting it.

I had PTSD following my first and I used to go to baby groups and look around me and know that I just didn't feel like the other mums did, but didn't have the words to talk about it. You've done really well to speak up and get the help you need, stick with it, they are there for you, it's their job and they are paid to help you.

If you can get to your appointments and be honest about how you feel, they will have heard it all before and they want to help you. Nobody wants you feeling like this, and it can and will change with help. It's not just you I promise you x

I had lots of intrusive thoughts like these when DD was born, and the HV explained that it was down to a combination of things - suddenly you are completely responsible for a tiny scrap of a human, without any training (and way too much awareness of what can go wrong), and your hormones being all over the place.

Our hormones control parts of our brains as well as our reproductive systems (which is why anxiety can be so debilitating during the menopause), add in lack of sleep, and the sudden huge love and protectiveness you feel...and no wonder you are overthinking everything.

For me it was "would that picture that's been on the wall for 10 years suddenly fall onto the baby?", "what if I accidently cut the baby when I was using scissors (nowhere near her)", "what if she's too hot/cold and I can't tell?", "has she breathed in the nail-varnish remover her sister is using in the next room?"...honestly it never stopped.

I was prescribed some anti-anxiety medicine, and the doctor also suggested I use a mantra when it was really bad "thoughts are not facts" and I said it over, and over, and over again.

DD is now a noisy and very lively tween. Get yourself some help lovely, so that you can begin to enjoy your little one xxx

My daughter nearly did die - and it was "my fault". I tried to breastfeed her, but couldn't make enough milk and she got so severely dehydrated that she was in neonatal intensive care for several days.

All I can say is, once you've faced the worst and actually screwed up that bad, you definitely have some pretty complex feelings and struggle to trust any instincts you might have. Your baby is healthy ergo, in my book, you're being responsive enough. Anxiety isn't that rational, though.

It was actually other mums at baby groups who had babies a few months older than mine - and who recognised how tough I was finding things after that - who gently encouraged me to talk about it, and also shared some of their own newborn disasters. So, try to meet some mums with babies just a little older - they'll enough into the next baby phase to have some perspective, but still remember how things were!

Another mum I knew called an ambulance out 3 it 4 times in her babies first 2 months. I was pretty shocked at the time. But that's how worried she was getting.

It really does sound like you're doing okay. - Just need to make sure you get support to move on from this very anxious phase.

It does feel like a huge responsibility when you first become a parent and I think most first-timers are basically anxious as they are in uncharted territory and feeling their way towards doing things right.

But I really do think your anxiety is outside of normal and you need some help quickly. Do talk to the health visitor - they are there to help you too.

You really are not alone and it does settle down gradually; but the level of anxiety you are experiencing needs some help so you can anjoy your baby.

I had this too, you’re not alone. I had a traumatic birth for me and baby.
lack of sleep too! Also had
tne fears when I was pregnant they were so vivid. I knew they weren’t real the beliefs and thoughts, but how they felt it.
Your not goin crazy, and you know you aren’t because your talking about it and asking for help. Your hormones and protective instincts go into overdrive. For me I needed sleep, a good cry and talk to someone, and setraline helped me. It’s normal what you are going through.

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks. My second pregnancy was perfect and straightforward, my baby girl was completely healthy, no complications or reasons to panic. But I spent the whole pregnancy afraid to get attached to her in case I lost her too, and when she was born I spent hours lying beside her crib watching her breathe. I didn’t tell anyone how anxious I was in case they tried to take her away. Not until I started experiencing hallucinations and horrible visions of me harming the baby. So you are already doing the right thing by asking for help. If they offer you anti anxiety meds just do it. Give yourself a break and a chance to rebalance.

Agree that its definitely usually a combination of things. Birth, the shock of becoming a parent, hormones, lack of sleep, usually.

It does and will get better, OP. With my second I was better prepared for an emotional rollercoaster and was better able to just notice when I was feeling very fragile or emotional or anxious etc and acknowledge it was postnatal.

Glad you've got an appointment sorted. Hang on in there, you are doing great and you'll get through this.

Oh, OP 💔 my heart is breaking for you. I had severe Postpartum Anxiety and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I had my baby girl during the first lockdown when we couldn’t even see doctors. She used to roll her eyes back and twitch in her sleep and I convinced myself she had some sort of deadly epilepsy that would kill her at any moment. I would sit up all night watching her, sobbing my eyes out. I recorded her every time she did it. Would call my husband screaming that she was dying, he was still working during lockdown. I couldn’t eat because I was constantly gagging from anxiety. I lost so much weight I was skin and bone.

I paid for a private GP to visit the house. They watched all my videos and reassured me it was normal. She was my 4th and my first three never did anything like that so I was convinced something was terribly wrong. The doctor eventually eased my mind and I settled somewhat. He also gave me some anti anxiety meds for when I had panic attacks. Only for very short term use in emergencies. My lovely mum sent me an owlet sock that really put my mind at ease. Once we passed 12 weeks it really started to get better. By 4 months it was gone and I could finally let myself enjoy my baby girl. I look back at that time and it still breaks my heart. I’ve never felt such terror. The only way to describe it was pure terror. I understand ❤️

Sorry if you’ve already said, I haven’t read the whole thread, but how old is your baby? Are you able to get an owlet sock? Also, if your GP can prescribe a low dose of something like Valium, that will help in your very worst moments and won’t harm baby in very small doses if you’re breastfeeding. In my case even that freaked me out but my GP assured me it would be ok and the considering I was on the verge of ending my life the benefit way outweighed the risks.

I’m so sorry love. This too shall pass. You will not feel like this forever. Your brain is tricking you into thinking this is your mother’s instinct. It is not. I promise you it is not. Hang in there 💐

Thank you for your responses everyone. He is 5 weeks old (almost 6). It is an all consuming feeling but very hopeful it will get better and the little one will be fine.

It will and he will. I.promise. the first six weeks were unbelievable!

Only 5 weeks....you are still in the newborn trenches! Don't give your moods just now any credence....get help of course, but don't be scared that your worries mean anything or won't go away. As they say, this too shall pass.

Yep, absolutely. Some cultures have a 40 day rest period after birth, where a mother and her baby are tended on and looked after and kept hidden away.

https://www.babycenter.com/baby/postpartum-health/bringing-back-the-hispanic-tradition-of-cuarentena-after-chi_10346386

A lovely idea, it's a shame most of us can't even imagine that happening!

But it acknowledges how hard post-partum first few weeks can be, and that we need rest to recover from pregnancy and birth.

I feel 40 days on my own world have done me well. I am very scared all the time and nothing family members say reassures me :/. Thank you for all the messages. I am on such high alert I feel like in going crazy. I just want to protect him and for him to be okay.
I have had an initial appointment last week where it was agreed I needed help but nothing since. Reading all your messages are helping so thank you.

Hi OP. Wanted to send some solidarity. My third baby is 2 weeks old and I am struggling with this too, for the past week or so out of the blue. I never felt like this with my other two kids. Me, DH and my 2nd child have all had a bad cold virus this week so I'm terrified that baby is going to catch it, but the fears actually started before anyone came down with it anyway. I took my second child out and about everywhere as soon as I could including toddler groups etc for my first child without a care in the world, at this same time of year. Now the thought of taking my newborn to a children's centre or church group makes me feel sick as I just think it's going to be full of autumn bugs and I worry he will catch one so young. It's horrible feeling this way but I'm just hoping mine will pass as abruptly as it came if I try not to dwell on it and force myself to live as normally as I can etc.

Thank you for the solidarity. Mine started because a family member kissed him so I know the cause and it progressively has gotten worse over the past week and a bit. Lots of people say im overreacting but I'm terrified.
I hope for you and your family it passes. I admire your attitude to it. I hope you all feel better soon.

Mothers are evolved to risk assess. It can be debilitating at times but it is NORMAL.

Women are programmed to reverse risk assess. So we start with the absolute worst possible scenarios and then we nack track to the possible causes. So for example, there was a terrible storm one night. Hammering down with rain, rivers down the street and howling rain. I started feeling absolutely terrified and imagining my newborn out in the rain, drowning and freezing to death. It was truly horrific. I held my baby, thinking I mustn't go outside, I must stay in bed where it is warm and dry!

Then I remembered what a midwife said about risk assessing.

That's what I was doing. Keeping my baby safe bu imagining what would happen if she was caught outside in the rain.

Mama bear, you're doing great. Forgive yourself and understand it isn't anything weird. You're just doing your job of safe guarding and all will be well.

Lots of love