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Dec 08 ladies getting re-clackered, with tantrums from toddlers we're sure to be knackered

997 replies

traceface · 05/05/2010 14:57

Loved your title rubs
Never started a thread before so hope this works...can anybody find it?
hello....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Rubena · 25/05/2010 08:38

thanks, I am having a coffee, I have constructed a reply but won't send it (yet) I just don't get it. He has upset our parents and now me again - I think he is taking things in my email the wrong way. Oh I know I'm going to sit here and stew all day. It will be hard not to reply as I'm so angry / upset.

Rubena · 25/05/2010 08:39

oh no - not with him beans - he wouldn't answer anyway. Practically need an appointment to pin him down to a phone call these days. He's a mess.

JamInMyWellies · 25/05/2010 08:40

Rubes what a knob. DO not reply try and calm down speak to DH. wait until this evening before you think about any sort of contact with him. x

Rubena · 25/05/2010 08:40

but yes I think things have been misconstrued from the email. I have told parents about it and let them see the email - don't know if that is good or bad. But he is being an arse to them too so I'm sure now they won't feel like it's just them

Rubena · 25/05/2010 08:41

dh read it right before he left for work. Just said what are you upset about - he knows he's in the wrong and looking for people to blame as he's messed up

JamInMyWellies · 25/05/2010 08:43

Unfortunatley although not the most tactful your DH is right he is looking for people to blame, and he is screwing up his relationship with you and your parents.

Rubena · 25/05/2010 08:46

dh exact words on text right now - "don't worry about your db, he is in a really bad mood right now cause he knows you have a point and he is just trying to deflect attention away from what was reprehensible behavior by his partner so I would just ignore it"

Veggiemummy · 25/05/2010 08:47

Oh my lovely Rubs, you have done so much for him and with the added stress of being removed from the situation physically. I think Lady was right yesterday when she said he was wanting elicit a response and when you didn't respond by saying 'no no please please come' he got the hump and wrote this last very horrid email. I still don't think you've done the wrong thing & my first response is to call his bluff and not write back but I think Sybs is right settle down and then maybe later today or tomorrow you can respond and just say 'your sorry he took your email as an insult, you've always tried to be supportive but right now you have your kids to think of and hopefully he can see your need for time with your new baby for what it is and not as some insult to him'. Clearly he is being quite unreasonable and quite childish but he wants to be dramatic about all this so don't give in to that demand and just respond in a very reasoned undramatic (not sure if that's a word) way. It will probably annoy him but should make him see how selfish he is being. The problem with this distance is he had a his problems and is so consumed by them and forgets you have your family to worry about as he is nit used to you like that. What does your DH think about all this. Rubs I'm having a coffee how about you join me.

Veggiemummy · 25/05/2010 08:57

Crikey Moses but I cross posted with loads! That is exactly right Rubs, what you DH said, I can see why you upset but maybe that fact that your DH doesn't understand why your upset (he's a boy) may give a clue to why (incredulous as it is) you DB is being insensitive. Maybe he just doesn't realise the effect he is going to have? No actually he does and is being quite piggy really, I think maybe he doesn't realise the extent of your distress though. Personally I can understand why your so upset, you really stewed over this decision to tell them not to come and now this has happened, but Rubs as screwed up as he is this emotional outburst was always going to happen at least it isn't in your house a week after you DD arrives. Sweetie I walked into a big emotional mess when I last went to Australia as my DB and DSIL had just broken up and I was staying at theirs. The whole thing really upset DS1 and for ages afterwards if he heard anyone calling out or yelling near him he'd get really upset. I know this stress is not good for you but it's better you get it via email than DS & DD (I love referring to your DD) get it in person. Gosh I've rambled.

Rubena · 25/05/2010 08:59

oh he has basically insulted me and is saying in the email that I need to be more tolerant they all had to when I had issues (back when I lived in the US) so he is dredging up thin from 7 years ago. I think his main issue is not the tickets / staying with us etc, it's that I told him his dp needs to grow up (which she does - she's 40) He also crapped on (cos I said I don't have time for it) about how I don't have a 'proper job' and have a dh etc so basically i don't know anything about not having time etc. He has neglected to remember the hours / days months and years over the immediate 5 year past I have spent supporting him when his ex walked out and through car accidents etc etc. and just said I think i'm mother theresa now etc... oh it's so hard to explain it all typing it out isn't it - if any of you were here now I'd show you all the emails...
I have really big problems with hoping that people will work things out for themselves and hoping that he will see how he is acting - I really need to learn to just not have to spell things out to people.

Rubena · 25/05/2010 09:01

I should have left it when I got his first reply as he was fine with not staying here etc - it was all just about the fact he now knows I'm pissed off with his dp

JamInMyWellies · 25/05/2010 09:01

Sometimes I do wonder about husbands they do know how to be thick and say absoloutely the wrong thing.

Obviously this is going to upset you. Do you have a friend nearby who can come over and listen to you rant a bit. Otherwise you are going to end up sitting all day stewing about it.

JamInMyWellies · 25/05/2010 09:04

x posts.

Rubes lovey just leave it please dont write anymore emails to him right now.

Veggie is right listen to her wise words.

Rubena · 25/05/2010 09:06

no i haven't Jam - although I wrote an email draft I won't be sending it at all soon. I'll just have to hope he does actually realize on his own that he is being unreasonable?

Rubena · 25/05/2010 09:07

sorry to monopolize the thread this morning....

Rubena · 25/05/2010 09:10

I'm at high risk of going over the £ post rule today..... Really must get something planned for the day....

Rubena · 25/05/2010 09:13

3 post rule I meant of course

JamInMyWellies · 25/05/2010 09:13

Hey I am home if anyone fancies a pox party

Honestly it comes to something when to have a poo in peace you have to put a DVD on and tip toe to the bathroom.

urbanewarrior · 25/05/2010 09:20

Am failing to keep up at the moment but I just wanted to offer a bit of moral support Rubes. Families can be so painful. Sounds like you are doing all the right things and your DB is being v unreasonable. Try to leave him to cool off if you can.

And Avo at that woman. Absolutely ridiculous. Saying those kind of things keeps you sane. My Mum used to offer to pack us lunches to run away with. Never did me any harm . Good days one and all.

Rubena · 25/05/2010 09:20

sorry you have pox there Jam. ds is really wearing me out already today. Trying to push his trike around the house and screaming bloody murder when it gets stuck and runs into everything and the dog - isn't even in season and keeps trying to mount him - nice

Rubena · 25/05/2010 09:22

hello Urbane! Thanks. I do feel better for writing on here even though it's hard to not show the full emails etc... Just noticed I did 4 posts in a row oops

Veggiemummy · 25/05/2010 09:24

Oh no I'm up to post three if I get no responses I have to stop here.

Syb I'm so pleased to have you back sounding chipper, Ive been to the shops unfortunately nothing is very uniquely dutch here but I'll send something off anyway.

Spot sorry your feeling a bit wobbly but well done getting the counselling sorted. Is your new place in Hove? I've got a friend who lives there who has a backgarden, she is really lovely, our type of mum friend (ie not one of Avo's accusors type) she has 2 kids. She is a prebaby life friend of mine we used to work together and were quite close friends. If you want to meet a nice mum who has a backgarden close by that you can use let me know I'll put you in touch via FB. Also I used the Tara Lee DVD for yoga during pregnancy, accept for the occasional 'make room for your baby' & 'hold your baby' it's not got the usual flowery preg yoga stuff and is for proper yoga. I gave it to a friend who lives in London, I might be able to get her to send it on to you? You'd have to send it back though as she is planning another pregnancy, but not in the next 8 months.

The swim isn't that amazing, we used to train 4 days a week, I'm just trying to encorporate exercise into our new life with kids, it's tricky but I'm getting there. It's sad but I do like spending time with the boys and when I'm not with them I'd like to be shopping of chilling out. I think it's mostly because I'm so unfit so exercising isn't fun yet. I think when I'm a bit fitter ill be happier to go out. I was reminiscing yesterday about my best Triathlon swim, I did the South Coast Classic a few years ago and I did the 1500m swim in 21 mins! PreDS1 of course. So compared to that yesterday felt like an old fat man slowly making his way through the water. I fitted into my wetsuit though, even though DH had to fold my back fat into it so zip it up!

Well DS2 has gone to sleep in my lap already, it's actually good as I have loads of things to do before I pick DS1 up from school so if I get his sleep out of the way we'll have time. I need to mop this house but I'll just sit here with DS2 for a bit.

This morning was a bit distressing droppin DS1 at school. He has a school trip today so had to be at school early which was fine we got there in time, bug also he has immunisations thus afternoon and so I have to pick him up early from the trip and he knows he is having jabs so is a bit sad about that. Also we've just had a big fun 3 day weekend so all that conspired to make him quite upset saying good bye. I finally got away with lots of cuddles and blown kisses and was talking to one of the mums who said she was waiting until the buses left do she could wave her DD off on the bus. I said I wouldn't wait as I might upset him again. Then went and got some bit from the shops then was cycling back past the school and saw the big coaches the kids were going on and all the mums. So I thought it would be ok to wave him off because all the other mums were there. I stood were he could see me and out he came holding one of his little friends hand in the little double line. He looked so happy and was singing. He saw me and looked a bit confused but happy to see me and waved and blew more kisses. Then he walked behind the bus so I came around the bus for one last goodbye and when I spotted him again he was in tears! I felt terrible and to make me feel worse one of the other mums said 'what happened he was so happy, you shouldn't have come, you should go now'. I felt terrible, the Dutch are very blunt but I felt that was a bit heartless. One of the other mums was sweet and I think could see I was a little stessed and said it'd be ok he'd be fine. My poor little man, he is such a sweetie. Avo I'm with you on the fear of psychologically damaging my child.

Veggiemummy · 25/05/2010 09:33

Clearly I didn't get to three posts as I took so long to write that one. Rubs that drives me mad when DS2 whines and squeals when ever he runs things into stuff or catches on things. He loves the broom and pushes it around and it snags on furniture and he just squeals in this annoying pitch. DS1 has started saying 'oh for goodness sake veggiebaby' whenever he does it, isn't that terrible. Thank goodness I don't swear at him.

Rubena · 25/05/2010 10:04

Spot I've been so self absorbed this morning i've just had to go back and re-read your post. It's so hard with pregnancy hormones involved. I wasn't quite up to speed about your previous doctors appointments in London so I was a bit confused but with the new baby, the move etc It's no wonder you are feeling low. All this and you can't really freely drink wine

Veggie - that woman - unbelievable! I know what you mean though - just put it down to the different culture / blunt thing. Hard not to get upset by it though I know. ds will be happy as Larry and have forgotten he was upset 2 mins later I bet, and he'll be having a great time

Beans33 · 25/05/2010 10:05

Just tried to go to Peter Jones - chocka block traffic. Not only is Albert Bridge closed, but it's the CHelsea Flower Show. Think I'll leave it for a bit longer to get the new changing mat and other baby stuff!

Rubes - are you feeling ok?

What can I do with DD? Got nothing in diary today. Might go to library for Rhyme Time!