Dec 09 - We've found our fingers, we've found our toes, what happens next nobody knows

[Claire236]

Starting new thread before we run out of room. Now to link from the old one. Could be interesting

Blimey - it's just taken me an hour and 15 minutes and lots of feeding to settle Imogen tonight. I'm sure she knows when dh isn't here. Ordered take away now as can't be bothered to cook and don't appear to have any food anyway!

Sparkly you aren't 'going on' at all - but quite frankly if you want to, go for it and let us support you. I was a lurker on these threads (ante-natal and post-natal) right from the start and the amount of times you and others have posted things that have reassured me and made me feel so much better about things was loads, so if there was any way I could return the favour...

double blimey - i've just come downstairs and discovered we have a new prime minister!

thanks guys....like i said its just hard work being 'ok; am doing it in real life and to a degree on here. dont know whats wrong really just feeling like its all gone too fast and because ds was such a big baby feel a bit like i havent had a baby. he has been really very good and still is.... starting to play on his own, eating anything i give him, sleeps very well day and night,.......he is full on when awake in that he doesnt sit still and chill but i dont know many babies who do. it was so important that i coped that i feel a bit like i havent enjoyed it enough because coping came first......every day was a challenge to cope. i have bf everywhere.....because i needed to but so that i could tick it off my list. i have gone off for days out, had meals out with him etc etc.....all things i couldnt have done with dd. i am doing a good job i know i am.....i have felt confident enough to be a bit cruel to get him sleeping, wean him when I felt ready not when anyone else told me i should.
I just feel very let down by dp.....if i start on that one i will break down i know. he just hasnt and isnt there for me..... he doesnt care about me full stop......though he gives the impression to others he is wonderful.

he told me at the weekend i was an unfit mother because i was getting stressed as ds was whinging......i started crying handed ds to dp and said 'you sort him for once' and thats when he said that. i sat and sobbed like a baby. he said i had a screw loose. no sympathy, no words of support, no love, no hugs....NOTHING!!!! yes i had a meltdown but i just needed a few words of reassurance that i was doing ok. . . . . i got little reasurance i was doing ok as a child because i never quite got to the top of the class iyswim...my aprents do not support me now....they never tell me i am doing well....the news of their grandson left my mother 'disappointed and devastated and wishing i could get married and do it properly this time' wasnt married to dds father either. thought me and dp would be good.....we started off so well...... now i am just giving them reason to be right and i told you so because things are not right at home...... not that i will tell them because then they will know and i want them to think i am coping oh so well and so they can tell everyone how fabulous i am doing and how i am still bf him at 5 months. i admit it felt good that my mum was impressed with me bf and that spurred me on but was also one reason i didnt stop when i think i should have done. i am still like a child trying to win my parents approval.

going to stop now. not sure anyone will really want to hear my rantings. only one or two people know i am starting to struggle.

Yes Sparkly - don't worry - you aren't moaning - christ, I seem to bloody complain every time I post about something or other! Am so sorry you're feeling down - if you feel like ranting about it go ahead - better out than in I think!

I felt really quite down last week as my knee was hurting so much and have to start bending it but I get to a certain point (not far at all - about 20 degrees) and I think I am going to faint it hurts so much. I have no idea how I am going to cope with the pain and bending it. Am seriously starting to wonder about a local anaesthetic... Have physio sat and sooo dreading it . Anyway I just have to get on with it I suppose.

Have bought a net thing so will try it tmrw but have tried a rusk with her and she loved it!

P is still being super sick even though she is eating three meals a day - she is a puke machine and I wonder whether it will ever end - we are both permanetly soaked and she goes through about 5 bibs a day...

Well done everyone - we're all doing so well - esp those still BF!

Kings ....we puke regularly too.....have given up on bibs and have tie dyed some muslins and make a triangle and tie them round.....looks quite cool actually and the dye has hidden all the food stains on the muslins!!!! and the folds in the muslin catch the puke!!!! (well some of it)

App the puking should stop when they are sitting up straight and not slumping. bought ds a cute board book and he ruined it in minutes by puking a mixture of veg and milk on it...yuk.

sorry again....how to i become more chilled. have coped as i have said but how do you feel relaxed with a baby around...... i just cant do it!!!

well for what it's worth you have my massive approval! It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job and I don't think there is anything wrong with doing things to tick them off your list - you've proved to yourself, not anyone else, that you can do them and that is important. you don't have to do them again if you don't want to as you've done them now.

in my opinion your dp was out of order saying those things to you and they clearly are not true. are the one or two people who you say know you are feeling like this good friends of yours who will help support you?

I think only way to feel relaxed is to get someone else to take them for a short while - do you have someone you could leave ds with to get a bit of you time one day, even just an hour to get some sleep/coffee/lunch/haircut/walk etc...

We do want to hear your rantings Sparkly. Let us help if we can....

have hardly left ds at all...... i panic that he will kick off if i do.....dont mind leaving him but its like this horrid feeling runs down my body. have been out twice on an evening for 2 hours and dp has taken ds out for 3 or 4 walks with pram and thats it. am happy for dp to do more but he is always busy. desp need my hair cut but cant bring myself to pick up phone and commit.

i dont see the people that know at the times when i need the hugs and reassurance though i can text.....but texting isnt the same and weirdly the people who know are not long standing friends but friends who have only known me a short while..... it seems easier to talk to them for some reason.

i just want to be more chilled and be calm when the pressure is on!

well if you're even down london way I'd babysit while you get your haircut - I'm sure if he does kick off Imogen can give him a run for his money on the screaming front. That or I'll whip out the baby einstein magic on repeat!!!

Sparkly - cross post - will read previous one now - super good idea re the muslin bibs btw - will try it tmrw! xxx

Where are you Sparkly? If I'm nearby I could help.

There's someone on her most of the time. I'm sure we can provide some unMumsnetty hugs if you need them

up in Yorkshire i am afraid. just eaten a custard doughnut and a cake bar in one mouthful....i was doing so well on diet!!!!

that's not too bad - if you ate it quickly it doesn't count as a one off . i've just eaten 6 custard creams and a chinese take away. hmmmm. not sure that's the weighwatchers way!!!

Oh Sparkly - poor you. That wasn't nice at all of your dp. Sounds completely unfounded to me. Perhaps have a word with him about t when the kids are in bed and calmly, when you haen't been arguing and tell him it really upset you and you just need a bit of support, and have no idea why he was so harsh. Obv you know how to broach the subject better than me though - just a suggestion.

You sound like you are coping really really well but if you feel alone or that you need help then I would say go and see the GP sooner rather than later - or call the HV (although I find they aren't much use personally!) Even to just discuss it with an independent person - you shouldn't have to feel like this on your own.

As for feeling calm under pressure - we ALL feel pressured and stressed and I sometimes catch mysef shouting at P and then feeling guilty. But my thing is to try and do yoga/ birthing breathing and calm myself down. Or just smile at her and distract her which also works for me too (uh have I got the brain capacity of a 5 month old?! ). And also - you may just naturall be less laid back than some other people - one of my friends is so laid back she is horizontal with her toddler. It's amazing. But y husband sometimes comments I let P's crying get to me and I get angry - but that's what a baby's cries do - pull at your heart strings as a mother I think more than you could ever imagine.

Having said that, I do go out regularly without her - for dinner or out dancing etc. hich I feel really allows me to let off steam! Honestly, the more you do t the easier it will get...

I'm from Yorkshire originally!!

If they were one mouthfull items then they can't contain that many calories. Burn them off with some frantic typing

Right I'm off to bed now - hope everyone has good nights...

GS how did you go last night with feeding Catherine before you went to bed, or did you not do it in the end?

Didn't in the end but she woke up tonight just before 10 so I'm feeding her now. Guess she heard me talking about it and fancied a dreamfeed

Sparkly, what comes across most in all of your posts is how much you love your ds (and your dd) and what a good and thoughtful mummy you are.
I'm sorry that you are feeling low but I would really seek help now rather than letting things get worse, speak to your HV or GP, even if you just agree to see them for a chat each week or two. In a way, now you are getting more worried by thinking about whether or not you are getting more anxious/lower in mood each week. Take that responsibility away from yourself and give it to a professional thus immediately giving yourself one less thing to feel burdened by.

I feel like a new woman this morning! Although it took over an hour to settle Imogen last night after that she only woke once at 2.30 am for a feed and then woke up at 6.30 this morning. Brilliant. I feel soooooo much better for it this morning and it is a beautiful sunny day here. Woohoo!

Hope everyone else had good nights and that the sun is shining where you are.

Ha, I was just coming on to tell you all what an awful night's sleep I had!!

Very hendo!

After persuading her to have just over an hours nap in total over the whole day yesterday (longest nap 40 mins), Catherine woke at 10pm, 11.30pm, 2am and 6.30am!!

She would usually go to bed at 7pm and sleep until around midnight then feed again at about 5am.

Going to give napping another try today but if we end up with another rubbish nights sleep tonight, I might just give up. I'm wondering if she didn't sleep as deeply because she wasn't so tired. But she should be napping at her age!! I don't know what to do!

I went back to bed this morning after taking dd to nursery, ds is essentially feeding 2 hourly overnight and a bit more frequently than that during the day!

I'm trying to have a relaxing week, usually I dash about trying to do loads in the mornings whilst dd is at nursery but this week my plan is to take things easy. Although Monday am I tidied up the house loads but in the afternoon I had a nice time at a friends house with her and her dc, yesterday I just pottered about and popped to the bank in the afternoon and this morning I've been sorting out the clothes that ds has grown out of into charity shop or giving to friends piles. I would have given it all to charity shop but I have two friends who are expecting winter babies, one has the same 2010 due date that I had for 2009!

sparkly - I think you're doing a brilliant job with your children. What a horrible thing for your dp to say. I know exactly what you mean about doing things with your ds because you feel like you should. Everytime sometimes mentions taking their lo swimming I feel like a terrible mum as it's one of the things on my list of things I should do but I haven't & I'm back at work in a few weeks. Being a mum is really difficult sometimes but it doesn't mean you're not doing a good job. The whole situation with this other mum I told you about is still ongoing & I'm finding it really hard to deal with. It's like being back at school where I was painfully skinny & painfully shy & had no friends. It's really upsetting me & I don't know what to do about it. As it gets closer to time to collecting ds1 from school I just feel like going to bed & hiding. You're definitely not the only one who reacts to certain situations in the same way as you did as a child.

That nap has done me good!

After lunch we've done a number activity book and then dd tidied up () so that we could do painting. I cut up some sponge scourers to do printing and amazed myself by genuinely not being cross when I noticed bright green paint on my cream carpet! I will be having 40 winks every morning if this is the difference it makes .