Dec '06 - Still clinging onto sanity.

[EasilyConfusedIndith]

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Indith, that sounds rather nice :)

Mother has been moved into a regular room today. Her breathing is a bit better, blood pressure more stable. She still needs to get rid of some fluid and her heart rate is a bit too high. I haven't decided if I'm going to stay the night or not. She has a nurse assigned to only her and no other patients and he said he will give her something strong to sleep tonight so I may go home.

I miss my children!!!!!!!!!

Rather like the royal biscuit though [cbiscuit]. I keep getting tempted by the commemerative McVities biscuit tin with fetching picture of Wills and Kate. The [cbiscuit] is telling me to buy it. Such a grandma thing to buy, I'll have to eat the biscuits and then put in on top of the fridge so that when I am in my dotage and my grandchildren and raiding my house they will find it and tutt amongst themselves about what a silly, sentimental old buggar I am to have kept it all those years.

It is entirely possible that I have put too much thought into that.

What on earth do people do when they have no children? When they are around all the bloody time and you get an hour of peace you sit down guilt free, you have a bath and relax, knowing that you deserve it. Between pollyfiller and coats of paint I keep hopping around needing something to do. I've even cleaned the bathroom and run out of washing

Sleep is good though. Deep, blissfull, undisturbed sleep. We have woken up at 7am every day though

Best wishes Jabber, hope all still going well and that you ahve had some sleep too :)

Hope things continue well for your mum, jabber. Indith, a whole week sans dc? You lucky thing! I never know what to do either when some or all of them not here. Hope iron sorted soon so you can produce more sprogs!
On hols for a few more days. Dc enjoying, but I am a nightmare, poor dp. Have upped my ADs again, got to get through house move, summer hols and ds2 starting school without nervous breakdown.
What do you do with incredibly cute and adorable but very very badly behaved 2yo dd btw??? She is total nightmare this week, trashes rooms in minutes, throws food and doesn't do anything she is asked ever!!! She's running rings round us.

Hmm, think commemorative biscuit tin excellent idea indith!!!

Ds2 is currently getting very assertive with "No, I don't want to" when asked to pick up toys etc. At least you expect that kind of thing at 2 but really at 4 I just don't know quite what to say. Nothing works with him

Mother getting better by small bits each day. There had been some talk of sending her home tomorrow with home oxygen tank but she just told me she had an episode of arrhythmia again this afternoon so perhaps they will keep her another day or two. I am going away on business this weekend and would feel much better if she were still in the hospital.

Indith, you've got me thinking of the biscuit tin and I haven't even been drawn to anything about the wedding, lol.

Oooh, I might be a tin and start keeping buttons in it :)

Jabber - thinking of you/your mum.

Difficult 2 year old. Ignore. Life too short to get stressed. (Easy to say now when I dont have one).

DD2 has now been on oxybutynin for a few weeks and it seems to be working (no drips after weeing) unless we forget to give a dose - quite easy to do given that we are grinding tablets and putting in milkshake

Both DDs very excited about Royal wedding today. DD1 dreams of marrying a prince whilst lying in bed learning Hannah Montana songs. DD2 swings between constant whining and adorableness.

We've been pretty quiet on here lately. Anyone lurking should say Hi.

Little Madam of a 2 year old gets put ont eh bottom step but I don't think it particularly effective, she just sings for a bit then throws her arms around us and says sorry as EV says though, life is too shrot and it will pass, I think/hope that so long as we continue with short, simple explanations (not kind, makes a mess and so on) then as she grows older and her understanding develops it will sink in. Hopefully. The 4 year old been throwing his weight around too, think the break from him is good for me and I can have a bit of a refresher read of my "how to talk" book for when he comes back.

Glad the wee issues are getting better EV.

My mum sent me a text to say that dd was singing God Save the Queen and Ds was waiting for the soldiers and horses

Ignore annoying/bad behaviour. It's the only way or you'll go mad. Totally agree: life's too short. I personally think things like naughty steps just draw attention and don't work in the long run.

DD1 has been at a royal wedding party and had her hair and make up done. I had visions of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding but she actually looked great when I picked her up. She's since been and smeared my mascara over her spangly eye lids and sprayed perfume all over her. Much more like it imo

Hope you are ok AQ. You have a lot on your plate and a pair of 2 years olds, alone, are enough to send anyone running to the hills. Look after yourself.

Ah sleepless nights and interrupted sex. How I have missed thee

Hello again, another flyby. Am always reading but get to end and never have anything useful to say. AQ, hope you are ok, and things get better. Jabber, hope your Mum is improving.

hello y'all, anyone bought a tin yet? I ate all the kids easter eggs, and yet to face ds1's wrath when I have to explain this (we were away over easter, so I have got away with it so far...)
You're prob. absolutely right about dd. But really she is so much worse than her siblings (esp her twin) and I feel I'm not setting the right example to them if I just ignore it. DS1 picks up on things being 'unfair' in a nanosecond. The morning after I'd posted about her, I was woken by ds3 (her twin, in case you've lost track) muttering something and with a very strong chemical smell about him. Followed him to the kitchen where he was desperately (bless) trying to sweep up a small mountain of washing powder which dd had heaped on the floor. Should I really just ignore that?? She took a poo out of her nappy (after removing nappy) and walked towards me holding it out this afternoon. The entire family leapt out of her way. I know I should potty train her, but can't I wait a month or so until we have a downstairs toilet??
Castles, I indeed have a lot on my plate, and two x 2 yo's are a nightmare at times but only I think because I am so depressed and anxious. Plus physical health/fitness at all time low so fair amount of pain. Had thought we would have loads of time to move house because we're renting ours and not selling it, but dp had the brilliant idea to rent ours to the vendors of our new house so it all happens immediately. Arrgggghhhhh. Probably start of June as they are the slowest vendors in the world. I don't think there is anything I'm not anxious about, I only relax after 2 glasses of wine which I"m not meant to drink and it lasts a couple of hours. Have 2 more weeks until next counselling appt and I'm not sure how helpful she's going to be tbh. Perhaps could turn to drugs for a while? Any thoughts? kind of.
lenni, do pop in more often if only to hear more moans from me and jabber, I hope you can find time in all of this to see a friend, go to a movie etc?

Oh AQ it sounds manic!

Potty training- if she is really that ready, would it be better to just do it? YOu can always give it 3 days and go back to nappies if it doesn't work. Dd was probably less work once we ditched the nappies as otherwise she was announcing she needed a wee/poo and then desperately stripping off her nappy mid flow/poo. Less messy and less work with pants after a couple of days. Try it, if it is more work after 3 days then don't stress, don't let it bother you, just go back to nappies.

Behaviour and it being fair/unfair. How do you deal with the others when they do something wrong? If ds2 emptied the washing powder on the floor what would you do? You don't need to treat dd any more harshly than you do the boys, they just need to see that she gets sanctions too. She is old enough to understand that we don't make a mess and to help tidy it up and old enough to understand that if she is throwing toys then she will get them taken away. Ditto food throwing, if food is thrown but not eaten then it is the end of the meal for dd. It doesn't mean she won't do it again 5 mins later but at least ds sees that she is being treated inteh same way as him.

Thanks indith
I suppose I could have tried it on hols as there was a downstairs toilet there! You know how I am about PT, I hate the very mention of it. DS2 has been soiling his pants all week and I cannot figure out why for the life of me, he's not done it since the week we did PT. Have been very low-key in my reactions as has DP but I got a bit hacked off everytime he expected me to drop everything and sort it out. Which I guess was his point? I'm not thinking reasonably, I get into a state/panic about the slightest thing tbh. I suppose I could buy dd some pants, but she's been sitting on the potty for a while and hasn't yet produced anything so not sure she knows what's going on. It's just the thought of 3 lots of dirty/wet pants instead of just the two. Sigh.
I don't think we discipline her more, I think we hardly manage it at all because ds1 takes up so much time getting him to do anything that we've barely the energy to handle dd's ratbag excursions. She usually just gets away with it. Timeout has no effect on her at all, she's not bothered if I yell at her which I've rarely done, and shrugs basically if I take food or toys off her. Nothing bothers her, she certainly knows when she's being naughty and what's acceptable but gets away with a huge amount because I'm sorting out arguments b/t ds1 and ds2 which are endless, ds3's tantrums or getting ds1 to do anything as mentioned before. I have to say I've felt like a really crap mum for quite a long time now, don't feel that I'm succeeding in doing anything right and an awful lot wrong. I try not to dwell on suicide, but it's been an issue for about a year since I took a downhill turn. I tell myself that ds1 would be an even more troubled soul if I wasn't here and that's what keeps me going. I'm not like that all the time, but usually weekly and it would be nice for that spectre to disappear once more (I took an overdose when I was 20 due to depression, my father happened to find me in time).

AQ, huge hugs. YOu are not a crap mum. Hell, what is a great mum? Does anyone know. I'd settle for good enough mum and you are certainly that.

In a final dd related though, bribary and corruption with stickers in a bit of a 2 year old version of a reward chart style? If you eat nicely you get a sticker, if you stop and tidy up you get a sticker. Works on dd pretty instantly so leaves you to concentrate on the boys. Hopefully anyway! Or replace stickers with something else that your dd would move heaven and earth for (chocolate buttons and stickers for dd!).

((AQ)) Are you on any meds? Can you see your GP asap? Please make it your priority to make sure you get looked after, ok? If you want to FB me please do. I have been there honey so know what it's like and nothing is as bad as that. I suspect the DCs, DD1 and DS2 in particular, are picking up on your current stress, so just let things slip for a bit and try not to worry about potties etc until you are back on track. Please please please look after yourself. You are very important to so many people, me included.

You're both making me sob, stop it. I am on meds, castles, tried to go down last month but clearly not working so I went up again last week. Have something for panic/anxiety too which I take if I have to. I have counselling arranged, but no appt for a few weeks unfortunately. I'm just expecting it to be a long haul until I'm better (that's optimistic me) but then it gets really bad and I go off the rails again. ds1 particularly tuned into me, in fact they're all smothering me with affection which is sweet but driving me crazy. Can understand it though.
I don't want much to look after myself given state of mind, dp's trying to get me to but I don't think I'm very nice to him about it! I hope things will look up soon, I know at least that it often takes one small thing for life to improve. And dc are adorable, ds3 has finally started talking loads and was a delight all week.

AQ, I used to take this herbal thing called Relora which really helped with my panic attacks etc. You can find it easily on-line. I found out about it through the panic/anxiety support thread here on MN. I also found that being on holiday when I was like that could almost tip me over the edge. Don't know if that's relevant, but something to bear in mind. What are your friends like? As you know, I have no family at all, apart from the one I've made but have got fab friends. One in particular, who is a psychologist, has really helped me (as I have her - I don't just bleed her dry!!). What I'm saying is: use your friends especially the ones you can really trust and talk to properly - that is what they are there for. Me included! Talk to me by FB/email. I've checked in here to see how you are which is how much I care. Big hug honey. To quote MN "this too shall pass".

Jabber - can you help here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childrens_health/1206840-Any-optometrists-here-please-give-me-more-info

AQ, do NOT try to go down on your meds. I tried that off and on a few times and it was always a disaster. I actually went up just a teensy bit on the ADs one about 1 1/2 to 2 years ago and it seems to be the magic dosage (zoloft) however I do have to take a small dosage of xanax in addition to that to really stay on an even keel. I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I am chemically imbalanced and need to have something added to the mix.

If you guys want a giggle I will post a pic of my tattoo that I got on Friday in the FB group

A tattoo Jabber Oooh yes we need to see a picture of that

AQ listen to these wise people we have here. Have / and some when the dcs are in bed.

So ds has been doing so, so well on goat everything. I have been hoping to gradually reintroduce some dairy to make life easier eg goat yoghurt is not to be had in any of the local shops and I've been struggling to get it thick enough when making it at home and also things like cheesy couscous which they love but it is cooked in milk and has cheese added! But anyway I ran out of goat yoghurt so allowed ds a small amount of cow on Monday then yesterday he had pizza at a friend's house and today he has soiled once and wet twice. Can it have an effect that soon? . Upping the fibrogel again for the next few days anyway.

Indith, dh had the same idea and yes, in our experience things can reverse quite quickly. The idea of being able to re-introduce to cow's milk just isn't feasible. And be very, very careful of doing cheese too quickly. Some can handle it, many can't.

soooo, yes the tattoo still shocks me a little even though I have been thinking about it for a year now. A good friend passed away last year on April 13th and I guess the idea of a permanent reminder of my own mortality began to form. I am shitting myself at dh's possible reactions!

He'll have to see it sometime . It is great, hope he likes it!

He has had small amounts of cheese before no problem, just things like being out over lunch at teh botanics not having any ham sandwiches left. It is the yoghurt which is the worst one for getting/expense. Oh well, I may have to get myself some freeze dried cultures for the yoghurt making.

Lol, if ds2 had not been ill these last 3 days he would have seen it by now. He (ds2) is better today and it is our 10th anniversary so the cat is about to be out of the proverbial bag, methinks.

Thanks for the link EV. Sounds like another optometrist with more experience in that area than me has gotten on board so decided I would let the thread run as is.
How are things with your dd?

Hello, still stunned at that tattoo jabber wow.
Fairly manic few days, in that I've been manic. Had considered being committed. Saw my lovely gp this evening and she's changing my AD to a more calming one, poss the current one could even have caused the increased anxiety! Hope to god meds are working better in 3 weeks which is moving house date.
Castles, what can I say? Touched by your post and so appreciate the thought. Friends in RL not many but a few good ones. Luckily I do have v supportive family and dp is a saint putting up with me at present.