Dec 08 Ladies - Maybe this thread they'll ALL sleep through the night at the same time!

[Beans33]

Apologies for rubbish title, couldn't think of anything - mind is totally riddled by hormones...!

Gosh wouldnt it be exciting if she was in labor. Beans am sending you deep breathing hypno birthing your body is a temple type vibes. Or just scream really loud and ask for loads of drugs vibes.

Spot I do feel you are in a hole right now, no sleep, DH away often, newly preggo hormones crashing around, worry about T. Is there any way that DH and yourself could have a night away where there is no pressure to do anything other than enjoy each others company. Can anyone have MrT for you? Really feel for oyu love.

LadyT totally forgot to say last time I posted hurrah re O's standing. Fab news she is clearly an all in my own sweet time kinda gal.

Veggie if it was me I would let DS1 wear a pirate outfit. Great talking point and if it keeps him happy.........

Who mentioned spa weekend am very

Rubes have a fantastic holiday enjoy yourself, dont forget to keep your fluid intake up. [worried mother emoction]

Trace glad the pox is scabbing we too are at the end of it now. L's bed is like a giant scab every morning where he is obviously picking them in the night, gross.

Katie sorrry the house thing is looking a bit dodgy cant offer any advice I know bog all about all that sort of thing.

I spent 45 mins this afternoon trying to get DS2 to nap in his bed the cheeky bugger kept getting up and laughing at me. I ended up holding his bedroom door closed. I could hear him wandering around picking up books and sitting down in his beanbag reading them then playing with his teddies. Cheeky blighter.

He ended going to bed at 6.30 as he was so shattered not a peep out of him I hope that doesnt mean we are in for a vv early start tom I need to sleep to at least 6am.

DS1 woke at 4am this morning. I am fast asleep in bed when all of a sudden I feel something open my eyes to see DS1 2cm from my face saying mummy's sleeping. Well actually DS1 I am not asleep I was but am not now! He then climbed in with us well me as he insists on lying on the edge of the bed my side so DH still gets uninteruppted sleep meanwhile I have a wriggling 3yr old stroking me and trying to have a a chat about buzz ruddy lightyear.

On that point I am off to bed, have just started reading the stig larson books quite good so far. I realised a while ago I spend ages on here and that I have read to the end of the internet and back. So am going to start reading again. I used to read a book every few days. Last book I read I started at Christmas and only finished it a couple of wks ago.

Have a good night all.

Right Spot, back now. Is the lack of physical contact due mainly to him, or mainly to you, or a bit of both? Does it bother one of you more than the other? It does have a big bearing on how one feels about a relationship at any time, I do agree. Doesn't even have to be sex - just physical affection. If it's you who is holding back, just start in small ways. If it's him, try to explain in a really gentle way how much you would appreciate more physical contact generally. You say you'd love a spa weekend together - why not book one? Is there anyone who would have T? Or even just going somewhere Saturday lunchtime, coming back Sunday morning, so you can have some proper time together, alone.

As I said above, I think working from home messes with the head. Well, it does mine. The simple fact of getting out of the house and little social interactions that one has working out of the home are quite stimulating. And no cheerleader but yourself. I don't think forcing yourself out of the house for the sake of it really works (I always feel too busy, anyway, I don't know about you!) Does your DP work from home too? I can't remember. I haven't really solved that one myself, except I do try to give DP space when he gets in, I do try to sound cheerful and not a moaning Minnie but have also made it clear I want to be talked to and need for him to take an interest in what I have been doing. We're getting better at this.

Do you think you need more space for yourself? My trips away help vary the pace of things a bit. (We each get time on our own, space to miss each other). I think until you isolate precisely what the problems are, you can't start fixing them. Main thing I would say, though, that you've had a lot of change in the last 18 months (T, moving away - massive changes, each with accompanying complications and stresses) and obviously I can relate to both those things...Whenever I feel in a panic or that I am not doing very well with this or that, I try to take a step back and think - hang on! - there's been a lot of stuff on lately!

Not getting work done when you intend to can lead to a massive downer, as well. I know you suffer from that and I certainly do. There is no substitute for sitting down and working out how your life can run better, then actually instigating it....

Well, I have waffled on enough. Certainly I don't have all the answers. I have spent a reasonable amount of time, recently, questioning all aspects of my life (but mainly worky things). I do know, though, that there's usually a way through these things, even it seems like the path is beset with thorns

Talking about thorns, I am awfully sorry about your roses, Veg. Thieving oiks.

I'm on book 1 Jam so we can read together. However I'm making slow progress as am always on hereso busy.

Beans, your vagina is a rose bud!

Jam I am tempted to see if there are any 'high end' pirate. The bride & groom are big dress up people so I'm surprised it's not dress up anyway. The bride had a pirate party for her 40th on the Golden hinde, DS1 dressed as a pirate for that when he was 14 months maybe he remembers and wants to relive the party.

Oooh, crossposted with you, Jam. That was a funny story about your DS1 with his face an inch from yours, saying "Mummy's sleeping" Funny, when it's not your kid, of course! I am hugely grumpy about being woken up though, you are probably very kind. DP's sleep disorder is still going strong and I am afraid he gets the hairdryer treatment. I know what you mean about books, I am always flipping well on here. I have started a super book and I have read about 6 pages since last week Enjoy your cosy reading in bed, sounds gorgeous, I must say...

Lady I drew a sad face on a piece of paper with little tears coming from it's eyes and stick it where the rose was. I figure whoever stole it will walk past tomorrow and maybe feel bad. That made me feel better about it.

DH just rang and I think he was a little tipsy from a work drinks thing & wanted to ramble chat but I'm not in the mood for slurred conversations so I managed to say I was just about to go to bed.

Right I'm off to bed with my boys. Night night.

Sending you white (opening) light just in case Beans.

Thank you for putting all that effort into thinking about me LadyT. On the physical front, it's all me I'm afraid. I can't bear to be touched, sex or otherwise, even a little cuddle. And I don't want to kiss him either and i've gone off his smell. I know that sounds awful and he feels very rejected and I don't think I can do anything about it.
We are actually going away this weekend, but it's to a friend's 40th so not much "us" time. That does tend to happen. BEcause we are so far away from our friends we tend to use any spare time to see them but maybe we can deposit T at my mum's and have some time to ourselves some time in the future.
The thing is, the thought of spending time alone makes me afraid as it would just highlight the fact that I can't deal with the intimacy at all right now. I feel so sorry for him as I know how awful I would feel if it was the other way round. I'm basically expecting him to live with a flatmate.
I actually started a thread about this a few weeks ago and apparently quite a few other people have had this in the first trimester, but I'm coming ot the end of it and it's nowhere near better.
We do both work from home (when he's not in Amst) and neither of us has lives outside (cos we don't know anyone) so it does get a bit claustrophobic. Maybe I need to get out and get a hobby!
I also wonder what it would be like if I worked in an office. I think i'd much prefer it but then I realise how fortunate i am to be able to give T short days in nursery (9 to 4).
Anyway, you're right there will be a way through and thank you so much for being lovely. Thanks for your kind words too Jam.

ROFL at Vaggie's rose bud for Beans. Beans, if you are lurking and in labour - GOOD LUCK!!!

Oh and enjoy your book Jam, i am retiring to bed now to do the same.

I think it's very common in pregnancy generally, Spot (and after) though I know that doesn't help you. I had it to a certain extent myself, though it was mainly sex and not physical affection in general. I don't feel like that now. I understand about the intimacy thing, but just finding a way to have fun together somehow (I dunno, watching a funny film or just doing something nice) might brighten things a little. Two people working at home is HARD. I do think working out of the home makes for better mental health. But like you, I also know I am very lucky in many ways to be there for DD. But it does have its costs. Anyway, I hope you are tucked up in bed with your book now and that T has a better night.

Good luck Beans, if you're in the throes of labour!

Veggie, I'm loving your tugging on the heartstrings of the rosenickers.

Test post from BlackBerry. Think it wouldn't work before as didn't have Java enabled. Night all.

Good luck Beans - can recommend the drugs trolley at Tommy's, it's great. Of course, if it's all going to plan, you'll be breathing him / her out in the pool round about now.

Wouldn't it be funny if poor Beans has just had guests or gone to sleep, and here we all are sending fanny soothing and cervix cranking open vibes to her. God bless you Beans, I was thinking about you as I was swimming tonight and thinking in 3 weeks at the latest our little thread will have grown by 1. How lovely to have a new baby. Can't wait.

I'm back from Scotland and it was great. I should have time for a proper post tomorrow but am seeing my secret lover in the morning . Have downloaded a whole lot of camp trash onto my Aquabeat for tomorrow. Yippee!

Sleep well everyone. And lots of South London love to you all(I haven't been on the booze, am just feeling the love for Beans, even if she isn't in labour).

Oooo do you think Beans is off? Best of luck to you m'dear.

Spot: I really am in no place to offer advice, as we are struggling with many of the same issues. You have so much to deal with at the moment. Be kind to yourself as well as to each other.

Back from DS1's sports day was a bit boring I was keeping one of the games tidy but really just standing around. DS1 had a great time though & DS2 loved being around the big kids

spot I often feel like that. So many stupid things bug me about DH at the moment, he makes too much noise when he eat, he swallows drinks too loudly, I hate the way he sips hot drinks and the way he drinks cold drinks. I often have to use all my will power not to physically cringe when he touches me. It's terrible because I love him to bits but I feel these things and I can't help it. I'm just hoping that when I get more time to myself or back to work that it will sort itself out. On the odd occasion that I do open for business I can't get enough of him and it's great, so it is quite strange that I feel this way otherwise. I'm taking a bold step for fathers day, I'm going to make up some free passes for him.... He will be allowed to exchange them for 'services' whenever he fancies (within reason). It's a way of giving him a free present but also shows I still want to give him affection. It may back fire as he may ask on one of the nights that I can't stand the sight of him but maybe it'll be a good thing.

Ah lovely you lot. I'm afraid I'm not in labour! I just went quiet as my dongle ceased functioning. Dongle being internet kit, not anything to do with my parts! Although last night, thought it was happening as had really bad pains in periody area and backache. But nothing yet. Hoping it's just a matter of time though... How can you tell when baby has engaged? Kicking seems to be lower and my discharge is suddenly really heavy. Sorry, minging, but not sure if it's a sign!

Spot - I'm so sorry for you and thinking of you loads as I know how you feel. Not having sex is so isolating in a relationship, but we haven't done it for ages and I think DH does resent me for it. But the thought doesn't really fill me with delight. And I don't think he can do affection unless it leads to shagging and there's no way I can do it at the moment as feel like my fanny's about to fall out. Not comfortable. Plus he pisses me off so often that I sometimes feel like I don't really like him enough to want to have sex with him. And I don't actually think he likes me much either at the moment! Also, he has really bad hayfever and just before he sneezes, he pulls the most physically repulsive face I've ever seen and I actually momentarily hate him. And sometimes I'm scared of him too, which is horrid.

BUT on a lighter note... WE EXCHANGED YESTERDAY! We went with the original bastard buyers (who all our neighbours at the old place already hate - hahahah!). What it boiled down to, was they wanted money off. We knew it was that all along. We offered £250 as our maximum and estate agents were so desperate for it to go through that they've offered a further £250 from their fee towards it. Bloody marvellous! And we don't have to put any clauses in the contract or do any works or anything. Am so chuffed! Was totally ready to go with new people. Hurray hurrah! Completing on 13th July.

Right, if I haven't had the baby - does anyone fancy coming for a visit to our new place on Monday or Tuesday??!

Beans! I was all psyched to hear all about our first new babe! Change in discharge is a 'sign' but apparently in second pregnancies, head doesn't engage a week or two before as in first, but just before labour starts! (I know all this as I was reading about it this morn).

I am around Monday and Tues but Monday is broken up with consultant's appt in the afternoon. But I would like to see you before the happy event - if you last that long! Yay for the exchange.

Apparently you don't engage until much later with the 2nd but I engaged at 32 weeks with DS2. I'd say if it feels like your bits a coming out then your engaged. Gosh I'm really getting excited about this baby now. It's also nice to think we have this to look forward to every few months until at least feb!

I know you all know (ad nauseam I am sure) that I have been trying not to overeat in this pregnancy after huge amount of weight I managed to put on last time. With 14 weeks to go, yesterday and today I have suddenly felt absolutely ravenous and it?s been hard not to stuff my face. I think I need to up the protein as a) it?s good for the baby?s development and b) good for me and c) is not going to blimp me out. Boiled eggs on wholemeal pitta for lunch. Suppers are hard as I am not the world?s most fabulous or enthusiastic cook and figuring out healthy, not too calorific but protein rich meals for veggies is often beyond me. (Not that DP is a veggie but he eats whatever I make). I?ve got some Quorn chunks in. Maybe I will make a chilli, but we?ve got no wholemeal rice and I won?t eat white, unless I am out, cos it?s not really any good for you. Any suggestions welcomed. I like pulses, and I am not very good at complicated things and too impatient for stuff with a long prep time

Lady pop a can of chickpeas into your salad. Make a tabouli style salad with Quinoa grain, or use quinoa instead of rice. Chuck a handful of quinoa flakes into your soups or red split lentils. I'll keep thinking.

We are out of Quinoa and the local shop don't do it. One lovely dish is pearl barley risotto (pearl barley is low GI and fantastically nutritious, and besides which, it is flippin' delicious) but I am out of that too. Right, off to toddler music.

Beans! I was hoping you'd be busy mooing right this moment but you're keeping us all waiting Hooray for exchanging at last, and for heaven's sake how petty are they to make a fuss over £250 on the price of a house but brilliant that it's sorted before the baby.

LadyT - how about bunging some puy lentils on the hob instead of rice/potatoes to go with other foods, they're v easy and v tasty and make a great salad or accompaniment. [employee of the month for puy lentil marketing board] If you put in a sprig of rosemary or some thyme they're especially good.

Spot and others - lots of sage advice about the whole being put off DH situations. Beans it's a bit worrying that sometimes you're scared of DH - is it when he goes off on one about his iron man stuff? It does sound as if he can be quite tempestuous.

I think we all go through phases of not really fancying our OHs, but as long as there's some signs of affection it's enough to keep it going til the next time we're in the mood. Spot, the smell thing must be to do with PG hormones, your body's saying "No don't be attracted to men, you're already PG and this baby is #1 priority at the moment".

veggie re the 'passes', I made DH a lottle 'book of lie-ins' a couple of years ago where he had 10 vouchers for me ironing a shirt and bringing him coffee in bed, I think it's a sign of how crap I am at ironing that he's never used one How mean of the rose thief, I hope they got spiked by a thorn

jam yuk to the scabbiness, but hurrah to the nearly all healed The being woken up sounds cute, but only from a distance

we went to toddler group this morning and one of the ladies had brought her 8 day old baby am amazed she could even walk let alone come to playgroup with two older DCs. Baby was vvv tiny and cute, and fortunately dd took an interest and let me stroke his little fuzzy head rather than going barmy. But I didn't try to hold him so maybe that's why...

Thank you for the sympathy, everyone, it genuinely does make me feel better and that I'm not going totally mad/ am some sort of evil man-hating beatch.
BEans, it does kinda sound like it's on its way! Are you all prepared? Got your hossie bag ready? Are you sticking to Tommies? Hurrah for the exchanging too. Sounds like you've done it in the nick of time!

Veg you are so good at the helping out bit, I'm glad the DSs had a good time at sports day. Do you know quite a few of the other mums there now?

Lady you are so good with your food you put me to shame. Veggie's suggestions sound v sensible. When I'm being good I tend to fry bacon (but you could use the veggie stuff), add onion and parsley and green lentils, top up with veggie stock, add some spinach and spuds and let it all mush up, tastes yummy!

Thankfully T played ball last night so I got some zzzs. We went to a Surestart playgroup this morning that I'd never been to before, was great! I really hope the govt cuts don't hit services like this but have a sinking feeling they will.

Some friend has put a really embarrassing vid of me on Fbook after stric requests to leave well alone. NOT impressed!

Oh, and can I have your collective wisdom on something? We've just got a letter from our solicitors about the flat, and they mention that there are restrictions on letting it out. Now we'd just assumed we could (esp. as if we do have to move back to London the idea was to rent it out and keep it as an asset as we can't afford to keep buying and selling) but this strikes me as a major prob. It would also make it less attractive to potential buy to let investors when the time came to buying it. I feel like we've already spent quite a lot on it (what with solicitors fees etc) but this could lose us a lot more money in the long term. Does this sounds like a deal breaker?

x-posts JJ, that's prob true about the PG hormones and smell. How to explain that....
Did you feel all gooey and maternal with the 8 day old baby or did it fill you with fear and dread? I keep vacillating between the two....

Hello all,
Cheeky lunchtime post. beans you had me going there. At first I thought they were all being a bit keen with the "She's in labour" talk but when you weren't on this morning I was wondering! Hopefully not long. Though I have to admit I find it a bit scary as then I might be next (but probably not). Ace news on the house!
spot sorry you are having a tough time, cannot add anything particularly wise to the wise advice you have already had. Agreed that the smell thing is probably just early preg stuff, are you still v sensitive to smells in general. It sounds very difficult, but I am sure the lack of sleep and other stresses are not helping, so I will have my fingers crossed for you that things will start to look up soon. Oh and I love my DH to bits but equally sometimes I find him annoying. Especially when he's ill, which is soooooo uncharitable of me, isn't it??
ladyT have you got any cous cous?? That could go well with chickpeas, you could make a healthy but filling salad with that. Agreed on the puy lentils too, I have a recipe with puy lentils, garlic, onion, sundried tomatoes and spinach (it's simple so you could probably make it up from that if you know how to cook lentils!) It is yum, I serve it with salmon but it's nice on its own.
I have joined a VBAC support thread on here, but I think they may be a bit evangelical for me. I actually don't care that much which way this baby comes out as long as it's not too stressful for me and him (I am currently convinced it is a him). Is that the wrong attitude??
Oh i had such bad heartburn last night. Yuk yuk, gaviscon didn't work and I threw up this morning, shit. Hopefully it was the tomatoey pasta DH made last night, I had forgotten from last time that tomato was a no-go in large quantities, particlarly cooked in late pregnancy.
Well I am very tired, but I had better get on with some proper work.

Oh spot we have similar on the house we are buying. But we have no intention of letting it out. Apparently it is possible to get these restrictions lifted, which we are trying to do but the seller and the neighbour who have to agree to it are being a bit of an arse about it and we are starting to think we won't bother (they say that no-one really cares about these things in reality, which I can believe).

Is it a flat in a big block and do you know if the restrictions are taken seriously? i guess they might be if it is flats.

jj you should try holding the tiny baby next time and see what happens!!

Hello everyone,

spot Sorry things are difficult at the mo. Re smells, certainly a pregnancy thing and lack of interest in sex prob a combination of feeling down, pregnant, tired, worried etc etc. Re the home working, I'm applying for a job for when my conract ends and I can't wait to have colleagues. As you say, working from home has its advantages but long term looking at the same four walls get a bit much.

ladyT I'd second the lentils, Nigel Slater has a good recipe with puy, peas and lemon. Very nice indeed. I have a recipe which is basically fry a mix of veggies, add a cup of red lentils, a tin of tomtoms, a bit of veg stock, shake of tabasco, simmer, then put breadcrumbs and cheese on top and grill. It is surprisingly good! Even DH likes it and usually a dish without meat turns to ashes in his mouth.

trace and Jam Glad to see you both free from the land of pox!

I'm sure I had lots more to say . DD joined in beautifully with the actions for the song 'five little men in a flying saucer' yesterday at toddler group. She looked really grown up shaking her head and lifting her arm high in the air.

Right, must work, only 7 weeks left and I've a new job to apply for but we want another DC soon and the job is a fixed term contract for 1 year, mmm... not sure there is a good solution to that problem.

Beans, glad you're still with us for the moment, but can't believe you only have just over a week to go, that has come around so fast.
The cottages are still on, and it looks as if we will own them (on paper at least) by the end of the week .
Lady, thanks for that link, it was very useful. The problem is trying to predict what the government are gong to do over CGT, which of course is impossible, so we are just trying to hedge our bets every which way at the moment. God knows what all of this is going to cost in accountancy fees, we may have been better off just seeing what happens!
I think we all have moments when we don't like our other halves, I certainly do and have also been known to fantasise picture living without him and the practicalities. For me though it comes down to the kids. I never want to deprive them of their father in the way DH was deprived of his, and the fact that I do actually love him of course . As far as intimacy goes, we're women with very scary hormones and that makes us unpredictable. I can want to shag DH senseless one minute and then not bear the sight of him the next. I think it's perfectly normal, and I think men also have these moments, they just don't analyse things and therefore don't beat themselves up about it the way we do.
On the subject of intimacy, and this is probably far TMI for people I've known for 2+ years but never met (excepting Lady of course) but what are your feelings on ahem oral sex?
I am not a huge fan of the old fellatio and DH has always known this, in fact I think he's been lucky enough to elicit 2 blow jobs from me in the 15 years we've known each other. Recently he keeps hinting that it is not fair that I accept but don't reciprocate (IYKWIM). I don't ask for him to perform on me, very nice though it is, but he knows that I find BJ's quite disgusting and demoralising so I think he should just put up and shut up. It's not like we don't do other things and our sex life is about as healthy as it can be with two kids in a small house. The fact is, he can achieve enjoyment from straight sex, whereas I have never been able to orgasm from simple straight sex, so surely he is getting the better deal anyway?
Right, I'm going to shut up now as I'm embarassed . Just wondered what other peoples thought are.

oops, cross posted A LOT there!

spot I'd ask more questions about how strictly the no letting thing is enforced but if letting it out is part of your plans then I suppose you have to weigh up the cost of moving again if you decided to go back to London. Most difficult.

summer Yuck for the sickness this morning. Late pregnancy does weird things to the body. Will you have moved before DC2 is born? Oh I remembered I wanted to say that I found M&P quite generous size wise, I think you asked that about four pages ago!