November 09 - rolling, laughing and cutting teeth ... but us mama's are still not getting sleep!!

[scarlotti]

New thread for us

hobnob when you're sitting Isla on your knee, try to lean her as far forward as she'll go, as if she's touching her toes. Might help get gas out of her tummy? Just clutching at straws now but you never know!

I'm struggling here as well, daytime naps are a no no unless in my arms or out in the pram. When am I supposed to get any housework done? I got so fed up today I put him in his cot and closed the door. It didn't work, he screamed for 20 minutes but when I went back and picked him up we were both a bit calmer.

Just having a bad day but tomorrow will be better.

Infacol We used this in the early colicy days and it worked immediately. Doesn't work for everyone but I definitely found it very beneficial.

Have you tried putting her on her tummy? This is sort of a massage, too. And I found if I hover over her and count and make funny faces it distracts her enough for me to be able to bend her legs for some bicycling. I wish I had more advice, sorry. It's all been grit teeth and bear it over here.

Meant to say, thanks ladies for the welcome back. I do feel like I've been away (stuck on an Icelandic volcano ) and it's nice to be back.

Sorry, self indulgent post commencing.

I have had such a shit day. Bryn has been screaming pretty much non-stop and I have no idea why. The dog has been barking non-stop at the cocky bugger of a new cat who has been sat on our shed roof even if he jumps at it. He snapped at me this morning when I tried to get him down from the window.

So I went to the mum and baby group - where I was totally ignored. A new lady came and I made room for her to sit next to me, thinking that she at least would communicate. Nope, she spoke to the lady on her other side; who is someone I have met up for coffee with once, told me she'd love to do it again, and has since proceeded to totally ignore me, and did so today as well.

Came home, finally got Bryn to sleep, emptied the dish washer and reloaded, washed the dishes that wouldn't fit in it, switched over the washing / drying and cleaned the kitchen.

Mum came home and had a go at me for sitting on my arse all day. When I told her I'd been out at the group, and about the dog / Bryn screeching, her only comment was, "I told you to give him Calpol". My brother then turned round and said, "He's crying you know. Maybe you should pick him up. Like a proper parent would." Then flicked me the finger and walked out the door.

DP is away this weekend and the prospect of being surrounded by this for another whole ten days before I get any "respite" from here is actually driving me to tears. Bryn is - for the first time today - giggling and chatting away in his cot, and I really want to just curl up and ignore the whole bloody world.

SirBoob so sorry your day has been crap and I can see why - all those things together and your (this is me trying to be diplomatic) unappreciative mother. But Bryn is giggling and chatting now so hold on to that!

I've had an ok-ish day today - only a few tantrums from the DSs and Toby didn't sleep this afternoon so trying to put him down for an early evening nap now. DH is late home from work, again, so I am sole parent all day, again. I am anxious when I go to bed and wake up in the morning my stomach in knots of anxiety even though the days aren't that bad when they happen. I guess this is all part of the PND thing. I'm bored of PND now! I'm bored of feeling anxious. I'm bored of not sleeping properly like I used to. Sorry, turned into a self-indulgent post from me

Becky I know that feeling all too well. I know this sounds silly, but have you tried carrying around a piece of hematite? Its a very cold stone, and I find having a piece in my pocket, or a bracelet / necklace / ring with it on to feel when I am stressed helps me calm down.

BBL, DWB, SirB sorry to hear you've had bad days.

SirBoob if DP's away this weekend, would you not be able to stay at his? It would get you away and a couple of days with only Bryn to think and care about may do you some good.

I'm going to stay with DP tomorrow. Just had another row with mum - this time because I mentioned the fact the dog was going crazy and she snapped back, "Well if he's energetic you could always take him for a walk, couldn't you?" I'm disabled and have a baby. How do you expect me to manage to walk a dog that size and energy when I am in constant agony walking with a buggy as it is?! - and have really lost it. Oh, and because I wasn't giving Bryn Calpol, apparently I am cruel. In fact, her words were, "Do you enjoy watching him scream, then?" No, strangely enough I don't, but although his teeth are hurting him, he is mainly shouting because he is tired.

bangs head against wall

Sorry - this has turned into yet another "My Life Is Crap Currently" rant I know a lot of you have much more to deal with than me, but right now am so angry I need to get it out of my system or I will really blow my top.

sirboob sorry to hear about your crappy day. I can't believe you were ignored at the baby group, especially by someone who you've already socialised with, rude cow! Like Skorpion said, can you stay at dp's whilst he is away to escape your family?

bbl I used to suffer with insomnia and can relate to your anxious feelings before bedtime, it truly is horrible and it becomes a vicious circle as then the anxious feeling is the thing that keeps you awake. I really hope you get a good nights sleep tonight, have you tried any herbal tea's to help you relax at bedtime? I can't remember the name of the tea I used to drink but I got it from the health food store and it was one specially for insomnia. Failing that could something like acupuncture help?

hobnob sounds like you are having a rough time with poor Isla at the mo. I hope her tummy gets better soon. I know what you mean about blw, you want them to have some food inside them but it takes a little longer this way.

I took Millie to be weighed and spoke to the hv about Millie's night wakings. According to her I shouldn't need to feed Millie in the night and should soothe her back to sleep in her cot. Easy for her to say but Millie sounds like she is possessed in the night and my boob is the only thing that shuts her up! Also, I'm not convinced that I should withhold milk from her if she is hungry, it seems cruel. Oh well, will see how it goes tonight, I will try and cuddle her back to sleep first and resort to boob if desperate!

dwb hope the rest of your day was better, it is so hard when they don't want to nap, Millie will fall asleep in my arms but as soon as I put her in her cot her eyes are wide open, it's so frustrating!

Cross posts sirboob I think it will do you good to go to dp's, big hug to you!

thats what we're here for Sirboob!

My day hasnt been bad, just rather boring with dh on a late shift, and had major tummy cramps so just felt like being curled up with a hot-water bottle.
Tho Annabelle has been saying 'Ma's' and 'Da's' today, its soo close to mama and dada, so that made us smile.

Helips I do have a cup of pukka nighttime tea every night. DH thinks it looks like cat wee but I find it does help. I think the insomnia is largely over now as when I do sleep I sleep so well but I still feel anxious about going to bed as the memories of the insomnia are so fresh still and I have a bad night about once a week and that sets me back a few steps. Sigh. I used to sleep so well. I have to keep telling myself I will sleep well again. Positive thinking is the only cure. It's just hard!

Hermatite soudns good! I will have a look next time I'm in town.

My day improved! Told my mum I had just put ethan in his cot and closed the door as I couldn't bear the noise any longer so she came to visit after work and helped me realise where I'm going wrong. I'm not getting out enough and need more breaks basically. And need to gradually train ethan to be happy on his own for short periods of time.

Oh yeah and DP came home with a box of chocs.

SirB staying at DP's seems a great idea. It is so difficult coping with a cranky baby nevermind a cranky mother and annoying brother as well. Oh, and the dog! I have a dog as well and went out today with my iPod on, dog on a lead and ethan in the pram. I stood and pushed the pram back & forth to send ethan to sleep while the dog ran about daft then put the dog on a lead and walked for half an hour. I was much more relaxed after, ethan had had a sleep and the dog a walk. If you can manage a gentle walk you'll feel better. My biggest problem is being motivated to get out when I'm struggling but it's the best medicine for me.

Helips Scarlotti recently said she was giving her son a night time feed around 4am until he was around 8mths, which is when I'd expect they start to meet their hunger needs with solids. Ethan has been in his cot 6 nights now and three nights woke around 1 and 4:30, three nights only around 4:30 so I'm going to try settling without a feed if he wakes about 1. I definitely think bf babies need at least one feed during the night though. It's a bit frustrating that your hv has given you this advice but do what you think is best.

Will catch up in a mo. Had a hectic interesting few days (a pregnancy test which i read wrong for a good 20 mins being one of them ). And R has been an absolute night time menace. In his defence he has had a real proper cold (rather than this pretend virus the dr says he has had for months) with a slight fever, clammy, green snot and just a bit under the weather so after his uber uber marathon sleep, his night has gone to shit. Quite literally. for the last two nights he has been uncomfortable and not sleeping well all night til 4am, and then, as soon as we get up with the wide eyed smiley boy, he has done the most epic poos i have ever ever seen. Proper out the sides, up the back, the type that runs into a pool as you desperately try to wrap the nappy without spilling it! So, one night DH was doing it, this morning me, full on bath and change needed, then straight to a nice happy sleep. By which time it is 5am, and DD gets up at 6:15am these days. Oh the joy of parenting!

On the positive side, we started to wean him today!! Will do a mixture of solids and purees as we go along, we will not follow books specifically, he will take the lead and let us what he likes and dislikes (with allergies/risk taken into consideration of course). As he is 5 months today, although he can sit, he topples a little so starting on purees, in a few weeks will give him some banana to hold etc but for today - pureed carrot and a bit of baby milk. DH said 'just touch a little bit onto his lips see what he does' er... no...R was having none of that, one look at the spoon coming towards him and he grabbed with both hands, stuffed the spoon straight in, gobbles the lot then cried when i took it away!! real proper hand shaking cry, until i gave it back with more food on (only tiny amount) and he shoved it back in with clear enjoyment. I would say he is ready he seemed to be saying 'took your bloody time, just giving me an empty spoon for ages already!' He had 4 really small spoonfuls in the end, more than i had wanted/intended but he insisted on pain of cries, but it was bit much as a little came back. Oh well, i think this boy is going to have a good apetite!

Nothing else for the moment. Oh except DH did not get the job. Course not, that would have been too much to expect for us these days.

Sorry to hear about all those babies with tummy and sleeping problems, and of course of your day, sirboob, I hope you can enjoy the time at your dp to relax.

Welcome back skorpion. bbl, I really hope all this sunshine will help you to get over PND and you finally manage to get some sleep.

helips, I'm always a bit when I hear what we should do "at this stage" or what our babies should. If she is thirsty/hungry then you should definitely feed her. I'm sure your HV will have a glass of water when she is thirsty. So why should we not allow babies to do the same?
But of course you can try if she is actually waking up without being hungry. Paula wakes up much more often then she wants to feed. (I'm usually feeding her around 10pm, 1.30am and 5am)

After two evenings where she started the night with sleeping for two hours (and not the usual 35min), we were back to "normal" yesterday (and apparently tonight). After almost an hour with several attempts of getting her back, I finally put her on the tummy. I expected her to wake up again after 30min as it would have been her usual feeding time. But she skipped that 10pm feed and slept until 1.30! I had already been wondering if she actually doesn't need that feed as she always only took a little bit.
Right now, she is already on her tummy so I'll see if she sleeps again "through". It's a bit of a shame as this was the feed that I wanted to keep.

Those with babies who more or less sleep through, what time do you feed them? Or how long do they last between feeds?

The other thing I was wondering: as Paula sleeps now a lot on her tummy, is it actually ok to put her back on the tummy after a feed?

Oh, and I'm so proud of her as she tries already so hard to be on all four, she only lasts a couple of seconds with this typical moving forward and backward, it's so cute. She is really desperate to move. But she is really rubbish at sitting. Which I find a bit strange as I thought in both cases, they need to have a strong back.

Anyway, I hope we will all get a good night sleep tonight! we all deserve it

Sorry so many of you are having such horrid days, but pleased you have had some support DWB, and some chocolates! . Cant remember the last time i was bought chocolates other than the usual birthdays etceterah etceterah. I get a mars bar, or more usually a twix occasionally, or perhaps a wispa, but thats not quite the same, although DH thinks it is

Sirboob move. Really, you got to do it, you are going through what I experienced with my mother at a little younger than you, the desperate need to be treated like an adult by a parent that will not accept you growing up. And i did it, while being a spoilt teenager with no responsibility. However, you have even more right to expect being treated with respect. You have to be treated like an adult, as you are an adult, and you have already grown up. You have a child of your own and you are no longer little daughter towing the line. You have your own responsibilities, and you need to set your independence from your mother now. I think stay at DPs for a few days, clear your head, be alone with Bryn and be yourself and mum without the nagging of home. And your brother is not helping is he?

Helips I also thought what DWB said: the thing about bf'ing is that it keeps the little tummies full for shorter stretches, what a weird thing to say by your hv... I tend to wait a bit when Lucy stirs, if she's just having a break in sleep she'll go off again, if she's hungry she won't and will start demanding food.

Wishing everybody a good night's sleep, xx

crossposted
dwb, glad to hear about your day.
pavlov, wow, 4 spoonful! Paula is always curious (we are on day 5), but once that carrot puree is inside her mouth, she is not that sure anymore. I find the timing a bit difficult. Once she was probably too hungry, the next day maybe too tired,...
Sorry to hear that your husband didn't get the job. I really hope he'll soon get something

ursi i have come to accept that it will be like this for the duration now with DHs job situation. 15 months out of work. Not going to change soon as far as i can see. I have gone from being poor when i grew up to cash richer, living easy etc, back to being probably as financially poor as when i grew up! But now sort of accept that, while i thought i could shape my destiny differently, but it appears not. Ultimately working class stay that way right? Claw upwards, but reach that glass ceiling. But, i also realise, more importantly, that i am sort of making that choice, as, what will be better for my children than it was for me, is DH and me there for them. My mother was a full time working single mother of 4, i never saw her. I was babysat in mornings and taken to school, afternoon club afterwards til 5:30pm. I have chosen that will not happen to my children, and i choose that over money. Sorry for the little off on a tangent there. It just saddens me sometimes.

What a glorious day it's been in the South East. I hear we're due lots of rain from tomorrow Was just getting used to wearing my flip flops again..

pav Are you relieved about the PG test result? I can't help thinking about a 3rd child. It's really playing on my mind. I'm enjoying 2nd time around far more. It's a confidence thing and I feel far more relaxed. My only hurdle is DH! I doubt he'll go for it.

We've had a few good nights here. Still waking at 10.30pm and 3am for feeds. They are quick feeds and it helps him sleep a little later in the morning. We're still up at 6am or 7am the latest. scarlotti the blackout blind is worth a try. At least you're ruling out all possible reasons why he's waking you so early. I recall going through the 5am wake-ups with DS1, they're a killer. Mind you, C was doing 4am's only a couple of months ago. I so hope we don't go back to that!

BLW is very slow going. I really enjoy doing it with him. I just hope he starts to get a bit more of it down him. I don't know how I'll get around this way of eating whilst on holiday. sirboob thank you for the link on France. It seems not very common for a women to BF in public. I fear offending anyone. I'll take my breast pump with me and make sure I have a back up bottle or exp milk to give him when we're out. Also, sorry to hear of your family strife I hope you can find a way to move out and be with DP in the near future.

Pavlov, I think you are making the right choice. I totally agree with you time with parents is much more important than money (if you have enough of it to live obviously). And there will still be better times coming.

fruit oh yes, I am so so relieved! Now DH and I had said we would consider a third in the future, maybe, when we have enjoyed R a bit, and got ourselves on our feet again, we thought a similar gap would be nice, or have both kids at school first, then spend all our time with the third one, being the last and all . But, not now. Would not have been great at all. Could possibly have destroyed us as a family. We are only just coping now and moving through the difficult first months of a new baby. If I was pg, given how horrendous both my last two were, i would not enjoy R, who was planned, or DD who is about to start school, R would just become sandwiched middle child. DH and I are only just working through our own difficulties (well i might add) and financially we could not cope, and I am loving being a mother to two, but I am shattered and long for sleep. If this was even 1 year down the line i might have been excited, but no, i was terrified about how it would affect us all.

thanks ursi, accepting things is part of growing up isn't it...what is that saying?

'...grant us the serenity to accept the things we can't change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference'

(or something like that)

i am for the first time in my life, understanding what that means. But it is not easy. I am not yet wise

SirB sorry to hear you're having a rough time again. I second Pav you really need to move. I really think you need to think about deposits etc. and go down the private renting route.

skorpion and hobnob sorry to hear the tummy troubles are still rife.

pav Ioan loves his food here too. He's a few weeks older than Reuben I know, but is now on 5 teaspoons of baby porridge in the morning and then an ounce of veg for lunch and tea, with some baby rice mixed in to thicken, and half a petit filous type yoghurt! I let him take the lead, he'll open his mouth or grab the spoon when he wants more and I stop when he's done.

Ursi I started Ioan on solids at different times to the bf, mainly so I didn't worry he wasn't taking enough milk. So here we feed at 7am ish (the amount depends on teh night feed) and then he has porridge at 7:45. Another bf around 10:30 then lunch around 11:30 etc. I found waiting meant that he was happy and not starving, and so much more interested in seeing what the food thing was all about.
Night time I feed at 7pm for bed, then 10:30 then one more anywhere between 3 and 5am. I've deliberately kept the 10:30 one going as it is just before I go to sleep. I take him out of his bed even if he's asleep and wake him. I prefer that than going to sleep only to have him wake a couple of hours later.

Well, have bought blackout paper from the art shop today and will be going up and covering the windows in a bit. Am hoping the darkness will buy an extra hour or so's sleep - pretty please?!