Dec 08 Ladies - Maybe this thread they'll ALL sleep through the night at the same time!

[Beans33]

Apologies for rubbish title, couldn't think of anything - mind is totally riddled by hormones...!

I'm seriously considering cutting my hours as well. I used to be a bit perplexed by the working mum guilt thing, but I only had one DS and a short commute, so I still got to spend lots of time with him. Plus DH was taking a day a week off as well. TBH Avo I would go for the career break. But that is partly because I hate working in the summer! Ask me again come November

Ohh and my period is three days late following Morning-After-Pill-Gate. I am actually not panicing as it is so unlikely to be due to pregnancy. The incident was several days after ovulation and I took the MAP and I wasn't sick. But still I would really like to see some confirmation that all is OK. As I have said before I no longer feel sure that three kids is right for us and i am utterly certain that even if we one day go for number 3 now would be too soon. Fingers crossed hey?

Yes Effie. I agree that summer makes stay at home motherhood look much more attractive. I think I might find the slog of winter too hard without work to distract me. But I, like you, have been losing my temper at home a little recently and I think it's partly because I get out of the routine of parenting and can't read the girls as well as when I am with them all the time.

Blimey, Beans, he sounds a bit weird. Hair gel? How stinky. Good luck with the move!

Urbane, don't be hard on yourself about your DH and have a nice anniversary. Look - if he has forgiven you, you have got to forgive yourself. Everyone says things they regret sometimes. I loved that story about the kids writing in, but they wrote to your department to ask for info about England? Idle little monkeys. Re: work, as someone who is at home I can heartily assure you that feeling like you're not getting everything right does not end when you are not working outside the home It's just motherhood in general, I reckon. I am tense about money at the moment and just know if I was still working in my old job part time, as was the original plan, I'd be less tense and possibly a better mother...

Effie, you are also being hard on yourself. You effectively have two toddlers now. I think that is just really HARD, because however loving/lovely toddlers are, by their very developmental nature, they are also often irrational, selfish and mercurial. All you can do is love them and do your best. I think you DO need a hol. Any hope?

Rubes, that 4am thing is grim. I haven't had a good night's sleep for days on end now and it really has a depressive/perspective altering effect. (I am dreading those early months of DD2 for that very reason!) Is it your DP you need an apology/explanation from, though, or his gf? Also, I am not sure what he can hold against you - that he hasn't got free tickets because between them caused you a massive heap of emotional upset? Ultimately though, I think you can either pursue it with them (and risk not getting satisfaction, or worse) or let it drift a bit and see how it shakes down in a few days. As I have said before, I appreciate it's so hard - a family member to whom you were previously close and relied on, miles away, being rather selfish and then spasmodic contact. Can you build bridges with his gf, do you think? It seems to be what he wants. Or has she just been too awful?

Ugh, I feel sick now as well. Fed up of coughing. I don't want to go to this course coughing and seezing over everyone. It's so antisocial.

Cross posted with you, Avo. I am sure all will be fine with your period. I did have one friend for whom it didn't work but I think that can really only be as a result of sickness or user error, as you say. And don't they say taking it can jiggle your hormones around a bit so it could affect your cycle?

I don't know what form of contraception I will use after DD2. Something drastic, like barbed wire. I love kids, I really do, and babies are gorgeous and all that, but three would be a disaster for us, really. And I just don't want to go through another pregnancy again, even though I know I have had it easy in comparison to many.

Oh lady - you poor thing. Nothing worse than feeling that rough. And bunged up and coughing and vile. And it's so much worse in pregnancy because I tend to sometimes pee when I sneeze and my bogies have been extraordinary for the whole 9 months - nose bleeds, unable to breathe at night etc! Makes for good picking on the loo though - hee hee!

Re working/parent balance - it's so tough. When working, I was feeling guilty for not being with DD. Now not working, feeling guilty that she's not mixing with other littles enough and I'm not paying her enough attention (MN!!!).

Ex was, to be fair, absolutely lovely. And the jip eating was hilarious - something he once admitted to doing a couple of times and was NEVER allowed to forget!!! I bet most men have tried theirs at some point... BUT he is a bit odd, it's true!

Anyway, must bog off now. Inlaws nearly here ready to get stuck in. Think they'll be horrified by how little I've got done this morning as have been doing last min washing and things, to try to get it all dry before we go. Oh for a tumble drier!

Big big love to you all.

xxxx

PS Avo - meant to say - lack of period probably hormones, as Lady said.

Lady - cross posted. I intend to have DH castrated after we've finished breeding. Sex too much like hard work.

I have a pile on my pile. Depressed.

AND I CAN'T FINISH FOR A FEW DAYS WITH PILE CHAT!

Will miss you all and be back on as soon as I can. You probably won't even notice I've been gone! Hee hee!

Right, must make up some boxes. Treat.

xxxx

Sorry but & am just skimming will read later and post properley but Beans OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG Beans! That is sick! No that wins the too much info award!! Never even heard that word before but I get it

lady - his dp gave me a half arsed apology via text about 4 hours after the call but I just thought at the very least he should have spoken to me on the phone to talk about it all - especially if he wants tickets. Instead I just get a very sarcastic "sorry is that what you want, ok then sorry" via email then straight in to giving me flight details of what they want like I was bloody flight centre, not his sister helping him out. Its a lot about the lies he has been proven to have told me, which his gf revealed in her drunken phone call, however he proabably doesn't know half of what she said, as she probably can't remember and he never asked me!
Oh I don't know.... I really don't.

Anyway, going to leave it a few more days and see if anything happens.

Just waiting for dh so we can enjoy this weather!

Beans come back soon you will be missed!

Oh my God beans that is just . Urgh! Of course you will be missed! Come back soon!

Avo Might you not have ov when you thought? I'm not entirely sure how the MAP works but it is meant to be very effective.

effie Sounds like you do need a holiday. A break away and some time with your boys would enable you to put things into perspective better and make a clearer decision about working less hours. Any chance of a break?

ladyT Most amusing TMI . Might you have hayfever rather than a cold? Is piriton allowed whilst clackered? Sounds like you could do with something. Hot water inhalation is always good with lots of Olbas oil.

rubes You really don't need all this stress. Can you not give him a deadline for the tickets and say after that you can't get them? I know it is lying but you can't keep having all this rumbling on.

DD was up at 5.45. I spent lots of time trying to get her to go back to sleep but jumped out of bed when a spider ran across me. It has been in the bathroom for ages and DH likes to sing DD songs about it . I hate spiders but I let it stay because I don't want DD to be scared. And how does it replay me?! It clambers onto my dressing gown and dashes across my SKIN. After seeing my panic and flight from the bed DD may now be frightened of spiders . Oops.

JB sorry about your early morning spider run but that I'd quite funny.

Beans, I had to ask DH if he thought 'jip' definitely was referring to you Ex BFs spunk. His reply was 'well what else could a guy produce that could be used as a hair gel'. I asked him what he thought...he has asked me not to post his reply. Suffice as to say we agree on one point to do with spunk inbibing and disagree on another.

Avo & Effie. I think as much time with your LOs can only be a good thing and a career break is a good idea. It's may be the only time you can do it and have this time with them. However, don't expect that it will magically make you a lovely homely patient mum who never raises her voice unecessarily and never feels guilty. I snap and grumble and get stupidly impatient with the boys as much as you guys do. I'm still working all day just I'm here doing it not a place of business. I think I still feel a similar level of guilt as even though I am physically here with them I worry that I'm not enough for them or that I am too grumpy or sharp with them and so they get a bad example of how people should act towards each other. I have DH here a lot so I at least have some reprieve if I didn't I think I would be an even more mental mum. Does that make sense? Basically I don't think being a working mum is bad for your children, it's not great for you but if you could leave out the guilt you feel by being away at work it would make you situation a lot easier, wouldn't it? Try to imagine your current work home balance without the guilt stress, would it be a lot easier, would it be less necessary to drop hours or have a career break. Please don't get me wrong it's a good idea but what you are doing now is not a bad thing.

Rubs, I think the tickets hanging over all this is the biggest problem. I wish you could ask them if you couldn't get them free tickets would they even be speaking to you. I think they have treated you atrociously and do not deserve the tickets. However, I think you are going around in circles and causing only yourself stress. Maybe you should bite the bullet do the tickets (with the biggest warning that they must behave or you will lose that benefit for them in future) and talk this all out one afternoon when they are here. The stress of trying to sort this out through text & email is too much. It is consuming you life at a time when the DD inside should be taking up all your thoughts. This is your last pregnancy, I'm not saying it's the most pleasant thing in the world but you are never going to have a baby growing inside you again, concentrate on her and deal with you DB if & when he gets here.

Oh forgot to post about me.

Well I went for an appointment about my dodgy neck involved lots of pocking & prodding and massage, though more painful than relaxing but I feel confident I can get it sorted. I've been concerned that I've developed a lot of tightness as a result of this neck thing. But the therapist thinks it's more to do with the day to day carrying, feeding and general slogging around with a child. So that's good. I then popped home quickly grabbed DS2 from DH & took him to his little singing & music group. Last week he was a bit cautious but this week there were less kids and he really loved it. I'm not sure he's going to be a musician as he was more interested in building a tower with the tamborines and was quite intent on throwing the shakers out the window but he loved dancing around and doing stuff with the other kids.

After we all popped over for the ANZWC meet up and have finally planned a cocktail hour on the beach. We have been trying to do so for a couple of weeks now. But finally tomorrow afternoon we are going to a beach cafe/bar with a play tower and throw the kids in there a plant ourselves around it with some cocktails. You guys would love these beach bars. They build them on the beach in April, they are all temporary structures just there from April through til September and it means you can sit at a table or a couch practically on the beach and most have kids play area or they just play in the sand. It's great.

I'm at home now contemplating a light lunch (operation fit into small dress & be able to sit down) DS2 is napping. I think this Dutch women I know wants to meet with the kids this afternoon, it's the scary one and I'm not sure if I want to go but DS1 loves her kids so might brave it.

Oh and effie DS1 is being a bit trying at the moment too. It's actually DS2 who is hitting him but they are snatching each others toys and when we tell him to stop something he just says no! I told him to get of the bath last night as he was being naughty and he lokked at me directly and said 'no I won't!'. He is also telling little White lies a lot and it bugs me, I know it's normal but it still annoys me that he does it. I think I need to go back to that book ' how to talk to your child' and pick up some tips.

Hello all. Just quick post before I dash off to boxing class [polishes halo] - but now I'm too grossed-out by tales of Beans ex to remember what I was going to say. Err. Hello.

[retreats into stunned silence]

I'm right there with you Kiwi

Vaggie I agree - however, that said, I don't really like the whole pregnancy and am quite up for things to take my mind off it to be honest in the best possible way (as awful as that sounds) however this was not my idea of a distraction, granted.

As far as the tickets go, after the embarrassment of his dp's call I doubt I would have had any email at all from him until it all died down - then perhaps a few light hearted ones or forwards of jokes etc until he knew I was not thinking about it, however because they have to get internal flights sorted etc, which have to be confirmed, he needed to know flight loads and the best days to connect with the confirmed tickets they have to get which I can't help them with since I can only do the segments on my own airline which only fly in and out from SYD where he doesn't live if you see what I mean.

Jolly not sure what you mean about the deadline. I've basically said in my last email I sent, that I just want him to have the decency to apologize for both of their behavior (in a genuine way) and some explanation of why they have both lied to me etc, but you know when you question if you've been clear? I'm asking myself now, if I was clear that I would help them out if I got that. His silence now is what's bothering me. Oh and he also knows how the tix work. I have a few foc's but then unlimited heavily discounted one's which family can use any time but I can only give to one other unrelated person to use without me having to travel with them (ie his dp is that nominated person at the moment) I can take her off the list, but it can only be changed once a year.

He replied to the parents email saying he's fine, just extremely busy and all is well with him and dp - he's just getting hassled off her to find the money for this upcoming trip which they never have enough of, and apparently there was no mention of me (mum read his email to me this morning)

I'd just end up giving them the tickets I'm sure in the end, but I can't help it if he goes and buys a full fare ticket in the interim because he's refusing to talk to me can I?

Oh I'm so utterly sick of thinking about it - you are right I am going around in circles, and not sure what is right or wrong anymore.... plus I'm always in a mood about it at the moment and dh is copping it big time. Though he did just spend a hundred quid on his Freddie Mercury Lycra kit so that has kept him happy for a bit

Oh Vaggie those temporary bars on the beach sound like heaven

Wise words Veggie as always! I know if I
were at home f/t I would find it hard. I certainly had days on ML (and still do now) where I thought i
I'd be better packing off the kids to someone who knew what they were doing. A break sans children would not be possible right now, unless it were just a day off. Which sounds pretty good to me. Maybe I'll tackle DH on adding a spa day for me to our budget!

Oh and DS1 is telling little fibs too. Mainly to do with needing a poo, but other issues are creeping in as well.

Jolly: am not too bad with spiders but I would have screamed too! Can't it be relocated to the garden and your DS given visiting rights? Eep.

Ladyt: hope you feel better soon

Actually I want a day off at a beach spa (stamps foot). With cocktails.

I haven't even been commenting on anyone else's posts. I'm sorry - am so self absorbed at the moment so I think I'll clock off until I resolve this dbdp-gate!
Avo - hope map-gate works out the way you want it - ie un-clackered.

Where the heck is dh.... his half days are never that..... why do I always assume they will be?

If you clock off Rubes we will worry about you! Please don't worry about not responding to people's posts. I'm bad at thinking I've responded then finding I hadn't!

Hello everyone! The tmi chat has cheered me up a lot.

Rubena Sorry that your DB is still causing you stress.

Effie hope you get your day off. It sounds super. As usual, I think Veggie is very wise on the work home balance thing.

Veggie I can heartily recommend the 30 Shred DVD for weight/inch loss. It is only 20 minutes a day and gives excellent results. There is a thread in the weight loss section if you fancy reading more about it. But I don't know if your neck problem would rule it out.

LadyT and Avocadoes Glad that you had a good time at the wedding in Sweden.

Heavens, is that the time! Must hit the kitchen.

Has anyone else considered feeding their children naked? (I mean the children would be naked, not me.)

hi ladies
Veggie you are so wise . what you said about work/home balance stuff was so right. I go through phases where I think I work too much and Phoebe is at nursery too much, but then I have days where I can't cope with the girls between end of school and bedtime, and wonder how on earth a SAHM manages! Effie I really sympathize with you. Lucy (angelic at present!) has REALLY tried me over the last year and I know how draining and demoralising it is - and how it completely shakes your confidence as a parent. But you are doing such a good job - you love your boys and that's the most important thing. Consistency, rewarding good behaviour, 1-1 time with each of them - all good stuff too - but nothing you don't know already I'm sure. I found with Lucy that changing from a sticker chart to 'pasta in a jar' was enough of a new idea to make a big change in her behaviour, even though it's exactly the same concept as a sticker chart! You will get through this phase. Big hug to you xxx
Nolda hello! Yes I often strip P to just her nappy to feed her, especially for tea when she's going in the bath next anyway. I sniggered at the thought of us being naked, feeding our clothed babies!
WG - are you there? How was the appoinment? Thinking of you.
Beans you can't just gross us all out like that then run! Hope the move goes well...see you in a few days. And I'm glad dh gave you a hug last night in the end
daisy glad to hear your dh has been a bit better. I guess this first year will be full of anniversaries of various MIL events, which will always be hard. Keep going - you are amazing. Have you filled your hungry tum yet? DH is out so I just had a bowl of SuperNoodles In fact a bowl of Asda's own cheap fake super noodles
I think I may have done a Very Naughty Thing this morning. When I was dressing P I noticed 2 spots on her back which look suspisciously like chicken pox, but I had a lovely day planned with L, so I took her to nursery anyway and didn't mention it. Is that very bad? They didn't say anything when I picked her up (and she had had a change of clothes after getting soaked in the water play!), so I thought they had perhaps gone. Then this evening after her bath I saw a few more on her tummy and one on her bum. Really hope it's not pox as I'm back at work on Monday. You can have a few days family leave per year, but it's for emergency situations when you couldn't have predicted it and therefore have no time to arrange childcare, so wouldn't apply to this. But seeing as my friends who are home in the day have their own DCs, and my parents live in Manchester (and are currently abroad anyway) I don't know where I'm supposed to conjure up child care from! I guess I'll wait and see what she looks like in the morning and take it from there. She seems fine in herself though so perhaps it's not pox
I 'm seeing the GP tomorrow for my happy pills (she makes me go in each time rather than give me a repeat), and also to tell her I've had crappy headaches for about 3-4 weeks now, nearly every day . I was also going to try to be brave and discuss the leakage situation, but I'll have Lucy with me so I think I'll have to make another appointment for that! Although if P is pox-ridden I might have to cancel anyway and be confined to isolation...
I really enjoyed hanging out with L today (I have been surprised at how much I've enjoyed spending time with her this week). We went to the shops to get her a new spangly hairband to wear for her special princess day on Saturday (with the Rainbows - she dresses as a princess and goes on a boat down the river to Bishopthorpe Palace, where they all have a princess party!), then had cake and smoothies together in a cafe, then came home, painted the garden fence together, went on a little bike ride, then came home and played board games to keep out of the sun. It's been such a nice day . See effie there's hope! I spent the last school holiday dreading each day, counting down till bedtime and wishing I was at work!
Right I must stop wafffffffffling and go and get the washing in from the line.
And get some paracetomol for my stupid headache.
oh and jolly I loved your description of the spider incident. I'm quite happy to catch a spider in a jar and take it out, but one crawling on me would definitely make me leap out of bed!
I've just thought - if P has pox does that mean the meet-up babies might be infected too?

Trace The meet-up was a few days ago wasn't it? If you saw the spots today, then she would have been infectious yesterday, so other meet-up babies would be OK. I don't think it was a bad thing to do (send P to nursery, that is). With just two spots, it could have been anything. I did a similar thing with DD. She had one spot under her arm. I showed both my mum and DH who both said I was being silly, of course, it wasn't chickenpox. I then took her to family time at church and lo and behold she was covered with spots the next day. I hope your headache gets better quickly.